UC alone? Need encouragement and advice. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 05:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi ladies. My DH is stationed in Fl I live in GA and he won't be here for the birth of our 2nd child. I am currently living with my mother until DH is done with training in October. She is all for a homebirth with a MW which I don't want to use.

I just need some words of encouragement about going through this alone. If my mother happens to find out that I'm in labor, she will probably call 911 or try to drag me to a hospital. I just want my baby born in a peaceful enviroment.

Has anyone gone through a UC alone?

Thanks,

Chelci

 Chelci  Anthony, parents to:  E- 11/2006, A- 07/2008, and K- 09/2014.
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#2 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 07:27 PM
 
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I'm sorry that I don't have any experience with UC to share with you, but one thought: I know of some midwives in my area (far from you, alas) who are fine with the idea of sitting quietly in the next room and respecting your right to birth your own child. If the alternatives are your mother flipping out and calling 911 and you ending up in the hospital, or a homebirth with a midwife, maybe you could find a midwife who would be agreeable with being on-hand but not involved? Just a thought. I wish you a happy, healthy birth that turns out just the way you want it.
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#3 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 07:39 PM
 
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What if you went and checked yourself into a hotel at the start of labor? Tell her you're going out shopping and come back with a baby.

What about doing sort of shadow care with the midwife? If your mom's okay with that, I guess her freaking out and calling in the mw is better than her freaking out and calling 911, at least. I can't tell from how you said it whether it's a particular mw you're opposed to, or that you're completely opposed to birthing with a mw. But if it's the former maybe you can find someone else? I think it might be best to have a contingent plan and plenty of options, kwim?

Especially in light of recent thread, I think it's important to note that even if someone calls 911 you have every right to refuse treatment! And if she somehow physically makes you enter the hospital you can refuse to sign the consent forms. As long as you are over 18 and not under some kind of court order, they cannot make you do anything.
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#4 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 07:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks ladies. I am over 18 and I guess I don't mind having a midwife but I am more worried about the fact that I have no money to pay out of pocket and we all know how iffy insurance companies are about paying. It really is in my heart to do this without a midwife. It's just what I want to do and I finally got my husband to agree eventhough he isn't here. Plus, isn't it a little late to get a midwife. I'm already in my 35th week and DS came at 36 weeks.

 Chelci  Anthony, parents to:  E- 11/2006, A- 07/2008, and K- 09/2014.
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#5 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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Hi! You CAN do this alone if it is what you want... I kind of liked the hotel idea because it would give you your own private space- which I think anyone needs to feel at most ease while birthing. There is a high likelyhood that I will be having an alone UC based on circumstances and driving distances- so it is something I have thought about alot over the last few months. I visualize what it will be like and it feels right to me. I do know there are some alone UC stories in the birth story section- they might help you if you read them... Do you have a good friend that could be with you at a hotel to help? What about calling some doulas and seeing if there are any UC friendly ones? They are out there and will usually work with you on payments if you needed to.
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#6 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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If you wanted a midwife, it would definitely not be too late to go find one.

If your mother is the entire reason for having a midwife, then your mother should be offering to pay for one, in an ideal world

Is your mom likely to come over or call during your labor?

It sounds like you really have your heart set on UC, so getting that in as peaceful a setting as possible would be ideal.
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#7 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 09:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What I want is for my husband to be here but that's not possible. So.. I would like to have my mother's support, not help with things but just support in my decision. I guess I can do this alone if I really put my mind to it.

 Chelci  Anthony, parents to:  E- 11/2006, A- 07/2008, and K- 09/2014.
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#8 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 11:36 PM
 
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Hey Chelci, you are SUCH a strong woman (gosh, I feel like a stalker because I've read about you here and another site, ), I'm totally so proud of you! I know how you feel about your mom, when we had dd, my mom was visitting, and she is VERY controlling. I tried SO hard to be quiet and didn't get loud until transition...and she woke up. She was actually tolerable though, she didn't do anything rash...boy would she have been in trouble if she did. I did have dh here though with me to boot her out of the area if she became a problem. You CAN do this Chelci...I know how badly you want this, you can do it. I'll pray for you to have a quick, quiet, night labor and delivery and she can wake up happily to her new grandbaby the next day.

Husband and Wife 4/03, Ds1 9/03, Dd1 8/06, Ds2 12/08, Dd2 due 1/11...bfing, co-sleeping, cding, ecing, bwing, ucing, no-more vaxing, no-more circ'ing, hsing, conservative Christian family.
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#9 of 12 Old 07-10-2008, 11:40 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CTH3989 View Post
What I want is for my husband to be here but that's not possible. So.. I would like to have my mother's support, not help with things but just support in my decision. I guess I can do this alone if I really put my mind to it.
Sorry I used the word "want" instead of a better one... Of course you want your DH there. Is your mom someone you could talk to about planning to stay at home and UC? Would she be supportive if you had a plan and she knew what it consisted of? Sometimes unsupportive people are just that way because they don't have the knowledge to understand your choice.
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#10 of 12 Old 07-11-2008, 08:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think I'm going to try talking to her and explaining how I feel, my reasons for feeling that way and maybe make a plan and present it to her. Thanks ladies!

 Chelci  Anthony, parents to:  E- 11/2006, A- 07/2008, and K- 09/2014.
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#11 of 12 Old 07-12-2008, 01:12 PM
 
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If your mom can't/won't get on board with UC, you might be able to get someone to watch you lo while you birth. My dh and dd were in a hotel room with me while I birthed ds, but it was all me. No physical support, it was just nice to have them there (and not have dd climbing on me!). My daughter loved seeing her brother being born, she watched quietly from my husband's arms and then pointed and said "baby!" when she got to meet him.

If you go to a hotel room just make sure you have a couple shower curtains and drop cloths and lots of towels and receiving blankets and your own set of sheets and blankets to rest on since hotel rooms are kinda grungey and you won't want yourself or you new babe touching anything.

But for me, birthing on my own was exactly what I needed. I'm sorry your dh can't be there with you.

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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#12 of 12 Old 07-13-2008, 02:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the advice.

 Chelci  Anthony, parents to:  E- 11/2006, A- 07/2008, and K- 09/2014.
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