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To socialize or not? pushing, grabbing, yelling

516 views 3 replies 3 participants last post by  3*is*magic 
#1 ·
DD will be 3 in a few months. She's a very sensitive, intense, high needs kind of girl. Lately she's been particularly difficult with other kids. She pushes, she shoves, she yells and tries to physically take toys out of other kids hands. She's also very bossy.

I'm wondering if this is developmental? Do most kids go through this? I'm so frustrated with the behavior, it is no fun getting together with other kids. It just ends in frustration, for both of us. I'm wondering if we'd be better off avoiding get togethers with kids for awhile and wait until she's older and better able to understand sharing and turn taking and how to express her feelings with words rather then yelling (she's very verbal and can express herself well but when she's angry or frustrated she reverts to screaming) or if it'd be better to continue to get together and give her more opportunities to work through her frustrations and learn how to handle these situation better?

If we avoid being around other kids will she still learn not to push/shove/grab and yell? Will she learn how to ask for things she wants, wait her turn and share? Honestly, I'm leaning towards avoiding being around other kids for awhile because it is so draining but I'm worried that I might be making things worse in the long run by doing so. Any thoughts/experiences/advice?
 
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#2 ·
I don't think dropping play groups is the answer. This is a stage every child goes through and until she learns to share, use her words, inside voices and keep her hands to herself she'll have these episodes. 1 step at a time and learning by example and also showing her consequences for her behavior w/ a short 3 min time out...just a example can help good luck
 
#3 ·
So it is a stage that most kids go through? When it happens I put her on my lap and talk with her about it and then talk with her again once we leave and are alone, and I talk with her prior to get togethers with other kids. I know that she can understand the words that I'm saying but I don't think she really gets it. In the moment she seems to be running on pure emotion, unable to control her knee-jerk reactions. I'm rarely around other kids her exact same age and so she is the only kid in the room acting this way. It's so frustrating. I guess I'm wondering if this is a normal phase, will she outgrow it on her own, or does she need the repeated experience to learn how to deal with sharing, etc.? Talking to her doesn't seem to have any real effect. Time outs wouldn't work with her personality, unfortunately.
 
#4 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by saraann View Post
So it is a stage that most kids go through? When it happens I put her on my lap and talk with her about it and then talk with her again once we leave and are alone, and I talk with her prior to get togethers with other kids. I know that she can understand the words that I'm saying but I don't think she really gets it. In the moment she seems to be running on pure emotion, unable to control her knee-jerk reactions. I'm rarely around other kids her exact same age and so she is the only kid in the room acting this way. It's so frustrating. I guess I'm wondering if this is a normal phase, will she outgrow it on her own, or does she need the repeated experience to learn how to deal with sharing, etc.? Talking to her doesn't seem to have any real effect. Time outs wouldn't work with her personality, unfortunately.
Does she enjoy the playdates? If so, do you think she'd understand the ramifications of her behavior if you chose to leave when she acts out? I think that at 3 years old, it would be appropriate to explain before the playdate that if she wants to stay and have fun, that she must be kind to her friends and try hard to share. Explain that if she's having a hard time sharing, it's OK to come to Mama for help working it out, but it's not OK to hit/yell/grab, and that if she does those things, you will have to leave immediately. Then follow through. I don't even really consider that to be a punishment, simply a consequence. Make it simple: "When you hit Tommy and take toys away from him, it makes him sad and that's not fun, so we have to leave now." Don't yell or punish or over explain, simply go home and engage her in another, quiet activity like coloring or reading books (nothing that can be perceived as a "reward" for leaving.)

I have found with my kids, it takes leaving a few times before it sinks in for them, but after that things seem to go more smoothly. It stinks for Mama, but it usually works.
 
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