"We don't _____" Rules you never realized you had until you had a toddler. - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 323 Old 08-13-2009, 07:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mommyinIL1976 View Post
When DD was three:

"We don't put chapstick on our vulva. It doesn't need chapstick".

Now the worst part. I re-cap the chapstick and set it on the nightstand as I re-direct DD to another part of the house. Yep, I forgot about it and an hour later DH comes walking into the kitchen applying a generous amount of chapstick to his lips.

He didn't find it nearly as hilarious as I did!

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#62 of 323 Old 08-13-2009, 09:30 PM
 
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We dont ask people if they want to c our penis. we dont pee in the bowl of gold fish, in the vent, in the closet, in the dump truck

~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.

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#63 of 323 Old 08-13-2009, 10:11 PM
 
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We do not eat and nurse at the same time.
We do not eat the sweep pile. (this drives me batty)
We do not climb inside the cupboard. (she gets stuck)
We do not eat poo.
We do not shove our hands in our throat so far back that we vomit.
We do not grab mamas vulva in the bath or when she is changing.
We do not eat diaper cream.
electronics need to stay dry, out of the mouth, bath and toilet.

: feminist mama to DD 04/08
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#64 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 12:52 PM
 
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"No shirt, no shoes, no service" - at our house, we need to amend that to: underpants are mandatory, shirt is optional, but definitely socks, shoes and nothing else is not appropriate dinner attire. We also don't sit on the dinner table with a naked butt (or even a clothed butt, for that matter).

We do not grab onto the janky wood crossbar on the screen door, hang with our full body weight and push the door open so we swiiiing! out. This can only end badly, and mama does not need one more broken thing to fix in this house.

We don't color directly on the floor, nor do we pee on it, nor do we spit on it, even if we clean it up right away afterwards. (What is UP with the that? My friend told DS that he is welcome to come out and spit-polish her motorcycle if he wants to though...she thought this behavior was hilarious.)

Mama's general rule is to kiss all your owies, but when you squash your foreskin under your Jack-in-the-box, "Kiss penis?" turns out to fall into the sorry-we-don't-do-that category.

Doula, WOHM, wife to a super-fun papa, mama to the Monkey ('07), and his little brother, the Sea Monkey ('09).
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#65 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 01:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CallMeMommy View Post
"We don't body-slam the baby" (he didn't *really* body slam the baby, but he was pretending and I was afraid it was going to turn real)

"We don't put things in our foreskin"
DS has been doing some things with DD(4 months).

"We do not sit on baby back to play horses" (he does it soft).

"Do not pretend to pee on your sister" (he gets in the mood where he pretends to pee on things or in things, but he doesn't it. He just holds his penis and goes around saying 'psssss' while pointing or putting it down cups once in a while).

"Do not jump over your sister"

Thought I wouldn't use "Stop kissing/hugging her so much" "Gave her a break" "Get off her"
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#66 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 04:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mumto2 View Post
*No peeing in pot plants, sometimes they are artificial.
What on earth good is an artificial pot plant?

The "don't" I said for the first time today was, "No, we can't give your baby sister a bath in the oobleck."

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#67 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 04:35 PM
 
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New ones today:
We don't spit apple and give it to sister
We don't take food that sister spit to eat
...what's up with that today?
We don't pull sister off the patio table to climb on it instead - we don't climb on the table

Mom of DS (07/2006) and DD (01/2008)
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#68 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 04:41 PM
 
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"We don't put the toothbrush in the dog's mouth"
"We don't lick the cat litter"
"We don't spit toilet water at each other"
"And we CERTAINLY don't put tree frogs in our mouths!"

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#69 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 07:02 PM
 
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Wow. I guess I'm in big trouble. How many times do you need to refresh their memories with all these "rules?" :-O

Wacky Zack! Born 23-Apr-2009
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#70 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 07:20 PM
 
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Got a new one today.

We don't use the pliers on the dog.

He's only 14 months..........

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#71 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 09:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate View Post
Got a new one today.

We don't use the pliers on the dog.

He's only 14 months..........
:


Oh my I can imagine!

~ SAHM with two girls (3/9/06) and (7/1/07) and always remembering my angel (3/17/06)~
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#72 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 10:07 PM
 
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How about:

We don't put allen wrenches in the dog's anus, she doesn't need "tightened".

(Especially when the dog is a 13 year old, blind, deaf, arthritic Labrador who never would've seen it coming).

or

We don't put our noses in sister's mouth.

(I don't know why she insists on doing this, but it's been 5 weeks now and seriously she tries it daily.)

Amy, mama to "Pumpkin" (DD1, 5/16/06) and "Squashy" (DD2, 7/10/09)
"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance"- Confucius
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#73 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 10:47 PM
 
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OMG this thread is hilarious!

(from yesterday) We do not drink still water from the sandbox, it has bugs in it! (EWWWWW!!!!!!!!! There were a ton of tiny little tadpole shaped bugs in there too!!! :Puke )

You MUST put on clothes if you want to go outside.

We do not put playdough in our ear or nose. (How quickly we forget after our trip to the ER due to a lodged bead in the nose!)

We do not eat cat food.

Don't smush your poo between your fingers, it belongs in the toilet.

Daddy does not play "Mean Girl" or Pirate on public transit (long story).

ETA - dh just reminded me of this one - We do not play helicopter with the family cat.

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#74 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 10:51 PM
 
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"We don't lick the dog" is one that I said just the other day.

Our clan: Me (25), Dh (29), dd (6/19/08) and ds (10/2/09) :
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#75 of 323 Old 08-14-2009, 11:32 PM
 
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DD is only 12.5mo and we already have:
We don't climb into/sit in the dishwasher.
We don't eat random things found on the floor.
We don't put dirty underwear on our head.
We don't drink bath water. Or suck on soapy washcloths.
We don't splash in the toilet.
We don't climb off the arm of the couch.
We don't put dirty diapers in our mouth.

And kitty is one GIANT don't...
...touch kitty's butt.
...yell in kitty's face.
...sit on kitty.
...pull kitty's tail, especially when he's on his tower.
...climb kitty's tower.
...eat fur or nails or anything that came off of kitty.


And we add new ones every day.

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#76 of 323 Old 08-15-2009, 12:08 AM
 
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Oh, I forgot the most commonly used one - we don't bite mama's back fat.



(This is how she gets my attention if I'm at the computer too long.

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#77 of 323 Old 08-15-2009, 12:39 AM
 
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Yesterday I said "we don't put apricots in our butt crack". This goes right along with the "No, Mr. Potatohead does not go in your vagina" and "We don't put pencils/crayons/chopsticks/keys in vaginas."

Glad I'm not the only one saying things like this!

Kristal: Now an at-home mama to my Doodle and my Roo and partner to my love .
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#78 of 323 Old 08-15-2009, 01:36 AM
 
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Oh my goodness! I laughed so hard I cried!

Here are a few from our house:

We don't wake Mommy up in the morning with a flying tackle when you weigh over 40 pounds.

We don't poke Cheerios, noodles, carrots or cracker crumbs into the poles of the dining room chairs. They grow mold and begin to smell.

We don't poke markers up our noses, ears or any other bodily orifice.

We don't steal Mommy's iPod.

Dominoes don't make good food.

We don't store our books under the chair cushions. (Actually we do.)

We don't grind wheat in Daddy's very expensive coffee grinder to be like Laura Ingalls.

We don't paint using our hair.

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#79 of 323 Old 08-15-2009, 01:53 AM
 
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We dont save up our poopoo for the tub, do it in your diaper.

Mummys knickers are NOT a necklace

Mummy to Samuel 02/08 and new baby Molly- 04/10
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#80 of 323 Old 08-15-2009, 03:11 PM
 
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: : : These are hilarious! Some more:

We do not put coins in the car CD player. (Got it out! Phew!)
We do not put our toes in Mommy's nose when nursing.

And to my 4 y.o.:
We do not tell dad he has "great nipples" at the public swimming pool in earshot of everybody. (WTH was that all about anyway????? )

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#81 of 323 Old 08-15-2009, 03:38 PM
 
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We don't blow our noses on sandwiches.

DD is only 18 months though

DD 2/08
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#82 of 323 Old 08-15-2009, 11:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pottermama View Post
When at the doctor's office please don't repeat "I feel like fricken' crap" over and over

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#83 of 323 Old 08-16-2009, 12:24 AM
 
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We don't use mommy's cleavage to store hotwheels, cups, pens, etc...
We don't shove food into daddy's mouth while he's sleeping
We don't yank daddy's penis when he's stepping out of the shower
We don't unbuckle our carseat and then attempt to open the car door while mommy is driving
We don't threaten to fart on people when we're angry

Nursing bras should not double as birth control!
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#84 of 323 Old 08-16-2009, 01:10 AM
 
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Originally Posted by dnr3301 View Post
never thought I'd have to make a "we wear underwear while using scissors" rule
this gave me a laugh i needed....
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#85 of 323 Old 08-16-2009, 01:06 PM
 
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LOL...these are hilarious!

We don't swing on the fridge door handle.
The dog does not LIKE carrots so do not feed them to her.
We don't climb the outside of the stairs.
If you found it on the floor/ground you are not SUPPOSED to eat it!
Don't brush the dog's face.
We don't stick our hand in front of Daddy while he is peeing.
We don't wipe our bum with our hands, esp. after pooping.
We shouldn't talk while nursing.
Please don't show everyone the food you just chewed up in your mouth.

Mom to Nora - 04/07 and Brendan - born still at 23 weeks - 07/10
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#86 of 323 Old 08-16-2009, 05:03 PM
 
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Said often:
Is Jacob dog thirsty? (As he drinks out of dogs bowl, this makes him giggle) Mommy has your water, jacob drinks from his cup!

Does jacob eat dog food? Nooooo! (said emphatically as he steals nuggets out of the bin!)

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#87 of 323 Old 08-16-2009, 08:29 PM
 
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we dont expose mommy's breasts in public because we want to nurse
we dont shove ice in our diapers (i don't know why we'd want to....)
we don't sniff other baby's bottoms

Cheryl, loving wife to a wonderfully goofy mannut.gif, mama to Jonah and Remifencing.gif, just trying to get out of this with my sanity and a decent looking hairdo
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#88 of 323 Old 08-17-2009, 12:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nancy11 View Post
Wow. I guess I'm in big trouble. How many times do you need to refresh their memories with all these "rules?" :-O
At least hourly!!!

At our house:

We don't use our toothbrush to scrub every other surface in the house besides our teeth
We don't blow our nose and then put the kleenex back in the box
We don't colour on every other surface in the house besides the paper supplied
We don't play with dog poop (sometimes I miss a pile in the backyard!!! )
We don't drink out of the dog's water bowl

Mommy to DS born Jan 2008 , and DD born January 2010
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#89 of 323 Old 08-17-2009, 02:03 PM
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Last night: "We don't play with our penis at the dinner table."

professor & maman de DS1 (6) & DS2 (1)

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#90 of 323 Old 08-17-2009, 06:11 PM
 
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We don't go to the mailbox naked.
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