What kind of toothpaste do you use for your toddler? Mine still swallows, so definitely no fluoride. I've heard of two that are great for healing teeth, or something, but I can't remember the names of them. Currently, we're using Tom's glycerin paste, strawberry flavor, but I heard that glycerin paste is very sticky on the teeth, and can make tooth problems worse.
FYI, DS has very bad decay on all his top teeth, despite very little sugar (in fact, it started before he'd ever really had any sugar) in the diet, and brushing regularly. The dentists keep telling me it's because I'm not brushing enough, and ignore the fact that we DO brush. I think they just don't believe me.
We've used that same toothpaste for years. I recently bought kiss my face berry flavored, but dd2 doesn't like it.
For dd1, we used regular mainstream kids toothpaste with flouride & she had terrible teeth and had to have a crown at age 4 or 5. when she was around 6, I switched to toms. Now that she's 11.5, she has almost all of her adult teeth and no cavities. For dd2, she always used toms of main, flouride free strawberry. She is 7 and has no cavities. dd3 has always used the toms, but she hasn't gone to the dentist yet.
All kids had about the same frequency of brushing. I think some kids just have "soft" teeth that easily get cavities. I wouldn't let the dentist get you down.
We use Bee Rescued Propolis Toothpaste for the children. No flouride and completely swallowable.
We use ecodent tooth powder, all of us, it doesn't have fluoride. It has some data that shows it supports remineralization of enamel. Some people use MI paste, it's milk-based so we've avoided it, being dairy-free.
You've probably seen the Sticky on curing cavities nutritionally (and I'd say with some supplementation)?