Who here as UC'd without hubby knowing... - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 05:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
munkeesmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Corona, CA
Posts: 916
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
that you planned on UC'ing. I ask this mostly for curiosity sake. I've had 2 c-sections and one vbac (between the sections). I'ave always wanted to homebirth but hubby wasn't comfortable with it. We've talked ALOT about it as of lately, and have decided that if/when we get pregannt again barring no complications we'll have a homebirth with a midwife. However, I'm REALLY leaning towards a UC, but hubby would never ever ever go for that. A homebirth is a stretch...I do think he would however be able to handle an "accident" uc as in we don't call the midwife in time or whatever. Has anybody planned a uc with their husband thinking it would be a midwife attended birth? I'm not saying this is something i'd actually do. In reality, it's not as I respect my husbands wishes and feel like i would need him to be totally supportive and not want to deceive him, BUT then there' s that tiny part of me.
munkeesmama is offline  
#2 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 05:53 PM
 
boigrrrlwonder's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 1,034
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No, I haven't, but I would like to point out that you are the one who's giving birth, not him. You need to make the decision that's right for you.
boigrrrlwonder is offline  
#3 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 06:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
munkeesmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Corona, CA
Posts: 916
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I realize that. However, I also believe that he should have a part in it. If it's something I felt that i really wanted to do (and i leane closer and closer towards that with every thread) then I'm sure he would go for it,. but not be comfortable with it. I'm more looking for stories of people who have done this...moreso than the your, body, your birth KWIM? (I hope this doesn't come across as rude, LOL)
munkeesmama is offline  
#4 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 08:39 PM
 
Intertwined's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In the midst of Twinsanity
Posts: 3,029
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have not and would not. I felt like I needed my husband on board. Course, I also basically told him "this is what we are going to do, get on board". I would not want to try and hide my labor or 'fight' with someone while doing the hard work of bringing my baby. And I would be terrified he would freak out and call 911! My husband probably wouldn't do that, but many would.

I got hubby on the same page as me with home birth, and then moved the talk to UC. It took me two births, but my assisted birth was not 'bad' in any way so I don't feel I got shafted.

Totally just my opinion. Only you know the dynamic at your house, you know?
Intertwined is offline  
#5 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 08:43 PM
 
TayTaysMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 482
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I know this could possibly sound bad but I have given some serious thought to this. I am already having a hard time getting my DH to agree to a homebirth with a midwife (we haven't met with any yet so there is still a chance). If he flat out says no to it and wants me to get an OB he will be having a surprise UC on his hands. I do think that he would be able to handle it if that situation arose but I know he wouldn't voluntarily say ok to it.

I have quick births and even a midwife might not make it here in time so I feel we need to be prepared either way.
TayTaysMama is offline  
#6 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 09:16 PM
 
Khourtniey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 1,770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I havent yet.. but I would...
"Oops! I didnt know I was in labour"
Khourtniey is offline  
#7 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 10:51 PM
 
southernmommie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: looking through the lense
Posts: 2,060
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I thought about it when I was first thinking of this thinking that DH wouldn't want to do this at all. However, I emailed him while he was out and he said that he is open for discussion and to see what I have come up with. But that he's not comfortable with it. That, to me, is a start! And he comes home tomorrow!! He knows he has a short time period to get adjusted to it. Seeing how we don't think we will make it past Christmas Day. That's less than a week.

Married to a Navy man of 12 yrs.

03/02: 11/05: 01/08: 10-18-09: 10-31-10 and 7/22/13 with twins and just found out we're pos.gif again!!chicken3.gif

 

cd.gifslingboy.giffamilybed1.gifwinner.jpg

 

m/c '97 and in '03

 

southernmommie is offline  
#8 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 10:58 PM
 
Ecstatic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm pregnant with my first, and fortunately my partner is supportive. But, if he wasn't, I'd do something worse than all of you.

I'd go somewhere, alone, to give birth. And then come back home with the baby. Because I wouldn't trust that he wouldn't call a midwife on me if he was against it or uncomfortable with a UC. And I'd do this completely without guilt. I'd do it even if it had the potential to wreck my relationship. This is because I KNOW - on all levels of awareness - that a UC is the best, safest choice for me. I have all these feelings of things going seriously wrong whenever I think of a midwife or hospital birth. But, when I think of a UC, I am utterly relaxed from the top to the bottom of my self, my body ... I just know. I feel strongly about listening to this intuition.
Ecstatic is offline  
#9 of 21 Old 12-17-2007, 11:31 PM
 
Intertwined's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: In the midst of Twinsanity
Posts: 3,029
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ecstatic View Post
But, when I think of a UC, I am utterly relaxed from the top to the bottom of my self, my body ... I just know. I feel strongly about listening to this intuition.
That is exactly how I felt about my UC! And it turned out, in the end, if I'd been in the hospital or even at home with a MW, things would not have ended well.
Intertwined is offline  
#10 of 21 Old 12-18-2007, 04:12 PM
 
nolonger's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 3,819
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not a husband, but a son.

Our relationship has improved mightily over the past week or so and I approached him with the idea of "keeping my options open" instad of my initial insistance that he had to stay away from the first contraction I recognized as labour until about an hour after the birth---HE can go to a motel room since I am the mama and I pay the rent!

I've always claimed to have a very hands-off illegal midwife, but I was kind of hoping that he might have figured things out on his own and changed his tune. I even openly gave him a few passages out of "Unassisted Homebirth: an act of love" to read in the hopes that he'd get over his "Doctors are gods who save helpless women from dying in childbirth" mentality.

No go. He's more than willing to be at my birth (and actually wants to be and always has) but is still threatening to call an ambulance if HE decides to.

So I'm back to the illegal midwife story and "she" wants him out of the house before she will come.

munkeesmama

I love my boy, but I also love his younger sibling and my own body. I'm pretty sure I'd be an automatic C-section and quite probably a hysterectomy (advanced maternal age and low income) and a report to CPS as well. I know you love your dh, but sometimes you have to put your unborn child's welfare above all other considerations.....even when it feels like walking on shards of glass.....
nolonger is offline  
#11 of 21 Old 12-18-2007, 10:25 PM
 
Ecstatic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Planet Earth
Posts: 383
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chantelhayes View Post
That is exactly how I felt about my UC! And it turned out, in the end, if I'd been in the hospital or even at home with a MW, things would not have ended well.
I just read your birth story - really amazing! It's amazing how powerful and accurate intuition can be.

I don't know what it is, but from the moment I got pregnant, each time I thought about a midwife or hospital my whole body just screamed "no, no, no, no, no - bad stuff will happen." Whereas when I think of birthing alone, every part of me just screams - "yes, yes, yes, yes, yes." I can't even describe how incredibly powerful this feeling is. Which is why I'm so dead set on doing anything I can to have a UC. It's like nothing matters but this overpowering knowledge that it's either I do it this way, or face a lot of bad consequences.
Ecstatic is offline  
#12 of 21 Old 12-19-2007, 02:38 AM
 
ReikiMommy07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: U.S.
Posts: 819
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ecstatic View Post
I'm pregnant with my first, and fortunately my partner is supportive. But, if he wasn't, I'd do something worse than all of you.

I'd go somewhere, alone, to give birth. And then come back home with the baby. Because I wouldn't trust that he wouldn't call a midwife on me if he was against it or uncomfortable with a UC. And I'd do this completely without guilt. I'd do it even if it had the potential to wreck my relationship. This is because I KNOW - on all levels of awareness - that a UC is the best, safest choice for me. I have all these feelings of things going seriously wrong whenever I think of a midwife or hospital birth. But, when I think of a UC, I am utterly relaxed from the top to the bottom of my self, my body ... I just know. I feel strongly about listening to this intuition.
Mama, you're not the only one! I'd do the same thing.
ReikiMommy07 is offline  
#13 of 21 Old 12-19-2007, 02:41 AM
 
ReikiMommy07's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: U.S.
Posts: 819
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
I love my boy, but I also love his younger sibling and my own body. I'm pretty sure I'd be an automatic C-section and quite probably a hysterectomy (advanced maternal age and low income) and a report to CPS as well. I know you love your dh, but sometimes you have to put your unborn child's welfare above all other considerations.....even when it feels like walking on shards of glass.....
You are so right mama! And and to you for recognizing that and being strong!
ReikiMommy07 is offline  
#14 of 21 Old 12-19-2007, 05:07 AM
 
mom2_3birds's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 124
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I do have to say I was leaning that way. My husband knows I will birth without a midwife attending, but he didn't till end of october (~20 weeks). But I do have to say he's accepted it (with the condition of hiring a doula, which I did concede), but he's not happy about it, and he's not on board. He would still prefer me in a hospital, our compromise last time was a birth center, and after the "complications" post partum and my analysis months later I really feel the only safe place is HOME and Unattended! I was happy with the birth experience at first, but then when I looked at the things I really didn't like about it, and the issues I had with my blood pressure, I really see all those things as being caused by the midwifes that attended my first birth. But I'm 100% comfortable doing it myself without my partner if he insists on bringing his fear into the birth, and and 100% confident that I can birth this baby by myself, in a private birth! I also know he's not comfortable with clean up, so I have hired a friend that can come in after the birth and clean up, so I don't have to do that too. Also my doula can help with setup, which my husband may not be able to do due to his back problems.
mom2_3birds is offline  
#15 of 21 Old 12-21-2007, 02:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
munkeesmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Corona, CA
Posts: 916
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TayTaysMama View Post

I have quick births and even a midwife might not make it here in time so I feel we need to be prepared either way.
This is what i'm thinking. But i'd feel like i could NEVER tell him. We have ALOT of trust in one another and i could only imagine the trust would be shattered. That's an awful big "lie" to keep. ya know? I was more curious than anything else. I feel guilty for even thining it. LOL
munkeesmama is offline  
#16 of 21 Old 12-21-2007, 04:04 PM
 
Ruthiegirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Feet in the mud, head in the clouds
Posts: 3,637
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
I have started laying in birthing supplies for a 'just in case'. My dh knows that I would like to have this baby at home and I know that he would like to have a midwife there. Problem is -- there is one midwife in my area and she is two hours away. This is my third and I birth fast, really fast.

So, my options are either the hospital or UC. While I am not planning on either, I want to be prepared for both. I have a strong sense that this baby is going to come fast and without a lot of forewarning.

Dh knows what I am thinking and is prepared, but cautious. Does he know that I have gone as far into UC as I have? Not really, but he is aware that I am preparing a 'back up plan' and am willing and able to have this baby on my own.

Frugal, food growing mama to my four loves

Ruthiegirl is offline  
#17 of 21 Old 12-22-2007, 01:31 AM
 
Khourtniey's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 1,770
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthiegirl View Post
I have started laying in birthing supplies for a 'just in case'. My dh knows that I would like to have this baby at home and I know that he would like to have a midwife there. Problem is -- there is one midwife in my area and she is two hours away. This is my third and I birth fast, really fast.

So, my options are either the hospital or UC. While I am not planning on either, I want to be prepared for both. I have a strong sense that this baby is going to come fast and without a lot of forewarning.

Dh knows what I am thinking and is prepared, but cautious. Does he know that I have gone as far into UC as I have? Not really, but he is aware that I am preparing a 'back up plan' and am willing and able to have this baby on my own.
Sometimes you have to go in depth to really plan At least you could tell him that hehe
Khourtniey is offline  
#18 of 21 Old 12-24-2007, 04:16 AM
 
onelilguysmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,606
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
dont have a hubby, and didnt plan a hb (though dang i was hoping and yelled at him for calling my mom in labor to take me to the bc :sigh: ) but it would have been a uc for sure! (and thats what i ended up having at the bc )
onelilguysmommy is offline  
#19 of 21 Old 12-24-2007, 05:11 AM
 
Jennah_Gole's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Never thought I would be out here
Posts: 483
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I plan on ucing if dh is not here with me in the house when i go into labor b/c i birth quickly and the hospital is an hour away..... dh does not know this is my plan b/c he would be totally against it...I don't want to fight him if he is here and say no I am stayng home and having the baby cuz it would just be too hard to have him trying to force me to the hospital -- to much pressure while trying to have the baby and the hospital is nice and will let me pretty much birth on my terms but the fear is having the baby in the car!

but if he is out and takes an hour to get home there is no way i am getting in the car for another hour cuz i would think that it is very very possible to have the baby there in the car and i dont want to go thru that. so in this case I will tell him right then and there that I am not going cuz the baby is coming soon if thats how i feel...he can either help me or stay in the living room and watch the kids while i do it alone in my room and bathtub.

so u can say i am playin it by ear -- we will c whats gonna happen...it could be an ooops UC....!

Momma to GG (dd - 14 yrs old), Active (ds - 10 yrs old), Toon (dd - 8 years old), Olive (ds - 5 years old), Princess (dd - 4 years old) and babyboy.gif Keemo (ds - 24 days old)

Jennah_Gole is offline  
#20 of 21 Old 12-24-2007, 05:56 PM
 
BirthFree's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Pacific NW
Posts: 2,141
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chantelhayes View Post
I have not and would not. I felt like I needed my husband on board.
In the same way, if I really felt like I wanted to be pg and like we needed a baby in our family, I would not go about getting one on my own will (like sabotaging our birth control efforts) because I felt like it needed to be done... I would make a joint choice with my DH. I feel the same way re: this, I would not be able to make that kind of a choice with a clear concience. Even if it IS best for me, I'd figure out a way to get DH to understand... we had so many discussions, sometimes arguements over this topic ourselves... but we found a place of compromise for us both and we were able to both feel good about it.

I love my husband and he loves me - we both want what is best so we had to work it through, but I am SO glad we did.

Mama to 4 amazing little people, another little expected 3/6/12!
Avid Unassisted Birth supporter/Mama

BirthFree is offline  
#21 of 21 Old 12-28-2007, 12:31 PM
 
1hautemama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: here
Posts: 396
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have to agree with most of the posters here. DH and I are best friends and a team, and I have to respect his views as much as I expect him to respect and understand mine. In the pregnancy leading up to our first UC, we attended ICAN meetings (this was a UBAC) and did a lot of soul searching. In the end the work was so worth it, and our marriage is stronger.
1hautemama is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off