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#1 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 10:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ladies,
I DO come in peace with a question.

What was your journey in deciding to UC? What did/does your partner think? Do you have friends that also UC and support you? What is your biggest concern and what is the greatest benefit?

Thank you in advance.
Mary
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#2 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 10:42 AM
 
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Mamas.......a note about safety to UC mamas.

Let's be careful about posting intimate personal details, particularly when asked questions by a health care professional who actively disapproves of your choices. You can never be too careful......

Greenlee's Forest *intentional jewelry* a secret Journal locket!
Me My Blog Mama to 7 babes & four spirit babies
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#3 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 10:51 AM
 
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That is good advice.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

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#4 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 11:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm not a health care provider, I really do come in peace, asking legitmate questions....trying to learn.

Respectfully,
Mary
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#5 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 11:16 AM
 
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I've read over the big thread you've been a part of, Mary, and I've also come across some other posts here that seem less-than supportive to a UC board... but since you actually asked I'll give you an answer. I'm not going to defend myself or take part in this thread if it goes that way, though.

My journey to UC started after my son was born 3 years ago. I had a mountain of emotions I was dealing with regarding the way his birth turned out and how it affected all of us in our first few months as a new family. I did a lot of research, joined a group to get more info and support, did a lot of soul-searching, healing, growing, and releasing. As fate would have it, the only midwife in my area is pro-UC and is expecting her 3rd UC baby a month after I'm due. I see her for prenatals, and her support and knowledge has helped to cement my dedication and comfort with UC.
The greatest benefit is knowing that I am doing everything in my power to have the safest, most functional birth *for me and my family*. There is a sense of peace and connectedness that isn't even possible to describe. Biggest concerns are no different than those of a mother going into a hospital to have her baby, although I am empowered to make choices and decide what to do if those concerns should surface.

I hope this helps you to understand why UC is the best choice for my family.
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#6 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 11:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you Amy!
Mary
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#7 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 12:01 PM
 
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I've never had a UC, I had a failed UC, but I intend to have a UC with any future births.

The reason with my first birth that I wanted a UC was because I didn't believe that a laboring woman is sick, so why should I go to a hospital that treats SICK people? I planned on a birth center, but none to be had where I was, then I decided on a homebirth with a midwife, I had 2 quit practice in the middle of my pregnancy and I couldn't find a 3rd, by that time though I was feeling more and more uncomfortable with wanting anyone there at all. I am a very private person and I only felt comfortable with my dh. I didn't look very hard for a 3rd midwife because by that time I felt comfortable with my ability to birth my baby alone. I didn't want interventions, I wanted peace and to only be with my family. I woke up in hard labor early in the morning with contractions a minute apart. I labored at home for about 4 hours, then dh asked me if I would check my blood pressure (I had problems with it at the end of my pregnancy) I did and it was sky high and I didn't know if it was normal or not, so at the last minute I got scared. I went to the hospital, my labor stopped, drugs, more drugs (against my will or even knowledge), lectured for how horrible a person I am for trying to give birth alone, my baby is going to die because I didnt induce at 42 weeks (I was 45 weeks), nurses grabbing my face and screaming at me when I just wanted to look at my dh, bright lights, raping me every 5 min so they can be satisfied the drugs are working, more lectures, youre lucky your baby isnt dead yet, we're saving her life, 4 hours of pushing being strapped on my back, oops it's 5:30, dr wants to go home, time for the c section, I told him F you if you come near me with a knife, he "comprimises" and uses a vaccum on her without my knowledge, born at 5:31, nurses do everything to her I told them not to with dh watching (still pissed he didnt stop them) I tore horribly cause the dr ripped her out of me, seconds after she was born he said "you're lucky she didn't die, but *I* saved her" (uh she was perfectly healthy, cried immeaditly, pink, breathing) I didnt sleep for 2 days after that cause dd nursed without letting go for those 2 days and I couldnt lay down with her in the hospital bed. Basically, it sucked. If I had just waited an hour she would have been born at home like planned (I was already 8-9cm dilated when I came in). I feel horrible guilt for her birth and I literally feel like I have been raped. So, would I EVER go back to a hospital? HELL NO! The one thing that sent me there was an intervention, checking my bp. If I had left well enough alone I KNOW me and dd would have been so much better.

For subsequent births, I still trust my body's ability t birth a baby without help (even though the dr tried his best to convince me otherwise) and I think I'd to do it completely alone, without dh since he kind of acted like a midwife would (oh lets just check and make sure everything is ok). Birth will not happen as it's supposed to with anyone watching, that's why animals in the wild go off to be alone, we are animals the same as them and given the opportunity our bodies will do what they are made to do without help.

eta: the rest of your questions, My dh was fine with it, he said whatever I think is best, is best. No I have no friends who UC, just a gut feeling I should, biggest concern was that my baby could die, just as in ANY birth, but I knew what to do about the typical emergencies, bleeding, cord around neck, etc, I educated myself and felt comfortable that I could handle anything that came up. I can't say what the greatest benefit is, since I have not done one, but the first few hours of labor at home alone, was peaceful, I wasn't in pain at all, I was very aware of my body, dh would give me a hug during contractions and I felt very connected to him, I was just calm. In the hospital it was horrendous pain and I was screaming and scared and had people yelling at me for being scared, dh was just sitting there as scared as I was, he gave no support there. The former was definatly a better experience.
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#8 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 12:56 PM
 
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My DH is the reason that I chose UC. When we were dating and then later married he was adament that birthing is not a sickness and that you especially did not need a doctor or midwife to help you, God had designed us to birth. So, to show him how wrong he was, I went ahead and started researching how necessary every intervention was and how likely it was that baby would die if we didn't at least have a midwife. Well, obviously I couldn't prove him wrong. I was so surprised by this! But now I know that it would have traumitized me to have a 'normal' birth, so I am very thankful that he didn't just go along with what I was brainwashed to think was right.

I've never met anyone IRL who has even homebirthed, much less UCd

My biggest fear is the state/CPS.

The biggest benefit to me is peace, welcoming the baby peacefully, having a nonfearful pregnancy, and not having to worry about what other people may be doing to harm the baby.


Cara
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#9 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 01:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Bailey,

Your birth experience in the hospital sounds like a nightmare, was this a urban hospital or a smaller community hospital. I didn't realize there was anywhere "still strapping women down"

What process are you going through...to heal emotionally from your experience?

I doula at many hospital births with MW's who are lovely and hands off...however, occasionally am witness to ego and $ driven OB's who should not be "delivering babes"

Thanks for sharing!


Myhoneyswife..interesting it was DH...who decided for you to UC...how/why? Is this how his mom birthed?

Mary
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#10 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 01:16 PM
 
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Doula Mary- If you are interested in learning more about UC, Laura Shanly's book Unassisted Childbirth is a great resource. As a doula there is much to be gleaned from the book. I found it's information helpful in my practice. I got the book from my local library. If your's doesn't have it they should be able to get it for you.

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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#11 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 01:17 PM
 
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For me, it wasn't a "journey to UC" after being unhappy with assisted birth as it is for so many of us. From the time I was a very young girl, I always pictured myself giving birth in my bed. And as I grew older and met and married my husband we discussed "if" we had children and we agreed it would be at home.

I've always felt that if a teenager with a hidden pregnancy can give birth to a perfectly healthy newborn in her bathroom, then the "need" for this prenatal care/OB catching thing must be over-exaggerated. Especially for someone who wants her baby and takes care of herself during pregnancy and is familiar with the birth process.

When I became pregnant with #1 it was just natural NOT to go to an ob. I don't really do doctors anyway, but for a normally progressing pregnancy? It isn't correct to say my husband was "supportive" instead, I can honestly say that he would have fought me if I had wanted a hospital birth.

Our family and friends are supportive. Honestly, they don't really have any choice but to be at this point. I have 3 healthy babies born happily and easily and safely at home. The idea of any hospital birthing woman with her horror stories lecturing me on the "safety" of hospital birth over UC is laughable.

My biggest fear is a dead baby. The thing is though, if I went to an ob and birthed in the hospital, my biggest fear would STILL be a dead baby. No matter how much money you pay someone else to oversee your birth, there just aren't any guarantees.

The greatest benefit? Well, I don't have any other experience of birthing to compare it to. To me, UC is just BIRTH, and the benefits of birth.....wow! Where to start? A new baby! a new-found sense of self, a deepening of relationship with partner, increased spiritual awareness in relation to the life cycle, the earth and other people in it, an overwhelming sense of accomplishment, pure bliss!

Kat- mama to 3 little trees Alder, Banyan & Cedar (all UC)

treehugger.gif Kat- mama to 6 little trees
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#12 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 01:26 PM
 
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No, he was C-section, but she did nurse for a year

LOL, you'd just have to know my DH. He has some sort of intuiton that is really uncommon in a man if that's not too politically incorrect to say. He's not a hippie at all, I don't know, he just knew that if I went to the medical establishment to birth I'd end up feeling raped and he cares about me so much that he really didn't want that to happen
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#13 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 02:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Kat...thank you for your honesty, your post was lovely!

Myhoneyswife, how nice for you, that your hubby is being proactive for your birth...when are you due?

Synchro...am familiar with her...been to her website, but not the book. I will keep my eye out for it.

Regards,
Mary
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#14 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 02:11 PM
 
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I had a doula with my first birth and we took her birthing class as well, which was based on the Bradley method. I was scared to death, and I just got the impression that birth was too complicated for me to understand and that I needed to leave it to the professionals. I would ask questions of my doula, but she would either tell me I didn't need the information or if that particular item became an issue for me, she would tell me what I needed to do to deal with it. The Bradley book I had was "Husband-Coached Childbirth" - my dh isn't the coaching type but I had a doula that believed in the Bradley method so I depended on her to guide me through labor and help me find comfortable positions and so forth.

Well, when labor arrived, it was constant pain like horrible menstrual cramps with no relief between contractions. My doula had to come over to our house in order to figure out when I was having contractions. I was also having back labor (which is how I finally figured out the contractions - the cramps hurt all the time really bad, but when my back hurt too, I was having a contraction). My contractions were two minutes apart so we went to the hospital between 9 and 10 in the evening. When we got there, I was three centimeters. My OB prescribed morphine and my doula suggested an IV (for hydration). The morphine helped for a couple of hours, but by morning I was exhausted and in horrible pain that didn't let up between contractions. They checked me again at 8:00 and I was still 3 centimeters. My doula tried to get me to walk the halls, but between the IV and my exhaustion, it just didn't work. So at 10:00 I got an epidural (even though I could give you all the reasons why it was better for you and the baby not to have one), at noon my OB ruptured my membranes, at 6:00 p.m. I reached stage two, and at 9:52 p.m. ds was born via vacuum suction and with an episiotomy with an OB who does like one episiotomy per year. I'm just glad I didn't have a c-section.

With that birth, I knew why I didn't want interventions, but I didn't know how to have a natural birth. I have finally found out how to have a natural birth without interventions here at the UC forum. I feel like I've learned about birth to a point where I understand it, I know how to work with it, and I know what to do if various complications arise. I also truly believe in the concept that birth is like sex - it goes faster and with fewer complications if the mother is simply left alone rather than observed and monitored.

My dh is still terrified of birth - with ds, he spent the whole 24 hours worrying that I was going to die. And he still has the idea that birth is too complicated for him to understand and you need to trust the professionals. So no, he does not know I am preparing for a UC. I will at some point tell him that I am prepared in case we don't make it to the hospital in time, because that will ease his fears. But to tell him I'd like to do a UC intentionally, he would be too scared and then I would not be able to relax which is so key to giving birth naturally with as few complications as possible.

My biggest concern is that my little bathtub will not do the trick when it comes to coping with the pain. They have nice jacuzzi tubs up at the hospital, and that alone may be enough to convince me to go to the hospital. If that does happen, I feel far more confident thanks to the information I have learned here. They're pretty hands off to begin with up there, but I will know what I want and what I want to decline. I understand that they will need to check me for progress and such, but they won't be checking me much. My OB is comfortable with waterbirths, but his backup isn't, and if I get stuck with his backup and I'm comfortable in the water and he tries to make me move to the bed, I will tell him that if he can't deliver the baby in the water, he will just have to stand there and watch me do it because I'm not moving. The knowledge I've gained from preparing for a UC has given me the confidence I need to feel comfortable birthing naturally and to not fear the hospital or medical staff as I did with ds. So even if I don't UC, I will be forever greatful for what I have learned here.

Tana, wife to Steve (5/02), mom to Ben (7/03), Joey (10/06) and Caroline (9/09)
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#15 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 02:16 PM
 
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This could get long...

Quote:
What was your journey in deciding to UC?
I had a very badly managed first birth at home with a midwife, and a very empowering second birth at home with a different midwife. During the second pregnancy I was a member of a progressive parenting forum (now defunct) and was being introduced to a lot of new and crazy ideas. One that even a lot of people there didn't care for, though, was the idea of giving birth without a medical professional present. One day Laurie Morgan (the author of The Power of Pleasureable Childbirth) came on there and tried to tell us about the problems with midwife-attended birth and the benefits of autonomous birth. We ran her off the board. But her comments set the wheel in motion for a few of us, who couldn't stop thinking about her passionate feelings on the subject and if there could possibly be anything to it.

Although my second birth was wonderful, I still had some things to process about it. Something didn't feel quite right about it, though I couldn't put my finger on it yet. I somehow in my readings came across Michel Odent, who wrote about what conditions interfere with normal physiological birth, including simply the feeling of being observed. I was fascinated by his thoughts on the role of the neocortex in inhibiting the hormonal process, and his hypothesis that birth has been ritually disturbed in almost all cultures in known history because to do so inhibits bonding, creating detachment, which is valuable to the survival of aggressive societies.

I began to think that perhaps this could explain my vague unease with my second birth. Other readings I had done made me question the idea that it is normal for birth to be excruciatingly painful, so I focused on the great pain I had felt in transition and conjectured that the midwife's presence must have had something to do with it. I also continued to read about that which facilitates and compromises the normal (and therefore safe) functioning of the body in labor, and began to see that during my previous births there was much that was done to me, even aside from the obvious interventions, that put my baby at increased risk. So if my body would not function fully normally (and therefore not safely) because of distraction and inhibition, then I would avoid that distraction and inhibition.

With my midwife's blessing and exhortation to "Believe" I went forward with the plan to give birth alone. I spent the entire pregnancy preparing, re-reading midwifery texts and inspirational stories over and over. Near the end of the pregnancy I felt a sweet sense of peace come over me. I had decided that I would remain open to calling one of my midwife friends if I felt I needed it (they had offered to be on-call) but I never did. A few times during the labor my rational mind queried: do I need to call J or P? And then my body would sing back with laughter and complete knowing, "No!" Intuitively I just knew that everything was fine. And so I had my unassisted birth.

For the first time I had an authentic "fetus ejection reflex" (as Michel Odent has termed it) which was amazing, and had several strongly intuitive moments that I had not experienced with my first two births (in which I was always waiting for someone to tell me what to do.) I also felt for the first time the incredible feeling of being completely inside birth -- an altered state of consciousness that I had never fully entered with my previous births, being as part of my consciousness was always "in the real world", paying attention to the fact that people I had no natural intimacy with were watching me perform this very intimate act. But this time it was just me and my baby, slowly, slowly discovering her and floating with her inside this very sacred space.

I was abruptly knocked out of it however by the intrusion of a well-meaning but unexpected visitor, and in the days following I grieved heavily. It was rightly mine, and should have lasted for its natural duration, but it was taken from me prematurely. I realized then what had been so wrong about my first two births (aside from the interventions.) It wasn't that it had been painful. It was that it was unnatural that I had missed an integral part of Birth. My body knew that, but I didn't, hence the vague feeling of dissatisfaction that seemed irrational given that my second was a "perfect" birth.

So I planned to give birth alone again for my fourth, and this time made sure that there would be nothing to disturb the natural process. Because I was healthy and the labor normal and undisturbed, it was completed in perfect harmony of all the parts and with nothing missing. This time there was nothing to take me out of the chemical and spiritually sacred space that I was meant to be in following the birth, and it was glorious and profound. Having experienced it and its effect on me I feel angry and sad for all the women who have ever been denied it. There was an added bonus, as well, in that with no one there to watch us, my husband and I had some very sweet intimate time together during the labor that is one of my most cherished memories. I tear up, still, just thinking about it.
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#16 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 02:27 PM
 
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you know what Mary, I would honestly love to answer, but am afraid to.
I fear for what this thread might turn into.

wife to my awesome DH, homeschooling, unassisted birthing, food growing, life loving mama to 5 crazy monkeys. :
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#17 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 02:35 PM
 
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I understand the sentiment, Amanda, believe me, but I couldn't resist the question.

It's worthwhile stating again, though, that this forum is not a place to advocate for midwife-attended birth, nor a place to analyze or comment on a person's story from a viewpoint biased toward midwife-attended birth.
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#18 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 03:01 PM
 
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Off topic:
I have to disagree on that one. She was stating a simple fact, that she's been at hospital births with varying levels of intervention. If finding out that there are some hospital midwives who are more hands-off makes someone change their mind about UC, they probaby weren't totally confident with the decision to UC in the first place. Mary was not making the comment in a manner to convince people to have midwife assisted birth.
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#19 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 03:06 PM
 
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Quote:
What did/does your partner think?
He had some concerns initially, but we addressed those and over time he became fully supportive.

Quote:
Do you have friends that also UC and support you?
Apart from online friends that I have become friends with in part because of our shared interest in unassisted birth, I do not have any friends that have done it. All of my friends, though, support me in it.

Quote:
What is your biggest concern and what is the greatest benefit?
In the event that the baby died, I had concern about what to do afterwards and how my community would regard me and how I would deal with the grief of possibly having made the wrong choice (although of course the last would apply no matter what my choice was, if there was not the desired outcome.) I also had concern about CPS being called, even in the event of a perfectly normal birth. My plan to UC got out to some people who I was not comfortable with having that information, and I was very afraid some well-meaning busy body would turn us in and that it would cause all manner of upset, so I spent some time working through how I would handle that, and it was a bit stressful.

The greatest benefit to me (and my family) was in the effect that a fully undisturbed birth had on me chemically and psychologically. I bonded perfectly and immediately with the baby, and that deep inloveness is to me crucial to my ability to be as good a mother as I can be. It was also the first time I did not experience postpartum depression, and my joy and satisfaction radiated out to my family. I felt like finally, this was really what having children was about. We as a family were experiencing what we were meant to, and it felt very healthy and whole and spiritually right.
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#20 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 03:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doula mary
Bailey,

Your birth experience in the hospital sounds like a nightmare, was this a urban hospital or a smaller community hospital. I didn't realize there was anywhere "still strapping women down"

What process are you going through...to heal emotionally from your experience?
Yes it was and still is a nightmare. It was a suburban Chicago hospital, about a population of 12,000, not big, not small. I wasn't strapped down with physical restraints, but by monitors and drugs and their mental control of me. I can't really say what I'm doing in particular to heal from it, I'm just trying to move on and accept the fact that I can't go back and change my choice no matter how badly I want to. The guilt for my daughter is the worst though. Everyone says "oh well, you can always do it different next time" which is true, I can have a better experience for myself, but my daughter will never get the chance to do it over. She was born violently and will suffer all the repercussions of that for the rest of her life. There have been studies done that babies born violently are more likely to commit suicide and that the meathod they choose is related to what happened at their birth so obviously the experience stays with them. I just try to minimize those effects by raising her with love and respect.
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#21 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 03:16 PM
 
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Quote:
What was your journey in deciding to UC?
Oh boy this could take a while First of all, I have never had much trust for doctors. Hospitals scare me. The thought of giving birth in the hospital has always seemed wrong to me. Hospitals are where you go if you're sick or injured, but not pregnant. People die in hospitals (at the risk of sounding New Agey; I am energy sensitive and can "feel" when people are dying, it's not a pleasant feeling, I feel it almost everytime I'm in a hospital and I cannot immagine feeling that when I'm in labor)

After the research I've done the only way you'll catch me birthing in a hospital is if something is if I had very poor health or needed a c-section for some legitimate reason. I know I have a right (my right as a woman) to birth in a positive way and I know that would never be possible for me to do in a hospital.

Homebirth has always been the only option for me, since I was at least 15 years old. That scared the crap out of my DH who was raised very mainstream, but after he educated himself he knew it was safer and more comfortable for me.

I wanted a UC with my first, but my DH wasn't ready for that yet, he needed the assurance of experienced "professionals" for his peace of mind "just in case". So we looked high and low in our midwifery-is-illegal state and finally found women who seemed to fit our needs. They were wonderful for prenatals and support and we learned a lot from them. When it actually came down to birth, they were not as I had expected them. They were hands-on, impatient, critical and insensitive. They didn't encourage me to listen to my body. They told me what to do, when to get in the tub, when to get out (and no I couldn't get back in!), when to pee (I was told if I didn't pee I would never get the baby out,so I sat on the toilet with my support people trying everything I could from running water to clitoral stimulation to get myself to pee for over an hour. I was humilated and felt so defeated and unempowered I just cried), I was told not to make noise, what position to be in (I was made to squat for over half an hour when I have never been comfortable squatting and my legs were screaming in agony), they were rude to my support people (my sister and MIL particularly), they kept telling me how they had another client in labor and as soon as I was done they'd have to leave to attend to her but she'd be fine as she'd done this before and knows what she's doing. The entire time they were there I felt like a burden. They were always trying to "move things along" even though labor was progressing steadily( this was my first and I labored actively 12 hours). I can't even count the number of times they put their fingers in my vagina : They had me try this exercise similar to tug of war (using all of my strength to pull on a fabric rope to push) which left my arms so sore I couldn't hold my 8.5lb baby for more than 5 minutes (which hurt!) for weeks. I could list so many more things I am unhappy with about the way they *managed* my dd's birth.

That said, this time around my dh knows I am capable of handling labor. The midwives are no longer welcome in my home for births and I have no desire to have my labor interfered with. So, unassisted childbirth is the answer. I want to be able to listen to my body, to let labor progress as it will without feeling like I'm a burden on someone's busy schedule. To eat, drink and pee as I will. To have no one present who will make me second guess my ability to birth.

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What did/does your partner think?
He trusts me to make the right decision for myself and our baby. He's educating himself when he has questions and is otherwise leaving this in my hands.
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Do you have friends that also UC and support you?
I don't know of anyone who has had a UC. My sister and at least one friend support my decision. Few others know about our plans. Most people we know probably think we'll have midwives like last time and there is no reason to tell them otherwise.
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What is your biggest concern and what is the greatest benefit?
Biggest concern is that somehow CPS would get involved (which is why we tell no one of our plans) even though there is no reason for them to or that my mom will somehow show up during birth uke I try not to worry about CPS, there are enough things in life to stress about without adding to it. I just educate myself and my dh as much as possible and we remain confident that we are making the best decision for our family.
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#22 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 04:24 PM
 
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There have been studies done that babies born violently are more likely to commit suicide and that the meathod they choose is related to what happened at their birth so obviously the experience stays with them. I just try to minimize those effects by raising her with love and respect.
Bailey, I'm guessing those studies found that of people who committed suicide more of them had violent births. If so, I suspect that the birth dictated the method of suicide rather than the suicide itself. Raising your daughter with love and respect will minimize her chances of committing suicide, simply by helping to protect her against most of the other factors that lead to suicide.

(If I have inadvertentally phrased that in a way that makes it seem as though I blame the survivors for a loved-one's suicide, please let me know how I can fix it.)
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#23 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 05:05 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sapphire_chan
Bailey, I'm guessing those studies found that of people who committed suicide more of them had violent births. If so, I suspect that the birth dictated the method of suicide rather than the suicide itself. Raising your daughter with love and respect will minimize her chances of committing suicide, simply by helping to protect her against most of the other factors that lead to suicide.

(If I have inadvertentally phrased that in a way that makes it seem as though I blame the survivors for a loved-one's suicide, please let me know how I can fix it.)
Right, of people who have commited suicide, the majority had violent births, and the way they ended their lives correlated i.e someone born with oxygen asphyixiation (sp?) used a rope, c section used a knife... I wasn't entirely saying that because she was born violently that she is likely to commit suicide (obviously not true as many births are violent) but rather if a violent birth can effect the way they killed themselves then it is something that stays with you.
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#24 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 06:31 PM
 
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That makes sense, sorry for miss reading your post.

I want to read more stories of how people came to UC!
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#25 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 06:56 PM
 
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For me it all roots back to a spritual belief - a belief that I am the product of an intelligent creator. Birthing at home without an unreasonable amount of emergency protocol in place is an demonstration of my faith that my body is of good design and that when allowed to work of it's own accord it will work well.

Sometimes unforeseen dynamics affect the process and may create a dangerous situation - so I take what I consider "reasonable" precautions - nutrition, good health, education, study of herbology, I have a doppler, I can seek outside help if needed.

I have felt instinctively that UC is correct for me from the time I learned about. DH was not comfortable with it last time. I had a hands off midwife who had had UCs herself. However, after dh saw how the experience affected me - in the moment and long term - he understood that I need to be free to do whatever makes me feel safe. He is as proud as can be of our previous homebirth and has a healthy confidence in our ability to bring this next child into the world safely.

Bottom line, my actions have a spiritual base, and when I loose sight of that, danger, complication and confusion are not far behind - attended or not.
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#26 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 07:00 PM
 
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Might answer the question, but I'll lurk to see how the thread goes for a bit first.

Mom to Dakota (6), Coy, (4), Max, (4), Lily (4), and Auri (June 19th 2010)!
Visit Lily's site at www.caringbridge.org/visit/lilymathis1
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#27 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 11:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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WOW, Thank you all for trusting me with your stories! You are brave and wise women. It seems a common theme was a "traumatic" first birth, whether in the hospital or at home with a MW...which surprised me.

fourlttlebirds, your eloquence was moving...I hope you have written your birth stories down. Lovely, I especially liked " I also felt for the first time the incredible feeling of being completely inside birth"

Tana, very solid and practical points that very much made sense to me, thanks for your honesty...I LIKE it when women THINK about their birth.

Sapphire Chan...thanks for the understanding...

Bailey, rather shocked that your birth occurred in a urban hospital...wanted you to know, that many women feel "sad" about how their baby came into the world..and at some point, you accept..that it's OK to feel sad...does that make sense???

Crypixie, OMG! I get the whole energy hospital thing..I don't care for hospitals myself too much. ( But apparently we are extremely lucky to have one here that is very pro-natural birth/birth center) compared with the other...where natural labor and birth..involves 4-5 nurses..because they have never SEEN a undedicated labor??!! YIKES!

But one would assume a homebirth MW would be kind and gentle...I was SHOCKED at your story, I cant imagine a (home) MW behaving like this?!

Very interesting information, and I appreciate you all in giving me another chance. I was very moved by your stories and I understand "why" a woman would choose a UC more tonight...than when I woke up this morning..Thank YOU!
Mary
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#28 of 150 Old 05-02-2006, 11:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by doula mary

Crypixie, OMG!
But one would assume a homebirth MW would be kind and gentle...I was SHOCKED at your story, I cant imagine a (home) MW behaving like this?!
They were gentle and kind until the birth That really threw me for a loop. I think it may also have been partly because I hadn't paid my full balance by that point and they felt they weren't going to be compensated for their work :

At least their apprentice was still sweet and gentle (a UCer herself) Actually I think hearing her talk about her UC helped DH see it as a possibility.

As many negatives as there was with my MW attended homebirth, I know it could have been so much worse had I traveled the two blocks to the hospital my old OB works in (she fired me ) and I know I probably would have ended up with a c-section because there is no way my body would progress in a place so unfamiliar with so many strangers and so many possibilities, so I am thankful for my experience.
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#29 of 150 Old 05-03-2006, 09:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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CryPixie,

It would throw me for a loop too, having ~anyone~ be nice then change their tune at birth time...but epecially a birth attendant.....someone you trusted to be kind.

To me, it sounds like she had lost her ability to be "wonderous" at the whole process....perhaps she needs to retire?

Mary
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#30 of 150 Old 05-03-2006, 10:43 AM
 
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hmmm...

when i went to the hospital to birth my son, the nurses quelled my instincts. i wanted to walk, they strapped me to a monitor. after being "monitored" for a couple hours, they decided my ctx were becoming "ineffective" and wanted to start pit. i had to *fight* to get them to let me up and walk around to get labor back on track and not start the pit. when i came back from walking an hour later, i was fully dilated (imagine that!). they put me on my back (not where i wanted to be), had me hold my legs up by my ears, and "taught" me how to push. they had me doing purple-pushing for about 15 minutes before ds started crowning. the doc hadn't arrived yet, so they told me to *stop* pushing. my body at that point was pushing on its own. the nurse then *yelled* at me to stop pushing, that *i* was doing the pushing, not my body. as i was arguing with her about the physiologic process of natural birth, my body pushed my son out onto the bed. nobody caught him. the nurses rushed around for a minute, trying to decide what to do. they came over and clamped the cord (i told her we wanted to wait till the cord was done pulsing, and that she could do any resuscitation necessary with ds on my stomach; she insisted that the cord was done pulsing and that they needed to take him to the almighty warmer instead : ).

the doc came in 5 min. later to stitch up my 2nd degree tear. the nurse that had been yelling at me and insisting that i do things her way left shortly after cleaning up.

had i been left to my own devices, i would have been moving during my entire labor, and i would have been kneeling/squatting to push.

was it just a matter of having a couple crappy nurses on duty when i arrived? no.

had i stayed home...i wouldn't have had an IV, as per hospital policy. i wouldn't have been strapped to the bed to be monitored as per hospital policy. i wouldn't have had AROM to "get things going a little better." i wouldn't have been thrown into a lithotomy position to push, as per policy, and therefore, probably wouldn't have torn.

bottom line, hospitals inhibit instincts, and i no longer trust them to know what's best for me. it's not just a matter of staying home with a midwife, though. i don't want to feel watched or monitored. i don't want a midwife waiting in the wings for *something* to happen. i want to be free to follow my instincts, and i would feel inhibited by having a midwife present, like i'm supposed to be performing for her. this is how i feel around *any* type of medical professional, a midwife would be no different in my eyes.

my husband, family, and friends are supportive of my decision

successful #2 Jan. 25th - welcome Maisie Elise!
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