One thing you wish you knew before you UCed - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 111 Old 06-12-2008, 05:39 PM
 
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Haven't uced yet but I wanted to say that no one prepared me for a precipitous birth either. My cbe never mentioned fast labor - I guess b/c we were first timers so when my birth was on I was in total shock. It was like one long contraction. I was not mentally prepared for that. Then I convinced myself the second time it was a fluke. Ended up with an even FASTER birth which was MORE mind blowing. At that point I was afraid to give birth again. I did prepare differently the 3rd time. I spent much more time nourishing my body, exercising, and mental/emotional prep (Hypnobabies). This combination did work for me. I had my longest birth ever - 6 hrs. and it was great.

Birth brings something different every time. I have learned/gained something from each one. I'm looking forward to this one whatever it holds. It's hard not to have expectations though. I'll work on that. I don't know what I would do if my birth was over 6 hrs., lol but I realize it could happen. But 6 hrs. seemed like forever after a 2 and 3 hr. birth Nevertheless, I have yet to have that gradual textbook birth - even the 6 hr. one. I had breaks for the first hr. maybe but then, it was continuous, one on top of another, double and triple peaking.
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#62 of 111 Old 06-13-2008, 08:56 PM
 
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Wow...great question

For the birth, I was NOT prepared for how loud the baby was when he came out. Not only did it freak me out, but dd was freaked as well. I know this sounds stupid, but I was actually quite upset at how loud he was, and I immediately put him to the boobity, but he refused and wanted to scream some more. (Anybody else feel this way?)

I will have warm towels ready next time, as the ac was on and ds must have been freezing.

For post-partem, I will NOT have in-laws over for 5 days thinking they will help, when all they do is sit around and eat and want to hold my precious new baby and talk about how he is not circ'd. :

I think now that maybe I should have taken more pics, but I am a freak because as soon as I am in labor I get the feeling that it is too sacred for video/pics and am against them. So maybe not.....

I will take a longer babymoon!!!!!
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#63 of 111 Old 06-14-2008, 12:17 AM
 
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#64 of 111 Old 06-14-2008, 03:55 AM
 
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What a great thread!

I wish I had made a birthday cake while in early labor, and I intend to next time.

I loved instand oatmeal packets for quick meals postpartum. Yum. And helpful for milk supply.
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#65 of 111 Old 06-14-2008, 05:21 PM
 
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I will take a longer babymoon!!!!!
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#66 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 01:14 AM
 
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Please reassure me that your total labors didn't last as long as the labors of people who can make cinnamon rolls and chat. You did at least (small comfort) get shorter (<8hour) labors, yes? Please?
My middle labor was rip-roaring from the beginning. 3 minutes apart. Chat? Yeah, right. It lasted 3-3 1/2 hours. Not all labors are alike.
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#67 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 03:54 PM
 
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I am very glad I made a birthday cake in early labor, it was fun to wrap the night up by having cake with everyone


I should have had the room warmer, the thought crossed my mind to tell DH to get the little space heater going in the bathroom but at that point I didn't want him leaving my side. Will have it warmer next time.

I will have a water birth next time or at least plan to spend more time submerged. During the last few minutes of labor I was wanting to be in the bathtub SO bad but the water was too cold at that point. I think it would have helped with avoiding tears as well.

DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!

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#68 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 03:58 PM
 
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No tips here, just taking mental notes. :

But everyone keeps talking about a good cinnamon roll recipe. Below is the cinnamon roll recipe I use and let me tell you, they are GOOD!!! I love making these! I plan to make these, if I have the chance, when we have our uc later this year.

http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Clone-o...on/Detail.aspx

By the way, I don't use a bread machine, so I do this by hand. If you don't have a bread machine, there are plenty of reviewers who say how to do it without a bread machine if you're not familiar with making homemade breads. Sometimes I knead by hand, sometimes I put it in my KitchenAid mixer. Just depends on how I feel. HTH!
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#69 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 04:25 PM
 
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I was just thinking that this thread would be a great sticky!

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#70 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 05:20 PM
 
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I wish I would have read something about breastfeeding prior to my first birth, as I ended up doing it wrong - John only latched on to the tip of my nipple. Since I didn't grow up watching women breastfeed, I didn't know I/he was doing anything wrong until he became dehydrated. We were pretty isolated in those days (and not that many women breastfed), so I hadn't witnessed friends or relatives doing it either.

In retrospect I would have liked to have photos or footage of my births, but I honestly think that should be our last priority when giving birth. These days it's easier to record a birth. "Back in the day" cameras were expensive!

In hearing from other women over the years, "regrets" at UC's generally have to do with having too many friends or family members either at the birth, coming over soon afterwards, or both. Also, some women regret not waiting longer for the placenta to come out on its own before going to the hospital and having it manually removed. I often hear of placentas coming out after 8 or 9 hours. One couple told me the placenta came out 3 days later and everything was fine. Of course, each woman needs to do what she feels comfortable doing, so I'm not necessarily telling women not to seek assistance with a placenta if they truly feel they need it. But it's not usual for a placenta to take its time coming out after a birth.

As a side note, I've noticed that the women that have regretted having too many people at their birth are often the same ones who have "delayed" placentas.

A note about transition and the pushing urge, I was never aware of being in transition with any of my births. With my last birth, at one point my legs were shaking. I've heard that this is one sign of transition, but other than that I didn't have any "signs." I don't think we need to know what "stage" we're in. Just let it unfold. I didn't get a pushing urge with my last birth. I pushed because I felt her head at my perinium and figured I might as well push her out!

The baking suggestions reminded me of this story that I have posted on my site. Good luck!!
Laura

Banana Bread Baby
by Julie Bowman
I have 4 daughters...the first three born in hospital and as "natural" as one can birth in that setting. My fourth child I decided to have at home with a midwife and was very excited about the freedom it was going to offer me. No stir-ups, no monitors, no busy nurses jabbing their fingers into me to see if my birth was going to coincide with their coffee break.

On the day of Jaymee's birth I went for a lovely walk in a wooded area near our home and came home with an urge to bake. I spied some extra ripe bananas on the kitchen table and decided to make a banana bread. Half way through I realized that I had no baking powder so I yelled for hubby to please run to my mom's for some (she lives 5 minutes away).

While he was gone I got the first of my contractions. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 6:15. I gave the midwife (Leslie) a call to let her know I thought things had started. It went relatively quickly with my last 3 (aprox. 3 hours) so the plan was to let her know as soon as any sign of labour started.

Just as she was telling me that she would eat her dinner and be right over, hubby walked in the door with my baking powder. I had to sit in a chair because I had the most ridiculous feeling......it felt like a basketball between my legs! As you might guess, Leslie skipped her dinner and stayed on the phone with me while she paged another midwife to head over to our home right away.

I instructed hubby not to let the banana bread go to waste...please mix the rest of it up and throw it in the oven for me. I reached down, as Leslie instructed, and removed my panties from under my skirt and lo and behold I could feel the baby's head bulging at the perinium! I did a semi-squat, pushed just a wee bit and Jaymee slid right out into my hands! Her eyes were wide open and she was the most peaceful serene looking little thing I had ever seen! Hubby was so shocked he still had a spatula in his hand and I had to yell for him to go get some blankets until the midwife arrived.

When Gabrielle and Leslie arrived, they helped get me cleaned up, checked the baby over and then we all had tea and "Birthing Bread" (it's also been dubbed "Labour Loaf") hehe.

Now every year on Jaymee's birthday, the poor kid gets banana bread or cake instead of chocolate like most kids....just so we can relive the story of her incredible birth!
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#71 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 07:35 PM
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i think it's very reassuring for me to read what you wrote, Laura.

having not experienced birth yet, my whole process has been to simply "let it unfold" in every way, but a lot of these things really got me thinking (ok, anxious and worried).

but reading that one can have a great, normal, healthy birth without knowing stages, having signs or knowing them, or what have you, is really helpful (and reassuring to me).

and the story is cute. i think it's really great to follow instincts while pregnant. it's been an interesting process for me to go "i need to do this--right now!" and then discover that perhaps there is some 'alternior' motive in it that my spirit knew but my mind didn't recognize until perhaps even months later.

very cool.
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#72 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 08:41 PM
 
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I agree with you Zoebird and Laura.

I certainly did not have any thoughts about what stage I was in while I was in labour. I did not even coherently realize I was in labour. I think that us informed people tend to sometimes over-think these things a little. I sometimes hear of women making a point of having a natural lifestyle who are constantly diagnosing themselves and adjusting their herbal and other treatments. I am more of the just let things happen kind.

I did not really prepare anything for my labour, both in terms of supplies and mental preparation. I never, even thought I had tons of contractions in the last weeks, wondered if this was it or anything like that. I really see labour as much more fluid than stages. I don't see birth as a clear distinction between 2 different states (born and unborn). It's all a continuum. The concept of stages, in my opinion should only be used as a tool to analyze things after the fact when you are willing to get rid of the multi-layered nature of things. Maybe I just spend too much time reading Foucault...

Oh, I forgot, Zoebird, it is an ulterior motive. I'm kind of neurotic about things like that...

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#73 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 08:59 PM
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whta's an ulterior motive?

and i haven't read foucault in a while--do yuo find it helpful?
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#74 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 10:01 PM
 
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and then discover that perhaps there is some 'alternior' motive in it that my spirit knew but my mind didn't recognize until perhaps even months later.
I was just referring to that. An ulterior motive is when the true reason someone is doing something is not explicitly revealed. Just like what you were saying.

I love Foucault, but I am in sociology, so that's my thing. He talks a lot about the problems with the discipline of History that looks back and makes up categories and over-simplifies things to make them linear and all cause/effect-like. He argues for History to be replaced with a more 'archaeological' history. I think this applies very well to how we look at pregnancy. He also wrote a lot about institutions (medicine) and the history of sexuality is what a lot people know him for. He is definitely one of my favorites but the English translations are often hard to read (I am really glad I know French).

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#75 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 10:28 PM
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oh, i see, it was a spell check. i tend not to spell check or typo check anything online.

just for fun.

and i do know foucault. i just haven't read his stuff in years (not since university, and i finished that in '99! hard to believe). i just was commenting on how/whether it would be helpful for considering birth process overall--how you were seeing that. cultural studies are interesting. my husband has his master's in it. that's definitely his thing. one area in which we connected back in '97. both reading the same crazy authors.
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#76 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 11:31 PM
 
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Except for the politics of birth, which are another topic, what always reminds me of Foucault (The Archaeology of Knowledge, 1972, mainly) is when I think about labour per se. The way it is so often talked about, (BH contractions preparing the uterus, cervix ripening then dilating slightly until some kind of signal starts labour, regular contractions causing the cervix to dilate until 10cm and pushing stage, etc ) tries so hard to make things fit the explanation instead of the other way around. We often end up missing what is actually happening. Not everything is measurable or fits the schedule and so many other things are happening at the same time. We cannot separate our rationalization of what it should be like from the point of view of who is narrating the story and the context in which it happens. A cervix dilating can only exist within everything else that is happening in a woman's body, her child's body, their minds,the environment they are in, the people around, etc.

When someone feels a contraction, the discourse around it depends on the socially constructed notions the she has learned. The question 'Is this really labour?' carries a meaning with consequences much deeper than whether or not to do whatever one plans to do for the birth. It can be seen as a step (not the first though) in the person's denial of their instincts, submission to scientific discourse trying to regulate her body, etc

I find that even when we start out with the intention of avoiding the medical model, we often replay it, just in a more natural way. We will try all kinds of things to get labour started, will talk about our due date, will use the same language doctors use, etc. In the end, that approach might lead to being empowered for taking charge of things, but it is still working within the same oppressive system.

I think 'medical' knowledge is great to have but should always be looked at critically and we need to keep in mind the where the 'voice' we are listening to comes from.

Sorry for the rambling, just a long way of saying that one thing that is great to keep in mind during pregnancy is to forget about what 'knowledge' says and just let it happen. The second we name something and try to analyze it, we take away some of its meaning so why would we want to do that while it is happening (like during a birth).

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#77 of 111 Old 06-15-2008, 11:53 PM
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yes, i do agree.
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#78 of 111 Old 06-16-2008, 12:19 AM
 
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good point soso-lynn i like the way you explained that, it really makes a lot of sense

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#79 of 111 Old 06-16-2008, 02:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by soso-lynn View Post
Except for the politics of birth, which are another topic, what always reminds me of Foucault (The Archaeology of Knowledge, 1972, mainly) is when I think about labour per se. The way it is so often talked about, (BH contractions preparing the uterus, cervix ripening then dilating slightly until some kind of signal starts labour, regular contractions causing the cervix to dilate until 10cm and pushing stage, etc ) tries so hard to make things fit the explanation instead of the other way around. We often end up missing what is actually happening. Not everything is measurable or fits the schedule and so many other things are happening at the same time. We cannot separate our rationalization of what it should be like from the point of view of who is narrating the story and the context in which it happens. A cervix dilating can only exist within everything else that is happening in a woman's body, her child's body, their minds,the environment they are in, the people around, etc.

When someone feels a contraction, the discourse around it depends on the socially constructed notions the she has learned. The question 'Is this really labour?' carries a meaning with consequences much deeper than whether or not to do whatever one plans to do for the birth. It can be seen as a step (not the first though) in the person's denial of their instincts, submission to scientific discourse trying to regulate her body, etc

I find that even when we start out with the intention of avoiding the medical model, we often replay it, just in a more natural way. We will try all kinds of things to get labour started, will talk about our due date, will use the same language doctors use, etc. In the end, that approach might lead to being empowered for taking charge of things, but it is still working within the same oppressive system.

I think 'medical' knowledge is great to have but should always be looked at critically and we need to keep in mind the where the 'voice' we are listening to comes from.

Sorry for the rambling, just a long way of saying that one thing that is great to keep in mind during pregnancy is to forget about what 'knowledge' says and just let it happen. The second we name something and try to analyze it, we take away some of its meaning so why would we want to do that while it is happening (like during a birth).
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#80 of 111 Old 06-16-2008, 10:54 AM
 
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I wish I had been more prepared last time. I also wish I had the presence of mind to kick my mother out of the room. Had she not been there, DH never would have listened to her telling him to call 911, even though I was telling him everything was fine. It resulted in a completely unnecessary transfer, and my perfect UC was ruined. She will not be at this birth (my choice and hers, apparently it freaked her out enough last time), instead DH will walk the kids across the street to have her watch them if necessary.

My birth happened so fast (2 hour labor, 20 minutes of pushing), I felt out of control. This time I'm planning on having a lot more ready and set up beforehand. I also have a homebirth m/w for backup care, and she is aware of my UC plans (and fully supportive), so she will be on the way when the baby comes (that's the plan anyway). It will be nice to know she's coming to check the baby out just in case. Mostly for DH's peace of mind, I wish he wasn't so scared of UC. He admits it's his own personal hangups, that he needs to get over, before the birth. Or else HE won't be invited!

Mom to DD#1 8/04, nursed 43 months, DD#2 8/06, nursed 21 months and DD#3 9/08, still nursing strong
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#81 of 111 Old 06-16-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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I haven't UC'ed (yet? ) but I wish I'd just known to *trust* my body. Forget all the stuff I'd read, all the stuff I'd seen, just to live in the moment and trust that things would happen the right way.

I'm another who has never experienced "transition" the way they talk about it in books. At some point during each of my labors, I threw up, thought I would die, and had the chills. However, there was no rhyme/reason/timeline.

You're not a failure if you experience pain. Everyone experiences labor and birth differently, and my labor/birth experiences have all been painful. Survivable? Totally. But I'd never describe them as pain-free. Joyous? Heck, yeah! Especially my last birth. But still really painful.

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#82 of 111 Old 06-17-2008, 01:43 AM
 
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#83 of 111 Old 06-17-2008, 12:53 PM
 
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Hey, a few people have mentioned that they felt like things were out of control when the labour was going so fast. Although I had some gentle cramping for a few hours, I consider mine to be about two hours because that's when I actually woke up from my water breaking and moved from the bed to the toilet. Anyway, if that happens to anyone else, I want you to know that I thought it was a GOOD thing. I was really tired and uncomfortable and very ready to not be in labour anymore! I wasn't in a lot of pain, I just ... well, I was sweaty and sitting on a toilet and my butt hurt lol

Just keep in mind it may be that "fast". You wont get ripped off; you still get to see your baby in the end! And that's the best part!

The baby is coming no matter what you do, so don't hope for a longer labour, youve already had 9 months to get used to the idea!
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#84 of 111 Old 06-17-2008, 06:55 PM
 
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totally longer baby moon. more frozen dinners.

for birth itself I think no to the chux pads. they rubbed against each other and I almost landed on my butt in transition! old towels. go to the dollar store if you haven't been on the earth long enough to have old towels.

and considering I'm a grieving mother, appreciate every single scream, spit up, poop, sleepless nights. matter of perspective.

give your babies extra hugs for me.

wife since 1992; mom to: J 7-95; H 5-98; C 2-03; S 4-05; Micah Zachary born still UC 4-08; UM 9-08; due June 2010
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#85 of 111 Old 06-17-2008, 10:16 PM
 
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and considering I'm a grieving mother, appreciate every single scream, spit up, poop, sleepless nights. matter of perspective.
Oh Cuddlebaby, I just read parts of your blog, including Micah's birth story. I am so, so sorry about the loss of your son! Please know you're in my thoughts and prayers!
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#86 of 111 Old 06-18-2008, 01:26 AM
 
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i wish i knew how fast it was going to go.

really. the biggest thing, the placenta, i only had a basic knowledge of its appearance and mistakened afterbirth for a torn placenta. i didnt think itd take too long to come out. so we thought the aforementioned afterbirth was the placenta and decided to cut the cord (i wanted to go lotus) for no reason.

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#87 of 111 Old 06-18-2008, 03:54 AM
 
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Totally subbing. You will not catch me within 10 miles of a hospital my next go round. Evil places.

Great thread!
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#88 of 111 Old 06-18-2008, 08:39 AM
 
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and considering I'm a grieving mother, appreciate every single scream, spit up, poop, sleepless nights. matter of perspective.

give your babies extra hugs for me.

Mom to DD#1 8/04, nursed 43 months, DD#2 8/06, nursed 21 months and DD#3 9/08, still nursing strong
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#89 of 111 Old 06-19-2008, 01:09 AM
 
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Micah Zachary

big hugs momma!!!

Lee Ann ~ SAHM to Carolina(4)uc.jpg, Aurora (2)uc.jpg, and belly.gifwith #3 - due in December!
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#90 of 111 Old 06-21-2008, 06:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Collinsky View Post
And I wish I'd known that waterbirth really was THAT big a difference.
is it truly? I'm scared I'll tear because no one is there to massage me? is that true?

Danielle, wife to John, mama to Valley9.24.07
expecting our miracle babies around 5.12.10- praying that baby B grows healthy and strong!
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