Think I want a midwife this time - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 12:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I tried to UC last time and ended up in the hospital for what ended up being a great birth. (I posted my birth story if you're interested, look it up in my history). We wil ttc #2 next spring, and I'm thinking that i might go with the only local midwife here. all of my friends love her and she apparently respects the whole hands off thing. Besides, it will be paid by medicaid because she accepts that.

I honestly NEVER thought I would come to this conclusion, being such a staunch advocate for UC, but it's what I'm feeling. I had problems last time figuring out how far dialated I was as well as not feeling much of an urge to push, even after transition. (My contrax were 5 minutes apart during active labor.) Honestly, it would of been nice to have a little gentle coaching at home so I could have avoided the hospital!

I went into the UC very confident, so it wasn't as though I didn't trust myself. I don't know, I'm just feeling like using a midwife next time...Weird, huh??!

Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...:
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#2 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 12:37 AM
 
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There seems to often be rites of passage with birth in our current culture -- you know -- you get experience with one step (hospital) and move on to the next homebirth. So I totally understand where you're coming from and want to share my experience.

Had dd1 in the hospital, dd2 at home with a midwife, and then there was dd3.. I felt strongly that I wanted a UC. But I didn't. The fact that our insurance covered the midwife made it so easy to choose a midwife again.

I REALLY REALLY regret not having a UC. I basically HAD a UC. MW got there as baby was crowning. I really did it all by myself! I'm constantly telling myself right now that I did it by myself!

But MW walked in at crowning, noticed a bit of meconium, and as I was laying there with my sweet daughter's head emerging from my body, I heard an odd SUCTIONING sound. THat's right, she suctioned my baby before my baby was born. She walked in and relied on her emergency training since she walked in unaware on a helathy, precipitous birth of BIG baby, and had an need to cover her ass. The post partum period was hectic and disasterous. As she hadn't had time to call her assistant, the MW was ordering my husband around, making him play fetch, all for completley useless things.

The postpartum period was traumatic.
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#3 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 12:38 AM
 
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are you pregnant or just considering?

I'd play it by ear.

You have time. Its no loss it's whatever YOU want for your birth. Might want to ask the baby, too.

I invited my mw to our last's birth (after a "pure" UC the year before). I had many reasons, but mostly I just didn't have any reasons not to invite her. I enjoyed her presence durring the pregnancy and I already had had the perfect UC.

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#4 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 12:43 AM
 
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It sounds like the problem was that you actually did want a midwifed birth, you just wanted to do the midwifing yourself and when you couldn't you felt the lack of it and sought it from outside yourself at that point. Is that right? There's nothing wrong with that. You can be a staunch advocate for UC and still have psychological or medical needs that can only be met by having attendants.
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#5 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 12:46 AM
 
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I don't think it is weird. I don't think there is one right way for every body or every birth. My UC plans turned to a hospital induction and that was a really nice birth. I gave a moment's pause to planning a hospital birth. I gave a moment's pause to a birth center birth with the local midwives. But in the end it has come down to prenatals - I don't want that standard of care. So I'm back to UC. You've got plenty of time to see where you land.
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#6 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 12:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll be ttc next year. I'm getting the feeling that spirit baby may want the midwife there. spirit baby is definitley communicating with dreams, etc. I keep telling "shim" (I swore Kay was a boy and I was wrong!) to wait til next year!

Of course, if I feel differently when I am preggers, I will adjust the plan. I'm not too worried about the local midwife taking over the birth. I know her and know lots of people who've used her.

thanks for the feedback, though ladies.

Looking back, I was a childless staunch advocate for UC. Now, I'm a momma who's given birth AND an advocate for UC. I see lots of posts on here from mammas-to-be that sound alot like I did 2 years ago. I thought that if someone was unable to UC, they must have done something wrong... I don't feel that way anymore. My mama friends and I agree: every birth has its surprises. You might get handed the one situation that will stump you, like I did. And that'sok...it's all part of it, isn't it?

Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel...:
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#7 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 09:42 AM
 
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Good for you mama! It's a beautiful thing when you know yourself and your body & what's best for it. It sounds like you will have a good experience with your local midwife.



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I see lots of posts on here from mammas-to-be that sound alot like I did 2 years ago. I thought that if someone was unable to UC, they must have done something wrong.
I don't see lots of posts like this. Could you elaborate?

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#8 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 11:35 AM
 
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" ...had problems last time figuring out how far dialated I was as well as not feeling much of an urge to push, even after transition."

There's one of the main reasons I want a UC -- I don't want anyone checking me or sticking their hands in me, on me, up me or anywhere near me, really.

Also, as another poster mentioned, I would be so worried a midwife or other attendant would "take matters into their own hands" and do something I didn't want done (suctioning or cutting cords or just doing anything while my focus is elsewhere).

But, as yet another poster mentioned, everyone wants something different and we all have to decide individually what's right for us.
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#9 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 02:12 PM
 
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I think if, when you're pregnant, you feel like midwife is the way to go, then for you it is.

I had a friend who was against ultrasounds but felt like she should have one for baby #5 and it cought a heart condition that he had to be born in a specilized hospital for or he wouldn't have lived.

You know deep inside what is best for you and your baby even if it doesn't always make sense.
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#10 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 04:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by fourlittlebirds View Post
It sounds like the problem was that you actually did want a midwifed birth, you just wanted to do the midwifing yourself and when you couldn't you felt the lack of it and sought it from outside yourself at that point. Is that right? There's nothing wrong with that. You can be a staunch advocate for UC and still have psychological or medical needs that can only be met by having attendants.
I agree with fourlittlebirds. I'm supoportive of whatever a woman decides to do when she is informed. Good luck!
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#11 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 09:56 PM
 
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Why did you need to know how far dilated you were? Did you get checked at the hospital? Some women get a break after transition, some women never get an urge to push, and their uterus does everything. I'm just curious as to the details of your transfer, if you care to share.

I love midwives. If you want one, I think that's great. You can always make up your mind once you're pregnant though. Never know how you'll feel.

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#12 of 50 Old 04-29-2007, 11:33 PM
 
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I will be using a midwife and this is my last birth. I am not interested in a UC at all but I read everything here on the boards just in case some day I am left midwife-less AND because I support those who UC. But for me, even though I will try and do a lot of the labor/delivery on my own (with hubby), I want a midwife here to give me peace and help.

Almost a b-ball team: : Taylor -14, Alex -11, Jack -8, Lachlan born at home 11/15/07
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#13 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 08:36 AM
 
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Originally Posted by momma4fun View Post
There seems to often be rites of passage with birth in our current culture -- you know -- you get experience with one step (hospital) and move on to the next homebirth. So I totally understand where you're coming from and want to share my experience.

Had dd1 in the hospital, dd2 at home with a midwife, and then there was dd3.. I felt strongly that I wanted a UC. But I didn't. The fact that our insurance covered the midwife made it so easy to choose a midwife again.

I REALLY REALLY regret not having a UC. I basically HAD a UC. MW got there as baby was crowning. I really did it all by myself! I'm constantly telling myself right now that I did it by myself!

But MW walked in at crowning, noticed a bit of meconium, and as I was laying there with my sweet daughter's head emerging from my body, I heard an odd SUCTIONING sound. THat's right, she suctioned my baby before my baby was born. She walked in and relied on her emergency training since she walked in unaware on a helathy, precipitous birth of BIG baby, and had an need to cover her ass. The post partum period was hectic and disasterous. As she hadn't had time to call her assistant, the MW was ordering my husband around, making him play fetch, all for completley useless things.

The postpartum period was traumatic.
Amazing how much that sounds like my second birth. Planned attended homebirth. Went really fast and MW enters as my daughter crowns. And just takes over the show : And we were really doing just fine before she got there. Was the main reason we planned UC for #3 - (and ended up with a transfer and c-sec but that is a different story)
Life is a journey. You get wiser as you go and hopefully you learn to make the right choices for yourself and your family along the way.

If a midwife feels like the way to go for you then no worries. UC is not "the better way to birth" It is A way to birth. For some it is better - for others it isnt. You will know what is best for you and baby I am sure

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#14 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 09:15 AM
 
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I am in this situation, of sorts. My last UC was a "if you show up at the hospital we WILL section you and we're not going to back this decision up with research" choice to UC. Honestly if I had a decent OB or midwife that treated me like a thinking adult instead of a child to be ordered around, I would never have considered a home birth, much less a UC.

This time, I stumbled upon the BEST midwife (CNM) that I have ever met (we intended to have a UC but the full prenatals, as long as they were not stressing me out and nobody was giving us any grief - had a really traumatic 3rd trimester w/ OBs and midwives telling me I was killing my baby and trying to force my DH to "make me" have a cesarean). She didn't flinch when I told her I UC'd last time, or after I said that I wanted to be able to move around during labor and eat and have the freedom to birth "as my body requires". She really made me feel so at ease. They also have a birth center (ok, its a room with a birthdoula tub and a covered exam table made to look like a bed, w/ an attached bathroom) and she said I *may* be able to have the baby there (I will know after my next appointment). This place is over an hour from my home, so its not a situation where I can just play it by ear, and go in if I want during labor or not.

I havent decided, ultimately, what we will do. I figure I have 6 more months to figure it out, and I'm not going to stress over it. I'll research all the options, use the midwife for prenatal care and feel her out as we go, and when the time comes, we'll just do what feels the most comfortable for us. We'll probably end up UC'ing again, just because I had such a great UC last time, but it really depends on my blood pressure, and how comfortable I can become with the midwife and the options she gives us. Maybe we'll rent a hotel room or something up there, so that we can make the decision minute by minute instead. I dunno.

Its not htat I don't have faith in my body. I definitely don't want to be messed with at all unless something goes wrong (and I agree that "something went wrong") Its just that I accept that there are certain things that I cannot handle, and that birth inherently has its risks and suprises. That doesn't make home birth or UC a bad choice. Its just a question of which environment is best/least harmful. My last birth.. the hospital was by far the most harmful environment. This time... eh, we'll figure it out as we go.

I'm 16 or 17 weeks pg atm, and I just think its too early to make a decision, for us.
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#15 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 12:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JessJoy View Post
I see lots of posts on here from mammas-to-be that sound alot like I did 2 years ago. I thought that if someone was unable to UC, they must have done something wrong...
I haven't seen post like this *lately*, but there have been seasons on this board when that was a problem. I actually left this board postpartum for awhile, because I felt my experience as a mama X2 we was being judged by women who hadn't even had 1 baby. I don't believe my lack of UCs has been cause I "did something wrong" - I believe I have had the births I needed to have because birth is a part of my spiritual journey. I have been learning what a "successful birth" means to me and being unattended is only a factor - I have found success in the most unlikely of situations and it has set me up to be more confident and at peace as I approach this next planned UC. Blessings to you JessJoy, however, you birth your next.
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#16 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 12:23 PM
 
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I don't think there is any "wrong" way to birth really. I don't support primary elective c-sections and needless inductions but that's about it (and that is really because of the increased risks for mom and baby). Not every woman wants to uc, for a multitude of reasons. And that's why I think women should be given a choice on where, how, and with whom to birth. I am very pro-uc....for me and those who want to. I don't think it's right for every mom and I think that is ok.

I have been asked a lot if we will UC again (if we have more children). My answer is always "I don't know". I will let life take me where it does and make the best decision I can based on the choices available at the time.
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#17 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 04:04 PM
 
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Things can really change once you are pregnant. I had a UC with my last baby and it was beautiful and wonderful. For some reason after his birth I started thinking that I wanted a midwife for the next one. I think it was mainly that I was really overwhelmed with a very high needs baby and just couldn't imagine taking on more responsibility. Luckily I got to a place with him where things have eased up considerably. I am now pregnant again (due in Sept). As soon as I was pregnant there was no question about having another UP/UC. I couldn't imagine it any other way. For me the main thing about UC is that I am free to be in touch with myself and my baby and am able to make my own decisions. I will always follow my instincts to wherever they lead. If I still had a strong midwife feeling when pregnant I would have found one that suited me. Follow your heart but be open because you never know where it will take you.
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#18 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 05:29 PM
 
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Your feelings may change, or not. It's an . . . evolution. Especially when you have had a UC/hospital transfer, as we both did. I had an okay hospital experience; I would rather have been at home, but then I WAS at home and there were things that didn't work about that experience, along a similar vein of what you described. I waited about 7 hours after transition for the pushing urge before transferring. Also, there were advantages/benefits to being in the hospital, especially since I had such a difficult recovery.

The best way to birth is the way you feel most comfortable. The main reason I'm seriously considering a second UC is because there are essentially zero attended homebirth options in my area (unless I can convince the one CNM who said "maybe" to attend AND I can make myself comfortable with her approach, which I'm not . . .) and birth centers are illegal. I also feel the need to be prepared for a UC because there's no way I'm hopping in the car during rush hour traffic to go to the hospital - it would as long as 2 hours.

UC is on my radar as a possibility now, and it wasn't shortly after the birth, because I strongly suspect that 2 seconds of birth experience would have made my birth 7 hours shorter. Something like that can just make you feel that some presence would be more beneficial than not. But then I'm left with the question of when that becomes too much, and whomever you have at your birth interferes more than you "need" and really damages the experience. I'm also very sensitive to that possibility because of how suggestible I was in labor. The last thing I want is an "expert" telling me where to go or what to do during labor.

I think my ideal next birth would be one where I called the midwife in active labor and she sat in her car on the driveway until and unless I said I needed/wanted her. I really just want to be left alone unless I request assistance, and even then, only to the extent that I do (i.e., not someone who needs to find a way to be involved in the birth or "help" me).

I agree with Wendi to follow your heart and be open. As time passes and you become more distant from the birth, you may rethink things. It's funny; I feel so drawn to UC, but at the same time, do not want to repeat my last birth unless it's absolutely necessary or I'm convinced that was the best birth I could have had. Obviously, I'm still working it out myself.

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#19 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 05:48 PM
 
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Double posting b/c this is a different issue . . .

Quote:
I see lots of posts on here from mammas-to-be that sound alot like I did 2 years ago. I thought that if someone was unable to UC, they must have done something wrong... I don't feel that way anymore.
Quote:
I don't see lots of posts like this. Could you elaborate?
Mama in the Forest, it IS there. Please don't take this the wrong way; I'm just trying to explain how it is from the other side of the looking glass, so to speak. I know you probably don't see/feel it, and I certainly couldn't pluck a post and point it out. But there is enough of that for me to have felt it strongly and was a reason I didn't return here after dd's birth for six months. It's complex because it's tied to an inherent belief that birthing is natural and that nature designed mothers' bodies to birth; therefore, if you are otherwise healthy and doing so correctly (in tune with your body, baby, etc.), you will not have any major issues birthing. You will have an urge to push, etc. Your baby will be born without assistance. The implication is that if the birth doesn't go off without a major hitch or without needing some prodding, that the mother has either a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual deficiency that resulted in the birth not being a simple, relatively easy UC. That if the mama had just been in touch with her body and had released her fear, or however someone might put it, she wouldn't have had to transfer, or nothing would have gone awry. For example, she had an unresolved fear of something-or-other - say, pushing - and not experiencing that urge was a result of the fear, which she probably had whether she realized it or not. That kind of comment/attitude is not uncommon here and while it's often given gently, it still carries with it a certain amount of condescension and judgment (maybe even denial?).

It's something that's not applied in extreme cases, like shoulder dystocia.

I'm not sure if that explanation made sense - but I just want you to know I'm not trying to be critical, just trying to explain the impression that sometimes comes across. It's part of the reason I felt so betrayed after my dd was born - I felt lied to by the natural birth community. I felt I'd been told that as long as I was healthy and the baby was healthy and I was listening to my body's signals, the birth would either proceed as it should or I'd know something was wrong and we'd do something about that. But for me, those things didn't happen, and as a result I felt betrayed. I also felt betrayed by my body, and for a time lost a good deal of the faith I had had in my ability to birth normally and naturally without intervention. Finally, I felt betrayed by my doctor, for IMO unprofessional and controlling/emotional behavior.

Not sure if I was able to make myself clear there, hopefully that helps some, though. I know you weren't asking me, either - I'm not trying to speak for the OP, just for me. And I know this isn't generally an intentional or conscious thing, but it is an impression given/received and it is one of those things I try to "debunk" a bit. Without scaremongering. I just think it's worthwhile to point out that sometimes you do everything right, you're healthy, etc., and still, something that should just "happen" doesn't. I just think it's worthwhile for all women considering or planning a UC to know it can happen like that, though of course with much less frequency than an uneventful UC.

Julia
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#20 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 05:58 PM
 
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That kind of comment/attitude is not uncommon here and while it's often given gently, it still carries with it a certain amount of condescension and judgment (maybe even denial?).
I have felt this too. And sometimes I think that - especially in the case of moms who have yet to birth - there is an unwillingness to acknowledge that all problems are not preventable or foreseeable. It was definately a major shocker for me and source of much anger and frustration during my first labor (effectively closing my open cervix) to learn that I didn't get the exact birth I wanted just because I had faith and thought positive thoughts. I felt betrayed by *God* - talk about a mythic experience - it was the whole Jacob wrestling the angel thing going on right in my birth tub! If anything birth has humbled me.
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#21 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 06:10 PM
 
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The implication is that if the birth doesn't go off without a major hitch or without needing some prodding, that the mother has either a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual deficiency that resulted in the birth not being a simple, relatively easy UC.
I wouldn't necessarily call it a "deficiency" but what else would it be if not a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual issue?

Quote:
That if the mama had just been in touch with her body and had released her fear, or however someone might put it, she wouldn't have had to transfer, or nothing would have gone awry. For example, she had an unresolved fear of something-or-other - say, pushing - and not experiencing that urge was a result of the fear, which she probably had whether she realized it or not. That kind of comment/attitude is not uncommon here and while it's often given gently, it still carries with it a certain amount of condescension and judgment (maybe even denial?).
I'm especially sensitive to this issue because *I* was judged in this way. It's one of my biggest pet peeves, to blame a labor's dysfunction or atypicality on fear or some character deficiency in the mother. While it can be an aspect of labor dysfunction, it's incredibly arrogant and presumptive to imply that it's probably the case for a specific mama, when no one really knows except perhaps for that mama herself. I have to say, though, that while I do see this here at MDC, I honestly have not seen it much in the UC forum.
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#22 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 06:19 PM
 
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I wouldn't necessarily call it a "deficiency" but what else would it be if not a physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual issue?
What I see here sometimes is a kind of belief that "issues" do not occur to UCers if you are just patient enough, strong enough, bold enough, informed enough, etc. It's the underlying assumption that we are can be in control of everything if we are just left "alone". An assumption that all the problems other women have in labor and birth are due to someone (presumably an attendant, sometimes the mother) messing with nature. I guess I notice these things because I used to believe them too, and I learned the hard way that I'm not in control of everything and I better exercise some humility and gratitude.
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#23 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 09:20 PM
 
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I wanted to add a thought to the original topic -
I've birth twice and each time had plenty to criticize. However, I did find that there was *one* thing that I had really focused on each time that I got. The first time I really wanted a self directed pushing phase, no body touching me, catch my own baby. That is exactly what I got - if you had a video of that part of my labor you would think I had a very successful UC. (The reality is that it was midwife attended and a very traumatic labor experience.) The second time I still wanted that, plus I wanted to avoid suffering in labor. I got a nearly painless hypnobirth, no suffering, and still self directed my pushing (though I did not catch). This time my focus is on an undramatic labor and birth and a post partum period at home (added to self directed pushing and no suffering). UC seems the perfect way to achieve my goal for this birth. I think it is good to boil down to the essence of what you really need, and then plan from there.
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#24 of 50 Old 04-30-2007, 10:52 PM
 
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What I see here sometimes is a kind of belief that "issues" do not occur to UCers if you are just patient enough, strong enough, bold enough, informed enough, etc. It's the underlying assumption that we are can be in control of everything if we are just left "alone". An assumption that all the problems other women have in labor and birth are due to someone (presumably an attendant, sometimes the mother) messing with nature. I guess I notice these things because I used to believe them too, and I learned the hard way that I'm not in control of everything and I better exercise some humility and gratitude.

I have noticed this here as well. And I sometimes have to watch what I say very closely so as to not ruffle feathers. I see it as a two fold problem. On one hand we are very controlling by nature (human beings) and we like things to go the way we planned them. I know more than one mom who planned a "perfect" birth. Is there such a thing? I desire only to be in control of my body and my decisions. The second thing I see is the "blame the mother" syndrome. If birth didn't go well, then it must be the mother's fault. For not being strong enough to say "no", for not choosing a better place of birth, or better attendant, etc. But life is life, and it's a messy crap shoot sometimes. For lack of a better expression....shit happens, kwim? I think what is most important is that women are treated in a respectful manner when they seek outside intervention. From what I read/hear, that happens very little of the time.
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#25 of 50 Old 05-01-2007, 06:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2bluefish View Post
What I see here sometimes is a kind of belief that "issues" do not occur to UCers if you are just patient enough, strong enough, bold enough, informed enough, etc. It's the underlying assumption that we are can be in control of everything if we are just left "alone". An assumption that all the problems other women have in labor and birth are due to someone (presumably an attendant, sometimes the mother) messing with nature. I guess I notice these things because I used to believe them too, and I learned the hard way that I'm not in control of everything and I better exercise some humility and gratitude.

I think I always had some unconscious assumption that most c-section mamas just didnt try hard enough.. Well now I learned the hard way that sometimes you can do your very best and things still dont turn out the way you hoped and planned (maybe I was meant to learn that lesson? )Whether we like it or not there is a certain element of luck involved in how your birth turns out..

Single mom to ds(8), dd(6) and ds(5)
 

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#26 of 50 Old 05-01-2007, 09:42 AM
 
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I haven't seen a lot of that kind of attitude here though I have only been a regular poster for a few months (off and on a lot before that though). Most UCers seem to recognize that sometimes, things go wrong, and accept that as part of UC (just as it's part of any birth), knowing that by having a UC they are minimizing the likelihood of many things going wrong (since so much is iatrogenic).

As a CBE, I blame our culture and the system, not individual women. Sure, most of the time you can trace things that go wrong with hospital births in particular back to birth attendant/place choices the women made, but the women are only making the best choices they know how with their cultural influences and what they know to be true (even if what they know isn't really true at all). A lifetime of culturally reinforced doctor worship and fear of birth is not an easy thing to overcome.

Laura, CBE and mom to Maddiewaterbirth.jpg ( 06/03/04) & Graceuc.jpg (  09/10/06)
 
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#27 of 50 Old 05-01-2007, 12:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SublimeBirthGirl View Post
I haven't seen a lot of that kind of attitude here though I have only been a regular poster for a few months (off and on a lot before that though). Most UCers seem to recognize that sometimes, things go wrong, and accept that as part of UC (just as it's part of any birth), knowing that by having a UC they are minimizing the likelihood of many things going wrong (since so much is iatrogenic).

As a CBE, I blame our culture and the system, not individual women. Sure, most of the time you can trace things that go wrong with hospital births in particular back to birth attendant/place choices the women made, but the women are only making the best choices they know how with their cultural influences and what they know to be true (even if what they know isn't really true at all). A lifetime of culturally reinforced doctor worship and fear of birth is not an easy thing to overcome.
I think that is really true, but I also think you can do everything "right" and still *need interventions at your birth. The most important aspect of UC for me was the ability to call the shots. I was in charge of my body and the decisions being made over it at all times, and that was an amazing freedom I did not feel at the previous 3 births.
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#28 of 50 Old 05-01-2007, 12:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2bluefish View Post
What I see here sometimes is a kind of belief that "issues" do not occur to UCers if you are just patient enough, strong enough, bold enough, informed enough, etc. It's the underlying assumption that we are can be in control of everything if we are just left "alone". An assumption that all the problems other women have in labor and birth are due to someone (presumably an attendant, sometimes the mother) messing with nature. I guess I notice these things because I used to believe them too, and I learned the hard way that I'm not in control of everything and I better exercise some humility and gratitude.
Is it possible that the assumption is on the part of those who believe these things are being said? Often our own issues or previous beliefs color our interpretation of what we read from others and we infer things that aren't meant. I know this happens because it's led to misunderstandings on my part (to be clear, I mean that *I've* misunderstood,) and since we clearly have very different experiences here, I can't help but think that others make this mistake too. It makes me wonder how many times I've said something about the unnatural causes of dysfunction and the benefits of privacy in labor, only for people to assume that I'm implying that *all* problems are due to unnatural causes, or that we can *guarantee* a good outcome if we do everything "right", or that all issues are due to character flaws, or whatever. I really, really believe that if we did a poll and asked people if they believe these things, the answer would be an overwhelming NO.
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#29 of 50 Old 05-01-2007, 12:53 PM
 
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No, it's not, because I had at least one woman tell me point blank that I screwed up my last birth by not being patient. I left after that feeling I needed to focus on my family not on defending myself to women who haven't even gone through one birth experience yet.
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#30 of 50 Old 05-01-2007, 01:00 PM
 
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I can point to several threads going on right now where I see this subtle implication going on. One particular thread someone just dismissed the story another woman shared as not legitamately pertaining to the question asked!

The other thing I see is we can't just say "yes, this happens but it is rare" we have to go over and over that most of the time it was a false diagnosis. This resistance to simply stating there is a very very small risk leads to a feeling "this can't possibly happen to you - you're safe".
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