what are your thoughts on playdates, parties, etc. When would you feel comfortable dropping your child off? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 10-06-2011, 12:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If you have a child with multiple food allergies - when would you drop them off at a birthday party or similar and not stay?

 

Personally, I have no done this, but her father did.  Left the birthday girl's mom some safe cookies (oreos) and her epipen and didn't stay.  My dd is 4 and the birthday girl was 5, chances are most kids there were ages 3-6.  The family is a great family.  Personally, I don't feel this is safe and I think it is unfair to the family to have that responsibility of keeping my dd safe or knowing what to do if a reaction occurred.

 

I am in the process or writing a proposed provision for a custody order and I am wondering how I should address this type of situation.  When is it ok?  Was it ok for her dad to leave her and maybe I am just paranoid or something?  What kind of guideline should I propose for this type of thing?

 

When is it ok to leave your child in the care of other people that are not at a school or day care, summer camp, etc where people are trained to deal with this?

 

 

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#2 of 9 Old 10-06-2011, 02:38 PM
 
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My son has eosinophilic esophagitis, and has 18 food allergies associated with that.  They are 'different' in that they are not like your typical 'allergies' (not going to cause him to go anaphylactic) but may make him really sick GI wise and in pain.

 

He is 4.5 years old and is really good about knowing what is 'safe' and asking if something is safe.  He also doesn't take any food that hasn't been deemed 'safe' by mom or dad. 

 

I wouldn't leave him at a party yet because I think he is too young, but when he gets a bit bigger (say, 6), I would because I trust him.  Now, only somewhere where I feel the people respect us and know about his allergies and won't try to give him "just a little of something".  For him, if I sent him with safe food, I know he wouldn't eat anything but the safe food I sent him.

 

I think it really depends on the child, the severity of allergies (can they be in the same room?  Touch it? ) and the people you are leaving him with.

 

Devon

 

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#3 of 9 Old 10-06-2011, 03:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess I am concerned because even with her own food, how do we prevent cross contamination or another kid touching her food or her with something she is allergic to or after eating their cake and ice cream or pizza or whatever.  That kind of thing.  And if there are 10-15 young kids like that it is hard to keep track of them and they can be unpredictable.

 

And how do you know the parent will know how or when to give the epi pen or benadryl, etc.

 

I know my dd and even at 4, I know she will not eat something unless she is told it is safe.  It is more the other kids and even the parents (not washing hands, not making sure her eating area is free of allergens or not knowing how to read something etc) that I worry about.

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#4 of 9 Old 10-06-2011, 08:52 PM
 
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No WAY would I be ok with that. Even if he took the time to train the other parent how to spot an allergic reaction, how to use the epipen, when to call 911, etc.- there is no way an untrained/unexperienced parent can take on that type of responsibility when they have a room full of kids to watch. No way. Not to mention all the little kids eating and touching everything and everybody. My daugher will be 4 next week, and we are nowhere NEAR letting her be anywhere without a parent. (She also has EoE, along with IgE allergies to virtually every food, many of them anaphylactic.)

Mom to DD1 (10/07) and DD2 (3/11)
geek.gif I blog about our life with food allergies and eosinophilic disorders.
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#5 of 9 Old 10-07-2011, 09:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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so when would it be ok?  I am just trying to figure out wording for this provision.... don't leave her with people who are not trained blah blah blah until blah blah blah... how to make sure that does not rule out a baby sitter.  How to putin there future considerations when when it is ok.  I am sure a 16 year old would be annoyed if they couldn't be anywhere without an adult.

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#6 of 9 Old 10-07-2011, 10:43 AM
 
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lol- I would say don't leave her with someone untrained EVER, but you're right... at some point she will have to take on that responsibility. I think it really depends on the kid. I can see some kids being ready for that responsibility at 6, and some not until 10. At almost 4, my daughter is well aware that eating foods will hurt her, but if she sees friends eating something and/or another adult hands her something, she has a really hard time saying no.

Mom to DD1 (10/07) and DD2 (3/11)
geek.gif I blog about our life with food allergies and eosinophilic disorders.
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#7 of 9 Old 10-07-2011, 01:15 PM
 
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To me part of the problem is the child to adult ratio.  I have never left my DD at a birthday party (she will be 6 in 2 weeks).  The birthday parents have too much going on to keep an eye out for her.  She knows not to eat anything not brought by us but there is always the chance of a reaction.  She is learning to read labels and has an eye out for potential problems (like hands covered with cheese doodle residue).  I think there will come a time when your daughter will be able to say that she has things covered and her friends will know about her allergies enough to help her.  We are not there, yet.

 

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#8 of 9 Old 10-10-2011, 05:37 AM
 
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Maybe you could word the provision to state " until both parents mutually agree that ot os safe to leave her in the care of others who are untrained".... Or something like that, as opposed to providing a specific age.
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#9 of 9 Old 10-10-2011, 05:40 AM
 
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Maybe you could word the provision to state " until both parents mutually agree that ot os safe to leave her in the care of others who are untrained".... Or something like that, as opposed to providing a specific age.
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