Thoroughly embarassed -the downside of UP - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 08:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
Qalliope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Pseudocyesis....I feel so stupid. I was total UP, no POAS or anything, I had no periods, swollen leaky breasts and even, I was certain, fetal movement. But it was all an illusion. I fooled my husband, who put his head to my belly and caressed it everynight, feeling and listening. I fooled my family, who all believed I was having twins, and I fooled a midwife who touched my belly and felt it jump. Why the he// am I the one who feels like a fool? When I went very late, I thought maybe my dates were really off or something...Finally went to seek medical advice and voila.

Look where trusting my intuition gets me.
Qalliope is offline  
#2 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 08:59 PM
 
rmzbm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: NC
Posts: 16,378
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
rmzbm is offline  
#3 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 09:03 PM
 
sanguine_speed's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, I'm sorry! I had never heard of this before, but did some research and now I know what you were talking about. Whether there was a fetus or not, you have experienced a loss and I am so sorry for that. As I said, I didn't know anything about this a few minutes ago, but from what I did just recently read, there are supposedly treatments for preventing this in the future. I hope you can find peace.

4 kids under 10
sanguine_speed is offline  
#4 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 09:04 PM
 
LavenderMae's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: where I write my own posts!
Posts: 13,477
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm sure there's not much I could say to make you feel better. So I just want to give you a big and tell you that I'm so sorry you are going through this.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
LavenderMae is offline  
#5 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 09:35 PM
 
momazon4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: In my bubble!
Posts: 740
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
momazon4 is offline  
#6 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 09:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
Qalliope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you all. As far as physiological reasons, apparently I don't have any fibroids, endometrial issues, or intestinal obstructions. At least that's good. My hormones have been massively screwed up since the birth of my first child, miscarriages, messed up cycles, etc.

It may be more psychological for me, not in the "I wanted a baby so bad I could hardly stand it" way, though we were trying to get pregnant. I started working full time and felt horribly guilty leaving my ds with a string of people who were wholly inadequate, or undependable, or both. I "got pregnant" and had such terrible, mind-blowing symptoms, it got to the point I couldn't work anymore. One of the reasons everyone suspected twins. I quit at "26 wks" or so.

Other than feeling really dumb, I'm not horrendously upset about it. I've got so much I want to do now. A million projects I've been wanting to finish and a million more I want to start. I can be happy with the family I have for now, and worry about ttc again later. It's still a possibility for the future, but I'm definitely going to lay off the baby stuff for now, guess it made me kinda nuts.

I still haven't told most of the family, though. They thought I was getting prenatal care. I have no idea what to say to them, but I can't avoid them forever. If I tell them the whole truth, UP and all, I may make things worse for myself. I'm not falling apart, but I am feeling sort of fragile. If I make something up, it's gonna be a whopper. I feel so :
Qalliope is offline  
#7 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 09:45 PM
 
talk de jour's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 2,662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


I know you feel silly, but you had every reason for thinking as you did.

I guess next time you'll poas, eh?

babyf.gif

talk de jour is offline  
#8 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
Qalliope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by talk de jour View Post


I know you feel silly, but you had every reason for thinking as you did.

I guess next time you'll poas, eh?
Ya got that right! Never knew there was a really good reason to do that before.
Guess I know now. Probably will get an u/s next time too. Pseudocyesis can actually cause a BFP, as well.
Qalliope is offline  
#9 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 09:51 PM
 
AuntG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 671
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That is very strange, and I don't know what anyone could ever say to ease your confusion or frustration.

But I think it's more strange when women go through 40+/- weeks of pregnancy, think they've got some sort of cramps and out pops a baby much to their surprise.

The important thing is:
The love you felt is real, no one should ever doubt that. And the child that it's meant for will come to you both soon.
AuntG is offline  
#10 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 10:01 PM
 
talk de jour's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 2,662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Qalliope View Post
Ya got that right! Never knew there was a really good reason to do that before.
Guess I know now. Probably will get an u/s next time too. Pseudocyesis can actually cause a BFP, as well.
Oh, man! That complicates things.

babyf.gif

talk de jour is offline  
#11 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 10:10 PM
 
Blue Belle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Kansas
Posts: 123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm very sorry for your troubles, mama! But I don't understand. And I don't know what POAS means. From your twins post, didn't you say you were 36 weeks along? And wouldn't you be quite big by then? How can that not be a real pregnancy, especially given the info in your previous post? And how did you find out that it was pseudocyesis? If it's not a baby in there then what is it? I'm sorry for all the questions obviously it's something I can't seem to get my head around.
Blue Belle is offline  
#12 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 11:23 PM
 
talk de jour's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Saint Louis, MO
Posts: 2,662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Belle View Post
And I don't know what POAS means.
Pee on a stick -- take a pg test.

babyf.gif

talk de jour is offline  
#13 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 11:27 PM
 
daniedb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 2,519
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh, I'm so sorry. For your loss, for your feelings of embarassment, for the whole thing.

You know, if you're not ready to tell the family yet, there's nothing fictional about saying, "We lost the baby" - you really did go through the loss of a baby, perhaps in more of a figurative sense than a literal one. If people ask what happened, you can simply say, "I'm just not ready to talk about it." and go from there.

I hope you feel better soon, and allow yourself to grieve however you need to get through this difficult time.

Mama to H (6) B (3) : A (1)
daniedb is offline  
#14 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 08:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
Qalliope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 409
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Belle View Post
I'm very sorry for your troubles, mama! But I don't understand. And I don't know what POAS means. From your twins post, didn't you say you were 36 weeks along? And wouldn't you be quite big by then? How can that not be a real pregnancy, especially given the info in your previous post? And how did you find out that it was pseudocyesis? If it's not a baby in there then what is it? I'm sorry for all the questions obviously it's something I can't seem to get my head around.
Yes, well the main symptom of pseudocyesis is enlarged abdomen. And I was enormous, actually. And my symptoms were very real, very convincing. Nothing I stated in that post was innaccurate from my perspective, at that time. I've now gained a total of 40 pounds. I still don't know how I gained so little on the amount of food I was consuming. I found out by going to the doc, demanding a blood test, listening with doppler and finding nothing, pelvic exam, ultrasound scan to rule out fibroids. But my uterus was not even enlarged. I was forever trying to figure out why I had so much trouble this pregnancy figuring out what was the top of my fundus, what position my baby was in, etc. When it's not a baby, it's usually a combination of fat, gas, fluid, etc. that has accumulated in particular areas that you expect to grow when you're pregnant because you believe so strongly that you are pregnant.

Yeah, I know it's hard to believe. It was hard for me to get my head around it too. I had clues, but everything was still sort of conspiring against me, keeping in the delusion for a long time. I really feel like I spent 11 months walking around asleep, just dreaming that I was pregnant, and as I neared conciousness, unsettling things appeared that indicated it was only a dream. Eventually I pried myself awake. The dream was so sweet until the end, but it doesn't feel like a real loss, and now I get to wake up and go on about my life. My abdomen has already shrunk way down, btw. I still look pregnant, but only 4 or 5 months and not 9 months with twins. Usually they put you under general anesthesia, and when you wake up you're a lot smaller, but I decided to forgo that unless I needed it. Other than that I'm getting counseling.
Qalliope is offline  
#15 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 09:11 AM
 
anamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 934
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It doesn't sound like you fooled anyone. At least not intentionally. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. Be gentle with yourself.

so many roads to ease my soul...

anamama is offline  
#16 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 11:13 AM
 
georgia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: tl;dr
Posts: 25,918
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
georgia is offline  
#17 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 11:50 AM
 
Aurora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: A pile of wool yarn!
Posts: 3,694
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

teapot2.GIF jog.gif

Aurora is offline  
#18 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 12:23 PM
 
mama in the forest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,059
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Greenlee's Forest *intentional jewelry* a secret Journal locket!
Me My Blog Mama to 7 babes & four spirit babies
mama in the forest is offline  
#19 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 12:41 PM
 
LotusBirthMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: The Land of Porky Goodness
Posts: 1,902
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
LotusBirthMama is offline  
#20 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 01:07 PM
 
hetaera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 379
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
you awoke to what many would think is a nightmare...
how are the two dealing with this?
hetaera is offline  
#21 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 01:14 PM
 
kalisis's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: somewhere between here and there
Posts: 4,779
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
s mama.

*~* A * Mama to C and A * *~* I blog - PM me for the URL
kalisis is offline  
#22 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 02:02 PM
 
JesseMomme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: not here anymore
Posts: 8,268
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh mama I'm so sorry
JesseMomme is offline  
#23 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 07:34 PM
 
weliveintheforest's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: British Columbia
Posts: 5,621
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh Mama, I'm so sorry!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Qalliope View Post
I still haven't told most of the family, though. They thought I was getting prenatal care. I have no idea what to say to them, but I can't avoid them forever. If I tell them the whole truth, UP and all, I may make things worse for myself. I'm not falling apart, but I am feeling sort of fragile. If I make something up, it's gonna be a whopper. I feel so :
Well, you said a MW felt a baby... you can just tell your family you were not allowing u/s or doppler so the mw was not able to tell.

BC Mum of four ('05, '07, '11 and 06/14!)     
weliveintheforest is online now  
#24 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 08:17 PM
 
Seie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Im so sorry Sending you lots of warm thoughts.

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

Seie is offline  
#25 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 08:39 PM
 
crittersmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: half mad and behind the palms
Posts: 1,695
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry.

joy.gifme, herding 5 critters a cat and a dog. DS 11/01, DS 10/04, DD 2/06, DS 5/07 and DD 9/10

crittersmom is offline  
#26 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 09:01 PM
 
chrissy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: north carolina
Posts: 5,770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry mama.

Chrissy, lucky mama to Noah (9), Lilah (6), Rowan (3) and Laney (1).
chrissy is offline  
#27 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 09:41 PM
 
Rockies5's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 2,547
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm so sorry. This happens.

Carrie, The Birthteacher CCE and Doula, real mom to five; and womb-mom to G. born at 23w by emergency C. 12/09
Rockies5 is offline  
#28 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 11:30 PM
 
Kundalini-Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: LOVING LIFE and oh, so thankful!!!
Posts: 2,772
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry I know that citizenfong here on MDC went through something very similar. She would probably be a very good person to connect with.

Much love to you and be gentle with yourself,
Amy
Kundalini-Mama is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off