A Weekend Away - Would You Go? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 05:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have an opportunity to go away for a church Woman's Retreat and I am having a really hard time deciding what to do. Part of me really wants to go, but another part feels oh so guilty.

Part of it is the cost... $130. It is actually a pretty good deal because it includes accommodation, all meals and snacks, and a couple of speakers, but money is pretty tight right now. I think I will be able to squirrel away the money from various places over the next month, but I still feel bad about spending so much money on myself.

And the biggest issue, my daughter. I have never been away from her overnight. I am home with her every day. I leave her with Daddy in order to run errands on my own, and we have left her with Granny a few times in order to go for dinner or a movie or something, but that is only for a few hours. This retreat goes from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon!

She will be 16 months at the time of the retreat. She isn't nursing, so that is a non-issue. My DF is a very loving Daddy and she will be happy with him, but I am not sure how overwhelmed he will feel having to deal with house, and dogs, and kid all weekend all alone (although I must admit giving him two days in my shoes is pretty appealing as well...).

The thought of two days and nights of uninterrupted sleep, no cooking, no cleaning, no diapers, no dogs, and lots of time to visit with friends, read, and work on my craft projects is nearly enough to make me sink to my knees with gratitude. But the guilt.... oh man, the guilt. Ugh.

This retreat is held annually, but we are currently TTC, so if I get pregnant soon odds are I will have a much younger babe next year. This may be my only chance for YEARS. It is less than a half-hour drive's away, so I won't be too far if I need to come home for some reason.

I am so torn, but need to decide and commit fairly soon. I keep going back and forth.... WWYD?

Wife to DH (06/10) and Mummy to DD (07/08).

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#2 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:01 PM
 
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i say go for it!

you didn't stop having wants and needs of your own simply because you are a mom now. i know it's not a popular viewpoint on here, but my personal opinion is that women do themselves, their partners and their children a disservice to always suppress their own desires.

mom to Andrew   born Feb 6th, already a mom to child with fur; and still missing and still wondering about the lost possibilities Mar 17, 2009
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#3 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:02 PM
 
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Yes, I would go. I don't buy into the idea of a mother feeling guilt about leaving their kids with the other parent.

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#4 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:13 PM
 
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I would go too. Nursing is the only issue that keeps me from leaving dd overnight and since that is not an issue.

Go and HAVE FUN!!!

SAHM to Chloe«- 6/2008 (10 lbs, 5 oz), Hannah- 9/2010 (9 lbs, 12 oz), Liam- 2/2013 (9 lbs, 6 oz)

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#5 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:14 PM
 
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I would go.
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#6 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:15 PM
 
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I don't think I would have been able to go at that age with either kid. Number one nursed too much and number two was a T-total Mommies' girl. When I did finally leave DD1 overnight she was 2 and it was fine (she was still nursing too but that was a non issue then). I still haven't felt comfortable leaving dd2, but have a conference planned for 3 days next month so I will have to cross that bridge then. It sounds like you are more worried about dh than dd. Trust me. He'll be fine. The house may be messier than you've ever seen it when you return, but hopefully you'll have had such a good time it won't piss you off too badly.

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#7 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:19 PM
 
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I would absolutely go!
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#8 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:20 PM
 
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I would go. It sounds like things will be fine at home while you have a break.

Julie - Mom to Elizabeth (Libby) age 6, Penelope (Penny) age 5, Elliott age 29 months, and Oscar who is 1 year old!
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#9 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:42 PM
 
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I would go. Letting your dh and dd form their own relationship, independent of you, will be good for both of them.

Sarah, mama to Miriam 9/26/2006 and Isaac 2/12/2010
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#10 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 06:58 PM
 
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Go. I went out really late once when DD was that age. We thought it was going to be a disaster, but it was like she knew I wasn't available and accepted DH.
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#11 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 07:09 PM
 
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Go! in the long run, what you gain from the retreat will benefit your DD. nak
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#12 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 07:25 PM
 
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i would go! have fun!

"The most important work you and I will ever do will be within the walls of our own homes." -Harold B. Lee
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#13 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 07:38 PM
 
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Can I be the voice of dissent?

At 16 months, there is no way I would have left for a weekend away from my DD.

Even now at two, the only time I've "left" her is when I'm visiting with my mom(either at my house or hers) and I leave them alone for an hour or so while I do crafts or garden or shower or clean the house etc.

But that's me.



R~Mama to my sweet A 7//07 & bubbly Z 3/12

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#14 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 07:43 PM
 
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I think that 16 mons is too young to be away from mama for that long if it is not an emergency. Sorry, it does sound like a lovely time however.

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#15 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 07:48 PM
 
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Go! Your daughter will be fine with her dad and you will have an opportunity to recharge your batteries!
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#16 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 08:01 PM
 
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GO!!!!!!

I used to be able to go to something very simular 2x a year and I'd come back so refreshed and happy. I am not able to do this anymore (its not avail) but would still be if I could! I feel it makes me a better mom to be able to take time for myself and recharge my batteries!

As for the cost- how often do you really spend money on yourself? If not often then don't feel guilty- its not something frivolous its for your health! I was a single mom when I was going on mine and money was beyond tight but spending the $150 was for the best and I never regretted it after. If you can find the money its meant to be !

GO have fun and recharge! oh dad and babe will be fine- its only for a short time and it may make everyone appreciate each other and what they do that much more!
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#17 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 08:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by butterfly_mommy View Post
I think that 16 mons is too young to be away from mama for that long if it is not an emergency. Sorry, it does sound like a lovely time however.
I agree. Also, even if you get pregnant, it will be easier to bring a young baby along than bring a mobile toddler along. I know it sometimes stinks to have to give up something we want, but they are only little adn so needy for a short time. Go next year with your new baby
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#18 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 08:04 PM
 
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Yes, I would. I think time to renew yourself is crucial. Being a good parent takes mental and spiritual energy. Furthermore, giving your dd time to be with dad and see dad as a primary care giver is a good thing.

I went on retreat (same time frame) when dd was 20 months and still nursing. I WOH so I had a pump, brought it and pumped when needed. I also left early on Sunday.

Could you go Friday night and come home late Saturday?

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#19 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 08:05 PM
 
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GOOOOO!!!!

Taking care of mommy is important for mommy to be her best.

Do you have time between now & then to leave her with dh for a couple longer periods so they can get a little more accustomed to the schedule together (like most of the day on a weekend or an evening or two)?

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#20 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 08:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by LynnS6 View Post
Yes, I would. I think time to renew yourself is crucial. Being a good parent takes mental and spiritual energy. Furthermore, giving your dd time to be with dad and see dad as a primary care giver is a good thing.

I went on retreat (same time frame) when dd was 20 months and still nursing. I WOH so I had a pump, brought it and pumped when needed. I also left early on Sunday.
Could you go Friday night and come home late Saturday?
My mom worked some of the years I was growing up. I know that it upset me when she had business trips - I felt like I didn't get to see her at all those weeks (well, I didn't - she was only home for a couple of hours at night before we went to bed, I would have hated for her to be gone on the weekend, too)! I can't imagine a young abby or toddler not getting to really connect with mom for that period of time
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#21 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 08:57 PM
 
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Oh seriously? Go.

I left my daughter alone with her Grandparents starting at 15 months and she's healthy, happy, and pretty much has an awesome relationship with them.

Don't buy in to mommy guilt, and you're NOT leaving her with a stranger it's her own damn father, he's going to do a fine job.

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#22 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 09:13 PM
 
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I have never left my children for longer than maybe 6 hours or so and my ds is 3.5. But I would totally go if I was in your shoes!! Since you are not nursing, I don't see why your little one can't spend a day and a half with Daddy. Enjoy!!

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#23 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 09:27 PM
 
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I say go! The time goes by so quickly and taking time to take care of yourself is so important. A weekend with Daddy could be really good for their relationship.

I fully believe AP is about meeting needs and mom's needs are important, also.

The times I have been "strongly encouraged" to go to a movie, or have a night out (these are still rare in my life) but they are rejuvenating and I think they do nothing but benefit my kids as I feel better and have more energy and that only impacts my home in a positive way!

My kids are 6 and 4 now and I see how our wonderful attachment is strong and loving and part of that is them respecting me as a person who has needs, also.

Enjoy the chance to go!
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#24 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 09:31 PM
 
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Oh my gosh, PLEASE ignore the mommy-guilt. Go!! Have a wonderful time! I'm sure your DD will miss you, and I'm sure you will miss your DD....But you will both be fine! And, chances are...going away for 48 hours will give you and chance to relax, and you will come home a rejuvanated, refreshed mama!

So, please...go! Go for all of us who can't go! We need someone to live vicariously through! Have a great time!

Jen...wife to Shawn...Radically Unschooling Mommy to Connor (4/03), Autumn (1/07) Aiden (1/08) and Ella (10/14/09) Just had the of our dreams!
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#25 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 09:37 PM
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I would go!

Catherine
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#26 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 09:38 PM
 
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I wouldn't leave a 16 month old for that long. That doesn't mean you shouldn't. It just means I wouldn't.

If it's only 30 minuts away, could you not go home at night time to spend some time with her?

Mom to Eoin (11/02), Eilis (09/04), Eamon (07/07), and Ellery (04/10)
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#27 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 09:41 PM
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Personally I wouldn't but it's up to you of course!

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#28 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 09:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I love how enthusiastic all of the GOOOO! answers are. LOL!

I talked to my friend who is also planning on going, and she has a DD the same age as mine. She is really adament that this short trip will be so important for both of our mental healths, and I am beginning to agree with her. She also wants to "hire me" to babysit a couple of times before we go so that I can put that money towards the trip. Not sure if I will let her do that or not yet (I will babysit for her, I just don't like taking money from friends), but she got me more geared up about going.

I work AT home (doing childcare) so it is definitely not a case of DD never getting to see me. That is also why I feel like I really do need this break, and some adult company.

I don't think driving there and back would really be very helpful, and would just remove the "retreat" aspect of it. I think that might actually make me feel MORE guilty, if that is possible.

And I can't imagine bringing a newborn to this next year. It is held at a summer camp facility so there are bunk beds and shared rooms. It wouldn't be fair to the other ladies to bring along a baby that may be up all night crying when they have spent good money to take a break from their own kids. So it is really this year, or wait a few more.

Wife to DH (06/10) and Mummy to DD (07/08).

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#29 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 09:55 PM
 
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Since your baby isn't nursing, I'd recommend that you go. Having said that, I'd never be able to take my own advice. I am terribly jealous of family time, and wouldn't give up a weekend together with my family for a weekend away. But that's me.

Twin boys (2/05) and little sister (10/07)
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#30 of 111 Old 09-08-2009, 10:05 PM
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Personally, I would not go. In our family we live by the "one hour per 6 months of age" rule. That basically means Mommy can be away from baby for one hour per 6 months - so at 16 months, that would only be about 2.5 hours.

16 months is still very young. My concern with leaving a child of that age is that most of them can't very well articulate their thoughts and emotions. I think it can be a little unfair to put a child in a stressful situation (first long-term separation from Mommy) without the tools and capacity to communicate with the person supervising them.

Just my two cents It does sound like a nice trip - will it come around again in a year or two?
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