Ugh, I was right there when DS was that age, but we weren't potty-training (he didn't train till he was nearly 4, one of the reasons we did EC with DD2) and we didn't have another baby! I WAS having marital troubles though, which certainly didn't help. And I've got a temper...
DD is now 2, and I'm having a much easier time with her. It's mostly relaxed expectations and understanding of what children are like, I've read a lot about young child development and stuff like that and I have a better appreciation for what their behaviours mean, so I'm more likely to take things in stride rather than get frustrated about it. Most recently I've read Dr Montessori's "Secret of Childhood" and one of the points that she makes, is that adults' actions are "goal-oriented". We want to get something DONE. Young children want to explore and discover things. Those two goals don't always mesh. So, as adults, we will tend to see our childrens' behaviours as getting in the way of what we are trying to GET DONE.
If we understand that, and learn to let go a bit of our "need" to be efficient and all that, then we can follow our kid more rather than expecting THEM to fit into OUR world. Appreciate the things they do for the miracles they are, rather than how it interferes with our plans.
Easier said than done, of course, but it IS a helpful mental shift when you can manage it.
Some practical suggestions for the meantime...
Is it absolutely necessary to re-diaper him immediately after pottying? Would it really hurt so much to let him run around naked for a bit? It can actually be very helpful for potty learning anyway. You might get some messes to clean up sometimes, be prepared for that so you don't get upset with him. Cheerfully say "whoops, pee goes in potty, let's clean this up and try to get it in the potty next time." It's just pee, it's not a big deal. Even poos clean up pretty easily. Is it really worth the battle?
Do you sling your baby? Honestly I don't see how parents survive toddlers AND infants without one! With your baby being worn you can chase your toddler, play with him, do lots of stuff.
Do you involve your toddler in stuff around the house? They love to be helpful at this age, and he's more than old enough to help with doing and sorting laundry, cooking, dishes, sweeping or vaccuuming, etc etc. Again, just let go of a need to do it quickly, efficiently, and 'correctly', let him make mistakes and enjoy his exploration and interest. You might find that spending this time doing 'work' with him will improve your disposition, your attitude about having to move him out of your way.
Let's see... getting him to do what you need. Is it something HE needs to do, or something YOU want him to do? If the latter, is it truly a NEED or is it something you can let go? If it is something he does need to do, can you approach it in a more playful way, or in a way that gives more control? We've all but eliminated getting-dressed battles, for instance, by giving DD a dresser she can use herself. It's just one of those sets of plastic drawers. We put a selection of socks, undies, pants, shrits, etc, in each drawer, and let her choose her own outfit. She even mostly gets dressed by herself too. Sometimes I have to turn her pants the right way around, etc, afterwards.
It does take a lot longer, of course, but there's no battles so we all stay happy. Kids this age are working on independence and anything that helps them will result in happier households.
As long as I am *expecting* the length of time for it to take and the 'fixing' afterwards then I'm not frustrated about it. In fact I end up feeling proud of her for being such a 'big girl'!
Bedtime... do you have a routine? Maybe he needs more wind-down time? Can he still nurse to sleep? Do you try walking around with him? When DD won't settle down, I'll wear her on my back and do housework, knocks her out every time!
I hope these help somewhat... you might also try these articles by Naomi Aldort, it's very helpful for both your mindset AND practical tips:http://www.naturalchild.com/naomi_aldort/toddler.htmlhttp://www.naturalchild.com/naomi_aldort/tame.htmlhttp://www.naturalchild.com/jan_hunt..._disorder.html
Best wishes. I do know what it feels like to lose your temper like that... I even slapped my son when he was 3. Just once. It was horrible and I cried. I'm sooooooo different now with my daughter, I think honestly just because I've learned so much since then.