A Weekend Away - Would You Go? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 03:43 PM
 
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I would go. You need it & your DH needs it. It is a great bonding time for them good or bad!

My DH & I just spent 2 nights away & DS is only 13 months old. He did great, in fact I think he had a better time than we did. We missed the heck out of him...but DH & I really needed that time away. It was very healthy for our relationship. DS was way off schedule, but he survived. In fact, funny story...but when we got home DS was at the lake with my brother and so DH & I had a couple hours to kill. We just laid around watching TV and I finally said...is this all we did before DS...how boring!

Go - have fun!
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#62 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 05:26 PM
 
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And baby will get a glimpse of the fact that sometimes Mommy isn't there, but she always comes back, and that Daddy can take care of her just fine too.
Beautifully said.

A friend of mine who is a working mom had a board book with a title that went something like, "Mommy Always Comes Back" about a working mom. Her daughter loved that book. I wish I'd had that when I was a Nanny but I did use similar language.
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#63 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 05:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lunabelly View Post
I agree. Having time away makes you a better mom. That's what your lo needs! I think moms try to be superhuman these days, and it's not good for anyone. We all need a break, and a weekend is a perfectly reasonable amount of time.
Really?

So if you don't spend time away from your children you're a worse mom?

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#64 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 05:42 PM
 
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Oh wow, the guilt and pressure from some of the moms on here are overwhelming. OP, your child will not fall over and die because you go on a weekend trip. Her psyche will not be damaged, your bond will not be broken, etc, etc, etc. I urge you to go, I have seen too many moms martyr themselves and burn out. A couple of days away doing something you enjoy will refresh and recharge you, and could make you a better mother for it.

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#65 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:04 PM
 
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In my experience...when you return on Sunday, baby will smile and life will go on. And baby will get a glimpse of the fact that sometimes Mommy isn't there, but she always comes back, and that Daddy can take care of her just fine too.
apparently we've had different experiences. and most of what i read is also about how baby cries when left at daycare, etc. I am sorry, it would be very strange for a baby to NOT miss mom.
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#66 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:08 PM
 
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I agree. Also, even if you get pregnant, it will be easier to bring a young baby along than bring a mobile toddler along. I know it sometimes stinks to have to give up something we want, but they are only little adn so needy for a short time. Go next year with your new baby
I disagree. There's no need to martyr yourself. This isn't something you want, it's something you NEED!!

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#67 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:12 PM
 
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i mean that babies don't understand time and seperation the way we do. and mom NEEDING to work doesn't change that.
She'll be with daddy. She'll be just fine, even if she does miss mommy. And daddy will totally appreciate mommy more when she gets back!!!

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#68 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:19 PM
 
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She'll be with daddy. She'll be just fine, even if she does miss mommy. And daddy will totally appreciate mommy more when she gets back!!!
I really think there needs to be a separation between daddy is just as good of a caretaker as mama and baby being separated from their primary caregiver/s.

For us, daddy works all week. Sometimes very long hours. I'm the one who is home with DD day in and day out.

At 16 months(and perhaps even now)DD would not be cognizant of why her normal caregiver is not there for a long period of time and it would have caused her distress.

This is not to say that there is any inequality between her father(my partner)and I, but to say that this is outside of what is the norm for DD at age that she is not able to understand it in a way without potentially hurting her emotionally.

So, I choose to not leave DD for an extended period of time until she is able to understand more readily what this means.

This does NOT mean that I am "succumbing to mommy guilt" or that I don't have faith in my partner's parenting skills, only that I choose to keep things smooth and be empathetic to DD's needs for consistency until she is older.



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#69 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
Do you think that a 16 month old understands time and separation the way we do? I know from experience that they don't. They are confused when someoen they have been used to spending all their time with day in and day out is suddenly gone. it's not about meeting developmental needs, perse. it is just that their development is different than ours. and yes, they will miss their mom, and probably not understand that she is coming back in 48 hours.
Since babies don't understand time, how can they know if Mom is coming back if she leaves for more than one second?

I would ignore this post... but that's just me. I guess maybe I need a night away! I'm pretty fired up

Although I'd have to take youngest DD as she still nurses 6-8 times a day!

Every family and kid is different. You sound confident in your kid and your hubby. I would go and not feel any guilt at all. You're only 30 minutes away

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#70 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:20 PM
 
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YES!!! Don't think twice. It's not like you do this every weekend, and your DD will be safe and sound at home with dad. Go for it!

Also, I want to say that my DD is a total mama's girl, but I'm a WOHM and once I'm out of sight, she has enormous fun with dad who is a SAHD. So even if she seems totally dependent on you emotionally, she will most likely be perfectly fine while you're gone.

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#71 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:29 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BabyMae09 View Post

I would ignore this post... but that's just me. I guess maybe I need a night away! I'm pretty fired up

This doesn't seem very nice. That poster has just as much right to impart her opinion on this topic as you do. Just because a person may not agree doesn't mean someone should be ignored. How sad.

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#72 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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Also, I want to say that my DD is a total mama's girl, but I'm a WOHM and once I'm out of sight, she has enormous fun with dad who is a SAHD. So even if she seems totally dependent on you emotionally, she will most likely be perfectly fine when you're gone.
But the difference between that and someone like me who is the SAH parent in our situation is that DD would be a little lost without her usually caretaker there.

So while your DD may be a mama's girl, she's also used to you being gone for longer periods of time.



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#73 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:41 PM
 
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This doesn't seem very nice. That poster has just as much right to impart her opinion on this topic as you do. Just because a person may not agree doesn't mean someone should be ignored. How sad.
Maybe so, but I also don't think it's very nice to lay a guilt trip on working mothers who use daycare (not you, but another poster). This thread is dangerously close to mommy wars territory.

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#74 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:42 PM
 
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If I left for a weekend I am sure my son would miss me. My DH leaves for weeks at a time and our son misses him.

That being said when my DH is home we are equal paretners. In fact when he gets home from work he becomes primary caregiver and on weekends he is often primary caregiver. My son still nurses but Daddy has diapers duty, play time, outings.

So I say go. I think people need to place more faith in their partners as caregivers and be a little less of a martyr to the cause of raising children.

My DH will be going away for two weeks this month. I am pregnant and know it will be a long time before I get an alone vacation so I think I am going to take him up on his offer for me to use his TD (temporary duty) $ to go on a mini vacaton. I will bring my pump and I am sure my son will be fine! They will go to the zoo, watch you tube, eat popcorn and be naked all day. All special daddy things I am sure he will grow to cherish.

Enjoy yourself and enjoy the deepened bond that will show with your DD and DH.
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#75 of 111 Old 09-09-2009, 06:59 PM
 
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apparently we've had different experiences. and most of what i read is also about how baby cries when left at daycare, etc. I am sorry, it would be very strange for a baby to NOT miss mom.
There's a fundamental difference between leaving a baby with basically a stranger at daycare and with THEIR DAD!!!!!

There's also a difference between a baby and a toddler. A 16 month old isn't a baby.
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#76 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 12:33 AM
 
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My DH was a very involved caregiver to both kids -- was primary parent at home to #1 every morning because we split shifts and I was gone 7:30-noon every weekday.

I didn't leave the kids with him alone until they both were older than 16 months, but it was a whole lot older for #2 when I went for a weekend visit with a friend.

The kids did great - they were perfectly comfortable with Dad.

It was a really, really good thing for me to have done -- for DH. Even though he was in charge of morning routine, he really had always let me handle details. He got three days of being in charge of details, and was a much better parent for it. IMO.

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#77 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 12:44 AM
 
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It was a really, really good thing for me to have done -- for DH. Even though he was in charge of morning routine, he really had always let me handle details. He got three days of being in charge of details, and was a much better parent for it. IMO.

I went back to work part time when DD was 12 months. DH worked from home 2 afternoons a week while I went into the office. Even 5 hours at a time made him a much more confident parent. He stopped asking ridiculous questions like "is she tired?" or "Do you think she's hungry"? He started really parenting her. And their bond took off.

I've done 2 overnights and it's also made a huge difference. He gets it now that you have to plan ahead. You have to make breakfast before the kid is hungry or she throws a fit and refuses to eat.

It makes me happy to know that if something were to happen to me, like when I was in the hospital overnight for a D&C, my baby will be well taken care of.
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#78 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 01:29 AM
 
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DH booked a trip for me and him for four days. DD was 12 months old when we left, DS 2.5 years. I was reluctant to go because I was still nursing a lot, I had never been away from them even for a day PLUS both parents left so the kids had to stay with granny. Well, I went anyway and the kids did just fine. I expected some separation anxiety after we got back but...nothing. I'm sure they won't be traumatized for life or ask questions about it later in life.

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#79 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 02:01 AM
 
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go mama, and enjoy it wholeheartedly! sounds like your dd's temperment is mellow, and she and dh will have loads of fun! i just yesterday FINALLY allowed myself to drop off my big girl with friends, and leave my ds (19 months) with dh for 4 hours-longest time i've been totally alone since ds was born. IT WAS WONDERFUL! i actually really enjoyed being a mama today, and for the first time since i became i mother, i can see now it really is true, that we need to nurture ourselves before we are able to fully nurture our little ones. im making me time a regular occurance now...

i can only imagine how fantastic i'd feel if i was able to do a whole weekend!

do it!

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#80 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 02:36 AM
 
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Personally, I couldn't do it. I had to leave my DD at 21 1/2 months when I had my youngest and I was in the hospital for a while for complications. It was extremely hard on her not to have her mommy there. She cried a lot while I was gone and wouldn't let me out of her sight when I got back. My younger DD doesn't like me leaving for even an hour to get grocheries. I usually have to sneak out when shes napping and hope she doesn't wake before I come back. Grochery time is the only time I leave them with DH.

However, I might think differently if my girls were different. They are both very attached to me since Im the only constant in their life (my husband is military and gone alot). If I knew they would be fine without me then Id go.

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#81 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 07:36 AM
 
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A reminder from your friendly neighborhood moderator. Please remember to keep your responses respectful of each other's opinions. Disagreement is fine, but some of the responses are getting a little heated. Let's keep in mind the User Agreement:

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8. Do not post or start a thread to discuss member behavior or statements of members made in other threads or to criticize another discussion on the boards. Do not post to a thread to take direct issue with a member. If you feel a member has posted or behaved inappropriately in a discussion, communicate directly with the member, moderator or administrator privately and refrain from potentially defaming discussion in a thread.
Let's help keep this thread on board.

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#82 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 10:18 AM
 
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I disagree. There's no need to martyr yourself. This isn't something you want, it's something you NEED!!

I don't consider it martyring myself whenever I don't get my way. A weekend away, is a luxury, for ANYone.
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#83 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 10:19 AM
 
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This doesn't seem very nice. That poster has just as much right to impart her opinion on this topic as you do. Just because a person may not agree doesn't mean someone should be ignored. How sad.
Thank you sparklinggemini

I am just speaking about my own experiences. The OP asked for opinions on wether or not she should go. I am giving mine.
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#84 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 10:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I appreciate everone's opinions. At this point I am pretty sure I am going to go. I need a break. If I just had my DD every day I may not feel this way so much, but I have a house full of other people's children for up to ten hours a day as well. I really need to do this for me.

Being able to go away for two days at a relatively low cost, while not being too far, and also on a weekend so I don't have to close my daycare at all, is really a dream opportunity.

I am quite sure that DD and Daddy will be fine. DD has never had any seperation anxiety and is a little social butterfly. When I take all of the kids to play groups the daycare kids stick to me like glue while little DD is off playing toys and giving hugs to all of the other moms. She has only ever cried twice when I have left to run errands and both times she stopped before I even made it to the car. Daddy can put her to bed by himself just fine.

I also think that having 48 hours of dealing with the details will be good for DF too, just like a PP mentioned. He has never had to leave the house with her on his own, or even remember to feed the dogs twice a day (they will remind him if he forgets!), or entertain her for that long of time.

I think this will be good for me as a mom, a partner, a daycare provider, and a woman. It is not an easy decision, but I think this is the right one, for us, in this moment.

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#85 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 12:21 PM
 
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I appreciate everone's opinions. At this point I am pretty sure I am going to go. I need a break. If I just had my DD every day I may not feel this way so much, but I have a house full of other people's children for up to ten hours a day as well. I really need to do this for me.

Being able to go away for two days at a relatively low cost, while not being too far, and also on a weekend so I don't have to close my daycare at all, is really a dream opportunity.

I am quite sure that DD and Daddy will be fine. DD has never had any seperation anxiety and is a little social butterfly. When I take all of the kids to play groups the daycare kids stick to me like glue while little DD is off playing toys and giving hugs to all of the other moms. She has only ever cried twice when I have left to run errands and both times she stopped before I even made it to the car. Daddy can put her to bed by himself just fine.

I also think that having 48 hours of dealing with the details will be good for DF too, just like a PP mentioned. He has never had to leave the house with her on his own, or even remember to feed the dogs twice a day (they will remind him if he forgets!), or entertain her for that long of time.

I think this will be good for me as a mom, a partner, a daycare provider, and a woman. It is not an easy decision, but I think this is the right one, for us, in this moment.
Have a great time, OP!!

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#86 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 03:59 PM
 
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Do you think that a 16 month old understands time and separation the way we do? I know from experience that they don't. They are confused when someoen they have been used to spending all their time with day in and day out is suddenly gone. it's not about meeting developmental needs, perse. it is just that their development is different than ours. and yes, they will miss their mom, and probably not understand that she is coming back in 48 hours.
They may not understand it, but they're sharper than you give them credit for. They'll figure it out. If she never leaves, how will they handle it when she HAS to leave one day? You support your baby in learning dynamics of life even if they're confusing because you will NOT always be there to hold them and explain everything for the rest of their life. You have to trust them to take the world in and figure it out. She's leaving them with the FATHER, for chrissake's. It's not even a stranger!

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#87 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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OP, have a wonderful weekend.
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#88 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 06:01 PM
 
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Go and enjoy OP!

My situation is reversed. I am the WOHP and DH is the SAHP. My DH has gone away for weekend trips multiple times. I'm shocked that someone thinks that my son's "development" is being affected by being left alone for 48 hours with his own mother just because I'm not the primary caregiver for 8 hours each day. I cherish that one on one bonding time and your DH will too, OP.
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#89 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 06:08 PM
 
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Have a great time OP.

You have inspired me! My DH is going away for two weeks and I have no help here. So after two weeks of 24/7 solo parenting I have booked myself a posh hotel room at a hot springs 4 hours away! It will just be one night but I think it will be just what I need!

Thanks!
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#90 of 111 Old 09-10-2009, 06:22 PM
 
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They may not understand it, but they're sharper than you give them credit for. They'll figure it out. If she never leaves, how will they handle it when she HAS to leave one day? You support your baby in learning dynamics of life even if they're confusing because you will NOT always be there to hold them and explain everything for the rest of their life. You have to trust them to take the world in and figure it out. She's leaving them with the FATHER, for chrissake's. It's not even a stranger!
I know what I've seen. and it includes kids (toddlers even) crying for their moms.
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