What to do if baby is stillborn or dies soon after birth? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-05-2008, 04:53 PM
 
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I affirm that lots of families would want to keep this to themselves as a private affair.
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Old 09-05-2008, 05:00 PM
 
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It's not a standard, it's a legal requirement. A previous poster has confirmed that in the US, as in PR and my own country, it is legally obliged that you record the death of a baby born after 24 weeks gestation. By talking about making a choice about what's best for your family, you are talking about breaking the law.
IME, that day is going to be hell on earth anyhow. So will the next, and then the next. It took me a long time before I stopped grieving the little details of her birth, the cutting of her cord, the attempts to resuscitate her that HAD to be given though we all knew it wasn't possible, and realised that that wasn't what I was angry about. I was focussing on the individual memories because it stopped me thinking about the really big fact that my child was dead.
flapjack, your post just brought tears to my eyes. Hugs to you! And I agree with your post. As an EMT and RN I was called to a stillbirth at home and although we tried everything under the sun to help the baby out, he was gone. The other EMTs and I allowed the mother, father and baby to be alone as long as they wanted, the mom was in no distress physically and I know it is not the same, but I feel comforted knowing at least she had those few precious moments alone with her family until we had to take over. I am very sorry for your loss mama flapjack
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Old 09-05-2008, 05:10 PM
 
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are you two in the US? I Had to have the county attorney sign the death certificate since no dr was there for the death and autopsy not required and not done.
Yes, we are in Illinois.
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Old 09-05-2008, 06:40 PM
 
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It's not a standard, it's a legal requirement
I know that flapjack. I would however, break the law for many reasons if it felt right and if it was the best thing for my family. I wouldn't expect anyone else to feel this way though, and I respect whatever choice any family would make in this situation. It's just that the law would not be my primary concern.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

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Old 09-05-2008, 06:44 PM
 
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I'd like to add here ~ I'm only posting in response to the original posters questions. This is the UC forum and there are going to be mamas here who may go about things in an unusual way, or perhaps a way that is not considered the norm. (or even in alignment with laws). This is not a commentary on what anyone has done or should do, it is simply said to show the possibilities for some.

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Old 09-05-2008, 07:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mama in the forest View Post
I know that flapjack. I would however, break the law for many reasons if it felt right and if it was the best thing for my family. I wouldn't expect anyone else to feel this way though, and I respect whatever choice any family would make in this situation. It's just that the law would not be my primary concern.
While I understand your desire to keep things private please understand if you choose to not report the death of an infant that is born after the age of viability there is a chance that you could be prosecuted if anyone ever finds out about the death of your child and that you did not report it. I would think that notifying authorities at the time of death would be much easier than having to explain at a later date why you did not notify the state at the time of death.
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Old 09-05-2008, 07:54 PM
 
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Yeah, this.

Or, just go to the hospital when you are in labour. You seem to be concerned.
I think this is a legitimate question, and it's good to ask it ahead of time. It might seem like she is expressing doubts with UC, but I would wager most pregnant women have worried about something happening to their babies, and have wondered how they would handle it, no matter where they choose to give birth. And we all know that babies can be stillborn or die at birth, no matter how much we do to avoid that situation.
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Old 09-05-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Unoppressed MAMA Q View Post
I affirm that lots of families would want to keep this to themselves as a private affair.
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Originally Posted by mama in the forest View Post
I know that flapjack. I would however, break the law for many reasons if it felt right and if it was the best thing for my family. I wouldn't expect anyone else to feel this way though, and I respect whatever choice any family would make in this situation. It's just that the law would not be my primary concern.

I'm very sorry for your loss.
ITA with both of you.
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Old 09-05-2008, 08:17 PM
 
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I got this from my Bradley materials (written by Martha Kirtley):

1. Hold the baby. If it is stillborn or deformed, still hold your baby. Look for the good things - pretty hair, beautiful skin, texture, nice features, etc. This may seem very painful at the time, but will be very important to you later.

2. Keep one or more mementoes of your baby. Clothes, toys, footprints, photos, something. Later on, you will want these.

3. Name your baby.

4. Hold a memorial service for your baby. If you cannot face a full-flegded funeral service, hold a private, family service in a small chapel or home. This will help you say goodbye.

5. Realize that both of you may feel unusual physical and or emotional effects of the grief. It is very common to have sleep or appetite dsiturbances following such an experience.

6. Realize that each person grieves differently. Everyone works through the process of morning at different rates. This is normal, but can cause maritial difficulties if not recognized. Even if baby survives, you may go through a process resembling mourning. Hang on and try to keep communicating with each other.

7. Wait to start another pregnancy until you are fully recovered... Each child is different and you cannot replace a sick or dead baby.

8. Get in touch with a support group. There are increasing numbers of support groups all over the country. Call local social/psychiatic/information services to find one in your area.

Expecting a boy? Be sure to check out MDC's Case Against Circumcision!
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Old 09-05-2008, 10:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So far this thread has become quite informative. I am thankful for all the honest answers and for the answers showing how the law works as well. Since I live in a (small) city, I would definitely have to have the death confirmed if it should sadly happen.

I personally feel that it is possible we would feel up to driving our child to the hospital rather than calling an ambulance especially since we don't have insurance and I live 2 minutes from the hospital in a place with low traffic. We will study up on infant CPR and all that before the birth but I do not feel that an ambulance would make a huge difference in my case (depending on the emergency.)

Would it be legal for my husband to drive our child to the hospital rather than call 911 in case there is an emergency?

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Old 09-07-2008, 05:23 AM
 
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Yup, but I'd call 911 and ask them to let the hospital know you're coming. I personally would go too, and leave the cord intact until that moment where you can ask someone else to help- because there might not be no pulse. There might be a very slow, weak pulse which is very hard to feel. It's a slim chance, but it's there.

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Old 09-07-2008, 07:08 PM
 
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It's perfectly legal to transport to the hospital. About half of patients presenting to emergency rooms in the U.S. are non-ambulance arrivals.

I would keep the number of the closest ER and call directly if I were transporting, rather than calling 911, since 911 dispatchers' jobs require them to get your address, insist that you stay put and on the phone, and send emergency vehicles to the address if there's an emergency. On the other hand, they are very good at giving directions for CPR and rescue breathing, so if you need a walkthrough, 911 would be best to call.
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Old 09-08-2008, 12:11 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Cuddlebaby View Post
this DID happen to me. and while I did call 911 and ambulance came, in hindsight I would not have. I should have just called the mortuary. Then I could have delivered the placenta in peace and had another hour or two with Micah while he was still looking good. I didn't like it when he got blotchy which happened pretty quickly as I was yelling at the OB to not pull on the cord.....had such a peaceful birth, I just with the latter half had been too. I would have been able to hold him longer....
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Old 09-08-2008, 12:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by My*Scorpio View Post
I got this from my Bradley materials (written by Martha Kirtley):

1. Hold the baby. If it is stillborn or deformed, still hold your baby. Look for the good things - pretty hair, beautiful skin, texture, nice features, etc. This may seem very painful at the time, but will be very important to you later.

2. Keep one or more mementoes of your baby. Clothes, toys, footprints, photos, something. Later on, you will want these.

3. Name your baby.

4. Hold a memorial service for your baby. If you cannot face a full-flegded funeral service, hold a private, family service in a small chapel or home. This will help you say goodbye.

5. Realize that both of you may feel unusual physical and or emotional effects of the grief. It is very common to have sleep or appetite dsiturbances following such an experience.

6. Realize that each person grieves differently. Everyone works through the process of morning at different rates. This is normal, but can cause maritial difficulties if not recognized. Even if baby survives, you may go through a process resembling mourning. Hang on and try to keep communicating with each other.

7. Wait to start another pregnancy until you are fully recovered... Each child is different and you cannot replace a sick or dead baby.

8. Get in touch with a support group. There are increasing numbers of support groups all over the country. Call local social/psychiatic/information services to find one in your area.


This is exactly what we did when I lost my 3rd baby at 12 wks along. It was hugely important to me to have this sort of closure, even if the baby wasn't viable or even recognized as a child by most. To me, she is my daughter and to my children she is their sister. And her name is Adia.

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Old 09-09-2008, 12:44 PM
 
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How many weeks pregnant do you have to be before it becomes a legal requirement to report the death?

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Old 09-09-2008, 02:14 PM
 
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How many weeks pregnant do you have to be before it becomes a legal requirement to report the death?
I believe that the exact age varies by state but I would guess that most states are somewhere around 24 weeks.
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Old 09-13-2008, 05:12 PM
 
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Just a quick note on this- I am an RN in OBGYN and we have revived babies born with no heart rate and not breathing. It did require CPR though (specifically we use Neonatal Resuscitation Protocol here). These babies always go to NICU. But it is possible with CPR- only though if the heart has just stopped beating right before the baby came out. There are just a few short minutes that his will work. But with UC, if you're not checking the heart rate during labor, then there's no way to know how long it's been. So it would be worth trying the CPR with chest compressions and breathing. BTW, I am supportive of UC and planning my own next year with our eighth baby. Mainly so far just lurking here to gather info for our birth. Thanks to everyone for all their info and insights!
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Old 09-14-2008, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ChantelMonet,

Thanks, this was very useful info. It's nice to see those in the medical field that are supportive of UC.

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Old 09-15-2008, 10:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by My*Scorpio View Post
I got this from my Bradley materials (written by Martha Kirtley):

1. Hold the baby. If it is stillborn or deformed, still hold your baby. Look for the good things - pretty hair, beautiful skin, texture, nice features, etc. This may seem very painful at the time, but will be very important to you later.

2. Keep one or more mementoes of your baby. Clothes, toys, footprints, photos, something. Later on, you will want these.

3. Name your baby.

4. Hold a memorial service for your baby. If you cannot face a full-flegded funeral service, hold a private, family service in a small chapel or home. This will help you say goodbye.

5. Realize that both of you may feel unusual physical and or emotional effects of the grief. It is very common to have sleep or appetite dsiturbances following such an experience.

6. Realize that each person grieves differently. Everyone works through the process of morning at different rates. This is normal, but can cause maritial difficulties if not recognized. Even if baby survives, you may go through a process resembling mourning. Hang on and try to keep communicating with each other.

7. Wait to start another pregnancy until you are fully recovered... Each child is different and you cannot replace a sick or dead baby.

8. Get in touch with a support group. There are increasing numbers of support groups all over the country. Call local social/psychiatic/information services to find one in your area.

I agree with all except for #7.
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Old 09-15-2008, 11:02 AM
 
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I agree with all except for #7.
Can I gently ask why you don't agree with number 7...or what part you don't agree with? I would like to know more.

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Old 09-15-2008, 11:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Can I gently ask why you don't agree with number 7...or what part you don't agree with? I would like to know more.
I don't fully agree with number 7 either, but I haven't yet lost a child. My hubby and I do not believe in birth control though. So, if I were to get pregnant again, I would consider it God's will but I know that it is not replacing the baby that was lost.

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Old 09-15-2008, 11:25 AM
 
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I don't fully agree with number 7 either, but I haven't yet lost a child. My hubby and I do not believe in birth control though. So, if I were to get pregnant again, I would consider it God's will but I know that it is not replacing the baby that was lost.
Ah, thanks for explaining. I was assuming it was talking about a physical recovery versus an emotional one.

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