When friends/family think you're going overboard - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-25-2010, 02:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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If you have a dc with relatively minor reactions, do you have people accusing you of going overboard? How do you react?

A friend recemtly told me I was going overboard trying to figure out the cause of ds's rash and night wakings (awake for an hour in the middle of the nght). Basically, that many kids get rashes, many kids have night wakings, and that if it's not bothering ds that perhaps I should just let it go. That's how I took it anyway.

I'm a little hurt by her comments, tbh. Beyond that, I'm not sure how to take it.

I second guess myself enough. It's been 2 months and I still don't have a clear idea what he's sensitive to, other than sweet potato. It *seems* really related to what I eat, but what if I'm wrong? OTOH, dp agrees with me that it seems food related.

If your dc has minor reactions that aren't clearly tied to food, how do you deal with people questioning it?

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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Old 04-25-2010, 03:11 AM
 
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This is perfect timing : ) Today I ran into a friend who was telling me about her daughter's horrible eczema rashes this Spring, how they got so bad that she had to go on steroids and antibiotics because they got a staph infection; the girl missed school one day because of it. I don't know if she was one of the people that (inside) was rolling her eyes whenever I was telling her about my kids' allergies/intolerances (it seems like I am surrounded by those people, some of them do the eye rolling in front of me), but I know that I mentioned to her before that maybe they ca do some food elimination to see what the trigger is (now they tested the daughter, who is allergic to a bunch of things, but they still have not taken her off those foods completely ). I think they figured that eczema is not a serious enough problem.

About you second guessing, I don't think you should do it, I am proven over and over again that mother knows best (yes, I still second guess myself ).
Anyway, my older DS seemed to have ``mild" allergic problems, but as we are doing more testing for my DD (who has had more serious and obvious problems), we do it for him too, and I discovered that he has almost as big issues as DD. It seems that they are both overloaded with oxalates (the OAT tests say that these are autism levels, even though they do not show autism symptoms), have yeast etc. After reading about these I wonder if this is not the reason why he is wearing glasses with a 4 prescription in the left eye, while the right eye is normal (apparently the oxalates could be deposited anywhere, in brain, eyes, cause heart damage etc), why he is getting headaches and stomach aches. Actually, I think I know that the allergies are to blame, it is just hard to convince the world around me (I almost got my DH, although he slips out every now and then; my family is very understanding of the problems, but I lost many of them when I started suspected the sals; what are those? oh, don't worry, they'll be fine).

Anyway, it looks like minor issues now could become bigger issues later if they are not addressed, so I can't stop from trying to figure things out.

Good luck with your DS and don't be surprised if one day this friend stops by to ask for information regarding allergies...

(sweet potato could mean oxalates, our kids seemed to react a little bit to it, now I see that sweet potatoes are loaded with oxalates)

Mom to DS (04) , DD ( 07) , DS ( 09)
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Old 04-25-2010, 01:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's funny (not haha funny) that your friend is now dealing with allergies. Sad for her, but now she knows a little bit of what you were going through.

I did actually stumble upon oxalates, while looking for what food chemical sweet potato is high in. lol. But ds's symptoms are a rash/eczema, sleep issues, and frequent urination. I read that the frequent urination can be due to oxalates, but I don't know about rashes/eczema. It's still on my list of suspects though!

Thanks for sharing. I've wondered how my friend would deal if she suspected food sensitivities. Her comment was brought on because I shared that I'm now eating dairy and eggs, until I get more safe foods. (I've never been vegetarian, but over 90% of the meals I cooked were strict veg.) I think her viewpoint is that if I should do it without animal products. And if I can't, then his symptoms aren't bad enough to keep searching for the cause if it means consuming animal products. sigh.

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Originally Posted by dulce_mami
Anyway, it looks like minor issues now could become bigger issues later if they are not addressed, so I can't stop from trying to figure things out.
This is one of my thoughts. Even if the rash isn't that bad (which it's not right now, but that's because I've eliminated whatever causes it the worst), it's still there. That means that *something* isn't going right in his body. What other damage is being done that we don't know about?

And I don't feel right just deciding that he doesn't seem to be bothered by it. I can't know for sure if he is or isn't, so I feel it's my job to err on the side of caution.

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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Old 04-26-2010, 09:10 AM
 
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Many people just think that a rash is totally external and should be lathered with some cream from the drs and never connect it to diet. Long term I feel this is detrimental to a child. I did this for a while and my dd developed leaky gut from over use of food allergens. Only if I had been paranoid then I could have saved my dd lots of trouble.
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Old 04-26-2010, 09:34 PM
 
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You might find this blog post timely. :-)

http://www.thenourishinggourmet.com/...treme-one.html

Quote:
Who is the extreme one?

I used to take a little pride in not being too “extreme” in my “nourishing” food pursuit. While I tried to cook very healthy at home, I wasn’t against a white sugar/white flour dessert here and there, and I would be willing to have “compromise” food often enough, if out and about. Although overall our diet was quite healthy (and way above par compared to most), I was willing to “fudge” depending on our schedule and where I was. I didn’t want to be one of those extreme “health nuts” who turned their noses up on birthday cakes at parties, and couldn’t get together with other families if they cooked the meal. This was the most gracious pursuit, but not always the safest. While I don’t want to encourage anyone to be an ungracious guest, I do want to point out how the matter lies in our culture today...
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Old 04-27-2010, 02:03 AM
 
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I honestly think that a lot of the negative reactions come from people feeling threatened by the dedication that has to come with it. Others are just completely ill informed and have no idea of the gravity that it can have. But my experiences tell me more of the first.

I have been vegetarian by choice for almost 11 years and am now vegan. My doctor just asked me to go gluten free because I've been having some very bad gut issues. The reactions from family and friends, the eye rolling, etc has been tough and I'm seasoned at people thinking my eating habits are over the top.

Additionally, my youngest as a very bad dairy allergy. She gets painful eczema, her ears itch and it upsets her stomach. Even in tiny amounts, even when something is listed "dairy free" but has a bit of casein in it (like coffee creamer when I was nursing). Thankfully hers is such a sudden and outward thing that even the ILs know that it is real and serious, but for those of us that have no external signs, we're just being difficult

Proud mama to DD#1 (11) DS (4) and DD#2 ( 2 )
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Old 04-27-2010, 10:19 AM
 
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I had my father's girlfriend say that the food restrictions was causing me stress, and I should just let them eat anything they wanted to because it would be less stressful for me... how would waking up 10-12 times a night, and dealing with tantrums all day long, and eczema be LESS stressful than changing ingredients? I don't think so. I explain that I am doing the best that I can to make sure that they are getting the best start possible, by having a gut that is free from irritation. And then I say if you'd like to feed DS the food, for example, then you can have him for the next 3 nights and deal with the screaming all night long. I haven't had any takers.

Kathy, mother of 3, wife of 1. My new recipe blog: www.kathysrecipebox.wordpress.com (no longer searchable by allergen, but at least it doesn't have a virus!)
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Old 04-27-2010, 12:52 PM
 
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I would and have eye rolled ab out a lot of things. I may even eye roll some people here cause our "issues" are "more serious" or we have a longer list or are more restrictive. I *do* think some people go way overboard. I think people think I am way overboard.

F'em.

They are not dealing with my reality. I can't pick up and just leave the house without making a lot of plans, planning around mealtimes or packing a cooler. It is not my life. Others don't see the effects of an exposure. They don't know or understand the fear of a hospital trip cause of food. They don't get that my kid *could* die from something they eat everyday.

Unless you live it, it is really easy to roll eyes. You just have to trust your gut and go with it!

s:
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Old 04-27-2010, 05:09 PM
 
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Quote:
If your dc has minor reactions that aren't clearly tied to food, how do you deal with people questioning it?
Those that even do question dd`s reactions, will be told that she feels better now that we know what she`s reacting. I see a different and I`m always with her. Doesn`t that count for something?

I also think that it`s better to find the cause and treat it then treat the symptoms. The symptoms can change but the cause could be the same one. dd3 had eczema as a baby but now has tummy aches. Most ppl will question what the child ate if the child has a tummy ache but will just say `put some cream`` on eczema or an itch or a rash. That doesn`t make sense to me. That`s just treating the symptoms. I think we(general) all need to change our way of thinking about how food affect our bodies. It`s not just to feed it anymore.

Depending on the person and how receptive they are, I will talk about how we need to find the cause and not just treat the symptoms. That makes them think, imo, and then question less why i`m doing. Then, they start to support me/dd3.

Sand, Mom to three girls and a new SON!!!!  babyboy.gif Born on March 7th, 2011  I get to do these again:   bfinfant.gifslingboy.gifcd.gif
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Old 04-29-2010, 01:19 AM
 
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DevaMajka:
``But ds's symptoms are a rash/eczema, sleep issues, and frequent urination. I read that the frequent urination can be due to oxalates, but I don't know about rashes/eczema. ''

My DD has exactly the same problems. I can't tell for sure that they are all due to oxalates, but I am almost sure that most of them are. It is interesting, because it is like a chain reaction: first she gets very red in the diaper area (like a urine burn), she has accidents even during the day (when we know that she can hold her urine even at night). During the day she can pee about 5-6 times in 2 hours, and a lot every time. Then we get the dark circles under her eyes that last for few days. The sleep problems are usually worst the first couple of nights. Ah! And she has a lot of leg pains, she wakes up crying with them, again, they happen during the first couple of nights.

Anyway, this is not the right thread to put this in, but I wanted to say it, so i don't forget it.

BTW, have you had any drs roll their eyes? It happened so much to me (especially during those middle of the night ER visits), that I really thought there was smth wrong with me.

Mom to DS (04) , DD ( 07) , DS ( 09)
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Old 04-29-2010, 02:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the info! We're in the midst of the oxalate trial now- so far so good. I hope it stays that way!

Quote:
Originally Posted by dulce_mami View Post
BTW, have you had any drs roll their eyes? It happened so much to me (especially during those middle of the night ER visits), that I really thought there was smth wrong with me.
Yep- fd's foctor said there was no way that his rash could be related to anything I'm eating. She said it in a quite dismissive way, kwim? It really had me doubting myself. But looking at the food diary, it just really seems too related to what I eat to be a coincidence.

It's hard when no one else gets it! I guess I'm lucky in that dp does think it's food related- at least I get support from him!

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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Old 04-29-2010, 02:36 AM
 
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THANK YOU for this post!! I was just coming on to post something similar! I have the worst problems with my family and friends thinking that I am an extremely paraniod and overbearing mother for what I alow or dont allow my dc to consume..

"If we are to heal the planet, we must begin by healing birthing."
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Old 04-29-2010, 06:17 AM
 
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When I told a couple we are friendly with that I was doing an elimination diet for dd2 (I did a strict one) they rolled their eyes and said just switch her to formula. Thier kids had formula and turned out fine (they are actually sick literally every other week). Now I ask myself-I cannot eat dairy because she reacts badly to it. She is a bit sensitive to soy as well. So putting her on cow's milk or soy based formula will solve the problem? Then I rolled my eyes.

Mamma to dd1 3/8/07, one 9.5.08, and dd2 9/9/09
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Old 04-29-2010, 09:41 PM
 
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I can recall talking to someone who mentioned that their daughter was off for a while (testing), so trying to be helping I talked about hidden gluten, toasters, ect. and the mom flat out told me she would never take such a fanatic approach. I was dumbfounded. Stunned. Ouch. I later found out it was just an NAET thing so they weren't considering it overly important or lng term. I remember thinking that she really didn't understand allergies/intolerances to say that avoiding something that made you sick was fanatical.

I also have a BIL who is a pharmacist in the making to always listens in and looks skeptical when I am answering a family member's question. This is the guy who doses himself on high pain killers for headaches and is generally very unhealthy (won't eat any fruit or veggie besides potatoes). Whatever.

My family is supportive. DH is my rock. IL's sort of get it? People are either way impressed that I have figured all this out or way skeptical about it being necessary.

Trust your gut! (No pun intended)

caution: one-handed nak

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