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Old 11-13-2006, 02:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have a 2 part question.


1) What do you wish you would have known/been told about before your first birth? Were there things that scared you because you were not prepared for them? Or things that surprised you?


2) What do you wish you had know/been told about before your first UC? Were there things that scared you because you were not prepared for them?Or things that surprised you?
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Old 11-13-2006, 06:29 AM
 
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Good question!

1) I wish someone, somewhere would've been brutally honest with me about the pain. How much it would hurt, how long, that I might (and I did) lose all contact with reality, and that I might need someone to reassure me in transition that everything was okay (I did). I read alot of articles, birth stories, and books...it's not like pain wasn't mentioned, it just wasn't made clear how overwhelming it might be for some (like me).

2) As far as what I wish I would've known about UC, I guess I wish I would've known what to do in case of above on my own (which is basically what occured), and how to handle it without transferring.


Then again, most of learning is trial and error (at least in my case)!

Again, very good question. I look forward to seeing other UC/attempted UC mami responses.
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Old 11-13-2006, 11:48 AM
 
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1.Laying down can increase pain and make you vomit.Get into whatever position makes it tolerable,and not what others(or you) think is the right position.

2.Birthing was the easy part.
Don't loose faith in yourself, and run the babe to the ped/ER after the birth.
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Old 11-13-2006, 01:36 PM
 
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I wish I had been told how very messy and bloody it would be, and how painful. I thought I would be in control of everything but in hindsight I was just along for the ride, and really wish I had known to just "go with the flow" and trust my body more instead of trying to control it. The books you read make it all sound so simple and easy and clinical, and that your birth will go "just like this, step by step" but it is much more complex and, in a way, "mysterious" than that.
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Old 11-13-2006, 01:57 PM
 
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i wish I had known that the placenta doesnt just plop out after a bit.

my 3 hospital births the placenta was puilled out by the doc.

With my UC it was 30 minutes of HARD trastion-like contractions. i was not prepared for that.

wife to my awesome DH, homeschooling, unassisted birthing, food growing, life loving mama to 5 crazy monkeys. :
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Old 11-13-2006, 02:13 PM
 
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My first birth was UC, so they are one and the same........

I wish I had known to just RELAX and appreciate those first 18 hours of contractions. They weren't painful at all. I spent the time worrying that it wasn't painful enough. (Stupid, I know). And worrying that I was going to be in labor for days..... Then when the serious contractions kicked in, I was TIRED and all I wanted to do was sleep.

I wish I had known to rest more after birth. (This all sounds like basic stuff, but I still didn't do it.) My tear probably would have healed properly if I had stayed in bed and rested instead of going shopping for baby stuff with my mom and sister on pp day #2.

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Old 11-13-2006, 06:20 PM
 
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this is the easiest question, the answer is the same for both:

I wish I knew not to exhaust myself in early labor. Labor and birth fell apart for me, resulting in transport and c-section becuase I went days without sleep. I had no idea a person can go into labor on a friday, and labor off and on until thursday. So I didn't try to sleep in between, at all. Had I made myself sleep, I'd have had a uc.

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Old 11-13-2006, 06:48 PM
 
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I wish I had had greater faith in my intuition.
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Old 11-13-2006, 10:09 PM
 
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I wish I would have talked to dp more about supporting me emotionally. I wish I knew how much I would need his emotional support and encouragement, no matter how strong of a woman I felt I was... I wish I was realistic about giving him suggestions ahead of time of what to say/do instead of assuming he'd read my mind in labor, or that I'd be assertive enough to make sure I get what I need...no martyrism.

I wish I would have insisted on NO houseguests at least a month before and several months after birth!!! We had one living there. What a hinderance and I really thought I'd be able to ignore their presence.

I wish I would have read more about postpartum and set myself up for more pampering & resting.

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Old 11-13-2006, 10:12 PM
 
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I wish I had understood the evils of pitocin.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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Old 11-13-2006, 10:53 PM
 
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First birth, I wish someone had told me that in a hospital, I would not be able to have the birth I want, to go off and be alone like animals do!

First UC birth, I wish someone had told me, ummm, hmmm, nothing really, maybe just to better explain to the kids what a lotus birth is, so 24 hours later they weren't all begging me to cut the "wire." LOL. We cut the cord on that second day.

First UC birth transfer to a hospital, that allowing other people in my space could mean transfer even though I was already a proud UCer.

First UC surrogacy birth, we will see in 20 weeks, let's hope the parents can leave me alone during transition.

I guess for me time alone, to get inside myself and feel the contractions for what they are: hard, deep, intense, pressure and not panic with fear/pain. I wish I had learned sooner what so many other UCers understand that fear=pain and vice versa.
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Old 11-13-2006, 11:41 PM
 
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I wish I had known what transition would be like, or paid more attention to what it was like for other women. We got through it fine, I just threw up about 25 hours ito my 30 hour labor and decided that was transition. I didn't get there until 28hours:-)

Mama to Raina (9/06) and Peter (8/09)!
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Old 11-14-2006, 12:14 AM
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With both my hospital birth and my UC, I wish that I had eaten and rested more at the beginning. Instead I tried to bring on labor contractions and didn't eat enough or rest enough, so I barely had enough energy to get through the labors. By the time I realized I was starving and exhausted, I could not stomach any food, since I was nearing transition. That part of my UC was rather distressing, and I think if I had taken better care of myself, I would have been much calmer and more relaxed for the whole thing.
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Old 11-14-2006, 03:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you all for your great responses. There were a lot of things that I had not thought of. This will be my first baby and a UC. I have been having bad dreams because I was worried that there would be so many things I wouldnt know. This thread is really helping me to relax. Thank you guys so much! Your great! Please let me know if you think of any other things.
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Old 11-14-2006, 06:30 AM
 
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1. When pushing, poop/pee/fluid/whatever can go everywhere! I projectile peed on the midwife. Looking back, it is something I am quite proud of..

2. When the baby comes out, it is very darn intense. Don't let that give you a mental block (~fear~) that keeps you from birthing your placenta. Remember- No bones! It passes quite easily.
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Old 11-14-2006, 07:06 AM
 
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first birth: how interfering a *midwife* can be.: That labour/birth can hurt like bloody hell.

second birth: Not all births are the same. I was always expecting the birth to become painful, like the first, right till she came out. oh, yeah, if the bathtub gets all bloody after the baby comes out, that's the placenta separating from the wall of the uterus (motherwort tincture was great for right then)
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Old 11-14-2006, 03:30 PM
 
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Thank you for starting this thread! I was just recently beginning to have bad dreams also. Up until now (I am 24 weeks along) I had been really confident, but I didn't know what it was...all of a sudden my confidence was almost gone and I had all kinds of unknown fears. Now that I read this thread, I think I know what it was...I need to talk to my husband more about what I expect from him. Like one poster said, no matter how strong a women I think I am, I think I will still need DH, epecially in transition.

Thanks!
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Old 11-14-2006, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry your having bad dreams too. I hope they get better after you talk to you dh.

Does anyone know are bad dreams really common? I have been having the worst, most vivid dreams. They almost seem real. This thread has helped it some. I think a lot of it is anxiety of the unknown. But some of these dreams are so disturbing. Am I wierd or what?
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Old 11-14-2006, 09:42 PM
 
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1. I wish I had been told that there ARE midwives out there who do not think the Farm approach is best and who will keep their advice to themselves during labor and not poke at your belly awaiting the placenta. I also wish I had been told that doulas can often be a PITA and offer lots of unwanted and distracting advice, even if they claim to understand they are non-medical.

2. For my UC, I wish I had not underestimated how dramatic I am and how freaked out I feel in transition...I might have had an extra person on-hand to help my dh and dd, who were listening to me yell for the 10-20 minutes of transition. Less importantly, I wish I had gotten a pump to pump the birthtub out afterwards so it would have been easier for dh to do.
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Old 11-14-2006, 09:44 PM
 
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I think bad dreams are very very common. I had many with both pregnancies and both went really well...relatively short labors and babies came out healthy and breathing instantly.
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Old 11-15-2006, 12:52 AM
 
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I wish I had known that after laboring and delivering over the toilet, I could take myself and the baby (still attached to the placenta, still attatched to ME), to the bed and lay down to relax and nurse so maybe the placenta would come out easier. it was the hardest part of labor for me and I still don't know why. The placenta hung on, by just a little bit for another hour. I couldn't really focus on the baby or get comfortable anymore sitting on the toilet. I so wish I hadn't just gone to the bed like I saw my friend do in the same situation. Then her placenta came out nice and easy and her and the baby were just cuddling and nursing.
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Old 11-15-2006, 03:15 AM
 
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First birth (hospital): I wish I had known that they would ignore my birth plan and do things even if I was telling them no, like screwing a piece of metal into your unborn's head. Also if your are in extreme pain and want to change postitions do it even if they say no.

Second birth (mw homebirth): Don't invite your family to sit over you like a watched pot. You will agree to interventions that you wouldn't have done normally. Also even "hands-off" midwives can make suggestions that can intefere with how you want to birth.

Third birth (UC): If you push hard and fast, you can get a really big tear! Luckily those tears also heal all on their own.

~Lanie mom to Layne, Liam, Maren, Meridian, and Melora
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Old 11-15-2006, 10:02 AM
 
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For my first (hostpital) birth I wish I had known

That even though you feel relaxed and happy with your "conscious self" then your subconscious and your body can still feel extremely intimidated and hindered by the presence of strangers or even just by someone who is not needed.

That breaking the water doesnt necessarily mean that you will dilate faster - even if it is broken when you are 8cms dilated and in transition..

That home IS the best place to birth

THat transition is not always over fast, but can last for hours and hours.

For my second (home) birth (solo during labor, but with MW present from crowning onwards) I wish I had known

That yes - it IS possible to have a 50 hour first birth and a 1,5 hour second birth.

What the difference between active and expectant management of the third stage is, and that I could have safely refused active manegement (pitocin, abdominal massage and cord-pulling)

That I had told DP where to find towels and blankets and what to do (get them) when baby was born. (or maybe I did tell him, and he was just confused ?)

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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Old 11-15-2006, 10:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I saw that many of you said to eat and sleep as much as possible in early labor. I think that is a great idea.

I had a question. My cousin had a hospital birth but she waited till the last possible moment to go to the hospital. She said in early labor she couldnt sleep and any thing she ate she threw up. I thought maybe this was because she was scared about going to the hospital? Has anyone else had this happen?

She wasnt able to eat for a day and a half. She was really tired and worn out by the time the baby came.
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Old 11-16-2006, 12:46 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mommacanary View Post
1) What do you wish you would have known/been told about before your first birth? Were there things that scared you because you were not prepared for them? Or things that surprised you?
Relax, it's just birth!
I was so excited about being in labour that I didn't relax! I skipped meals, didn't sleep when I should have/could have and it ended up giving me maternal exhaustion 44 hours down the road. I still ended up with a natural birth, but I know I could have avoided that (ETA: Um... could have avoided the 44 hours part, not the 'natural birth' part!!) had I just relaxed about it all!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mommacanary View Post
2) What do you wish you had know/been told about before your first UC? Were there things that scared you because you were not prepared for them?Or things that surprised you?
Don't overprepare, just know what you need to because really when you're in the midst of it it's easier to get through than you'd think.

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Old 11-16-2006, 05:59 AM
 
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1) What do you wish you would have known/been told about before your first birth? Were there things that scared you because you were not prepared for them? Or things that surprised you?

There are two things that really stick out in my mind that I wish I would have known before. (Hospital birth) 1: I wish I would have been more thoroughly aware how scary transition can be if you're not expecting it. I wish someone would have explained to me that it is very common for women in transition to think they are about to die and that that usually means the baby is coming quite soon. 2: I wish someone would have told me how great pushing can feel. I was quite shocked when pushing in front of several strangers, flat on my back with a giant spotlight on my hoo-ha that I felt like I was about to have a tremendous orgasm. It was sort of embarrassing because I felt like a total freak. I didn't know that some women experience pleasurable sensations then. I would have let myself enjoy them more had I known in advance.

2) What do you wish you had know/been told about before your first UC? Were there things that scared you because you were not prepared for them?Or things that surprised you?

Don't know yet--due in about 3 1/2 weeks or so.

Good post! I like reading all your responses--reminds me that I'm not alone!
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Old 11-16-2006, 06:32 AM
 
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Ooh, finally! I see a lot of threads like this on mainstream boards, but this one has been a lot more helpful to me personally since the other boards tell you what to expect the doctors to do and stuff. I've read so much that I've heard all kinds of great advice-- I'm a tad past my due date now with my first, and the two times I've gone into false or prodromal labour (four or five hours at a time) I've had pretty strong contractions and constant back labour, but still been able to relax pretty well. I can't wait for my baby to get here, I'm thinking of sticking a cookie in my panties as a bribe.

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Old 11-16-2006, 07:32 AM
 
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question 1= I wish I had known that homebirth isn't illegal. In 1998, when pregnant with my first, I had a dream that I birthed her alone and put her to breast with a full set of teeth. Of course everyone laughed and said you can't do that.
My plan for natural birth in the hospital resulted in a nightmare induction. I was determined to birth med-free so I endured hell to get her out. All ten pounds of her. She went to nicu for two and a half days, they said she was breathing fast and had fluid in her lungs.
DS 1 was also born in the hospital. I refused the evil pitocin when they told me that my contractions weren't strong enough to push out a baby.

question 2- I wish I had not been so set on my plan for dh to catch. I was very excited for him to receive his gift from me, but, when the time came, he was in another room with ds1. I was really enjoying labor when I went to pee and whoa, there's a baby. I roared for dh, but, I really wanted to kneel on the floor. It all worked out great, though, and dh is one proud papa. Next time, I'm catching!
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Old 11-16-2006, 07:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommacanary View Post
I saw that many of you said to eat and sleep as much as possible in early labor. I think that is a great idea.

I had a question. My cousin had a hospital birth but she waited till the last possible moment to go to the hospital. She said in early labor she couldnt sleep and any thing she ate she threw up. I thought maybe this was because she was scared about going to the hospital? Has anyone else had this happen?

She wasnt able to eat for a day and a half. She was really tired and worn out by the time the baby came.
hmmm, I never got that urge to throw up in labour. I don't think everyone does. I ate right up till my uc baby was born. I was drinking/eating miso soup (very digestable)... I could also sleep in early labour with both of my babies.

Maybe your cousin couldn't sleep/eat cause she had to go to the hospital and was scared, I don't know.
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Old 11-16-2006, 10:03 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mommacanary View Post
I had a question. My cousin had a hospital birth but she waited till the last possible moment to go to the hospital. She said in early labor she couldnt sleep and any thing she ate she threw up. I thought maybe this was because she was scared about going to the hospital? Has anyone else had this happen?

She wasnt able to eat for a day and a half. She was really tired and worn out by the time the baby came.

I have heard of this happening to a few women. Labor is different for everyone. Usually throwing up happens in transition, if it is going to happen, but some may do so earlier. If this happened to me I would do what I could to stay hydrated. As far as sleeping goes, I have never been able to sleep once I thought labor was under way. I just get too excited.

~Lanie mom to Layne, Liam, Maren, Meridian, and Melora
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