We've just returned from our consult and I am at a loss.
Initially Pearl Family told me she would most likely be given something to make her drowsy so that they could do what they needed. Upon reading APD's policies I learned I would not be permitted to join Jordan into the room... I questioned the receptionist and she assured me Jordan would be attended by both the doctor and an assistant. I then asked if I could at least sit outside the door way, out of sight. She said no, then got a bit irritated. She said the kids did fine, I told her it wasn't right...not for a three year old.
I met with the doctor and he asked how long she had used the bottle. I explained she never had a bottle and had nursed for 13 months. He then explained that he thought her cavity was a result of a lack of enamel and not bad parenting, although I still feel like an absolute looser of a mother. He then wrote a prescription for an oral sedative and began to leave. I stopped him and again asked him if he would prevent me from staying with Jordan. He said I wasn't allowed and I explained that Jordan was once hospitalized and since then is a very strongwilled child. It takes three ADULTS to restrain her.
Then he drops the bomb...
Without ANY emotion he says "Oh we have restraints"
OMG... So not only do you want me to leave my toddler ALONE with two grown adult strangers, sedated, scared ... you want to restrain her!???
Very calmly I told him this was not going to work. Without hesitation he sent me to the front to be refered to yet another dental office.
What am I going to do? The cavity is bad, but I really think this would mentally and emotionally scare Jordan for life. She's THREE years old... If she was seven I think I would feel differently!
Please tell me I'm not overreacting!! I have no idea what to do now...
you are definatly NOT overeacting, imo. i wouldnt leave a 3 year old alone for ANY procedure. not to mention that i wouldnt let anyone use restraints.
i would think that borders on abuse.
find another child friendly dentist.
hug to you and you little one
DS (03/10) & DD (06/07) both were/are :
1) mom or dad is allowed back in the room as long as the child is calm and cooperative. If the child becomes unruly the parent gets sent out. I think it is kind of backwards but her reasoning is that sometimes kids listen better when mom or dad is not around, which for my older son is definitely the case.
2) the child lays on a papoose board but the straps are not utilized unless absolutely necessary. Her reasoning is that even with sedation, the child is not unconscious and could try to reach and swat away her hand or the dental instrument while she is working and obviously this is a danger to the child, so if the child gets fidgety she will use the restraints.
Like I said, we love this dentist and more importantly both my DS's love her too. She is very kind and patient and is wonderful with the boys. I think a big part of it is how much do you trust the dentist. Youa re starting out from ground zero so the first few visits might be difficult for you and your DC, but as time goes on, with a really good pediatric dentist your DC should be able to develop a good relationship and then restraints probably won't be necessary.
And don't feel too bad, mama. I haven't taken my ds to a dentist either. It'll probably be after his 4th birthday before he sees one. I tried to schedule one a month ago but noone had any openings before fall, and we'll have moved by then. So I have to wait until after we move then find a dentist and get him an appointment, so it'll be a while. Yup, mother of the year right here
Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)
When I took my dd to the dentist for the first time the dentist suggested that I hold my dd down for him so he could just peek in her mouth. She kicked,screamed,cried ect.. I would never do that again and I would sure as heck NEVER leave her in there restrained. I already can't get her to go back to the dentist the way it is, that would be too traumatic.
Busy Mom raising 5 kiddos, 7, 6, 5, 2 and a brand new bundle!! (5/15/11)
We've seen Dr. Norman Chun 3 times and he hasn't restrained my 22 month old DD. Each time, I was allowed to hold her on my lap with her head on the doctor's lap. It did take two assistants to keep DD's hands from reaching up to her face though. She is an extremely strong child. So far I haven't had a bad experience with Dr. Chun. And like you there's no way I would leave a 3-year old alone and restrained with strangers.
If you go to an Aiea dentist you must be on Oahu. We go to Dr. Norman Chun in Kailua. He works in a family practice with his brother. Dr. K.B. Chun & Sons. Here's the website. http://www.drkbchunandsons.com/
It's almost 40 years lat4er and we still talk about it. All three of us were traumatized by it. My poor sister won't even go within a hundred feet of a Doctor's office.
The silver lining to that cloud is that my sister has become a tireless defender of children, and is an amazing mother.
I was restrained in a strait-jacket and stitched up, without anesthesia (it seemed) while my mother was prevented from being with me when I was about 3.
It remains one of my most vivid memories 30 years later, and i credit it with my lasting distrust of hospitals and other medical/dental facilities. (Which isn't necessarily bad when it comes to bearing and birthing children naturally.) But your daughter needs not to be terrified of dental work -- especially if she is prone to cavities. Find a dentist who will be sensitive to her need for loving support during the procedure.
When I was a kid, I needed xrays b/c i dislocated my shoulder or something. I don't remember the injury, but I remember screaming bloody murder and not cooperating on the xray table saying 'i want my mom, i"ll be still when my mom is here' over and over. As soon as she came, I calmed down, she stepped outside the room and it was done in a minute. I was about 7 or 8.
My dd had a bunch of dental work done right after she turned 2. I went to a dentist that let me stay until she was out of it from the meds and didn't use the papoose until she was sleepy. I left after that- figuring all was ok. They called up to the receptionist giving updates every 15 minutes. She cried when she was brought up to me,b ut they said that was normal waking up from sedation. I got home and found a sore on her ankle the size of a dime- I think it was from movign her feet back and forth against her sandals. I have no idea how upset she was back there and I wish I had listened to my instinct on the issue. She has no lasting damage from that experience, but I feel bad about putting her through it.
Keep trying to find someone better, but stick to your guns, mama. There is no reason for you to be kept out of the room and no reason to use restraints.
Rylie is 7, Ronin is 3.5
She screamed whenever we drove near that dentist's office for the next few years and didn't see a dentist again until she was a preteen.
The sedation/restraint was the lesser of two evils... it was either that, or general anesthesia.
Needless to say, we found another dentist. Every time we drive past the first office she says "there is the scary mean dentist.' And it took several visits before she trusted the new dentist. In the end, it took a general anesthetic to accomplish what was several fillings and a mini-root canal. All of which the other dentist was proposing to do without any sedation or other pain mainagement while using restraints on my screaming child. I don't think so!
There are great dentists out there who don't use restraints, who understand the need for children to have their parent with them and how and when to use appropriate pain management. Take the time, and potentially money (our new one isn't covered by our insurance but is worth it) to find one you can work WITH, not against. Ours even lets my now 4 YO lie on top of me (on the chair) to do cleaning ands exams because that is how she is comfortable and cooperative.
My DD throws a fit if a blaket is really around her in any way now. I tried to make a tent for her out of her blanket and she bawled.
Mommy to Petunia 11/04 Bug 10/06 Button 11/09 and Sweetie pea 12/11 DW to J :