Facing fears... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 12-09-2005, 11:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, I'm due to have this baby any day now. And, I have a fear. I feel like if I can talk it through just a little, I can let go of it. I've researched and read others stories so much during this pregnancy, but this one fear keeps cropping up.

I think I just have last minute jitters so to speak. I'm feeling like I can't quite depend on myself. : And, that's not how I want to be, especially here at the end.

My fear: I fear that I won't be able to push my baby out. I seem to have really long pushing phases and last time the MW we used seemed to save the day by getting me in different positions.

This baby seems to be bigger than my others were.

Thank you for any support or insight you might have. So glad for this board.
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#2 of 13 Old 12-10-2005, 03:26 AM
 
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Perhaps focusing on the fact that "you" will not have to push the baby out. Your body will, perhaps learning to relax in a certain way that will let you "lose your mind" so to speak...

I hope I'm making sense! I totally understand what you're saying!! It really helped me to let go of my logical mind when pushing out my last babe, cause I was convinced I couldn't do it!

Go mama!!
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#3 of 13 Old 12-10-2005, 10:07 AM
 
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From what I hear, bigger babes tend to come out easier and faster, due to that whole weight and gravity just barreling down the birth canal... so perhaps pushing him out won't be needed by you unless your body just MAKES you with that urge, ykwim?

I agree with Angelina that your body can do all the work on getting baby out. Without a midwife, you are going to pick whatever position feels best and it will work the best too. (unless you've read that so and so position is the best, and just can't get your logical mind to butt out while your instinctual mind is birthing.. heheh...)

I remember being at home during the first part of the pushing phase with my son.. I'd be sitting, leaning back with the soles of my feet touching each other against the couch and a bathrobe draped over me.. and as soon as the next hug and pushing urge came, I managed to powerfully move into a hands and knees position and puuuuuush. Then I'd go back to another comfy resting position. Er, I think I am entering babbling territory now, lol.

hope it helps some?

Edited to add: Ooh, I have also read, and experienced a smaller degree of this myself, that many women need a rest between the dilating and pushing parts of birth. I know that I rested in the tub for a good hour just kind of dozing and lightly pushing with the hugs I had in there, but was really not doing anything (just my body responding, not me).. other women will actually take a full on nap and not notice any hugs until they wake up 30 min - 2 hours later and then everything picks up and they push babe out.

Mum to DS (8yrs), DD (6yrs), and DS(3.5yrs). kid.gif

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#4 of 13 Old 12-10-2005, 04:20 PM
 
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ds was in a weird position and I was pushing FOREVER (ha, well...it seemed like it). I honestly thought someone was playing a sick joke on me up there. lol. BUT...when it came down to it, I just kept trying different positions myself....being on the toilet is what got him to turn, engage and get going!! just when I thought he would never get there, I checked and felt his hard head a couple inches up. OH, relief! And then of course...there was more pushing...and even though it felt like he'd never come out, I KNEW he would...some day.. lol You'll be great mama, your instincts and that big ol baby will guide you! Oooh, I'm getting excited...I just love birth!

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#5 of 13 Old 12-10-2005, 05:31 PM
 
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Remember that discussion we had way back about this exact same thing? The midwife suggested doing various things that just happened to include the very thing your body will compel you to do if you just let it happen and believe that your body's system of birthing is complete, that there are no parts missing. Belief is terribly important here, because as long as you are wondering whether you ought to be looking for something to fill in the missing parts, you will be focusing outwardly and so not able to heed the cues as they come.

If you do dilate unevenly for whatever reason, your body will automatically work to correct the imbalance. The only thing you should be actively and consciously doing, aside from what your body is compelling you to do, is avoiding inner and outer distractions and encouraging positive thoughts and emotions. Make yourself as physically comfortable as possible. Meditate. Make love. Think about the sensual nature of birth and of being a woman or being connected to the earth or to Womanhood or to God. Allow yourself to be excited and happy about giving birth. Everything will fall into place.

This is, of course, assuming that the baby is not already in trouble and that there is no physical impairment. But if these were the case, you wouldn't be planning a homebirth in the first place, and if it became apparent during the birth you'd transfer for a c-section. Assuming that the mother and baby are healthy and it is physically possible for the baby to pass through the vaginal canal and there is nothing to interfere with the hormonal process, in other words all systems normal, then there is literally no reason for the body to not able to birth the baby efficiently and safely without the mother being guided.
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#6 of 13 Old 12-12-2005, 02:37 PM
 
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Oooh, 2 days since she last been to MDC. I wonder if she's laboring or even holding her lil one right now! Lots of yummy labor vibes and dust and babymoon dust your way, arora!

Mum to DS (8yrs), DD (6yrs), and DS(3.5yrs). kid.gif

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#7 of 13 Old 12-13-2005, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can NOT thank you enough for these posts. I managed to read while in labor, but wasn't logged in to respond. This really was last minute jitters. And, I'm just amazed at how patient (esp fourlittlebirds who has said this to me what like three times in the last 9 months???) and how loving you all were. You said JUST what I needed to hear. Thank you.

Whenever I'd feel anxious about pushing, I would remind myself to take one thing at a time, one ctx at a time and trust that everything would work out when it came time to push. Let my body do the work and try to turn off my brain.

Guess what... you all were RIGHT! My body was my guide and it steered me just where I needed to go. For the first time in my life I felt like I didn't have that abnormal pelvis so many had commented on. I didn't feel like I was inferior or broken. I felt strong. I felt powerful as I lost control and let my body take over. My baby was pushed out easily and smoothly.

We're really just falling in love with her and our children each day. We feel so very very blessed.

We did not end up having a UC, but rather a very unhindered MW somewhere else in the house birth. I don't think there are cute initials to signify that! I'll post more about it in the UC Support thread.

Again, thank you for helping calm my last minute jitters and being such an amazing source of information.
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#8 of 13 Old 12-15-2005, 12:10 AM
 
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CONGRATULATIONS ! I'm glad you had such an empowering birth!

It's amazing what women can do..you are an inspiration.

Shelley

Crunchy, pagan, vegan,homeschooling wife and mother of 3 beautiful daughters and 2 wonderful sons

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#9 of 13 Old 12-15-2005, 12:31 AM
 
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Beautiful :

Congrats on your little one

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

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#10 of 13 Old 12-16-2005, 03:42 AM
 
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Congrats on a wonderful, successful and happy birth.

enjoy the babymoon!
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#11 of 13 Old 12-20-2005, 12:37 AM
 
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Quote:
My body was my guide and it steered me just where I needed to go. For the first time in my life I felt like I didn't have that abnormal pelvis so many had commented on. I didn't feel like I was inferior or broken. I felt strong. I felt powerful as I lost control and let my body take over. My baby was pushed out easily and smoothly.
I just had to quote that, it's just so beautiful and victorious.

ANd maybe I'm not into minutea but IMNSHO - you had a UC.
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#12 of 13 Old 12-21-2005, 07:41 PM
 
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Arora!! Congratulations! I am so VERY happy that you were able to feel strong and powerful. You are!!

PS - call it a UC if you want to!

Kelli, radical unschooling mama to four beautiful homebirthed lovies (ages 14, 9, 5, and 19 months) 
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#13 of 13 Old 12-21-2005, 07:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all so much! Definitions aside is was a wonderful birth, because I felt so much more connected to my body, baby & husband than in any of the other traditionally attended births.

Jesse, thanks for pulling that quote - THAT was really the most victorious part of the birth.
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