almost 3 yo, originally EC-ed, refuses to go potty - Mothering Forums

 
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#1 of 3 Old 05-09-2009, 02:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I need some help here. My almost 3 year old is the most stubborn child I have even met. EVERYTHING has to be his way. And i mean everything. Even if I offer him something he likes, he will say no, just to say yes 5 seconds later...everything must be his decision.
We used to do EC with him. He was never really into it, but he was going pee and poo, at some point, most of the time. This was before he turned one. He NEVER EVER wanted to sit on a potty. We always had to hold him over the toilet. But he did go.
Last fall my husband even managed to get him sit of the potty few times but mostly he was going pee and poo into the toilet. About 5 months ago, he flat out refused to do this any longer. This little man is so complicated, and we used to have dozens and dozens of other battles with him a day that I chose not to fight this one. I was soooo exhausted, that I really did not want to deal with any more crap. I could not take any more fits, over anything else.
He's very sensitive child, has TONS of food allergies, a before we found out about the allergies, he'd have at least 30 (no kidding) tantrums a day. Pretty much non stop since the minute he woke up till he went to sleep again.
He is over those now, thank goodness, but he still VERY stubborn.
The other day, I simply brought his potty into a room where he was and just that alone, without even saying anything, he broke down in tears and cried for good 10 minutes, saying no potty, no potty. The same goes with toilet. Any suggestion about going on a potty turns into tears. Bribing does not help. If I offer something he likes, like lollipop for example, he freaks out, and ONLY wants the lollipop. I actually hate suggesting this, because he just skips the potty part, and FREAKS out about wanting a lollipop, so now I have to deal with another issue, while potty training is already out of the window.....
We have to be very careful about how we suggest things to him. Anything can through him off and he will go into a fit.
We did very successful EC with our older son, but this one is beyond my thinking....I have NO IDEA how to approach this little guy.

Any help,any suggestions are more than welcome and appreciated.
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#2 of 3 Old 05-09-2009, 09:11 AM
 
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Oh Mama, I'm sorry this is so hard! It's great that you figured out the allergies. If I were you I would keep the little man in diapers and not even suggest potty for quite a while. 3 is not too old to still be in dipes. It sounds like a few less struggles a day would be really good for both of you. It also sounds like that's what you've been doing until recently, if I read your post correctly. I think your instinct is right. There are enough other battles, no?

My daughter was in underwear for a couple of weeks last summer at age 2 1/2. Then we went away for a few weekends and she reverted back to dipes for over 6 months. At first I really tried to push the potty, since I knew she could do it. But it caused a lot of frustration for all of us. So back to dipes it was. After a few months she started using the potty more and more. Finally (recently) I just realized that she was going on the potty all the time, so we switched to underwear. It was a happy development as opposed to a big production or struggle.

Not that your situation will necessarily be the same. But I can relate the the little one's total and devoted diversion to the potty, and the frustration and exasperation. The cool thing is there is an easy option: give it up, let him stay in dipes for a while, and wait and see. Hopefully some of the other difficulties you guys are experiencing can sort themselves out and there will be a better time to focus on potty issues.

I know you said you did EC, so perhaps he never was in dipes at all. At any rate, I would just try to eliminate (no pun intended) conflict in this arena as much as possible. Even if accidents occur, I'd just clean them up with as little comment/ fanfare as possible.

Best wishes Mama. You are giving this tough little guy lots of love. He feels it even if you can't tell he does. Blessings to all of you.
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#3 of 3 Old 05-09-2009, 11:16 AM
 
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I like Chamsia's ideas and style very much. Also, now that summer is here, you could take advantage of any clothing tantrums to do nakey-butt time. If you and dad can model some outdoor peeing in fun and silly places, without making it a request that he do likewise, he may get intrigued enough to follow your lead. At any rate, you can re-immerse yourself in the no-pressure, no-problem mantras of early EC days, and trust that when he's ready for this to shift, it will. I've never been where you are, but I have no doubt that you'll get through it because you write so lovingly and compassionately about your kiddo.

Mom of one child (2008), wife of one husband, tender of dogs, cats and chickens. Household interests: ocean life (kid), bitcoins (husband), simplifying (me).

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