How do I assure DH that an UC will go smoothly? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 12-27-2007, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My DH is completely against us having an unassisted homebirth because he is afraid something is going to go wrong and we won't have time to get help or that I am going to die. What can I do to convince him? I would really love to have an UC. Thanks.

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#2 of 18 Old 12-27-2007, 01:39 PM
 
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You can never assure any birth will go smoothly. Tell him that. Then go over what usually goes wrong, and what causes it (which the pattern often shows unnecessary interventions) Show him compleeing tings you find as you visit UC sites

And finally tell him to cal down and support you, or stay out of your way, b/c his fear and anxiety will affect you!

Let us know how it all goes!

What works best for my husband is to tzslk about something repeatedly on the phione with other people, so he hears it and agreess, wihTout creating any power struggle, which otfen happens to us if I directly tell him what I want. Annoying, but true
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#3 of 18 Old 12-27-2007, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! I will try that.

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#4 of 18 Old 12-27-2007, 02:15 PM
 
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How do I assure DH that an UC will go smoothly?
You can't. However, you can know how a homebirth midwife would react to various complications that may arise, and you can have a plan for what you would do if something happened that made you want to go to the hospital. Accepting that a UC may not go smoothly, and accepting the possible repercussions, was an important step for both dh and I. We both felt prepared and knew under what circumstances we would transfer and/or call 911 (very short list of things for 911 call).

FWIW, most transfers from homebirths are non-emergency transfers - usually a transfer for exhaustion for pain relief or due to FTP issues. Not great, but not an emergency, either. I transferred due to exhaustion and discovered I'd been stuck on a cervical lip for over 7 hours of transition (not fun). I was able to just push for 25 min in the hospital and have my baby, so the transfer was not a big deal. It was something we were prepared for (though not expecting) and neither of us panicked. Sometimes, transfer is the right option, and it's good to know ahead of time what you do and do not feel comfortable handling at home (for example, very light meconium stained water and I would have stayed home. Heavy mec and I would have transferred right away).

There are different approaches to UC and mine might not be how you're approaching it, and that's okay. This is just my perspective and how we handled the possibility of things not going smoothly.
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#5 of 18 Old 12-27-2007, 02:15 PM
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earthie has it right. there are no guarantees.

with this, you cannot change someone else's feelings. he's responsible for changing these, and in order to do that, he must be willing to discuss and work through his fears. he must be willing to look at things clearly and diligently.

this is where the other part of earthie's post is important--learn about what the common problems are, what the common solutions are. talk about things like PNC, shadow care, or how far from the hospital you are. discuss in formation in Emergency Childbirth, and so on. Read birth stories of successful UCs as well as transfers.

and do it together, openly.
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#6 of 18 Old 12-27-2007, 02:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your posts ladies! You are giving me good advice!

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#7 of 18 Old 12-27-2007, 04:18 PM
 
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The other thing worth mentioning is that things don't even go smoothly in the hospital setting; not everything is predictable even in the most controlled environment with all the technology in the world. And I work in a hospital so I know that first hand. I just kind of lurk in awe of the women in the UC section and it seems that preparation is key and knowledge is empowerment. Our bodies have been birthing babies long before medical intervention even existed.

Good luck!
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#8 of 18 Old 12-27-2007, 05:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you.

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#9 of 18 Old 12-29-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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I appreciate this thread because I have been asking myself the same question. The more I think and pray and read about it, the more I am confident in having an UC. I'm currently thinking through the possibilities and what to do if something occurs and how I would handle it. If the ladies here don't mind, can you help me work through those?

For example, what the previous poster said about light meconium stay home, thick meconium transfer.

Other things I've thought of requiring a transfer is extreme exhaustion after trying everything else I can think of (and consulting with my midwife I'll have on back-up), needing stitches, Hemorrage, nonresponsive or non breathing baby is probably on the 911 list (I'm guessing?)

What else?

Chelci, maybe taking the discussion in this direction will help you too?

M.Ed. Mama to Chunka (1/07), Beauty (5/09) and Elizabear 3/12): Birth Doula (working toward certification) AAMI Midwifery Student, Advocating with Solace for Mothers & The Birth Survey

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#10 of 18 Old 12-29-2007, 08:19 PM
 
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I'm not going to answer for the other ladies on here who are MUCH more educated and experienced in UC than me. I've never done it yet, but am planning on it any day now if baby would just decide to come already! But from what I have been reading and looking through past posts and online research, is that if you are getting exhausted there are things you can drink, food you can eat, ect that will help. Also, the hemmoraging can be taken care of also from eating a piece of your placenta or taking drops of an herbal tincture. Now a non-responsive and non-breathing baby would, to me, warrant a immediate hospital transfer if NOTHING you are doing is working.

Have you read any books about UC? There are some really good ones recommended in the stickies above. You have PLENTY of time to bombard yourself with all the info and what-ifs to be answered! That's awesome!

Whatever you decide, good luck to you!!!

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#11 of 18 Old 12-30-2007, 03:24 AM
 
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Yeah! That!

There is no guarantee. Never has been never will be. Birth brings risks. Period. But I feel that those risks are minimized at home, out of the hospital setting and away from those that treat birthing as a disease to be conquered rather than process to be endured.

Every pgcy I update my mentally stored knowledge of "what ifs" and what would I do about them. I go over all the "common" birth "complications" and how to counter act the bad outcomes associated with them. Then I research the less common ones to review my stored stash of "what would I do's". And finally I dig deeper and look into the very rare "complications" and decide what I believe would be my best action in those circumstances. I truly try to cover every given scenario that can be thought of.

Now I know there are thing I have not thought of, and things I can not control, but I also have no fear of transferring if my gut tells me there is something beyond my control. I will do what is in the best interest of myself and my child and will not jeopardize either one for an "experience". But I am very experienced in birth and the woman's body, and know far more about MY birthing body, both "uncomplicated" and "complicated" than most doctors I have seen.

So, though there are no guarantees, I know that I am doing what is right for me. And education is the key.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#12 of 18 Old 12-30-2007, 10:01 AM
 
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Right with the others here, I'll totally agree that there are no guarantees with birth....and all couples need to understand that, no matter where/with whom they birth.

But it seems that your partner might believe that going to a hospital and/or having midwifery or some kind of 'official' care, DOES constitute a guarantee. So, what he needs to understand--to balance and flesh out his perspective--is that there is no one place of birth, or type of care, that provides 'more of a guarantee' than any other. Nope, really. Really really.

I know that this is not a common concept; people come to meet me about my hb services, and one of the first things we talk about is risk and death--but how many couples go to meet an OB or hospital based mw and ever hear one word about death? Well, of course they do hear about death: 'if you don't do xyz as we propose, your baby might DIE!' and so forth. But it's not like you meet them, and they immediately help you understand that birthing is a life-and-death passage, one that they do NOT control and toward which they can provide NO guarantees beyond the promise to do their best, within their chosen approach/tools/etc.

Most people, although the majority DO know stories of babies (or even moms) who didn't make it through birth safely, tend to believe that there is a way to make birth 'safe'. Mainly, we as a culture tend to believe that it is medical providers who make birth safe...and so, stepping away from that model feels terribly dangerous even though it's not more dangerous or risky (at least, not if undertaken by responsible people who will become informed, and do what is in their power to set up safety--such as a reasonably healthy diet/lifestyle for mom).

So, I say...help him to gain perspective.
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#13 of 18 Old 12-30-2007, 12:36 PM
 
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There is no guarantee. Never has been never will be. Birth brings risks. Period. But I feel that those risks are minimized at home, out of the hospital setting and away from those that treat birthing as a disease to be conquered rather than process to be endured.


ITA!

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#14 of 18 Old 12-30-2007, 02:49 PM
 
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For us I made it clear that I don't believe that attendants can "save" women.

I truly believe that most of the medical "emergencies" that doctors and midwives get credited with rescuing patients from aren't true emergencies.

I did a lot of reading before reaching my decision to UC and had already experienced a hospital birth (c-section) and a midwife attended HBAC before finally deciding that I would birth better without an attendant.

There are a few emergencies that can require some assistance and we're preparing for those by learning what the signs are and what treatments are available. We're located within a 3 minute drive to a hospital and a midwife wouldn't be able to do much more than transport us in the case of a true medical emergency.

It helps that I took the responsibility on myself and made it clear to my husband that he is NOT to be a birth attendant. He's my partner and my friend and that will be his only role during the birth as well.

He knows how I feel about life and death and while I'm sure he's fearful of being without me, he also knows that birth isn't any riskier than life.
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#15 of 18 Old 12-30-2007, 06:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies. Where can I find info on common labor and delivery complications and how to deal with them?

Chelci

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#16 of 18 Old 12-30-2007, 06:56 PM
 
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A book called Emergency Childbirth really helped us when my UBAC "went wrong." (My daughter was footling breech, cord around her neck, blue. But between my well-informed husband and EMS, she was safely delivered and is perfectly healthy today. Oh, did I mention she was born in 45 minutes and our baby sitter wasn't even there yet? Not much time to get to a hospital even if we had been planning to.)

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#17 of 18 Old 12-30-2007, 08:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sioleabha View Post
A book called Emergency Childbirth really helped us when my UBAC "went wrong." (My daughter was footling breech, cord around her neck, blue. But between my well-informed husband and EMS, she was safely delivered and is perfectly healthy today. Oh, did I mention she was born in 45 minutes and our baby sitter wasn't even there yet? Not much time to get to a hospital even if we had been planning to.)
Is this the same manual that is pdf'd on the sticky thread of resources?

http://http://www.umbrellanoize.com/...Childbirth.pdf

Chelci, have you checked out that thread yet? There's lots there. Like overwhelming alot.

M.Ed. Mama to Chunka (1/07), Beauty (5/09) and Elizabear 3/12): Birth Doula (working toward certification) AAMI Midwifery Student, Advocating with Solace for Mothers & The Birth Survey

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#18 of 18 Old 12-30-2007, 10:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No I haven't. Thanks for pointing it out.

 Chelci  Anthony, parents to:  E- 11/2006, A- 07/2008, and K- 09/2014.
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