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#61 of 76 Old 06-19-2009, 03:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Inspired007 View Post
So what exactly would you have me to do in this instance?
You tell her she has put you in a situation where she needs to inform the other parents IN WRITING of the events that occured or you will. They all DESERVE to know that their children were left unattended. If you do not speak up, you are no better than she is. Whoever said earlier that silence is acceptance is absolutely correct.
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#62 of 76 Old 06-19-2009, 03:48 PM
 
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I provide child care from home. It is mind boggling to me that she would leave those LO's alone to do yard work. It is unacceptable, and I would call your reporting board (even if she isn't licensed, they should be able to tell you if there is anything anyone can do).

That said, the comment about the woman folding her laundry has really stuck with me. One of the things I like about home daycare vs. centre care (I worked in centre for 5 years before I had DS) is that it exposes children to far more "normal" situations. In the centre we really had to make up activites like mailing a letter, cooking, and laundry.

In my home, I do fold the laundry. I often involve the little ones, matching socks and things. I also clean my bathroom, hang my laundry outside, and vacuum. I fail to see how that's different than how I mopped floors and cleaned tables, and folded sleep sheets and towels when I worked in a center. Learing about the daily rhythms of a home is part of life for young children. The women who runs the program I am licensed though always says "This is your home and you have to live here."

That said, I do a very gentle circle time and we do paint and things like that as well. I also offer lots of relaxed playtime. I think it's important.

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#63 of 76 Old 06-19-2009, 08:25 PM
 
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I can't believe

#1 that your DH needs daycare when he's off for the summer and

#2 that he left your DD at daycare when he knows that the provider wasn't watching the children right before he got there.

He'd be on my naughty list, for sure.

Since the daycare provider violated your trust and the welfare of the children present when your DH drove up, she has "0" case. If she won't refund your money - take her to small claims courtm (or to your pastor

If she's as interested in maintaining your church friendship, she'll bend over backward to try to remedy this with you.

Alyssa
Mama to Scott (USAF), Katie (18), Karlie (16), Kimmy (9), Klara (4.5), and Baby Khloe (2.5)
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#64 of 76 Old 06-19-2009, 08:55 PM
 
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I don't understand why you wouldn't want to inform the other parents of this situation. If it isn't good enough for your child, it likely isn't good enough for theirs, either. You should not just assume this isn't a deal breaker for other parents.
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#65 of 76 Old 06-19-2009, 09:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Breeder View Post
Silence is acceptance.

By not reporting her you are allowing her to continue putting children at risk.

Those little ones need someone to stand up for them. Please be that person. You are strong enough to do the right thing.

Breeder took the words out of my mouth.

You can do this! Please, do this. Those little children need you to be their advocate.

Leah- wife to Chris : SAHM to Henry (03/06)and to Evelyn : (06/08). She is our heart attack survivor at 3.5 weeks and went on to have open heart surgery at 5 weeks for Coarctation of the Aorta.
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#66 of 76 Old 06-19-2009, 10:55 PM
 
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I would turn her in, sue her if she doesn't refund my money, and also tell every one of the parents I knew used her for daycare that I had reported her to the state and why and tell them to get their money back too.

The woman should be in jail and you're worried about your relationship with her at church?

She left kids in high chairs while she was outside. High chairs can be tipped over. Forget the remote possibility of a fire, a kid could've just wiggled (from say, having a poopy diaper?) and died.
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#67 of 76 Old 06-20-2009, 12:05 AM
 
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Two things keep coming to me as I read this. Not your DH's bad judgement - I can acutally see where someone would be so shocked that they didn't respond correctly but went ahead and left your DD while it all sunk in. It's that unbelievable! However, yes highchairs can tip, there could be a fire, etc., but on a more practical level what about the children in diapers? How long are they left sitting in their own feces in some instances? Other than a catalyst for diaper rash, that's classified as neglect - and that's benign relatively speaking when compared to the other things pp have mentioned could happen!

Finally, I wanted to say this. It's something that we as a society tend to forget too easily. I understand that you don't want to cause problems and that you don't want to get her in trouble so to speak. Thing is, her actions are what will cause the problems, not your reporting of them. It's not like you're making up a story. If someone faces repercussions because of a truth that is told, then it is their actions alone that caused that repercussion and nothing for you to feel bad or guilty over.

I'm very glad your DD isn't going back!
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#68 of 76 Old 06-20-2009, 03:00 AM
 
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[QUOTE=Inspired007;13962101]Also, I want to comment on the fact that when I mentioned that she goes to my church, it wasn’t to say that I fear retaliation or ridicule. Maybe you won’t understand this, but belonging to a church is like a family in a lot of ways. You don’t do things rashly without taking into account the effect it will have on your family or the soul in question. I don’t want to do anything that will negatively affect God’s kingdom so these types of things aren’t done casually or impulsively.


QUOTE]

I have been a churchgoer all my life. However, I have to respectfully, but wholeheartedly disagree with this reasoning. Those babies she is watching need to have someone speak up for them. It seems to me that God has put you and your DH in the position of being able to do that. Her intentions may not have been bad, but that doesn't make a difference to a child who is hurt or in need of attention!

I would say that NOT speaking up about this to the other parents is what would be negatively impacting God's kingdom, by endangering those children.

At the very least, the parents should be able to make their OWN decision about whether or not to continue to trust her with their kids. Right now they don't have all the information! Please do not withhold that information from them.

I agree with pp who said silence is acceptance, and this is definitely unacceptable. I would be very, very upset if this were my child, and as it is, I feel upset on behalf of all the little children she is watching.

Please think of the children, and the other parents.
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#69 of 76 Old 06-20-2009, 03:49 PM
 
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Holy mackeral. I can't believe this woman!!! I wish your child could go where my child goes- the provider does yoga with them, teaches them signing, arts and crafts, letters and numbers.. ugh. I am sorry you are going through this.

I would definitely report her to the state and get your child out of her irresponsible hands! What is she thinking? I wonder if the other parents know she is like this. I must sound like a troublemaker, but I would be so enraged, I would probably tell the other parents. Actually, I am enraged and I am not even involved! :

Kerri, mom to Doran  angel2.gif  (born still 7/6/05 at 33 weeks), Mairaed (11/16/07),  angel1.gif 11/15/08 at 10 weeks,  Kieran (11/2/09).   angel1.gif 1/11/11 at 15 weeks
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#70 of 76 Old 06-20-2009, 04:56 PM
 
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At first, I think I would have been with everyone who said that DH did a big no no, but then the poster that said that it was probably too much shock to have made that decision on the spur of the moment, perhaps she is right. I think I would have been livid at my DH, but if I had been there, in his shoes, I may have made the same decision and been so p*ssed at myself for doing so.

I interviewed this one home babysitter, that had 8-10 kids in her care. I was working with another parent that referred her to me. I went there, and she gave me a tour, and there was a 6 mo old baby on a bed, like my grandma would have done. No pillows, nothing. She also had an in ground pool, kids afterschool in and out. I decided against it, and my coworker also mentioned she liked me, but didn't want to see me all morning and all day. So, I decided not to use her. I paid more money at the in home licensed military daycare. He was left in MY swing all day when I wasn't there, as he cried because I didn't know I shouldn't have been eating chili. I went ahead and took the swing because I knew she had other kids, he was not even 8 wks. So I found a better military home daycare betwen the two bases, where we lived and where we worked. I nursed him at lunch, and I always got him early on Fridays when we were released early. I used my boss's wife a couple times when my DC worker was on vacation. My friend said she would never use her because she left the preschoolers in the fixed up garage playing all day. I went there to nurse him at lunch too.

So, FF. My coworker comes back from her older child's dental appt, (where she knocked out her tooth at this DC lady's home in the tub), and finds policeman and ambulance. Another toddler got out of the door after an afterschool kid didn't lock it after coming in. The baby got out and drowned. It wasn't HER 2 yr old. So, I ask her if she was planning to take her kids back, and she says, "well, after it all cools down". The lady never did DC after that, PTL! I just stared at my coworker, like "you HAVE to be kidding". All of has already said we would have pulled the girls after the busted teeth incident. She could have hosed the kids down from the sand. Where were all the other kids while she was bathing one child? Maybe that was a fluke, but the pool was the biggest reason I decided against her.

Good childcare is hard to find. We found out things against our 2nd and last DC provider, like leaving DS in his poopy pants for hours until we arrived to pick him up. And, once we were there, she is off the clock. We figured this out when our two week notice was about over.

I would call the old DC provider and see if she would be willing to take her back. If you believe she is safe, you do get what you pay for, and she seemed to have it together. If you wanted more structured time for a 20 mo old, that may have been too much to expect from a home daycare. The only reason I say to take her back, is because I was also a licensed DC provider, and I saw the problems that were caused by children being jumped from provider to provider. You may need to compromise (about education expectations) so that your child has a stable environment. She will know her, and hopefully, she liked her. I kept one toddler that no one would keep because she whined all the time. This was probably from her unstable homelife and then jumping from DC to DC. I took care of her until I moved. She got so much better in my care, but I also only had her FT.

Good daycare is hard to find. Just as parents aren't perfect, "surrogate" parents are normal people too. There are some things that just need to be discussed, others that are no brainers.

I got fired (as a babysitter, not licensed daycare)once because my three children (2 were older) were playing with the woman's toddler in the toy room, one room down the hall to my right, and I was in the LR reading the Bible. It was a small apartment. I was in and out, but the husband came in when I just happened to be sitting down. He said I didn't know where the baby was. (I think I said, "Let me see where he is." when getting up to get him, not that I didn't KNOW.) I asked her if there were any other reasons, as I couldn't imagine there could be any since I babysat for them very little, and she said that was it. So, she confronted me, they couldn't afford the babysitting anyway, and we were still friends at church. I guess they wanted to check to see if I was reading all the time. And, I think expectations can be quite different from parent to parent. I know that she was paranoid to leave the baby in their playpen sleeping alone in the LR. So, I should have known about our differences, as I don't hover over my kids.

I would certainly move churches if I needed to to protect those children. Imagine how many church members may come to her and if there is never an investigation but a huge accident, what kind of questions you will get after that!

Well, I hope I added a little new info and insight. Kymberli
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#71 of 76 Old 06-20-2009, 07:04 PM
 
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I think it's important to contact the other parents that have children there and let them know the situation. I know I would want to be contacted. Some may think that it isn't a big deal but I would let them decide that. I also would contact the state agencies and let them know. This is a big deal. It concerns the safety of children so I would want to make sure steps are taken so the woman inderstands just how serious it is.

Quote:
Originally Posted by alllyssa View Post
I can't believe

#1 that your DH needs daycare when he's off for the summer and
Off topic but I did want to address this comment. DH has a schedule where he works constantly for three months, but then can have up to 4-5 weeks of leave. Even when he is at home, DS still goes to daycare most days. DS thrives on his schedule and routines and messing with that too much is painful for everyone involved, including DS. He also doesn't transition well so spending a month at home then going back to daycare full time would be extremely rough on him. Some kids are like that. There could be a lot of reasons why they use daycare in the summer.

Kirsten, mama to Monkey since May 2007 and Bean born 11/7/09
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#72 of 76 Old 06-21-2009, 03:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kirstenb View Post
Off topic but I did want to address this comment. DH has a schedule where he works constantly for three months, but then can have up to 4-5 weeks of leave. Even when he is at home, DS still goes to daycare most days. DS thrives on his schedule and routines and messing with that too much is painful for everyone involved, including DS. He also doesn't transition well so spending a month at home then going back to daycare full time would be extremely rough on him. Some kids are like that. There could be a lot of reasons why they use daycare in the summer.
Just to add to this....some daycares will make you pay even if your child does not attend to hold the spot. If you don't pay, that leaves them free to fill that spot....

Rebekah , single working mom to Micah (04.12.2007)
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#73 of 76 Old 06-21-2009, 12:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Inspired007 View Post
Oh and I hear you guys about the first daycare. There were other reasons involved, namely that it was out of my way for work and the price was very steep. We were paying about $60 less per week for this current daycare than the first. And there was food provided, which wasn't at the first one. I had to bring her meals.
Unformtunately...much of the time...you get what you pay for. Cutrate daycares much of the time offer cutrate care.

Heather married to my highschool sweetheart 6/7/02 :cop: Mother to Dani age 14 and Timmy age 10 Nadia 1/29 :
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#74 of 76 Old 06-21-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Inspired007 View Post
Also, I want to comment on the fact that when I mentioned that she goes to my church, it wasn’t to say that I fear retaliation or ridicule. Maybe you won’t understand this, but belonging to a church is like a family in a lot of ways. You don’t do things rashly without taking into account the effect it will have on your family or the soul in question. I don’t want to do anything that will negatively affect God’s kingdom so these types of things aren’t done casually or impulsively.
You need to hold her to the same standard then.

What is the impact of her actions, leaving a seven-year-old in charge of several babies/toddlers strapped into high chairs, on God's kingdom? What will be the impact on the seven-year-old if one of those chairs tips and a baby hits their head on the corner of something and gets permanently injured or killed? This situation is unfair to *all* of the children involved. A seven-year-old may not even be capable of putting a child into or removing them from a high chair, just because they can't lift 20 pounds that high. All she could possibly do is run out and tell her cousin that something was wrong, and she might not even *know* whether she needed to do that.

Is her home extremely neat and tidy? I sort of wonder about the "had to" comment with the weeds, and whether there might be some underlying OC issues.

Anyway... people do have this same kind of situation come up with people who are literally family members, and they generally get the same advice. You do no one any favors by not reporting the situation, and you quite possibly do harm to more than one person by keeping this information to yourself.
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#75 of 76 Old 06-22-2009, 01:24 AM
 
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Just curious, for the people who suggested small claims court, do you really think the OP would win?

Judge: "So Mr. OP, what did you do when you discovered that DCP was weeding the yard while the children were inside?"

Mr. OP: "Oh I left her there so I could run some errands."

I'm guessing the judge would think that if it wasn't urgent enough to remove the child that day, that it wasn't urgent enough to warrent leaving two weeks early. But it just depends on the judge. I can see the same thing happening when reporting to a state agency (not that I think she shouldn't be reported, but when relaying the story to the agency, again, they will probably ask what action you took.) The fact that the OP's child was left there anyway despite Mr OP being off work waters down the "concern". They may or may not take you seriously.

I do think that the other parents have the right to know. They may be okay with it or they may not but it should be their decision to make.
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#76 of 76 Old 06-22-2009, 03:37 PM
 
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You asked, WWYD ... I would put the child in a regular daycare and not do "in-home" daycare. You are asking for the things that places like Goddard School do, so put your child in the kind of situation where learning and training occur.

In-home care is cheaper, but in my opinion and experience, it is not as good. (not trying to offend any care-givers here, sorry!) I just like the rules (i.e. no TV!) and the structure at formal daycares so much better for my children. It kind of sounds like you want the quality and formality of pre-school, but for some reason keep putting your child into private homes.
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