Just wondering - at what age is it reasonable to expect our almost 18-month old to listen when we tell her to do or not do something? She fully understands but typically doesn't listen to instructions, especially instructions NOT to do something. We try to pick our battles, but can't get her to listen to instructions that are important for safety, like not chewing on a vacuum cord, or to hold my hand in a crowded public area. And it has unfortunately become a game to her - if I say not to do something, she then does it with much glee.
I don't want to set tons of limits for her but I do want her to follow the limits we do set. And I'm worried that she's not becoming a well-behaved child. My 2 choices seem to be to either ignore it when she does something like chew the vacuum cord (which I don't want to do!) or tell her not to do it, which then makes it more appealing for her to do it. Sometimes distracting her works, but then we're not teaching her basic safety stuff! (Like we don't chew the vacuum cord, we don't stand on the bed, we don't play with the stove dials, etc.)
When my nieces were very young if there was something we didn't want them to do b/c it was dangerous we explained it to them very simply. For the stove we said "Ouch hot! Don't touch! Hurt you!" starting well before they were one. By 2 they listened (most of the time) when it was something dangerous. I teach 2 yr olds and still use the same technique with them although I explain more the older they get. For instance they try to pull out plugs or the outlet covers I say "No! That will hurt you! It bites!" (I say bites in that case b/c they don't understand shocks/electricity but they know a bite hurts) They also like to open and close the door of the classroom and I say "Don't touch the door, it will hurt your fingers! Ouch!" I use a very stern but concerned voice with things like that b/c I don't want them to get hurt and want them to fear these things enough to stay away from them (doesn't work with the door all the time though) I have though that explaining to them why they can't do dangerous things at least puts it in their heads b/c now they open and close the door saying "NOnononono...hurt you fingers! OUCH!"
Verbal instructions alone rarely work, I find I have to physically stop something most of the time. My theory is that he heard, he understands, and some part of him might want to stop, but his will is too strong. And it often results in a frustrated struggle within himself that leads to throwing himself on the floor crying, especially during age 2 for him.
I have an 18-month-old DD also, and she, too, smiles a charming smile when you say "NO" and tests the waters anyway.
The more consistent we are, truly, the less she disobeys. She has learned some valuable lessons from watching her 3-year-old sister get in trouble too. The magic words for us... we say "Maya, no." Or "Maya, stop." (and we always make sure to explain simply why it's unacceptable the first time she does something she's not allowed). If she doesn't stop after a no, we count to 3. And by 3, she's pretty much always found something else to do at this point! Speak firmly, be consistent, and make sure her other authority figures are doing the same thing. And physically removing her from the situation works when nothing else will.
my dd knows what no means, and she is 14 months. it's so sad because you say, "linnaea, no." and she backs away and starts to cry because she really wants to do whatever it is.
i'll explain why she can't and try to find alternatives but it just breaks her little heart when she can't do things like play in the cat box
i'm not sure how she learned it.... we would just say no and then get down close to her and shake our finger at the object and say "no no" and she got it.
personally I try not to use "no" and used "Stop" especially when dd2 was little.
If she's doing something unsafe, i say Stop and then distract her so she gets the message but no major discipline IYSWIM.
If she's doing something I just don't want her to do I question why she's doing it and is it jsut something she's seen me do. Might mean I move something out of her reach or adjust my own behaviour - drinking milk out of the cereal bowl is one such scenario!
When my DS was that age, we generally had to phsyically stop him from doing things, most times. Now though, he knows what no means and knows to stop - because he's had it reinforced over and over again for the past year or so that when we say "NO!" that he should stop doing whatever he's doing and/or leave whatever it is alone.
My dd showed some interest when she was about 15 months. I always let her watch tv and she never spend long time watching cartoons or something else. We watch a little bit of tv every day but we're not addicted to it. We spend our time doing other stuff. She loves to go to parks and play on the computer too. To be honest, she learned many things watching some programs. She learned very fast to recognize the alphabet, numbers, etc. I'm not the kind of mum who buys brand names, I buy what I think she will enjoy. I believe that tv, computer and so on are good if they spend little or reasonable time on them.
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