Baby #4... and I'm Scared~~UPDATE AGAIN - Baby #4 is Here! - Mothering Forums
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Unassisted Childbirth > Baby #4... and I'm Scared~~UPDATE AGAIN - Baby #4 is Here!
BirthingGoddesses's Avatar BirthingGoddesses 02:50 PM 03-15-2007
updated - see post #17

I feel so lame posting this, but its the truth.

I am in general a very strong, self reliant person and woman. I do not need others that much. I have given birth drug free 3 times thus far in my life. Pain didn't even dross my mind before #1. I thought I might end up asking for drugs because I had been a wimp about any little thing up until that point in my life, and made sure I had doula/midwife support to not have drugs.... I never wanted pain relief, just sleep {long labor - that 1st one}.

Now- here I am - just having moved, and 'overcome' several adverse pre-labor things in my life, and I am scared that giving birth this time is really REALLY REALLY going to hurt. As I write this - I am wondering if it because this baby is a boy - and when I had my other boy it was - well- psycho/crazy/like a train wreck in my head? I was induced via tons of herbs & homeopathics {and was likely to have been going into labor that night anyway} and went from 2-3cm's / no contractions to birth in 1 hour & 45 minutes. It was a scary/fast/cant-get-a-grip-ride. It took me about an hour or 2 to get into labor/get a groove with my next after that / last baby, so - I guess about the time I could have gotten a grip with my son/ the fast birth - I started pushing him and his 11 pounds- head 2 inches bigger than my other babies self out.

To me the worst/only bad thing about UC, for me, is the missing 'link' to a woman. I have the UC board here- but - its not real, in your face, friends on site looking you in the eyes. To me, what I am missing is what I think a midwife ought to be first and foremost, supporting the womans emotional self, all the medical/physical stuff should be backseat to the woman. I don't know of a doula/midwife who could be here for just that. Who wouldn't professionalize the 'service' or freak out about the UC thing...

So- I am scared that it is really going to hurt, if I can handle it. I am not scared for my health, for the baby's health, or anything else. Just me handling the pain. I don't know what I would do if I "couldn't take it " other than be emotionally traumatized. I wont go to the hospital for something like that...I know that where I am {local} that whichever of the 3 I could go to I would get cut the second I got there. Going = Section. period.

So- anyone have anything to say ? that might inspire healing of that mental fear of the pain? I have done a lot of work about it thus far -but apparently haven't 'finished' it. How did you deal with a rockin' fast labor and the repercussions later?

Rockies5's Avatar Rockies5 03:19 PM 03-15-2007
I understnad where you are comming from and only started to notice the missing women in my life after my only couples UC.

Is there no women in your life you can contact in the birth community that welcome and celebrate motherhood in all forms?

I just stayed away from all women until I started teaching childbirth classes (after my last birth) and have found a wealth of companionship since then that I didn't know existed here. Its really a little sad for me to find it now!

You don't have to be alone to have a UC.

I don't know what to say about the pain. I always have those thoughts at the very beginning of a pregnancy, but it goes away as baby growns and we get connected.
accountclosed3's Avatar accountclosed3 04:05 PM 03-15-2007
have you found real, live women in your area who are supportive of UC? you can always invite her over to be with you.
mataji4's Avatar mataji4 06:06 PM 03-15-2007
This is my fourth too, following a very fast (less than two hours) ride with the last baby. I think it was so hard last time because I didn't realize that I was so far along when I was. I remember almost freaking out (well, it was transition, but I didn't know it then), thinking I was such a wimp because I couldn't keep up with my breathing, like I couldn't take a breath and was starting to feel a little woozy. He was born about 10 minutes later! Now at least when I hit that place, I will KNOW that the baby is about to be born, and I think that will help let me work through the intensity. I have told my husband a gazillion times that he MUST remind me of this in that moment! I think what gets me through the feelings of fear of WHAT LABOR REALLY IS and feels like, is knowing that it will just be a couple hours a day, and that it will happen no matter what I think or feel about it! Whether I am riding on top of the train hooting and smiling, or holding on with one hand off the caboose, that train is going to go!

Knowing you are going to birth any day now must bring up some anxiety. At least you can sidetrack yourself in making your new home, and can be outside in the sun! Hang in there!
rajahkat's Avatar rajahkat 07:05 PM 03-15-2007
Hey Chica! I'm PMing you.
crittersmom's Avatar crittersmom 09:17 PM 03-15-2007
In the last couple of days before my last birth I had all kinds of fears.I feared that the baby wasn't in a good position, I wished I could call a MW to just look and make sure that she was in the right position since I didn't trust that the Dr would know what they were feeling.I was freaked out about it.I felt that since my last two births were fast (5 and 2 hrs) and uncomplicated that third would be the one ot put me my place.That was the advice I was hearing from others around me including the hospital.I also worried about what I was going to eat during labor even though I've never had time to think about it.I worried about what I was going to wear because I was never going to wear that stupid hospital gown ever again.
2 days later I went into active labor and had DD in 50 minutes, no time to eat and no time to change into a hospital gown and she must have been in such great position cuz she just fell out of me onto the bed.
Looking back and after talking to a pregnant mama the other day I think we all have little fears that come up to us during our pregnancy and esp. right before the birth.I don't know why I just feel that it is normal.Maybe its the start of us worrying over the baby and caring about what happens to him/her and it kicks into overdirve in the begining.
You have been waiting awhile for this birth and now that you are moved you have some extra time to freak. .Breathe you can do this!! You are strong enough to pick up and move at 40+ weeks, you have handled several emotional upheavals during this pregnancy as well.You can handle this physical pain.It will be okay there will be an end to it.
I don't know anybody IRL yet either.I have told my family my plan but they aren't listening/not believing that I will do it.I plan on feeling my around through LLL and there is a AP playgroup somewhere here that I am going to hopefully find someone IRL to vent too.Otherwise its just this board for me.
habibekindheart's Avatar habibekindheart 03:07 AM 03-16-2007
I've so been there mama.

With Lilith (#9) I went UC even though I was terrified of the pain and didn't know how I would handle it...and instead of having a nice (in relation) slow 7.5 hour labor I went through a 2 hour roller coaster ride which left me feeling very out of control and doubtful.

I'll tell you this, though. Much as I KNEW that my labor was going much faster, I didn't want to believe it. I begged for drugs, but when asked between contractions, I told DH I was just vocalizing and I was fine. I begged for any kind of relief available during contractions...but deeper inside I knew that my body was working just fine...albeit faster and more painful...and I reached inside myself and touched my baby to see if he/she was doing fine, and they were...

We came through it great, rough as it was...and while for a few weeks I was a bit shaky, it was due to having a PP hemorrhage, not the contractions.

The instant she was born it made it all worth it. I delivered my baby without anyone 'attending' me and we did just great!

Now I'm pregnant with #10, and I have a midwife in case I have a PP hemorrhage...but she's a very special midwife who supports UC and won't overstep her boundaries. I trust her because I've birthed with her before. It's nice having the 'with woman' aspect of having a midwife...but I tell you, I get a lot more support from my friends and the boards around here than I do from her because she's a busy woman...and that's fine. I'm much more comfortable now handling things on my own because even though it's very painful, I KNOW I can do it. Part of me is afraid, part of me doesn't want to, but I KNOW everything I go through will be worth it.

I can do it, you can do it. We'll both do just fine.

Think of it this difficult as labor's really the easiest part of parenting.

I blame my doula friend for me having such a fast birth. She laughed and told me I was going to have a 'pizza baby'. I'd never heard of such a thing. She said 'It's a baby born in 2 hours or less.' Yes, it's definitely her fault.

I will say that using chamomilla during the labor did take the edge off a bit, and I've bought some for this delivery...just in case.
lanielayne's Avatar lanielayne 05:01 AM 03-16-2007

I just had my 4th baby 6 weeks ago, 2nd UC. I don't know what it was about that pg but I was fearful as well about a few things including labor pain. I was never fearful before of anything. It was my most painful non-induced labor but we came through it just fine. I talked to myself the entire labor telling myself reasons I would never go to a hospital like "Can you imagine the hospital ride in the car with these contracts?" and "At the hospital they would make me stay in a bed and maybe even put a monitor on me!" etc. I really helped me through it as funny as it sounds now. I know this may not be the most encouraging but no matter how it turns out, you will make it through. I also want to add that I live 2000 miles from anyone I call a friend. I didn't have any support except dh but for me that was okay. I did entertain the idea of going to a homebirth class given by a mw at the end of my pg not for anything but just to be around other women. Maybe you could do that?
SublimeBirthGirl's Avatar SublimeBirthGirl 10:14 AM 03-16-2007
I was using Hypnobabies for my UC baby. It helped with fear a lot, but FOR ME, I felt it was too focused on being "pain free." I felt like it was making the pain scarier than it had to be, by focusing so much on making labor painless. So I told myself, my 1st birth hurt (and it was long too, so add exhaustion) and I survived it. It was, overall, pretty incredible. It became important to me not to use self-hypnosis to have a painless birth, but to use it during pregnancy to help myself work through my fears, and to ACCEPT my birth for whatever it was.

Grace's labor was very short, less than 4 hours. I remember thinking during the labor, "Remember this pain-never tell anybody that it wasn't that bad because THIS HURTS LIKE HELL." But it was AWESOME. We villain-ize pain, I think. You won't get more than you can handle if you're ready.
eminencejae's Avatar eminencejae 12:33 PM 03-19-2007
Why do we have to only be here for eachother on the board?
Why not get together on web cam or via phone if you need someone 'there'?
I've got free in US long distance on my cell and I'd be willing to buy a web cam. I think we should do that if one of us needs extra support. I'd be willing to be available for a call or a web cam session! Just PM me. Maybe someone should start a thread of those of us that would be willing to get together? I watched a video of one woman who went to a birth center and had to have her baby with her husband via web cam because he was away in the service.

I haven't done my UC yet, but I know I'm getting nervous as I get closer and closer. Plus I also have to move and don't know where I'm going. I feel better and more normal knowing that someone with so much experience as you is still scared.

What about Rescue Remedy? Wine? Maybe that would help you relax a bit?
What does everyone else think about calming techniques like that?
BirthingGoddesses's Avatar BirthingGoddesses 03:23 PM 03-19-2007
I started to post a reply to the replies thus far , including the explanation that I seem to have conveyed the wrong message about the pain thing however I got lost adn reloaded the page, and lost all that I typed..

I an not afraid of going to the hospital because I cant take the pain - I know better- if I go....i get cut. What I was worried about was feeling mentally and emotionally the way I did after I had my 1st son. If you can imagine putting your chakra and Aura in the Cuisinart, thats what I felt like, for a looong time. When I finally figured out to get some healings, 2 of them both said it looked like I had had my aura ripped through and through with a knife. Believe me- this is an accurate description of how i felt emotionally and energetically.

I am in labor now, this baby is being mellow, and taking his time.

I had a few sporadic cervix ringers with breathing required in the middle of the night... and then slept. At 730am, I started being every 5 minutes with breathing needed- but not required. Its been fine, I am ok. This is a different time, and a different baby/person/soul/energy. excited I have cleaned the house, mom is over, the kids aren't being too psycho , and the pool is all set up. I also went outsdie and painted a new wicker furniture set we just got...yes, I am outside painting what else?

now I am off to talk to my uber grouch husband, and tell him to get it straight with the attitude, or he will not be here for the birth. That doesn't bother me in the slightest.
MamaRabbit's Avatar MamaRabbit 03:30 PM 03-19-2007
: Woohoo... keep us updated (if you can LOL) You will do wonderful. You have so much trust in your body!
NatureMama3's Avatar NatureMama3 03:36 PM 03-19-2007
awesome!! happy birthing!
2much2luv's Avatar 2much2luv 05:05 PM 03-19-2007

mataji4's Avatar mataji4 01:18 AM 03-20-2007
Jaimee, I don't see a post 15, but I wanted to say CONGRATULATIONS on the birth your baby!! Enjoy your newborn time...don't visit here too often!
MamaRabbit's Avatar MamaRabbit 01:21 AM 03-20-2007
Congrats!!! Can't wait to hear how it went!
BirthingGoddesses's Avatar BirthingGoddesses 01:23 AM 03-20-2007
Will post more later but DH was kind enough to write this for me now.

About a half-hour after my last post DH and I had an intense talk which involved me crying and immediately stepping into transitional contractions. At 2.30 we quickly realized it was time to fill the tub and at the the same time realized we did Not have enough hot water so much water was boiled.

Skip to the good part...

An hour and a half later at 4.01 Sebastian was born under water, caught my me, 42 weeks but covered in vernix and weiging 10lbs 13oz :

Link to a few pics

He happily still has his placenta attached. His cord is a little bit different, and we considered cutting it to check it out. Was about to close the cord clamp but I felt ill about it and couldn't do it; we will check it out later.
Marlet's Avatar Marlet 01:26 AM 03-20-2007
crissei's Avatar crissei 01:31 AM 03-20-2007
Thank you so much for sharing, it has made my day!

Congratulations on your big baby boy! Rest-up and enjoy!!!

ETA, Wow, the photo of you holding him in the tub looks like some beautiful painting!
MamaRabbit's Avatar MamaRabbit 01:32 AM 03-20-2007
That is so exciting!!! Welcome little (?) Sebastian Snow!

ETA: Love the pictures! Your daughter looks so in awe!
Jster's Avatar Jster 02:08 AM 03-20-2007
He's beautiful and looks HUGE, even just from the pictures! Enjoy your babymoon, and glad everything turned out so well! (Honey, put the water on to boil, I think this baby's coming today! )
2bluefish's Avatar 2bluefish 02:12 AM 03-20-2007
What a sweetie! Congrats!
NatureMama3's Avatar NatureMama3 02:28 AM 03-20-2007
Congratulations!!! Welcome baby Sebastian!!

What a chunka cute love!!
rmzbm's Avatar rmzbm 02:31 AM 03-20-2007
Congrats! Welcome to the world, Sebastian!
ladybugchild77's Avatar ladybugchild77 02:35 AM 03-20-2007
What a doll - my dd#2 was 10lb 14oz -- aren't the big ones cute??? (they're all cute but I just am biased toward the big ones I suppose!) Enjoy your new little one!!!
CalebsMama05's Avatar CalebsMama05 03:18 AM 03-20-2007
congratulations and great job! wow I love that last picture you look so comfy.
palamala's Avatar palamala 04:05 AM 03-20-2007
: Congratulations!!!
treehugginhippie's Avatar treehugginhippie 09:18 AM 03-20-2007
Congratulations and happy babymooning
mama in the forest's Avatar mama in the forest 10:47 AM 03-20-2007
Congratulations on your beautiful boy! What a beautiful birth.
2much2luv's Avatar 2much2luv 11:01 AM 03-20-2007
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