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Potty Training Questions for an EC toddler

810 views 8 replies 8 participants last post by  tri31 
#1 ·
I have a few questions about what to do next in regards to potty training.

Here is what my son (who turned two April 27th) is doing right now:

1. Will usually go potty when I put him on it (he now uses a toilet topper), both poo & pee.

2. Likes wearing undies, but doesn't mind diapers

3. Will tell me after he goes pee in undies (and gets upset about it sometimes too) and usually he'll tell me after he poos in his diaper (which is not very often)

4. He won't tell me before he needs to go pee/poo, and he rarely (read almost never) initiates having to go potty.

I strongly desire to completely train him this summer (when we will hopefully have a place of our own, also we have no washer/dryer right now, so having him go full undies until we move seems scary).

I've read books like Potty Training in One Day or things like that, but they all seem to start from the basis that your child is unfamiliar or resistant to the potty, which mine is not (he has been going potty since about 9 months old). I'm just not sure what the next step is.

BTW, my idea of him being trained is taking himself to the potty (mostly), not relying on me to remind him all the time or set him on it, knowing how to pull down pants, wipe, and wash hands with little assistance.

Help for a toddler that seems in the middle of it?
 
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#2 ·
No good advice, but I'm in a somewhat similar situation. I did very part-time, lax ECing, and now have a toddler (26 months) who:

* is usually happy to sit on the toilet when I suggest it (he's never used a little potty, despite my having bought THREE of them at various times!)
* will usually announce that he needs to pee or poop and trot over to to toilet if he is nakey butt -- and then will sometimes (but not always) proceed with same

BUT lately

* prefers pooping in his diaper, and will say no if I ask him if he needs to poop or wants to use the toilet when he's already started going
* does NOT want me to take off his diaper in the am, even when it's soaked/leaking

I haven't been brave enough to take him out of diapers more regularly while at home (and he's in daycare full-time). Also haven't bought him some cute undies, but maybe that would be a good next step? (any suggestions for where to buy them -- cheap, no characters?) I don't really have anything vested in his being out of diapers right away -- obviously, we never did the full on EC thing -- but I'm not thrilled with him getting MORE accustomed to pooping in his diaper, rather than less. A few months ago, I could often sit him on the pot after a meal for a poop, but he's gotten much more resistant to that lately.

Looking forward to hearing some advice.

-esme
 
#3 ·
Quote:
BTW, my idea of him being trained is taking himself to the potty (mostly), not relying on me to remind him all the time or set him on it, knowing how to pull down pants, wipe, and wash hands with little assistance.
To be honest, and this is speaking as a hard-core ECer, I think that 2.5yo is a bit young to be expecting ALL of that.

Most kids, whether EC'd or 'traditionally' trained, aren't able to properly wipe themselves until they're like 4, pulling down pants can happen very young or very not-young, washing hands can be quite tricky, etc.

IMO, being 'trained' means going to the potty either on her own or telling us she needs to go, most of the time, and understanding that pee and poo is supposed to go in the toilet and not her pants, and that accidents are uncommon.

Again, even "traditionally" trained 3 and 4 years olds still have occasional accidents and need some assistance.

So I think if you go in with that hard-wired as your GOAL, then you risk setting yourself up for disappointment.

Most EC'ers find that the next "level" or training (or "graduation") happens quite naturally, with the kid gradually initiating pottying more and more independently, anywhere from age 18mo to 3 years.

For instance, our DD was never much of a "communicator" in this whole "elimination communication" thing. We went most on timing. She still made the connections, and started at some point telling us sometimes when she had to go. She'd even go by herself sometimes, just walk over to the potty and go. This happened before her second birthday, but not much before. And it wasn't FREQUENT, it would just sometimes happen. Most of the time, it was still us saying "let's go potty sweetie".

She's now almost 29mo and we've considered her "trained" for quite some time now, though she has had phases of "regression" of course (and probably still will). We just take it in stride, it's part of the whole process, as she develops other skills and brain stuff she gets distracted and peeing in the toilet isn't as important to her. It never lasts long.

We make a point of asking her if she wants to go when it's been awhile, but probably 80-90% of the time she tells us that she's going, and goes by herself. INSISTS she goes by herself. She wipes herself, but if she's had a poo we wipe her too. She is able to pull down her own pants. She can't wash her own hands.

But even today, she had an accident while visiting at a family gathering. She was just too distracted and we weren't on the ball enough to take her ourselves. Even 4yos, you need to remind them a lot of the time.

Anyway. We consider her trained, we haven't used diapers since 5mo, just used trainers, and by around 18mo she was exclusively in underwear. We didn't "do" anything in particular, just kept ECing, and she gradually took a more active role in it.
 
#4 ·
My dd wore panties at 7 months most of the time. She could take a nap on my bed, several hours long, wake up and nurse, and then go potty when I took her...

But, then when she was 18 months old, we took a long trip. I couldn't take her when she asked, or when I could "tell" she had to go. By the time we got back home, she was close enough to two that she'd figured out I couldn't make her go. And she wouldn't. So, I just used diapers and didn't say any more about it.

At 27 months, she figured out how to undo her buttons on her pajamas, and I asked if she could take her panties up and down, too. She could, quite proudly. Later that day I casually pointed to a little potty I'd put in the living room and said, "You know, now that you can get your panties up and down, you can go potty there, if you want to. It's up to you." And that was it. Within a few days she was using it all the time. Then I said, "Did you know there's a step stool in the bathroom? You can use the big potty if you want, too." And that was that...I can only think of 2 accidents, and she's 4 now.

So, I say just be patient and don't stress (him or you!) about it. Every now and then make a casual comment and she if he bites. If not, let it go.
 
#5 ·
Oh my gosh, I am so glad to hear that there are other ECers at the same impasse as us. We have been very dedicated ECers from birth, and DS is 21 months of age. I go through phases where I want to tear my hair out because my son will pee when we put him on the potty, but on his own, he often doesn't alert us when he needs to pee or only tells us after he pees, or he says no and pees on the floor a few minutes later, and often when he's a mere 8 inches away from the potty.
It drives. me. nuts. and makes me question what piece of the pee-goes-in-the-potty-puzzle we are missing. i KNOW that being nonchalant is the way to go, but I am SO ready to quit the hyper-vigilance and have him be a bit more responsible for alerting us or taking himself. I don't care about the wiping, the pants up/down, the emptying, but pretty please, wouldja just initiate the pottying on your own, kidlet?

Apparently, I have no advice, just ranting from somebody in the same position as y'all. My husband just pulls out the "he won't still be doing this when he goes to college," which is...not that helpful. If I am too attached to it, I just have DH take over potty stuff for awhile until I can get my chill back on.
 
#6 ·
We Ec'd very casually from 6 weeks to 8 months when I got more serious and took him out of dipes during the day. At 14 months the night dipes came off and we just went for it. I know I felt he was pretty reliable by 17-18 months (meaning he would tell us 98% of the time that he needed to go). He learned to pee standing up on vacation when he was 30 months and became Mr Independent at that time - meaning he *loves* to just disappear, take himself pee, and come back to whatever we are doing. It blew me away when he started that - it seemed so grown up! At 36 months he still asks for company for poops (likes to read books) and wiping, but can get clothes up and down and wash hands without help. At this point we do have to insist sometimes that he take a break to pee - he'll be dancing around, clearly needing to go, but not want to stop what he's doing. We remind him to listen to his body and that we can come right back to whatever it is we're doing.

My lightbulb moment came a couple of years ago when I mostly quit asking if he needed to go and just relied on him to tell me. He could go WAY longer than I assumed and my constant asking just made him more resistant. Yes, we had some accidents while he was figuring it out, but turning the timing over to him made such a difference. For me it was Really Hard to trust him that much, but it was worth it - and really resonated with the tenets of EC for me.

I agree with the PP that the OP's version of "trained" is pretty extensive - that amount of complete independence in a 2 year old is A LOT!! I think they are all goals to be working toward, but I'd be very surprised if your little one could manage all of that each time with minimal assistance. It will happen though
 
#7 ·
So, I don't know if this will be helpful in solving your EC woes or not, but I have been thinking about something that I posted on an EC board awhile back that might or might not be relevant. Check your kid out for allergies, especially to dairy. I am on a dairy-free diet per naturopath's orders for a month, so we've taken the opportunity to put my son on one too. We've only been at it for 5 days, but I think he's been accident-free all day today and only had 2 accidents yesterday, so maybe there's something to this dairy elimination. I won't paste the whole article, but here's an excerpt and the citation below it. I know this deals with nighttime bedwetting, but it probably applies to littler children during the day as well.

...a scientific study once again showed that avoiding
certain foods meant no more bedwetting for many youngsters. A closer
look at those children showed they had "edematous" (fluid filled)
bladder tissue, much like the swollen nasal tissue in a person with
hay fever.

A swollen bladder is a smaller bladder; it can't stretch to hold the
amount of urine it should. And if the sphincter muscle controlling
flow out of the bladder is also swollen, the problem is compounded:
the muscle tires more easily and cannot close tightly enough to hold
back urine, especially when the person is asleep and relaxed.

The result is overnight "accidents." when food allergens are avoided,
the swelling subsides and the bladder can hold urine during sleep.
"Control of food allergy is effective in curbing bedwetting in four
out five patients," says James C. Breneman, M.D., chairman of the Food
Allergy Committee of The American College of Allergists.

Source:
http://allergy-book.blogspot.com/200...edwetting.html,
accessed 2/23/09.

HTH.
 
#8 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by tankgirl73 View Post
To be honest, and this is speaking as a hard-core ECer, I think that 2.5yo is a bit young to be expecting ALL of that.

Most kids, whether EC'd or 'traditionally' trained, aren't able to properly wipe themselves until they're like 4, pulling down pants can happen very young or very not-young, washing hands can be quite tricky, etc.

IMO, being 'trained' means going to the potty either on her own or telling us she needs to go, most of the time, and understanding that pee and poo is supposed to go in the toilet and not her pants, and that accidents are uncommon.

Again, even "traditionally" trained 3 and 4 years olds still have occasional accidents and need some assistance.

So I think if you go in with that hard-wired as your GOAL, then you risk setting yourself up for disappointment.
:

My cousin's son was trained at age 2 y 4 mo, traditionally. He's five and in kindergarten. She still has to sometimes tell him to just go pee already- he doesn't want to stop playing.

That is COMMON among normal, normally trained kindergarteners.

My child is 31 months and needs a LOT of reminding though she will tell me she has to go- only at the dire last minute. But she's been out of diapers since 21 months, and accidents are few and far between.

I supervise her in the bathroom, help her unzip / unsnap her pants, wipe her after a poop (to check), and also ensure she washes her hands properly.

Honestly her arms are not long enough for some of those things (she has a really long torso), but I personally (since this is an EC thread, I am just going to say it, flame away) think it's gross to wait until the child can be 100% independent in the bathroom, i.e. until three or four, to take off diapers.

I would focus on letting your son take the reins, but you need to be clear with your expectations. Tell him what you want from him: "I am not going to remind you to go to the potty. That is your responsibility to tell me. I will wait for you to tell me, then we'll go, and I'll help if you need it."

See where he takes it.
 
#9 ·
We have been practicing ec since my ds was 6 months. He spent most of the winter in diapers. 5 weeks ago he began to refuse to wear diapers. So he went from peeing on the potty once a week to using the potty almost every time. He signs for the potty (sign language). I never bring him to the potty anymore, he must take us in there himself. I just had to relax and leave it to him. I find disposable diapers to be counter productive. So I stick with cloth, if we are going to be out all day, or if he falls asleep early to catch leaks. That has been our experience.
 
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