I will be taking the baby to the doc maybe a week after birth for PKU testing, but other than that, I'm not planning on it.
Cristeen ~ Always remembering our warrior ~ Our is 3, how'd that happen?!?!
We welcomed another warrior in May 2012!!
2012 Decluttering challenge - 575/2012
Missionary, birth-worker, midwifery student
Mama to DD (9yr), DS (3yr), & UC twin DDs (5yr)
I don't think it's lying. I think it is protecting your birthspace and your family and yourself. I am someone who can't even tell a little white lie without feeling tremendously guilty and I always go back and correct it because I have such a problem with lying. I don't feel bad about this though. If people can't support you (which I think is CRITICAL to a good birth) then it's none of their business.
So, feel free to say you are doing fine or that the pregnancy is going along smoothly, that you are keeping your birth plans private, etc. You aren't lying with any of those and it really is no one else's business.
Our first child was the first great-grandchild on dh's side. His cousins started having kids shortly after us. One was taken by C-section two months early and died after surgery because of a congential heart defect (that causes no problems in the womb and if they had waited he may have made it through surgery). There were comments made about which baby should have been the one to die. Not okay with us. We cut out all contact with that aunt and uncle.
So we didn't answer the phone for 6 days until Amie came. I would reccomend keeping this a secret unless you want to alienate your family.
Jenn mama to M(11), A(8), A (5), J (4), K(4mo)
then, allow them to defend themselves a bit. make the reason for not telling them the 'greater wrong' than the modus of birth.
My only problem with telling after the birth is if you plan on having more children. Then they would know what your plans are the next time whether you wanted them to or not. So I guess it depends on if you are comfortable with that.
I'm not a fan of lying at all, and would feel uncomfortable lying about my birth story, but I think sometimes too much information given out can cause issues.
Where as Baby came before MW arrived is the absolute truth. You just don't say MW was never called!
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
Mum to DS (8yrs), DD (6yrs), and DS(3.5yrs).
Should DH and I take this one to our grave? Of course, I would like to tell the baby the truth and I can't imagine telling it that he/she was born through an UC, but then saying, "Don't tell anyone because we lied to them all and said you were born at home with a midwife in attendance." I just need some suggestions.
i'd advise similar to what others have said. say the midwife wasn't there, then distract the questioners: ask them a question "can you be a dear and get me xxxx?" "isn't little schmoopy adorible when s/he inhales?" "don't you think s/he looks just like FIL?" if they ask for a blow by blow of the birth, you can say it's still all so jumbled in your head, you're just not ready to tell about it. classic polite miss manners responses to nosey parkers. remember, it isn't their business, you get to choose what personal info you want to share, just as if someone asked you: "do you and dh like to have sex in the kitchen?" you're not obligated to reply.
by the time baby (well, child by then!) is old enough to be told about the birth, you'll feel more decided about what to say. you'll probably feel more confident about your choice, and won't mind sharing it, or you'll continue to keep it private (and i specifically am not saying "secret," anymore than saying you keep it a "secret" how you bathe or have sex or whatever: it's just private, unless you feel unprivate about it!) and by the time you'd tell dc, you may feel ok about telling her/him "we don't tell some people about this part, because we feel they won't understand, and would worry unecessarily about it." then you're just teaching dc about privacy, not how to lie. and you can talk about how society views birth as a medical emergency, but you view it as something normal, safe and private (i'm making assuptions here, but most people who'd UC have that viewpoint). and it's not lying to let people's assumptions go uncorrected, unless for some reason they are truly entitled to the information (like marital fidelity, etc.)
good luck and a wonderful birth to you!
Today DH told my parents that we were planning a UC. They COMPLETELY freaed out. I was in tears within minutes and cried uncontrollably trying to explain what UC even is. DH supposedly could not keep it in any longer; he just had to tell someone. I ended up yelling at all of them and the poor baby was probably scared to death. He doesn't plan to tell his mom because he says she doesn't care about the birth (which is true, she was a horrible mother to him and he is closer to my parents than his) Maybe he will tell her after the fact, but it's not like he's going to make it a point to tell her. I just can't believe he told them. It's like they all three are trying to gang up against me. My main reason for not wanting them to know was because I didn't want them to worry. In the middle of the big "discussion" this afternoon my mom said I was going to give my dad a heart attack (he does have a bad heart) But all three of them (mom, dad, and DH) are not even trying to consider what great stress they are causing to me and the baby. My parents live pretty far away and they had to go back home tonight. My mom was saying I need to pray about what is best and all this stuff as she was going out the door. I just can't believe that this is turing into such a hassle. I think I's like to go hide in a cave by myself until I give birth. DH has been really unphased by my decision to UC and not he is acting like he is soo distressed that he has to get sympathy from my parents. Now all three of them are like against me. I am somewhat concerned that I am not going to get any support through this UC. Noone was going to be here except DH and now if I go into labor while he is at work I am debating on whether not to even call him. I just wish things were different, but oh well.
Oh honey, I'm so sorry all that blew up in your face. I would be very angry with all of them!
You cannot "give your father a heart attack". It's his own condition and his own response to things that causes heart attacks. Don't let anyone put that on you. It could feasibly be every bit as "life and death" for you and your dc to stay home and give birth in peace as it may be for your father and getting too upset.
You sound to me like you know exactly what you want, and exactly what's best for you and your baby. I would seriously discuss with dh why he felt the need to betray you instead of just opening up to you so the two of you could calmly discuss his concerns without the inflammatory situation with your parents. You may need to work through that before you'll be able to comfortably give birth in his presence, or perhaps you should just hope and plan to give birth when he's at work.
I'm so sorry you're having to deal with all this at the last minute!!
It's such a relief to finally trust yourself.
If it were me, I would be SOOO angry at DH. However, since you said that your parents did not live close by (I think that is what you said) they really should not be a problem. You can always just not answer your phone if you have to, in order to remove the stress. But the issue with your DH must be addressed. Unless you decide that you want to go it alone. Which, in my case would be really nice, but then again, I have had eight children, so I don't need the emotional support during labor that many do.
Try talking to your DH before you decide to just go it alone. Maybe he is more scared than he is letting on.
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
I'm not worried about my parents. They do live away and they know how I am very independent about decisions and that nothing they say is going to change my mind because I have reseached UC and made my decision. They feel so sorry for DH because of all this responsibility that I have put on him.
I checked my BP at the store today. The top # was higher then it has ever been. It was 127 over 70. I was not worried about this birth at all and now I am getting some fear that all the stress is going to make it more difficult.
Oh how I miss the days of