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Old 08-31-2007, 04:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So...I'm in law school, almost done (had a semester to go, I'll finish it in two light loads over the next two semesters). And I rent a house from the school. After DS was born, we needed a form notorized for his birth certificate, so I went to the student life office. Mentioned it was an unassisted birth, no problem I thought, the woman (who is really nice and I've known since I started) told me about her child's natural birth.

Two days later, I get an email from the dean of the faculty saying I need a meeting with her and the dean of students regarding a housing issue related to my reduced credit load. I think oh no, are they going to try and kick us out? But I'd already asked the dean of the faculty about that when I got my reduced credit load approved in the spring. So...meeting today...


And guess what! They were upset about the unassisted homebirth! I imagine with two days of gossiping they'd worked up into a tivvy. "We would have liked to have been informed ahead of time, given the fact that you rent the house from us." So what would they have done differently?? Had meetings with me (to "plan" aka try to talk me out of it) and get this: given me a walkie talkie for beside my !bed! so I could notify the dean of students immediately if I needed an ambulance. Um, I'd just call 911, thanks! "But what if the baby was breech and you couldn't get to the phone." Well, I wasn't exactly alone, my husband and sister were here, and I didn't mention that I'd still have the baby unassisted if he/she were breech.

I'm still dealing with the shock of this meeting, really, the idea that they wanted to be so informed/involved in my private life. And I'm stuck here for another year. Uggh. (We just tried to buy a house, had a contract and loan and everything, but the appraisal came in way low, so very disappointing). I just talked to a law student friend about it, and she's pretty floored as well. The idea that that wasted time and energy talking about me and my baby's birth, tying officials up in meetings, and for no good reason. Uggh.
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Old 08-31-2007, 04:46 PM
 
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You'd think that LAW proffessors would know better than to stick their nose in where it doesn't belong! I assume that the higher-ups at the school are lawyers? I mean, it's not like they're all a bunch of engineers or something- these people SHOULD be familiar with local laws!

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Old 08-31-2007, 04:55 PM
 
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Wow, just wow.

Do they want you to inform them when you have sex too? I mean, after all, you could pull a muscle :

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Old 08-31-2007, 05:02 PM
 
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Wow. That's horrid. I certainly hope they don't intend to continue the discussion! Is your bedroom somehow within their jurisdiction as school officials? That's bizarre. Really.

If they arrange another meeting, I hope you'll request an agenda ahead of time so you can decide whether or not you'll agree to attend. :

Maybe you should bring a gavel next time

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Old 08-31-2007, 06:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by milkydoula View Post
Wow, just wow.

Do they want you to inform them when you have sex too? I mean, after all, you could pull a muscle :
Exactly!
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Old 08-31-2007, 06:22 PM
 
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How ridiculous! How is it any of their business!!! :
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Old 08-31-2007, 06:42 PM
 
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Wow, just wow.

Do they want you to inform them when you have sex too? I mean, after all, you could pull a muscle :
Or have a heart attack!

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Old 08-31-2007, 08:35 PM
 
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LOL!!!!! Noted you are in FL. It figures. Nothing surprises me down here anymore.

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Old 08-31-2007, 08:46 PM
 
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You guys know this is a liability thing. It's a lawschool - as an attorney I wouldn't want a renter of mine to have an unassisted birth either, too many unclear liability questions. Maybe they could have just had you sign a waiver *grin*. What law school are you at?
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Old 08-31-2007, 09:34 PM
 
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Wow. How inappropriate and intrusive. : I don't get how it would be a liability thing for the Law School if someone decided to give birth unassisted on their property with or without informing them-- in fact, it seems like they'd have more chance of being held liable for something if they were informed ahead of time.
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:00 PM
 
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You guys know this is a liability thing. It's a lawschool - as an attorney I wouldn't want a renter of mine to have an unassisted birth either, too many unclear liability questions. Maybe they could have just had you sign a waiver *grin*. What law school are you at?
No. There's NOTHING unclear about this. It's just them being A***@#%! Rented or not, school house or not, you're PAYING for it. You're renting it for your life stuff, and that includes birth, as much as it includes eating, sex, pooping, etc. No, not unclear. Unbelievable, yes, but not unclear. BTW, they lied to you too--said the meeting was about your "credit load," and it most certainly was not. I know lawyers lie all the f'ing time, but REALLY...
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:11 PM
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that's just gross! i mean ewwwww! did they say _why_ they oght to have been informed? perhaps i'm missing something by not being a lawyer but how does it flow logically that a landlord would be helled responsible for any actions a tenant takes while renting a house. i mean, i don't think landlords get in trouble even when people do for real illegal stuff on rented property.

i'd just be interested to know what their reasons were as "please inform us of all future birth plans" does not necessarily flow from "you rent my house"
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:14 PM
 
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That's insane.

Call them next time you have an unassisted bowel movement. Maybe even send it to them so they can see it came out ok.

I can't see at all how it's a liability issue. Like if something happened to the baby you'd sue them?
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Old 08-31-2007, 10:26 PM
 
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unbelievable!

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Old 08-31-2007, 10:36 PM
 
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That's insane.

Call them next time you have an unassisted bowel movement. Maybe even send it to them so they can see it came out ok.
lmao!!!

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Old 09-01-2007, 01:11 PM
 
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Call them next time you have an unassisted bowel movement. Maybe even send it to them so they can see it came out ok.
"what's this package that came in the mail?" : :

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Old 09-01-2007, 10:14 PM
 
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You could back and sweetly ask for the walkie talkie so that every time you have sex you can report in just in case you need an ambulance. :
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Old 09-01-2007, 11:23 PM
 
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That's insane.

Call them next time you have an unassisted bowel movement. Maybe even send it to them so they can see it came out ok.



:
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Old 09-02-2007, 12:52 AM
 
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i think the walkie-talkie idea is kind of cute. i mean they WERE concerned. and it is not like they told you you couldn't birth there. maybe they think they are your parents, or something--overprotective, just a "notch"

:

ETA: i'm not minimizing the OPs experience, as i do think that their intrusion WAS quite shocking. but for some reason i find it hilarious too. maybe i'm insane.
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Old 09-02-2007, 03:45 PM
 
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: that's so strange. i would have been enraged. i would have written a letter! imo they're acting extremely unprofessional and breeching your rights to privacy as a tenant.

as far as liability, i'm sure you have a lease agreement that keeps them from being liable. after all, if you decide to get up on a ladder in the middle of the night and do the hokey pokey and fall off, they won't be liable because of the wording of the lease agreement, right? they're lawyers and they're not stupid (well ... not stupid as far as the law goes i would assume), i'm sure they've covered their butts against being liable for your actions.

it sounds like they just think they're your parents or need to watch over you in a guardian type way (you can't be that young, though ... in law school). dh and i had this problem when we moved into the trailer park we used to live in. we moved in when i was just barely 20 and dh was 22. the manager of the development wanted to put dh's mother's name on the lease in case their were any problems so they could talk about it, "adult to adult" (she said this in front of me while I was sitting there with my 4mo baby in my lap!). in many ways, i can understand being wary of young renters, but she was very rude about it. needless to say, we didn't get along with them very well and i wrote MANY letters complaining about different incidences of unfair treatment we were receiving. i can't imagine what they would have said if they knew we had ds in that trailer, but i'm sure it would have been letter worthy, too!
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Old 09-02-2007, 04:42 PM
 
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as far as liability, i'm sure you have a lease agreement that keeps them from being liable. after all, if you decide to get up on a ladder in the middle of the night and do the hokey pokey and fall off, they won't be liable because of the wording of the lease agreement, right?

: This visual, the walkie talkie for sex, the poop-package... Too much!

I had my dh read this and we are both just dumbfounded. "Whaaat?"

They want to be all concerned? Try again. I have parents, thank you, and their names aren't [insert name of law school & dean].

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Old 09-03-2007, 04:08 AM
 
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Maybe I'm the only person who sees this from the other pov. I was living in student accomodation when I got pregnant with DS1, and the student tutors and dean popped down for coffee because the word had been passed over from "the office" to say I was struggling with hyperemesis, keep an eye on her because she may need extra help. There's enough stories in the UK news about teenagers and university students who birth alone and unassisted through fear- or through not realising they're pregnant- and subsequently dump the baby to put the wind up any university who is being criticised for lack of social support for their students.

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Old 09-03-2007, 11:12 AM
 
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Maybe I'm the only person who sees this from the other pov. I was living in student accomodation when I got pregnant with DS1, and the student tutors and dean popped down for coffee because the word had been passed over from "the office" to say I was struggling with hyperemesis, keep an eye on her because she may need extra help.
While both your situations involved school administration and a conversation with pregnant or PP mom, I consider them entirely different situations. Yours was proactive and supportive. Jster's was after the fact panic and upset which *adds* to the burden of a new mom and leaves her feeling unsupported. As has been mentioned they lied to her about the reason/agenda for the meeting, and then falsely used their position as landlord as authority over her birthing choices.

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Old 09-06-2007, 12:10 AM
 
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Wow, just wow.

Do they want you to inform them when you have sex too? I mean, after all, you could pull a muscle :

yeah, you may not be able to reach the phone because of the pain.

what complete idiots! do they even realized what came out of their mouths?!?:
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Old 09-06-2007, 12:25 AM
 
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I think you need to write a brief on privacy in the landlord/tenant realtionship and submit it to them. Maybe they'll take a hint.
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Old 09-06-2007, 12:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone for your comments and thoughts (and humor, always appreciated )!

I'm still really upset with this. I just feel very, very invaded by the school right now. Partially its because there have been issues before (the woman in charge of housing came into our house once, completely unannounced, while I wasn't home, and proceeded to comment on my housecleaning. Yeah, like a single lady has any idea what its like to be a full time law student and mother, and to hell if breakfast dishes are left on the table until dinner time : its none of her business). When she came in, she violated FL statutes, except her excuse was a clause in the lease saying that the landlord may enter at any time if "life, limb, or property" is in danger. Which I'm guessing is what they would have used to interfere with my birth, had they had the opportunity. And these UA violations are very upset that they didn't have a chance to disrupt my very private act of birthing. I can only imagine what they would have done had I not consented to their involvement...the housing lady made a veiled threat before of calling CPS. Also, last week we just so happened to get a code enforcement person from the city coming by, the timing was, shall we say, perfect for them to have called in a complaint in a retaliatory way. Because we are using the carport for storage :

Uggh. And for the record, Flapjack, none of this is to provide social support at all, the school is definitely not concerned with HELPING here, just interfering. I really wish they were interesting in making life more livable for the students So here I am, three weeks postpartum, homeschooling for the first time, trying to struggle through a few credits of law school classes, and looking at classifieds for houses we could rent, dealing with code enforcement breathing down our necks : It makes me so frustrated and angry. Anybody have a hug? This is what leads to ppd, I tell ya. It's not the birthing that causes the problem, it's the crazy world which doesn't take care of families that's the problem.
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Old 09-06-2007, 12:52 AM
 
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I am sorry you are dealing with this. You can absolutely have a hug

Hope you can find another place to live.

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Old 09-06-2007, 10:00 AM
 
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This is what leads to ppd, I tell ya. It's not the birthing that causes the problem, it's the crazy world which doesn't take care of families that's the problem.
: and a great big to you.

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Old 09-06-2007, 11:20 AM
 
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Another from me!

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Old 09-06-2007, 11:32 AM
 
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I'm so sorry they have been intrusive and unsupportive. I think stories like this are why I have never told anyone IRL we had an unassisted birth (hosp. transfer). I don't think it's the kind of thing people understand at all. Most people struggle to wrap their heads around homebirth and you can give them studies from respected journals proving it's safe. I wish more people "got it" - but they just don't.

Anyway, I hope you're able to move out of that housing soon. It sounds like you have so much you're trying to do right now. Things will get better soon.
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