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#1 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 05:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am really struggling right now... Both my previous pregnancies I had tons of prodrominal labor, got distressed and ended up induced. Now I'm having the same ol' labor pattern, and I just don't believe I will go into labor on my own. I tried to prepare for the likelihood that I would have the same labor pattern again. I begged God and my baby not to put me through that again - obviously they don't give a sh*t (yesterday I contracted all day in any position, got down to contractions 2 min apart 1 min in duration - everything stopped as soon as I went to sleep). I've tried to joke and laugh at myself. But I just can't shake it - I just don't believe I will go into labor on my own. And I am just distressed thinking about another stressful labor due to trying to push my body to do what it obviously does not want to do. I've had crazy thoughts like - I just refuse to do another induction or a c-section, so I will refuse NST and just wait for my body to expel my baby even if I have to wait until the baby dies. Just stupid things to think about... I mean I know I'm not being rational. Women don't just stay pregnant forever. Maybe my issue isn't so much fear of not going into labor, but fear of being disappointed once again. All I'm asking for is to have a healthy labor, birth and post partum and not to need to go to the hospital for anything. That doesn't seem an unreasonable request - and yet, I've had 2 births where I missed out on the whole "homebirth package"... Any fantastic words of wisdom?
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#2 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 06:12 PM
 
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Oh mama Yes, of course it is natural to feel this way but really your body was made to do this! I had an induction for being "overdue" with baby #1. I started into prodromal labor at 36 weeks with baby #2 but didn't have him until almost 42 weeks! I seriously thought my body was incapable of going into labor and I cried many times about it. What happened was when I finally did go into labor it was fast and easy because of all the prep work my body had done in the many weeks before. My mantra (even if I didn't always believe it 100%) was "trust that your body is meant to do this". I told myself in the weeks waiting and even during last pains of labor. It was a real comfort to think of that, even if it sounds silly.

Just wait until your body and baby are ready. I bet you will have an absolutely amazing experience. Your baby will know when it is the perfect time to be born. Trust the process, trust yourself and trust your baby!

~Rebecca~
mama to a sweet girl , & 4 silly boys

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#3 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 06:15 PM
 
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Why would your body wait to expel your baby until the baby dies? (Sad, morbid thought!).

So in the past (since I've been a part of your previous labors as an observer cross-screen ), it's just been the "I can't handle this anymore!" that caused a transfer right? I certainly don't mean to poo poo that situation either, if you're at the end, you're at the end. But it hasn't been concern for the baby has it? I mean where heart tones look bad, decels are not climbing fast enough, etc.?

Have you called Gloria ever? I thought she had given you her phone number last time? I'd be interested to hear her opinion on this...

It seems to me that given the right time frame, your body will indeed do what it is supposed to. I think (again, my $.02), that it just depends on your willingness and ability to want to see/weather how long that may take.

Prodromal labor sucks, it really does. Long labor sucks, I know that also. So you have my understanding and support. I'm sorry that you're facing the uncertainty of it all - but I don't know any Momma who escapes without that in some measure.

Wishing I had better answers for you...
~Julie

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#4 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 06:27 PM
 
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Here's my story:

Induced with numbers one and two at 39 weeks and 37 weeks respectively. Number three (home birth) came at 39 weeks 3 days.

So at 40 weeks 5 days, after literally 8 weeks of labor almost every night, I was about at the end of my rope. Literally thinking that I might have to be induced for bad UTIs that I was having problems controlling. I was convinced I was going to be the first one in history to just never go into labor. I wasn't "overdue" by some standards, but by my own I was really, really late!

Anyway, as you know from previous posts, Izzy was born just how she needed to be to keep her safe.

Trust your body. Trust your baby. Take a deep breath and try to let go over your old birth trauma. I know how hard that is!
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#5 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 07:08 PM
 
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Try to let go of the fear/panic, be quiet with babe, and see what happens. Labor will come! It has no choice!
Have you had any time alone? Or with DH/DP and without the kids? Do something that will relax you, whatever that needs to be.
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#6 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 07:15 PM
 
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Would it help if I pulled out my Doula stuff and listed out every single chemical interaction between mama and baby that triggers labor (or at least the ones we know of?). That is always powerful for me when I am feeling "done" before I am actually done!
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#7 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 07:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But it hasn't been concern for the baby has it? I mean where heart tones look bad, decels are not climbing fast enough, etc.?
#1 we did AROM at home because of decels in the FHTs. Homebirth that in my opinion should have been a transport - I was in transition for 12 hours with a malpositioned baby and then I had to transport on the 2nd day post partum because of a severe uterine infection.
#2 we transferred to the hospital for pitocin due to PROM for 48 hours (along with VEs, etc.)

I guess I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop...
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#8 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 07:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Chantelhayes View Post
Would it help if I pulled out my Doula stuff and listed out every single chemical interaction between mama and baby that triggers labor (or at least the ones we know of?). That is always powerful for me when I am feeling "done" before I am actually done!
Well, it sounds interesting - I've never seen that information before.
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#9 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 07:21 PM
 
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i waited 42 weeks 6 days for my dd. I didn't have any prodomal labor though. Once i went into labor it persisted for 32 hours and then she was born.

i know that this pattern of labor stopping and starting must be so hard for you. as long as the baby is still moving, just wait.

when i was so "overdue" i focused on a song called "In His Time". Have you ever heard it? It is about God's perfect timeing and it says "He makes all things beautiful, in His time." Put your trust in God to bring this baby in His perfect time; He know what is best.

I know all that is easier said then done. You have been dreaming and wishing for this UC for so long. Unless you feel there is a real danger in waiting...then just wait and wait some more and the baby will come.

Lots and Lots of s

::
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#10 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 07:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Have you had any time alone?
Yeah, I think that is what is triggering this a little. I shipped dd off to my in laws, so I could rest during the day, and now I can barely stand my own company! Guess I actually have to face my fear instead of just pretending it doesn't exist
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#11 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 07:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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when i was so "overdue" i focused on a song called "In His Time". Have you ever heard it? It is about God's perfect timeing and it says "He makes all things beautiful, in His time." Put your trust in God to bring this baby in His perfect time; He know what is best.
That is a gorgeous song - thanks for reminding me of that! I think I'm going to have to have a long talk with God about birth #1, because I don't think I've ever really gotten over feeling he completely abandoned me. It's really hard to go into labor thinking the creator of the universe really doesn't care - to pray when some part of me thinks it's pointless cause he's just going to do what he wants anyway.

Gosh, I thought I was over all this... does it ever go away?
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#12 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 09:08 PM
 
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I just wanted to lend some support. It must be incredibly tiring to go through labor over and over again, with no grande finale. I know when I was about 12 hours into labor, I wished that it would just stop so I could go to sleep and then try it again the next day. But now that you describe it, I think I won't wish for that next time I'm in labor!

I really believe your body will finish labor when you and the baby are ready. I hope you get some relief soon and you have your baby in your arms soon too! Take care!

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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#13 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 09:43 PM
 
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You can do it mom, hang on.

Banana, doula wife to Papa Banana and mother to Banana One, Banana Two, Banana Three, Banana Four...

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#14 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 10:22 PM
 
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I had several nights of prodromal labor with my 1st, who was 11 days late, and WEEKS of it with my 2nd, who was 6 days late (I knew conception exactly). I know it's hard, but your baby knows what to do. Try to trust.

Laura, CBE and mom to Maddiewaterbirth.jpg ( 06/03/04) & Graceuc.jpg (  09/10/06)
 
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#15 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 10:55 PM
 
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I had weeks of prodromal with my last baby who decided to hang out until 42 weeks, and dang it---I was just about over it. I completely understand discouragement.

Don't we always tell mamas that every birth is different? Even if we notice similar patterns, it's always going to be a different birth. I totally trust that your body and baby know exactly what they're doing (even if it feels discouraging at the moment ) If it were me, I'd really try and get out of my head and stop second-guessing myself and avoid any self-fufilling prophesies (sp!?!) IME, it's the fear that's the biggest hurdle. Can you do something just for you? Just to give yourself a bit of loving care?? You sound like you need it, and I know you deserve it Hang in there, and keep the faith

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#16 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 11:31 PM
 
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Gosh, I thought I was over all this... does it ever go away?
My first birth at home was incredibly healing for me.

My best friend has my doula book. I'll call her later and get the information. There are at least 11 steps between mom and baby. It's a hormonal dance of sorts.
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#17 of 33 Old 10-15-2007, 11:33 PM
 
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2BF, we should hang out. Seriously. I am going through the SAME THING.

The difference in my past births is that with #1 I had AROM and then 14 hrs hard labor (hospital) and w/ #2 I let nature take it's course and on my edd went into labor spontaneously. She was born an hour and 45 minutes "late."

This time I have had prodromal labor since about 35 or 36 wks. I was due last Wednesday.

I SO FEEL YOU!!!

We WILL get through this somehow. I know nobody is pregnant forever but at this rate I'm wondering...

At least we're not elephants. They're preggo for a couple years! Can you imagine that?!?! Holy crap, I'd jump off a cliff.


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#18 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I really appreciate all the kind and wise words everybody - it's really helping! I read Ecclesiastes 3 tonight (the reference to the song reducereuserecycle mentioned) and then found a similar idea echoed in Susun Weed's book "Healing Wise". Something to the idea that it is fruitless to ask the question "Why?" Susun explains that the question "Why?" leads to the answer "Because" which inevitably leads to placing blame and guilt. So true!! For 3 years I've wanted to know "why did everything go so wrong?" But the truth is that there is no answer to that question for me - placing guilt is not going to make me feel better - it's not my fault, my body's fault, my baby's fault, my midwife's fault, my husband's fault, my family's fault, God's fault... And like Georgia said, Susun said "Any time you think this is exactly as before, you're wrong, says the Wise Woman tradition." This birth is not going to tell me why dd's birth happened the way it did. A successful UC will not mean that dd's birth would have been fine as a UC. A prolonged labor does not "prove" that my body was at fault. This is a new birth - a unique birth - a new baby - a unique baby - I have to stop searching for the answer to the unanswerable question if I want to truly enjoy this beautiful birth. Whew...
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#19 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 03:15 AM
 
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It's going to be OK! I just read YumaDoula's birth post, and you know what stood out to me? Where she said that her daughter was born with a 90-minute labor, after two days of prodromal labor. Now, I know that you've been experiencing prodromal for a lot longer, but I found it really encouraging that the prodromal really is doing something! It's a mindf***er for sure, but if we can keep getting centered, we can remember that it has a purpose.
Have you tried any birth art to deal with your fears? I've found that it really helps me to deal and face things. It's also really helped me, when I'm focusing way too much on what's going on in my body and why labor isn't kicking in for real (there's that lame "why?" question), to just do for myself. I do whatever I need to do be kind to myself. Watching "Soapdish" by candlelight with a glass of red wine, while my honey rubs my feet. Making a pan of kugel and eating rather a lot of it (because it's 'Dairy' good!!), and taking a bath. Whatever, just be good to yourself.
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#20 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 07:38 AM
 
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FWIW, I truly, truly believe that for most mamas, prodromal labour is ALWAYS more of an issue with a third baby: or, if you don't like that term, that the last weeks of pregnancy are accompanied by more intense and frequent contractions than the earlier ones. It's worth it. After going into labour on Halloween, DD was eventually born on the 26th of November after (wait for it) three contractions. You can do it, you really can.
Two things helped me:
1) We redesignated that last month "the month of beautiful birth stories" Do you want to tell your kid that the day s/he was born you got up, whinged a bit, had some breakfast, moaned a bit, sat around and felt sorry for yourself and then eventually went to bed? Live every day as if this was the day that you give birth. Fill it with good, beautiful, nourishing, creative thoughts and events. I know this is easier said than done, but it kept me sane.
2) Stop thinking of contractions as contractions and think of it as giving your baby a hug. Fluffy, yes, but it works for me.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#21 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 11:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, the silver lining with this 3rd pregnancy is that I am actually having *less* prodrominal labor than my other 2! Instead of every night, I have a spurt and then get a few days off. The real issue seems to be getting hung up on my past experiences and getting distressed by anything that seems similar. One thing I am noticing is that I am effacing without dialating - I am getting a little hopeful "real labor" will go fast since I'll only have to open, not have to get out of the way too. I am amazed by the calendar - despite my whining around time is passing really quickly. Monday's seem the hardest for me - it's like I don't want to move on into the week, but once I get past Monday, I find some momentum for making it through. That 3 contraction thing is a little scary though, flapjack... I guess I'll trust that the baby won't decide to make his/her appearance in the grocery store.
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#22 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 11:48 AM
 
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Though if they do, what a story that would make. I imagine as you are intune with your body, you would not be feeling like making such an outing at that time, but that's just my guess.

I had a week of prodromal labor all night long (I remember waking up and looking at the clock when a ctx. would wake me up and they were about 3 min. apart but I was so tired I almost don't remember doing that)... my first real ctx (they were all REAL, but you know, the beginning of the end) was 4 min. long and it was 1.5 hours before our son was in my arms. And I was 2cm that day so no biggie, I thought I still had days. Just happened real fast. Best birth so far.

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#23 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 11:51 AM
 
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One thing I am noticing is that I am effacing without dialating
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#24 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 01:01 PM
 
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Well I've always considered what is happening to you to be labor. Your body is going to birth that baby and it's moving closer and closer every day. You know the saying that we are dying from the day we are born? Well you've been birthing since the day you conceived. It sounds like the best way to avoid the previous problems is to leave it alone! Don't rupture anything, don't induce anything, no vaginal exams (especially no vaginal exams by anyone including you) etc.

Good Luck!

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#25 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 01:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think my cervix agrees - it keeps going higher and higher and higher back - like "get away from me woman!" Which is good I guess, cause it always felt like my babies were invading my rectum when I pushed, so I think that is the correct angle for ejection...
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#26 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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2bluefish, i just started reading this thread and i am SO PROUD of you!! your wonderful change in attitude is inspirational to me and i just know that everything is going to be fine and you will give birth just when the time is right. i love your willingness to see things in a new way and to embrace the positive input of others. what a strength! i'm going through my own challenges right now and it helps me so much to share in your positive story.

i am just home from the hospital after a terrifying incident of very very serious bleeding. i have marginal previa and am on strict bed rest for the next month pending another ultrasound. i'm having twins, which i guess is the cause for these challenges. drs are dying to cut into me and i'm terrified that i will not have the peaceful homebirth that i long for so much. i have never had a baby and won't have anymore after these two... i don't want to miss something so important and beautiful as my own children's birth, and i don't want them traumatized by a terrible hospital experience. but i insist on being positive! this previa will resolve (even the drs say that) and i will hold these tigers in until they are fully baked! the last remaining challenge is to find a midwife who will work with twins. most won't, and i haven't found one who will. but i am determined. i will not give up.

so you inspire me! you have really helped my spirits by reading your posts, your progress and sharing in your strength. thank you thank you thank, and i can't wait to hear about your beautiful, natural, peaceful birth.
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#27 of 33 Old 10-16-2007, 06:40 PM
 
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You are doing soooo beautifully! what an inspiration!

You'll give birth on X day, but how you get there is often your choice. You can get there freaked out, or you can get there relaxed and chill. Relaxed and chill is a lot nicer, but I've done both! I felt like a REAL failure during my freaked out prodromal labor. And, I felt like a REAL goddess during my relaxed and chill prodromal labor.

Copy/Pasting from the other thread, hope you don't mind!
This is a list of things that helped through prodromal labor. And, I need to tell you 6 weeks with the last two weeks being intense is all in the realm of normal. It's how many of us labor. A lot of women are induced in the hospital so we just don't hear so much about prodromal labor anymore. A percentage of women who birth without augmentation, experience prodromal labor. It's a very normal yet incredibly frustrating pattern. In the end though, when your labor naturally unfolds by itself without encouragement, then your birth will be so much faster than without the prodromal labor. Be prepared for a fast one, okay? (My 3rd was prodromal labor for weeks & weeks & weeks, but then she was born in 1 hour, 40 minutes when labor finally did kick in)

Prodromal Labor - what works for many women. Take what you think would work for you, leave the rest:
- Do you contract more when you walk around? If so, when you start a ctx pattern, lay down & rest. If you contract more when you lay down, then walk & be upright more. You need to do whatever to NOT encourage ctx at this point. It will happen. But, encouraging prodromal labor to continue is not beneficial at this point.
- Go for a walk by yourself (or with your partner if you feel drawn to that). Talk to the baby. Tell him/her that there is peace all around. That you trust in his/her timing. Cry if you need to.
- Stop trying to bring on labor. Chances are the cohosh & the castor oil is just making your uterus irritated, thus exacerbating prodromal labor & tiring you out before the big day. The baby's just not ready yet. He/she will guide you when the timing is right. Your body doesn't need any extra stimulation right now. It's time to rest & gather your energy for the birth.
- Physical - is there something physical holding your body back? Baby positioning, dehydration, etc.
- Emotional - You're feeling ready to meet this baby. Is there anything else holding you back?
- Plan something for tomorrow. Lunch with a friend without kids, massage, cafe for a latte by yourself before DH leaves for work, whatever. Make a plan.
- Make a plan for next week with an understanding friend. "Hey, let's do lunch on Monday, barring me giving birth." Pick a place you LOVE to eat at. Make it a set weekly date until you give birth.
- Let go of the expectation that you need to give birth soon. If you need to, you will. How does next Friday sound for birth? (I know that probably sounds like hell, but instead of telling yourself that tonight is the night each night & spreading your focus so thin, if you pick a date further away, it helps the energy build. Yeah, that's woowoo, but sometimes woowoo works.)
- Take a look at your supplements. I did Polly Someone's 5-week labor prep herbs once that sent my body over the edge. I was in labor for about 4 days straight before I finally stopped the herbs & then my ctx went back to a normal pattern for me. Red Raspberry leaf can even cause more ctx than necessary.
- Surround yourself with love & only do things that you want to do. This is not the time to do dishes. This is the time to rent a girly movie & get a foot rub.

I hope that list helped. It could have just pissed you off or made you cry. But, I thought I'd put it out there. If even one idea helped you, then so be it. Take what you want & leave the rest.

Just know that so so so many of us are supporting you & loving you right now.

Spark and her four firecrackers.
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#28 of 33 Old 10-17-2007, 11:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you both - that's so sweet! I just hate to be miserable, so I try really hard to get up when I'm down! I am starting to really be amazed at how fast time is passing. It's kind of funny, but I'm starting to realize I'm running out of time for griping - this pregnancy is almost over any way you look at it! Maybe this is why some old people don't seem all that afraid of dying - once you get this close to the inevitable, it just ceases to be scary? Those words of King Solomon's are kind of creepy in Ecclesiastes, but he's right - you can't stave off the future, so might as well enjoy the present. Anyway, thanks everyone for the kind words of wisdom - and for the opportunity to work through my frustrations.

wvmommy, You can do it!
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#29 of 33 Old 10-18-2007, 12:46 AM
 
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mama. This is such a sacred time. In the scheme of things, this time is like moments before your baby reaches earthside. Just this thin skin & strong uterus to separate the two of you. So close...so very close to being born.

You were made for this. You will do this. More accurately, this will be done for you.

Greenlee's Forest *intentional jewelry* a secret Journal locket!
Me My Blog Mama to 7 babes & four spirit babies
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#30 of 33 Old 10-18-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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Y'all, this is such a beautiful thread

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
 
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