"We don't _____" Rules you never realized you had until you had a toddler. - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 09:03 AM
 
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These are too funny... the things you never thought you'd hear yourself say eh?

-We don't sit on the dog naked. He probably doesn't want you to pee on him.

-We don't put our head or feet in the potty chair.

-We don't kick mama in the face with our feet during nursies.

~Erin~ totally in with Olivia! 5/31/09
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#182 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 10:52 AM
 
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We don't take mommy's boobs out while we're out or we have company just so you can twiddle her nipples. In fact, you should never be doing this, but specially not now.
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#183 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 10:54 AM
 
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We don't eat bugs...especially LIVE ones. (I'm still shuddering and this was yesterday)

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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#184 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 11:01 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by smeisnotapirate View Post
We don't wake mommy & daddy up by sticking their glasses up their nose.
OMG, that's a rule at our house too!

Quote:
Originally Posted by 2xshy View Post
We do not eat the sweep pile.
What's UP with that, anyway?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynn08 View Post
We don't climb into/sit in the dishwasher.
Every. Day.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ckmannel View Post
we dont expose mommy's breasts in public because we want to nurse
Ours is: We do not take Mama's breast out. Mama takes Mama's breast out. Especially in church.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mesa View Post
hammers and bathroom floor tile do not mix
hammers and linoleum also do not mix
hammers and sidewalk concrete don't mix either
(Ummm... sounds to me like hammers and your kiddos do not mix...)


A few from our house:

We do not rub spicy food into our eyes. Or Daddy's eyes.

We do not climb into the bowl of tabouli. That's for dinner.
We do not put our fingers in the butter.
We do not take all the apples out and bite each one.
We do not hang from the cheese drawer.
Okay, just get out of the fridge already!

We do not stick fingers into the fan.

Daddy's CD collection does not need a bath in the toilet.

We do not put Daddy's poker chips in the heating vents. Or in the garbage.

No, you cannot drink Mama's beer. No, not even a taste. No, you cannot splash in Mama's beer either.

Mama's breasts are not for biting. No, it isn't funny when she screams..

We do not jump up and down in the high chair.

We do not play with dirty diapers.

I'm traveling the world with my kids without ever leaving home and blogging about it -- watch, taste, and share our adventures at TheGlobalStayCation.com!
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#185 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 11:13 AM
 
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Gods..dd is 12 now lets see...

when she was a toddler..

we must have underwear or other covering on the butt to go outside

We don't squeeze the cat, she does't like it.

the 2 second rule only applies in OUR house
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#186 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 12:08 PM
 
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We don't take mommy's credit cards out of her wallet and give them to strangers.
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#187 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 12:35 PM
 
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We don't put pennies in our vagina. (we're potty learning these days)

We don't drink the water in the dog bowl.

Daniela ~ Mami to Thalia Adelita (born 10/05/08)
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#188 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 06:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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"We don't sit in the decorative bowl on the coffee table".

I kept finding what I thought were fingerprints all over it (it's chrome); turns out they were toe prints.

So glad this thread is still going strong!

thalia loves Jesus and DH wordyeight and DD#1 : 8/2007 and DD#2 9/2010
and remembering: little turtle 5/23/2006 and poppyseed 7/15/2009
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#189 of 323 Old 07-12-2010, 06:18 PM
 
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"ride the corgi like a motorcycle"
"bite our penis with our alligator"
"use a toothbrush on our penis"
"bite power cords"
"nurse and eat at the same time"
"store food in our underwear"
the ever popular:
"bite the cats"
"drink from the dog/cat dish, eat dog/cat food, etc..."

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#190 of 323 Old 07-13-2010, 03:07 PM
 
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We do not put cheese in our vagina.

Please finish eating what's in your mouth before nursing. Mommy doesn't like peanut butter and Nutella all over her nipples.

There is no need to announce to everyone at the crowded public beach that you have a vagina and Robbie has a penis. They already know. Because you decided that since Robbie was having his diaper changed, you would take off your bathing suit and run around naked. Thanks...

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#191 of 323 Old 07-13-2010, 03:23 PM
 
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We DO NOT honk Grammy's boobies! Matter of fact, you can stop grabbin mommies while your at it!

We do NOT stick Philipe the screwdriver in our anus.

We do NOT try to rip off our brothers penis when he stands up in the tub.
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#192 of 323 Old 07-13-2010, 03:30 PM
 
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No you may not play with daddy's beer bottle. I don't care if you were able to reach it off a table we thought you couldn't reach and I don't care if it IS empty.
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#193 of 323 Old 07-14-2010, 02:19 PM
 
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I had to stop reading this thread somewhere on page 2 yesterday because I was nearly choking from keeping myself from laughing out loud at work. lol

But some to add.


"We do not drink water from the bird baths."

"We especially do not eat rocks that the doggies have peed on."

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#194 of 323 Old 07-14-2010, 03:00 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraji View Post
We don't take mommy's credit cards out of her wallet and give them to strangers.


I don't have a toddler yet, but this thread is getting me excited for when I do, lol

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#195 of 323 Old 07-14-2010, 04:19 PM
 
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I thought of this thread this morning when I found myself saying "We don't hit the dog with a whisk!"

Single Mama to Vincent 3/30/09
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#196 of 323 Old 07-14-2010, 04:25 PM
 
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We don't strum the guitar with the string cheese.
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#197 of 323 Old 07-14-2010, 04:32 PM
 
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WE DONT ENCOURAGE OUR BROTHER TO CRAWL INTO THE STOVE AND THEN TRY TO CLOSE THE DOOR!!!!

Maybe I should also cross post this in "Can't yell at your kids, yell at this thread".
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#198 of 323 Old 07-14-2010, 05:11 PM
 
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"...pick up a glass off the coffee table and throw it on the hardwood floor, just to see what will happen! It will shatter into a million pieces." (Thank God it was empty!)

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#199 of 323 Old 07-15-2010, 05:47 PM
 
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We don't put our penis into the (running!) fan

my DH caught this one, thank goodness.

Massage therapist and artist, wife to English DH since 2002, Mummy to Oliver Finn 10/20/07 and Eamon Anthony 12/2/2010
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#200 of 323 Old 07-15-2010, 06:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auraji View Post
We don't strum the guitar with the string cheese.


Quote:
Originally Posted by wholebreath View Post
We don't put our penis into the (running!) fan

my DH caught this one, thank goodness.

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#201 of 323 Old 07-15-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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Don't give the dog a lick of your ice cream cone (and then take it back). That kind of sharing is not good.

Brackin, mom to DD (10/02), DS (5/06) and DS (12/09) jumpers.gif
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#202 of 323 Old 07-16-2010, 01:16 PM
 
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We don't pick other people's noses.

We don't throw the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet.

We don't throw toothbrushes into the toilet.

We don't put Mama's dirty underwear around our neck.

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#203 of 323 Old 07-16-2010, 02:32 PM
 
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For my DS

"We do not put our dirty clothes back into our dresser"

"We do not splash in the biggest mud puddle we can find right before we're supposed to get on the bus to go to school."

For my DD

"We do not put food in other people's drinks"

"We do not throw everything off the table because you want to use it as a stage"

"We do not throw our shoes at our parent's head because they're taking too long to get you outside."

A student/SAHM to DS 6 , DD 2 , Baby number 3 is due 3/2011
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#204 of 323 Old 07-23-2010, 03:51 PM
 
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we don't put pens or markers in the washing machine when mommy is not looking
(whole load of laundry absolutely destroyed!!!)
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#205 of 323 Old 07-25-2010, 06:24 PM
 
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"we do not lick or kiss mommy's hiney. That's yucky"

(2yo ds did both of these after I got out of the shower)

<3 Rosie: trying to be a natural mom to Logan 3/18/08 & baby #2 EDD 4/3/11 Excited about homebirth #2
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#206 of 323 Old 07-25-2010, 06:34 PM
 
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I was just telling dd the other day not to kiss my hiney.

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#207 of 323 Old 07-25-2010, 08:33 PM
 
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I already posted mine, then found myself saying today to my DS2:

"We do not eat our brother's teeth!"

(Backstory: DS1 was walking around with a straw in his mouth. DS2 tried to pull it out so DS1 bit hard, a tug-of-war ensued, ending when DS2 pulled very hard - out popped the straw & DS1's loose tooth. The tooth sailed through the air & onto the kitchen table. DS2 promptly picked it up, said 'toot' (tooth), and put it in his mouth. Awww, the joy of siblings! )

Loving mama to magical boys Skyler (11/21/03) and Gryffin Emrys (9/30/08). 

 

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#208 of 323 Old 07-25-2010, 08:41 PM
 
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DS came up with this one:
"No eat the poop. Get a tummy ache..."
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#209 of 323 Old 07-27-2010, 12:30 AM
 
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"We don't walk on printers. We walk on floors. Printers are for printing things with, not for walking on."
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#210 of 323 Old 07-27-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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We don't ride the zebra without pants.

We do not put raisins in our diapers and then eat them.

The dog does not like to have his anus touched. STOP IT!

We do not share already chewed food with mommy.

We do not shove pacifiers in diapers.

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