The flip side of my job is death, and here I have a bit of hope and knowledge that might help in some small way.
Today is not the day to make decisions about your birth. Today is the day to celebrate the 8.5 years you had with your daughter, and to mourn all the years you won't get. There is nothing right about having to bury your own child. Our children are supposed to bury us and go on to kiss our great great grandbabies. Today you have to remind yourself to eat and remind yourself to breathe and take care of the sibling she was looking forward to, whom she is sure to care for and watch over from where she is now. You can eat miso or chicken soup (it is clarifying for the soul) even when everything else is like a rock in your stomach. Miso is my personal preference in grief, with ginger to warm my heart when it feels cold and numb. It will have the nutrients you need to nourish you and your baby in this time.
When you are all through with the necessaties that accompany dying in your community, then plan an something for your family such as making a beautiful comemmorative collage with your living children to honor your dd, and so that her presence will be felt at your birthing. You can all tell your favorite stories about her and cry and laugh together because together, your family is strong and beautiful and WILL be ready to welcome little #6 when his/her time arrives. This will be a strong season and it will honor your precious first-born in every way.
If there is anything at all that any of us can do to ease any part of this day, please ask.