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#1 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 05:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, my 20 mo. old is in a home daycare. She’s been there about 4 months now. The reason she just started this daycare was b/c she was at another home daycare that we took her out of.

Plenty of things concerned me about the other daycare, for example, all day was play time. No scheduled activities, no learning, just play. I would pick up my dd and see that the daycare lady was on the couch folding her children’s laundry while my child, and other’s ran around the house. Um, if you have that much time on your hands, can’t you be doing something productive. I’m paying your wages here, lady.

I guess my whole attitude is that if you work at home, you should still treat it like you are at WORK. Obviously this is the minority point of view, because here’s what just happened at the new daycare.

My hubby is a teacher and is off for the summer so he’s been dropping dd off at daycare rather late. Usually, he calls first. I am devious and I never call. I’d rather just drop in. Otherwise how am I to know what’s really going on?

You should also know that this particular home daycare is licensed by the state and is always busy. In all the days that our dd has been there, she’s always had children there. The oldest is usually about 2 ½.

Well, today, he didn’t call before he dropped her off. At 10 am he pulls up in the driveway and guess what??? The daycare lady is outside raking up weeds in the front lawn. Where are the kids? Sitting in high chairs in the house. Alone. R U FREAKING KIDDING ME??? The daycare portion of the house is in the back so she was no where near the door. She was all the way in the front, while the kids are in the back. No way she could hear them if they screamed.

So, my easy going, calm husband (sooooo the opposite of me), prays a bit for peace and gets out of the car. She runs over to him and waterfalls of excuses begin pouring out. He said the look on her face was dam*ing. Also, he said she was so nervous and was stumbling all over her excuse for being outside.

*This lady was out here pulling my weeds and left a few so I came out and pulled them because I am a perfectionist. And before I knew it, I was out here getting caught up*

Um, that did not help you one bit. He ended up dropping dd off b/c he had lots of errands to run. He didn’t say one word b/c he knew he’d blow up and there’s one thing we’ve learned: never talk down to 1) people who make your food 2) people who handle your money and 3) people who take care of your kids.

Can you believe this? What if there was a fire? You’d never even know until the smoke made it out of the door. What if…what if….what if…

Bottom line for me: What mother would leave her own baby in a high chair to go outside to do yard work? Not a good one. That’s not something you’d do with your own child, so why would you do this with someone else’s child?

Because she was trying so hard to rectify the situation lends me to believe that she truly did know it was wrong and did it anyway. That’s deviousness. She obviously knows better or she wouldn’t have tried to smooth it over.

So to prepare for our new baby, we were going to pull dd out for the month of July to save money. We’re paid up through the end of June and there’s a 2 week advance notice to quit so we’re out these next two weeks even if we pull her now. We’re looking for a new place to take dd in the meantime.

Do you think it’s reasonable for me to take her there these next two weeks? This lady is a good person, but the mentality of a person who would leave babies/toddlers imprisoned (high chairs) alone in a house is beyond my scope of understanding.

Sorry for the long rant.

WWYD?

Ph.D. Mama to Anaiah born 10/06/07 and Mathias born 11/14/09 and Wife to my cocoa puff DH.
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#2 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 05:16 PM
 
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Um, seeing as how she's registered with the State, I would be pulling the child and demanding any money refunded, the heck with the two week thing. If she argues, I'd be filing complaints.

She's in violation of her contract, I'll bet. She's to provide a safe environment. Personally, I wouldn't care too much about the playing - I don't think structured activities make or break a child - but one that young being left inside alone for what was probably a very long time is a no go for me.

And I'm the MOST laid-back mom you'll EVER EVER EVER meet, and this is what I would do!

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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#3 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 05:25 PM
 
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I agree with Sandra.

Call her and tell her you're pulling your daughter, that you want a refund for the next two weeks and that you'll be calling the state. I know if another parent knew these things about my daycare, I'd want them to report it.

Mama of three.
 
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#4 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 05:25 PM
 
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I'd pull her. It's just money & if it's lost that's better than what could happen with a negligent caregiver.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#5 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 05:30 PM
 
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Um, seeing as how she's registered with the State, I would be pulling the child and demanding any money refunded, the heck with the two week thing. If she argues, I'd be filing complaints.

She's in violation of her contract, I'll bet. She's to provide a safe environment. Personally, I wouldn't care too much about the playing - I don't think structured activities make or break a child - but one that young being left inside alone for what was probably a very long time is a no go for me.

And I'm the MOST laid-back mom you'll EVER EVER EVER meet, and this is what I would do!
to this whole post. The play all day at the other place wouldn't bother me, but if it bothered you you're paying so it was good you found a new place. But yeah, leaving multiple kids in high chairs while she's outside around the opposite end of the house doing yardwork is NOT cool.

Heather, WAHM to DS (01/04)DD (06/06). Wed to DH(09/97)
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#6 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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I agree with Sandra.

Call her and tell her you're pulling your daughter, that you want a refund for the next two weeks and that you'll be calling the state. I know if another parent knew these things about my daycare, I'd want them to report it.
Yep! I'm a very laid back person and the play all day wouldn't both me at all for a child that age especially for in-home care. This would be a huge deal to me though!

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#7 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 05:40 PM
 
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This lady does have a requirement to treat her home as a business. Leaving the kids alone is unacceptable.

If I, as a mother, decide to go get the mail while my baby is playing in the living room, I have that "liberty". If I were watching other people's kids, I wouldn't leave them alone for a second. You no longer have that liberty when you are responsible for other children. She has more responsibility for your kids than for her own, if you know what I mean.

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#8 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 05:42 PM
 
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Well, personally I think the second lady is much more a risk than the first, though I only have your two examples to go by. Honestly I would have been livid with dh if he left our child in the example you describe. I would require a refund for the unused days stating breech of contract and I would contact the state. I would not leave my child in the care of someone who thought it was okay to leave the kids completely alone like that for anything more than an emergency (to deal with an injured child type of thing) or maybe to go to the bathroom for two minutes if she is the only caregiver there. I would be too concerned about what other risks she deems acceptable.

As for the first placement, do you mean that you thought your daughter should be receiving a preschool type program with circle time and academic activities like learning the ABCs, or just that you wanted to see some free choice art projects or playdough type activities offered? If it is the first then you should probably do some research to solidify what your educational philosophy is for your dd and look for a daycare or preschool that states they offer such a curriculum. Depending on your area (rural or urban) you are more likely to find such a program at a larger center. Even if you find it in a home situation it will probably cost more as it is likely to be run by a former preschool teacher now offering home care in order to stay home with her own kids but still requiring higher compensation for her higher training.

Most small home daycares are more play based and viewed as an extension of, well, home. Therefore playing most of the day, some book reading, some outside play time, maybe some extra fun with painting or playdough, all happen while the supervising "mom" is preparing and cleaning up from meals, activities, diaper changes, naps and yes, some minor housework. Disappearing to rake the front yard alone - NO, but sweeping the kitchen floor, emptying the dishwasher or folding a load of clothes while supervising play, yes.

Good luck with the new search and the new babe! I'm sure this is all very stressful for you right now.
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#9 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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I wouldn't be happy with my husband if he left my child there knowing she was not watching them. I'd rather lose two weeks worth of daycare money than my child.

Mother of two. : 4/05 and 1/07 Wife of one. : 7/01
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#10 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:05 PM
 
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As a fellow mama who has BOTH her little angels in daycare fulll time, I would be yanking my kid, demanding a refund, and reporting her to the state so that a formal investigation is conducted to ensure she does not harm anyone's child.

My stomach is turning just reading your post. I wouldnt think twice about yanking your daughter out. No one messes with the well being of a child. NO ONE.
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#11 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:14 PM
 
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I would have never left my LO there again, ever. Even if you believe her excuses, she is obviously too absent-minded, "forgetting" she has kids inside in high chairs.

I would demand my money back (but wouldn't fight it too hard--money isn't that important), and immediately file a formal complaint with the state.

Oh yeah, and I wouldn't worry about the play thing. I'm sorry this happened. As someone with a little one in FT daycare, I understand how stressful and time-consuming it is to find a new one.

Progressive working mom to one Delightful Son, 1/07
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#12 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:15 PM
 
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Well, personally I think the second lady is much more a risk than the first, though I only have your two examples to go by. Honestly I would have been livid with dh if he left our child in the example you describe. I would require a refund for the unused days stating breech of contract and I would contact the state. I would not leave my child in the care of someone who thought it was okay to leave the kids completely alone like that for anything more than an emergency (to deal with an injured child type of thing) or maybe to go to the bathroom for two minutes if she is the only caregiver there. I would be too concerned about what other risks she deems acceptable.

As for the first placement, do you mean that you thought your daughter should be receiving a preschool type program with circle time and academic activities like learning the ABCs, or just that you wanted to see some free choice art projects or playdough type activities offered? If it is the first then you should probably do some research to solidify what your educational philosophy is for your dd and look for a daycare or preschool that states they offer such a curriculum. Depending on your area (rural or urban) you are more likely to find such a program at a larger center. Even if you find it in a home situation it will probably cost more as it is likely to be run by a former preschool teacher now offering home care in order to stay home with her own kids but still requiring higher compensation for her higher training.

Most small home daycares are more play based and viewed as an extension of, well, home. Therefore playing most of the day, some book reading, some outside play time, maybe some extra fun with painting or playdough, all happen while the supervising "mom" is preparing and cleaning up from meals, activities, diaper changes, naps and yes, some minor housework. Disappearing to rake the front yard alone - NO, but sweeping the kitchen floor, emptying the dishwasher or folding a load of clothes while supervising play, yes.

Good luck with the new search and the new babe! I'm sure this is all very stressful for you right now.
I agree with this.

Without there being more to the story I would not have pulled my kids from the first daycare. I actually chose a home based daycare specifically because I don't care for alot of structure for young kids. Similarly aged kids to play with, some toys, and some outside time is what I want in a daycare.

But I find the second beyond careless and would no longer use that babysitter for childcare.

Are you really going to have any piece of mind if you leave your child there for the next two weeks?

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
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#13 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:23 PM
 
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Just agreeing with everyone else. I would pull my son/daughter immediately and ask for $ back as well as file a complaint.

Agree with others as well about wanting lo to play, however as the Mother if you had feelings that the first daycare was not right for your lo, then that is what's best to go on.

I hoe you are able to find someone soon!
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#14 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:28 PM
 
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Bottom line for me: What mother would leave her own baby in a high chair to go outside to do yard work? Not a good one. That’s not something you’d do with your own child, so why would you do this with someone else’s child?
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Do you think it’s reasonable for me to take her there these next two weeks? This lady is a good person, but the mentality of a person who would leave babies/toddlers imprisoned (high chairs) alone in a house is beyond my scope of understanding.

Sorry for the long rant.

WWYD?
I would not have left my child in her care that day or ever again. RUN. Your child deserves better.

"Good people" don't leave babies unattended to do yard work.

Homeschooling mama of four fantastic kids and wife to one great guy.
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#15 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:29 PM
 
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I'm going to agree with the assessment of the pp. The first place sounds like exactly what you should expect at a home daycare. Then again, I happen to believe that "structured" playtime is detrimental to kids under three. I don't think it benefits them at *all* let alone a kid under two even!

The second place, though... Yeah. I'd be pulling my kid in a heartbeat and calling the state to do an investigation or revoke her license. No way no how did she not know it was completely 100% wrong and dangerous to leave those kids unattended in a bunch of high chairs, if for no other reason than kids are squirmy little suckers and one of them could climb halfway out of a high chair and end up falling on their head. Not okay.
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#16 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel much better knowing that I’m not overreacting.

The only thing is that this lady goes to my church and so it makes things quite difficult. We have to be very diplomatic about how we handle this b/c of our relationship with her.

It would be very, very difficult for us to turn this lady in to the state. I can certainly see why you all would want me to, but this is kind of a precarious situation we’re in.

Ph.D. Mama to Anaiah born 10/06/07 and Mathias born 11/14/09 and Wife to my cocoa puff DH.
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#17 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh and I hear you guys about the first daycare. There were other reasons involved, namely that it was out of my way for work and the price was very steep. We were paying about $60 less per week for this current daycare than the first. And there was food provided, which wasn't at the first one. I had to bring her meals.

Ph.D. Mama to Anaiah born 10/06/07 and Mathias born 11/14/09 and Wife to my cocoa puff DH.
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#18 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:41 PM
 
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It would be very, very difficult for us to turn this lady in to the state. I can certainly see why you all would want me to, but this is kind of a precarious situation we’re in.
But if you don't, and a child becomes hurt (or worse!) in her care, how would you feel?

I mean, it's not your fault. But you need to somehow intervene here. Something should be done. If my child was sitting next to yours in those lonely high chairs, I would want to know what kind of care she's getting.

I know it's hard. But it would be irresponsible, IMO, not to do SOMETHING.

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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#19 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:51 PM
 
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But if you don't, and a child becomes hurt (or worse!) in her care, how would you feel?
: Diplomacy has its limits, and one of those limits is when it comes to the welfare of children.
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#20 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:51 PM
 
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I agree with PPs - I would definitely not take my child back to that daycare. Ever.

I suspect that this isn't the first time she's done something like this (it rarely ever is). Yes, the kids were strapped down in their chairs, but one of them could have choked on something with no one around to see it. When I read your post, I immediately wondered what other neglectful things she's done while the parents weren't around.

Turning her in, while difficult and potentially very awkward since she goes to your church, is the right thing to do. A small child could be badly hurt or killed if their caregiver is not watching them, especially for an extended period of time. Who knows how long they were left inside while she was doing yard work before your DH arrived? I know I would feel terrible if something happened and I hadn't said anything. And I would certainly hope another parent to report seeing something like this at a place my child was being cared for at.

Hugs, mama. This is a tough situation!

SAHM to DD (6/07) and DS (10/09); happily married to DH since 2/04 .
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#21 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 06:53 PM
 
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Seriously, report her. So it might cause some 'problems' at church, so what. Would you really rather not make waves and have somebody elses kid get hurt? Or to put it another way, how would you feel if somebody else pulled ther kid out of a daycare quietly because of serious safety concerns, *YOU* didn't know and put your kid in there, and they got seriously hurt?? Just cause' that first parent didn't want to 'make waves' as it were???

ETA: Oh and I also agree with the other posters about the first daycare - I wouldn't want structure for my DS if he was in daycare. I'd want a mom who would watch him, take him to the park, and just generally let him play and be a kid...
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#22 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 07:18 PM
 
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Um, seeing as how she's registered with the State, I would be pulling the child and demanding any money refunded, the heck with the two week thing. If she argues, I'd be filing complaints.

She's in violation of her contract, I'll bet. She's to provide a safe environment. Personally, I wouldn't care too much about the playing - I don't think structured activities make or break a child - but one that young being left inside alone for what was probably a very long time is a no go for me.

And I'm the MOST laid-back mom you'll EVER EVER EVER meet, and this is what I would do!
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to this whole post. The play all day at the other place wouldn't bother me, but if it bothered you you're paying so it was good you found a new place. But yeah, leaving multiple kids in high chairs while she's outside around the opposite end of the house doing yardwork is NOT cool.
I haven't read past these posts, but I agree totally. The play all day thing wouldn't bother me, but leaving the kids inside, stuck in high chairs, while she does yard work?? No way in hell. ANd, ask for a refund, and file a complaint. I'm sure that's not in line with her licensing.

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#23 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 07:39 PM
 
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I feel much better knowing that I’m not overreacting.

The only thing is that this lady goes to my church and so it makes things quite difficult. We have to be very diplomatic about how we handle this b/c of our relationship with her.

It would be very, very difficult for us to turn this lady in to the state. I can certainly see why you all would want me to, but this is kind of a precarious situation we’re in.
I don't think you should have to censor your actions in this situation because this lady goes to your church. So what! You don't owe her anything because of that. What she did is ILLEGAL as a licensed care provider! If someone, say, murdered a little old lady after stealing her purse, would you not report it because they went to your church???
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#24 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 07:52 PM
 
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Diplomacy my big toe. If your church is screwed up enough to get all mad at you for being concerned about the WELFARE OF CHILDREN there's something seriously wrong with it.

If you do not report her, you are morally responsible of one of those kids gets hurt. End of story.

Silence means you approve.
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#25 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 08:15 PM
 
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Well, personally I think the second lady is much more a risk than the first, though I only have your two examples to go by. Honestly I would have been livid with dh if he left our child in the example you describe. I would require a refund for the unused days stating breech of contract and I would contact the state. I would not leave my child in the care of someone who thought it was okay to leave the kids completely alone like that for anything more than an emergency (to deal with an injured child type of thing) or maybe to go to the bathroom for two minutes if she is the only caregiver there. I would be too concerned about what other risks she deems acceptable.

As for the first placement, do you mean that you thought your daughter should be receiving a preschool type program with circle time and academic activities like learning the ABCs, or just that you wanted to see some free choice art projects or playdough type activities offered? If it is the first then you should probably do some research to solidify what your educational philosophy is for your dd and look for a daycare or preschool that states they offer such a curriculum. Depending on your area (rural or urban) you are more likely to find such a program at a larger center. Even if you find it in a home situation it will probably cost more as it is likely to be run by a former preschool teacher now offering home care in order to stay home with her own kids but still requiring higher compensation for her higher training.

Most small home daycares are more play based and viewed as an extension of, well, home. Therefore playing most of the day, some book reading, some outside play time, maybe some extra fun with painting or playdough, all happen while the supervising "mom" is preparing and cleaning up from meals, activities, diaper changes, naps and yes, some minor housework. Disappearing to rake the front yard alone - NO, but sweeping the kitchen floor, emptying the dishwasher or folding a load of clothes while supervising play, yes.

Good luck with the new search and the new babe! I'm sure this is all very stressful for you right now.
I agree totally and completely with this post.

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#26 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 08:27 PM
 
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i think you should report it. the other parents have a right to know their kids are not being well supervised. also, how would you feel if you had been using this daycare and mentioned it to another mother who said 'o yeah, we used to use her too but then we found her outside and the kids completely unsupervised. we haven't gone back since' ? i would wish that she had reported so that i would not have unknowingly left my child with someone who was neglecting her job.
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#27 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 08:35 PM
 
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I would be angry too, because I would expect the woman to do the job I was paying her to do.

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"Good people" don't leave babies unattended to do yard work.
I do. Not only do I consider myself a "good" mother, I would go as far as to say wonderful. I don't lock DD in the house, if she wanted to come out she is more than welcome (and can open the door herself), however, she is usually napping or playing and doesn't want to be outside with me.

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#28 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 08:52 PM
 
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yeah but she's yours... IMO thats the difference... i'll go get something from the car or w/e while ds is napping but he's my kid yk?
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#29 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 08:55 PM
 
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Here in Wichita about a year ago a little girl died at a home daycare because she was left unattended in a car seat that was too little for her. She was left in the bathroom and no one checked on her and evidently the car seat being too little didn't allow her to breath properly. I would report her, next time a baby might die, nothing is worth that. And any true Christians would not hold it against you.

Michelle : wife to awesome DH Aaron : since (04/02), mom to DS Michael (07/07) and bio-mom to Ember (07/84), : , TANSTAAFL
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#30 of 76 Old 06-17-2009, 09:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by 1littlebit View Post
yeah but she's yours... IMO thats the difference... i'll go get something from the car or w/e while ds is napping but he's my kid yk?
Yup. I know how safe my own children are when I leave them "alone". That does not mean that I would do it to children I was being paid to care for.

SANDRA, 41 year old VERY laid-back mama to VERY free range kids Brett (16), Justus (11), Autumn (4), and Ayla (1)... four perfect NCB's! :::
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