You have touched my life, as your daddy's in a way words will never be able to describe. I can't wait to find out more about who you are, and who you will become. I look forward to all the lessons I surely will be taught from you.
This is the beginning of your story;
Wednesday night after picking your daddy up from work, we spent the evening watching a movie. And enjoying one another's company. I was having a hard time being patient, waiting for you. Everyone wanted to meet you. But all along, I knew you would come when you were ready.
I was feeling this excitement all night, but continued to ignore it. I just knew something was changing. However, I went to bed at midnight because I wanted to be rested, should the change be labor. I fell asleep easily, and went into dreamland.
At 2:35 I woke up, having a contraction that left me moaning. Z kissed my forehead, and rubbed my face. Another contraction came, and I realized that laying down felt very uncomfortable. I was wide awake, and very excited.
From there, I came downstairs to see if I could get comfy and to post to the ladies on MDC that I thought (ok, was desperately hoping) this would be it. I'd had a few contractions at that point (it was 2:56 am and had about 5). Ones were I needed to quiet my entire body. I would moan with each, but in between I felt amazing. At the time I thought this would just be the beginning.
I closed my computer, as timing the contractions was clearly not going to work. It was now a little after 3am and I wanted to rest up for your birth. I went to go upstairs, when another contraction came. This time I went straight to my hands & knees, moaning thru the peak. Wow. That was intense.
At this point I had changed my mind, I wanted to take a bath, drink a glass of wine and go to bed. I thought I was fooling myself into thinking this was it. I started the bath, and another contraction came. One that lead me to my hands & knees again asking Z to get my iPod & a glass of wine.
These were really intense. All I could think was, maybe if I could relax everything would just stop and I could go back to bed. So I climbed into the bath, plugged in my iPod & drank 2 sips of wine. I put on Counting Crows, and made it thru just the one song. Another contraction had my mind writhing. I should have known this was transition! I was done. It was time to go to bed, and I did not want to have these very intense contractions anymore.
Z could hear as I began to moan much louder, and I began to cry. I was positive I was only at the beginning and began to say, "No, I can't do this right now. Make this stop now." Z rubbed me, and reassured me. The contraction stopped, and I needed to pee. - (during this time he had awoke and began to get things ready for your birth. He had everything ready in the bedroom, expecting it to happen there)
I climbed out of the tub, onto the toilet. When this contraction came, I just moaned into Z's leg, begging him to stop this intensity. In my head this journey was just beginning and I could not imagine having the strength to deal with this. At this moment I was amazed by you. By the force. Without pushing once, I felt your head coming out.
Confused I grabbed Z (by his hair, although I thought it was his shirt). I reached my hand to myself and felt your head. I said, "the baby is coming" and I actually held you inside. In my head I was sure I was around 3cm and that it just couldn't be. But in the midst of my head, you took over. I continued to hold your head in, as I did not need to push at all. I stood up and let go. Literally & mentally.
As I let go with my hand, Z knelt down to get a better view. Your head was almost half out, when the bag of waters erupted (all over Z!) and with that came the rest of you. He threw his hands out, and literally caught your body! At that point I was only able to catch your legs, as it happened so very quickly. I knew immediately then that I had torn, so sat back down.
In sheer amazement I looked up, Z put you into my arms and I said, "Oh! It's a boy, he's here. I can't believe it." I asked Z to get the bowl as I felt the placenta was coming. But just as he got downstairs, the placenta fell into the toilet. We weren't sure entirely on a lotus birth, but at this point we decided.
At this point I could not take my eyes off of you. Every inch of you I wanted to see. I also wanted to get off that toilet. The bathroom felt full with 2 cats, 5 kittens and the 3 of us were all packed in. Yes, the cats were all there for your birth!
We waited about 15 minutes to allow the cord to pulse as much as possible, but the longer I sat there the more I could feel I needed to see how badly I had torn.
Z grabbed the first yarn he saw. Yarn I had been using to make you washclothes. He tied your cord, and cut it. You were here.
- some of this is hazy; we moved to the bed, and I looked at myself in the mirror. Marley nursed for the first time at this point. Because of the place were I tore (up at the very top of my labia), there was a fair amount of blood. We tried several things to stop the bleeding but after 20 minutes and many towels we called the ambulance. He also nursed the entire ambulance ride there.
Needless to say, after 6 hours of dumb questions (like why can't we give him a bath in the nursery, we will all have to use gloves) we finally made it back home. I'm still processing this part, as the experience we had just makes me even more leary of hospitals...
He is just beautiful, and nursing like a champ!
I still look at him and think, wow. What a major high!