I am so sorry you are going through this! We had a very similar experience last year with my dd. She had chipped some teeth and decay had set in. She received four caps at age 23 months with only a local (shot in the gums). We were not comfortable with putting her under and did not want to wait until she was older. Her poor teeth were giving her constant pain. The procedure did not take more than 20 minutes and I was able to be with her and hold her the entire time. I would not have done it had I not been able to. I gave her some homeopathic remedies before going in=arnica(for bruising and trauma), calm tablets for stress, and Rescue Remedy, (I even took some myself as it is very tramatic for the parent as well to see your child so distressed. At this office, they use a papoose for restraint, I was not totally comfortable with this, but they worked with us and allowed me to hold her so she did not have to be totally strapped down. I talked to my dd for the weeks leading up to the procedure so she knew what was happening to her and I could remind her as they did things. She did cry, she even drifted off to sleep, all in all it was traumatic for us, I think more so perhaps for me, as she came out of it feeling proud that it was done and showing off her new teeth. I don't know if hearing any of this helps, but feel free to question me if you need to.
mom to dd-99, dd-01, dd-born still@40w 7/04, ds-05, dd-08, dd-10, dd-13
love and light