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#1 of 8 Old 01-13-2008, 12:32 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm Heather and I'm pregnant with my 5th baby this fall. (Hopefully just one baby!) I used a CNM for my first 2 pregnancies and my 5yo DS was a hospital birth and 3yo DS was a cesarean. I used lay MWs for my last birth and had a HBAC with my twin DDs who are 20 months now. Now I am planning a UC for this birth.

I did shadow care with my last pregnancy which consisted of a pregnancy test at 14 weeks. I had no plans of going back until my MW discovered twins and dropped me. I went in for an u/s at 22 weeks to confirm and then started searching for new MWs. Around 34 weeks I started going for backup appts. again and managed to deal with the stress of that until they scheduled my ERCS.

Now I am considering shadow care again for 2 reasons. One, I am thinking my insurance would give me a hard time if I needed to go to the hospital and had no "proof" of pregnancy. (We have Tricare-anyone know?) And two, I worry about someone calling CPS on me if I did need to transport and had no "proof" of prenatal care. I know I could get by with 1 or 2 prenatal visits to the backup Dr because I did it last time and they never noticed.

My dilemma is that one of my closest friends is a MW here and I assist her at births. She works with another MW (the on who dropped me last time) and we are all friends. I'm worried that planning a UC might cause friction in my friendship and/or working relationship with these MWs. My friend has already said that she will not be able to come to the birth if she is not there as my MW. And she can't just come and sit there, she'd have to do frequent monitoring and I'd need prenatal labs, etc. I just DO NOT want to do this!

My DH is on board with my decision to UC. I have several friends that would be willing to come "doula" for me and help keep an eye on my children, video the birth, etc. I just feel awful that my birth choices could jeopardize my relationship with the MWs. I've considered hiring them for the birth and not calling them. I'm not sure this would be a better choice. Also, they would insist on their standard prenatal care and I greatly desire to avoid that. I would much rather do my own prenatal care and am perfectly capable of doing so.

Sorry this was so long. Any thoughts about my situation?

Heather, Army wife & Mama to M (10), J (9), L & S (my HBAC babies are 7!), N & R (5), and A (born 11/30/12 UBA2C)
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#2 of 8 Old 01-13-2008, 11:45 PM
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Hi Heather

We have a similar situation. I am PG with #3 due in Sept. DS was preterm and born in a hospital, I used a midwife for prenatal care. DD was a homebirth, I used the same midwife for prenatal care, but the backup midwife attended the birth as my midwife was out of town. My second birth was so fast that the midwife barely made it there anyway.

I am a childbirth instructor and a doula, and DH is a chiro so I feel very comfortable doing my own prenatal care. But I too have a working relationship with the midwives, and I know they will not agree with my decision to UP/UC. But I was not satisfied w/my homebirth, as I did not feel in control.

So... I too am in a tough situation. I know I will go through with my plans, and I hope that my midwife friends will respect and honor my decision and that it will not harm our working relationship.

I don't have an answer, but I do understand.
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#3 of 8 Old 01-14-2008, 01:34 AM
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If the MW's you work with are truly friends they will be able to put the differences of opinion aside and support you in whatever decision you make. It's your body and your baby, and I would think if they couldn't be supportive of you and they know you (or at the very least hold their tongues) I don't know that I personally would want to work with them or remain friends with them. Would make me wonder how supportive they could truly be w/mama's that are "just" clients...
My 2 cents...

Former Nanny Extraordinaire, looking forward to being a Mama! treehugger.gif I love Organizing & being a Health & Wellness Coach eat.gif & I'm crunchy granola as long as it's organic and certified gluten free. GF since March '08 yummy.gif. Willoughby Nov '11  cat.gif TTC #1-still, again, some more, & seriously pondering adoption. 
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#4 of 8 Old 01-14-2008, 01:49 AM
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Heather, I don't have any words of wisdom beyond what has been shared already.

But I wanted to give you a HUGE congratulations on your pregnancy and let you know that I'm really impressed with your decision to follow your gut on what's best for you and your baby (just one baby, right?).

You fought for what you wanted last time, I have no doubt you will do it again with this pregnancy.

Megan- mama to 3, midwifery student , doula, , runner , knitter .
Violet Lane Birth Services Doula care and placenta encapsulation serving Seattle to Mount Vernon
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#5 of 8 Old 01-14-2008, 04:50 AM
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Just wanted to say welcome to the board. And congratulations on your up coming birth.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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#6 of 8 Old 01-14-2008, 09:11 AM
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welocme and congrats! I don't understnad why she can't be there as just a friend.

 Mom of many minions . . . babyf.gif jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif     jumpers.gif
"And when our baby stirs and struggles to be born it compels humility: what we began is now its own." Margaret Mead 
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#7 of 8 Old 01-14-2008, 10:30 AM - Thread Starter
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Thanks everyone!

I didn't want to give too many details but I should explain more. The MW who is my very close friend is an apprentice. Her preceptor won't let her attend my birth as anything other than my MW. And I can't ask her to risk her apprenticeship because of me. Strangely enough, I was in a very similar situation with my last birth as her preceptor dropped me and told her she could not attend my birth. So the decision is sort of being made for her by her preceptor...

Heather, Army wife & Mama to M (10), J (9), L & S (my HBAC babies are 7!), N & R (5), and A (born 11/30/12 UBA2C)
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#8 of 8 Old 01-14-2008, 01:12 PM
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Welcome, Heather You might want to do a search on Tricare in all of the B&B areas. There seem to be a lot of posts about Tricare so perhaps the info you're looking for is already here?

Best wishes and congratulations on your pregnancy!

I have retired from administration work, so if you have a question about anything MDC-related, please contact Cynthia Mosher. Thanks!
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