Why did you decide UC over HB w/ Midwife? - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-20-2008, 02:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just a little curious as to the reasons why some would choose unassisted childbirth over a midwife assisted homebirth. I'm trying to weigh everything out.

Feedback would be great!

Thanks, Erica

Erica, wife to Jason (March 2002) . Mama to Ava (June 2003) , Jason Jr. [AKA JJ] (August 2004) , Lila (January 2009) , Maura (October 2010) , and a new person in December 2012!
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Old 07-20-2008, 02:49 PM
 
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For me, it was an easy choice. I HAD a MW for one of my births, and though she was nice enough and we hit it off well, and all, she was "in my way".

I felt like I was performing rather than giving birth. I felt I had to "entertain" her rather than do my thing. I was constantly worried about her feelings, bothering her, and such rather than being able to focus on me.

And I felt that what she "did" for me was nothing more than what I or my DH could do for ourselves, and therefore it was a waste of money (a big deal to us).

So from that point on, it was UC all the way. And I have never regretted it.

Any misspellings or grammatical errors in the above statement are intentional;
they are placed there for the amusement of those who like to point them out.
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Old 07-20-2008, 03:00 PM
 
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Honestly, homebirth just popped into my head and I thought I could do it myself. Also, after a while I started looking at midwives and they cost a lot and I don't have the money and I'm sure my insurance won't cover it. I think I can do this myself and I would rather do it that way.

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Old 07-20-2008, 03:01 PM
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for me, it just made total sense.

i read Jeanine Parvati Baker's book Prenatal Yoga. In that, she recounts her UC. When i read it, i was both intregued and inspired. i talked with my husband about it, and we both felt that it was right for us.

this was probably 5-6 years ago now.

we both realized also that we'd need to work through a lot of social conditioning, fears, etc--and so we spent a lot of time doing that as well as researching birth and it's natural processes.

and here we are 34.5 weeks and excited to UC our first!
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Old 07-20-2008, 03:31 PM
 
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I had two births with midwives and just knew I could do it myself. Some of my complaints from my first births were the midwives directing me at times I didn't need it. I had two UC's and have loved them both!

Wendi
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Old 07-20-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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Unfortunately a lot of complaints about OBs and hospitals still apply to midwives. They have certain things they HAVE to do or risk losing their liscence. I know a lot of midwives that don't let you go past 42 weeks (although at least they give you those extra 2 weeks that OB's don't). Our local midwife starts giving "cocktails" at 41 weeks to get the baby out. Some midwives will tell you that you can't birth at home if you are GBS+. Some still have restrictions on how long they can "allow" you to wait for the placenta before they start to interfere.

I do know a local "illegal" midwife (she's a DEM, and they're technically not allowed to practice here in VA) who, simply because she's not legal, doesn't have to follow the same rules. If I felt I needed a midwife, it would definitely be her. As it is, she's on call in case DH gets nervous and needs someone to check with, or if something goes wrong, ect. But I don't plan on needing her at all. She UC'd her own children, and is totally supportive of me doing the same.

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Old 07-20-2008, 04:27 PM
 
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http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/...tmidwives.html

http://www.unassistedchildbirth.com/uc/lindahessel.html

Articles on midwives from the Bornfree site.

Momma to DS1 4/5/06 nursed with IGT to self-weaning at 27 months, DS2 1/20/09 still nursing, DS3 due late November - planning to tandem with IGT and SNS
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Old 07-20-2008, 04:32 PM
 
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It's just not that simple, for me at least. The nearest midwife is 4 1/2 hours away, so I even if I was willing to travel that far for prenatal care and pay that much for prenatal care, the birth would no longer be a home birth. I'd either be in the hospital or a hotel room, neither of which appeal to me.

Erica
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Old 07-20-2008, 04:55 PM
 
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it's not a simple answer as there are so many facets to why Im choosing to UC this time....but I don't want to be managed, I don't want the energy of fear or anxiousness from the midwife at my birth when I birth outside their comfort zone, (ie time limits, post-dates, prolonged rupture of membranes, big baby, breech, twins, vbac...and the list goes on to much more mundane items) I believe in midwifery and thus consider myself one, but when it comes to the almight liscense, it seems the essence of MW goes out the door.
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Old 07-20-2008, 06:28 PM
 
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As I told my mother, I am tired of inviting people that I don't really know and have no particular bond with to my birth.

I had a mw-attended homebirth with ds. She arrived all of thirty minutes before he was born, and the only things I remember her doing are those that annoyed me greatly. She was in the way, fundamentally, and sometimes I wonder if he'd been born even sooner if she'd not been there. Who knows, though, right?

Kash, homeschooling mommy to Gillian (8/5/00) and Jacob (3/23/05)
and Brigid Eleanor (11/20/08)
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Old 07-20-2008, 06:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JERENAUD View Post
It's just not that simple, for me at least. The nearest midwife is 4 1/2 hours away, so I even if I was willing to travel that far for prenatal care and pay that much for prenatal care, the birth would no longer be a home birth. I'd either be in the hospital or a hotel room, neither of which appeal to me.

Erica
: Plus I don't like being interfered with. It's your body after all. Better to educate yourself than to blindly trust someone who may not know as much as you think they do.

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rainbow1284.gif baby.gif  Cole 2/3/14 ♡ Happily unmarried to geek.gif Papa since 2002 ♡

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Old 07-20-2008, 07:56 PM
 
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i have had one hospital birth with a midwife, one homebirth with a midwife and one UC (a second UC happening any day now).

through my birthing journey, i have learned that for me, no one belongs at my birth that isnt going to be in my life forever. i believe that childbirth is designed to take place within a family unit. a 'midwife', in the distant past, might have been your mother or grandma. i personally would not want even that distant a relative in my childbirth space. for me, the only appropriate spectators are my own husband and children. even they are questionable and leave me be mostly in birth.

how often do you vomit in public? pee? cry in pain? these are all things that i have had to do in front of people i do not even know. not to mention allow them to observe and touch my genitalia while i gave birth. i can see abandoning the need for privacy if i felt i was in grave danger and needed medical help. but i would never plan to have an audience again.

pregnancy & birth also tends to open me up and make me vulnerable to people around me. then, at 6-8 wks postpartum, my hired midwife just stops coming. because she was hired help. it just doesnt work out for me.

Hi, I'm Tabitha. I'm a homeschooling mother of four: ds (11) dd (9) ds (7) ds (5) And I'm expecting a fifth in 2014! Find me at http://www.omelay.blogspot.com
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Old 07-20-2008, 08:06 PM
 
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I'd also had MW asisted birth before my UC.

I chose UC becuase thats how I saw birth. I always have since I was a kid dreamed about just popping a baby out without any interference. It had little to nothing to do with any of my other births.

after my UC I chose a mw attendant for the next birth. The reasons were unrelated to the UC, or any other births.

Carrie, The Birthteacher CCE and Doula, real mom to five; and womb-mom to G. born at 23w by emergency C. 12/09
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:13 PM
 
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I don't feel I have a choice but to UC. There is only 1 midwife who will practice in our entire state and the ones I had previously will not cross state lines anymore to come here. The 1 midwife I did talk to on the phone 2 times- but she gave me a spirit of fear about birth and I decided we were definitely not a match. So... Here we are... hours, days, weeks? away from our first UC.

It wouldn't be my first choice. BUT... The alternative of going to the hospital isn't a choice unless we needed to.

I have learned a lot about myself already through this journey. I have been surprised by reactions of different people in our lives to our decision- some good, some bad. I am finding that I am having to place my trust in God and in myself a lot more than any other human. This is empowering and frightening all in one. I am looking forward to our journey and seeing where this choice takes us...
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Old 07-20-2008, 09:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Moonprysm View Post
This is perfect quote from the article:
"The fact is, too many midwives give lip service to the idea that "women know how to give birth!" They tell women to trust their bodies and believe in their own abilities - but not to the point of giving birth without them."
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Old 07-20-2008, 10:04 PM
 
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there are a lot of really interesting responses here, and Im doing a paper on UC and the midwives role in SUPPORTING it as an acceptable option. I'd love it if some of you would give permission to be quoted. I could use your sn or a fake name if you dont want your name on it. I would really appreciate it! Pm me if you wouldnt mind! thanks

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Old 07-20-2008, 10:47 PM
 
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I had 3 easy births at a birth center with wonderful midwives. I chose to stay home because driving in labor is a pain and my last birth had been so fast I wasn't sure I would make it to the birth center anyway. My dh felt confident that we could do it alone so there was no issue there.
I don't have any complaints about the midwives I used- I loved them. It just seemed a little silly to go through all the getting ready, dropping kids off somewhere and then just turning around and coming back home a few hours later with a baby in the car.
Our UC was a fabulous experience and I'm glad we did this as it will most likely be our last baby.

mama to 4 boys, 2 kitties and 42 chickens
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Old 07-21-2008, 12:15 AM
 
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I interviewed a midwife, the only one in town who I would even go near, and she and I didn't click. I saw her later at a birth I attended and I was not at all impressed. I made the correct choice when I gave birth in the most dysfunctional way a week later. She would have insisted on a transport and that would have been an unpleasant altercation.

As the hospital wasn't an option, we decided to UC. And it was the correct choice for those circumstances.

I chose a midwife attended birth for my twins and it too, was the correct choice.
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Old 07-21-2008, 04:08 AM
 
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I was feeling like a watched pot during my mw assisted birth so much so that my transition was over 3 hours. One of the mws that was attending complained about the apt being too cold and asked to turn the heat up. (*I* was definitley not cold laboring.) She also complained that we didn't have any food for her to eat. We were already leaning towards UC and that sealed it for me.

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Old 07-21-2008, 09:24 PM
 
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because I am the EXPERT of my body.
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Old 07-21-2008, 10:04 PM
 
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Stories that showed that midwives are just as capable of lying throughout a pregnancy as doctors. I would have compromised on having a midwife attended birth if my dh had not been on board, but would have done so making sure that the midwife understood that I was quite ready to kick her out if I felt hindered.
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Old 07-21-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by belchers1 View Post
Just a little curious as to the reasons why some would choose unassisted childbirth over a midwife assisted homebirth. I'm trying to weigh everything out.

Feedback would be great!

Thanks, Erica
I didn't choose it 'over' another thing. For me, a family-attended home birth is the default mode of doing things. We can add from there if there's ever a need. There's never been a need, thus, no midwife. It's that simple.
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Old 07-22-2008, 04:43 AM
 
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I had my UC in March and had been planning one for the last eight years. I like to be alone and I'm not really that fond of women since I've not gotten along with many, so I always felt that I wanted to be alone without anyone around me. Just the thought of someone else being in my house, talking to me, asking me questions, or even touching me irritated me. I just knew I wanted quiet and peace during labor and not be bothered.

I'm glad I didn't have my midwives there, too. They did my prenatal care and did show up - uninvited - while I was in labor, but my husband met them in the driveway and shooed them away.

Having my husband around while I was in labor was utterly infuriating. Every time he made noise or spoke, I would get so angry and kept telling him to "shut up!" He just wouldn't. Arrrggh!

If I'd have had a midwife wanting to constantly check the baby or ask me any questions or even LOOK at me during my 21 hours of painful back labor with a 5 hour transition, I probably would have put my fist through her teeth.

I'd like my mom to be there for my second birth though, and not my husband. It was really an "I want my mommy" kind of moment and I know she would be more respectful of my wishes than my husband was and she'd stay very quiet and just hold my hand. I wish she didn't live on the other side of the planet

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Old 07-22-2008, 02:53 PM
 
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For me, it was an easy choice. I HAD a MW for one of my births, and though she was nice enough and we hit it off well, and all, she was "in my way".

I felt like I was performing rather than giving birth. I felt I had to "entertain" her rather than do my thing. I was constantly worried about her feelings, bothering her, and such rather than being able to focus on me.

And I felt that what she "did" for me was nothing more than what I or my DH could do for ourselves, and therefore it was a waste of money (a big deal to us).

So from that point on, it was UC all the way. And I have never regretted it.
what she said! they don't 'do' anything, the good ones don't do anything but catch the baby. and that doesn't require anything special. (I won't let anyone do many tests)

in our area there is no homebirth mw's. so our only choice is cnm in a hospital, let's just not 'go' there. I've had those births and they were great except for that stupid DRIVE to the germ invested hospital. I figured to just skip that part and I'd have a perfect birth. almost happened.

wife since 1992; mom to: J 7-95; H 5-98; C 2-03; S 4-05; Micah Zachary born still UC 4-08; UM 9-08; due June 2010
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Old 07-23-2008, 08:51 AM
 
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I like to be alone and I'm not really that fond of women since I've not gotten along with many, so I always felt that I wanted to be alone without anyone around me. Just the thought of someone else being in my house, talking to me, asking me questions, or even touching me irritated me. I just knew I wanted quiet and peace during labor and not be bothered.
I feel exactly like this.

But even if I wanted a midwife, there are none where I live. With hospital being the only alternative, I very much hope that there won't be any problems and I can stay at home.
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Old 07-23-2008, 07:09 PM
 
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My intuition told me the entire time I was pregnant that I needed to have my baby by myself. I met a mw and there was nothing wrong with her but I found the meeting to be incredibly stressful. I had a wonderful labor and birth with just my dh and 20 mo dd present. It was just what I needed to do to birth safely.

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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Old 07-23-2008, 09:24 PM
 
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To be 100% honest, my MW sucked. : I didn't like her from day one but had little choice in the matter, she was the only one around and my family felt they couldn't do it without her. But we ended up doing it without her and my DH decided that no more putting up with MWs that we don't like.
so now we are in full swing of our second baby and ready to show her the world without having to deal with people! :

Free Birthing, Non-Vaxxing, Non Circ'ing, Baby wearing, Bed-sharing, Breastfeeding Momma of 2 toddlers and pregnant with our 3rd UC baby. Student Doula and Future Midwife
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Old 07-24-2008, 12:08 AM
 
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I couldn't afford a midwife. And I didn't really want one. Hospital was not an option. H talked me out of a UC with my first because we lived 1 1/2 hours from the nearest hospital ( & over 5 hours from the nearest midwife, even I'd wanted one). I wound up with an unnecessary cesarean. There was no way either of us were willing to go back to the hospital.

I'm really glad I didn't have a midwife, I think it would have driven me nuts. I had a doula-in-training friend over for the last hour or so (she came so h could have a break & get some reassurance). I think about how much pain I was in and how annoyed I am with myself for not doing something "better", but none of it upsets me as much as remembering her 'checking' to see if she could see the head or her telling me to push. I just ignored her and pushed the way I wanted, which resulted in absolutely no tearing despite ds2 coming out lot.

In my ideal world, there's no one but me & the baby. I just need to figure out how to take pictures in labour......

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Old 07-24-2008, 02:20 PM
 
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I read a book that described a peaceful birth in Laos when I was in school. The woman birthed by herself as that was culturally typical for her. I figured, if she can do it, I can do it- we're both humans aren't we?

So I did.

Mommy to DD March 2008, DS July 2010
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Old 07-24-2008, 06:42 PM
 
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After 3 typical hospital births and being turned down by the only homebirth MW on the Kitsap peninsula for my 3rd birth I didn't trust that I would be able to get a MW.I moved to HI at 29 weeks with my 4th and did find two homebirth MW online but I lived in mililtary housing which required ID and my fears of being turned down again for flimsy rules,the very real possibility that the MW wouldn't get there in time (my previous labors were 5 hrs,2 hrs,50 minutes) I just figured UC would actually be safest and best for me.It was the most relaxed birth with none of the hullabaloo that happens at a hospital birth or even what I imagine must occur at a homebirth in order for the MW to follow the rules.

joy.gifme, herding 5 critters a cat and a dog. DS 11/01, DS 10/04, DD 2/06, DS 5/07 and DD 9/10

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