Getting rid of the binky - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 12-12-2009, 12:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My son is still pretty attached to his pacifier. We try to only give it to him if he is extra whiny, going to sleep or in the middle of the night. I would love to get him completely off of it going into the new year. Any suggestions on how to do this?

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#2 of 23 Old 12-12-2009, 02:21 PM
 
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We did it by snipping a slit into the top of it, so sucking on it provided little satisfaction. There was only one sort of rough night and then it was over. My son was 2 1/5 at the time and understood that he was a 'big boy' and didn't need it any longer. I'm not sure how well it would work with a baby. Worth a shot?
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#3 of 23 Old 12-12-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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He's not even 2y/o yet. What's the concern?? If it soothes him why do you want to take it away? Why traumatize him?
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#4 of 23 Old 12-13-2009, 08:05 AM
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He's not even 2y/o yet. What's the concern?? If it soothes him why do you want to take it away? Why traumatize him?
I agree with this.

Also I think if you make a big deal out of it, he could fight back and want it more.

But if you must take it from him, can you do it slowly? Try a different sleep time routine? A different way to soothe him when he's upset. Maybe not everytime, but make it less available. Hopefully he'll decide on his own that he's not interested anymore.

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#5 of 23 Old 12-13-2009, 08:39 PM
 
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He's not even 2y/o yet. What's the concern?? If it soothes him why do you want to take it away? Why traumatize him?
this was my thought when my DD was a year old, so i let her keep it. now i''m dealing with a two year old who is so attached she needs five of them to go to sleep and her teeth are being affected by it.

so i totally sympathize with you. i didn't want to traumatize my poor baby, but now i think it will be even harder to get rid of it.

we've been giving a couple at a time to the paci fairy who leaves her gifts. so far we've done that twice and have gotten rid of 5 of them (she has a lot). i think maybe two more times could get rid of all of them, but i don't know what will happen if we finally give the last of them away. i don't know that i'm ready to deal with the crying that will ensue at bedtime.

i'm hoping it will be a little like night weaning was: my fear of it, worse than the reality.

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#6 of 23 Old 12-14-2009, 12:28 AM
 
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My DD had her binky until she was almost 4 y/o. She weaned herself off of it. At first she was 24/7. Then she stopped using during the day and only in the car and for sleep. Then she stopped using it in the car. Then she stopped using it for naps and only at night. Then she stopped using it at night. She did this all on her own.

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now i''m dealing with a two year old who is so attached she needs five of them to go to sleep and her teeth are being affected by it
Having a binky at age 2 doesn't seem like a problem to me. It seems like it's your problem and not hers. Teeth? My DD's teeth are fine. There is no evidence that binkies cause dental issues. Other than that it's only opinion. Even dentists have anecdotes but no real studies. If you can find a serious study done then please post it. I've looked and can't find one.
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#7 of 23 Old 12-14-2009, 01:05 AM
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When Rain was two, we had a really hard time keeping track of the darn binkies... so one day when we couldn't find any I convinced her that nursing and "hair" (she liked to rub my hair) would be an adequate substitute... I was amazed that she went for it the first time, but after that I just kept offering to nurse whenever she wanted a binky, and in a few days she'd transitioned off them.

I did find one a week or so later, and quietly tossed it...

 
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#8 of 23 Old 12-14-2009, 03:28 AM
 
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Having a binky at age 2 doesn't seem like a problem to me. It seems like it's your problem and not hers. Teeth? My DD's teeth are fine. There is no evidence that binkies cause dental issues. Other than that it's only opinion. Even dentists have anecdotes but no real studies. If you can find a serious study done then please post it. I've looked and can't find one.
i suppose that it is my problem in that i don't like them. i'm tired of having to search for them, having to get up in the night to find them for her, clean them and deal with them in general. lately she's been chewing on them and making holes in them. i dont want to spend money on new ones.

as far as the dental affects. i can't say that i've searched for a study, but i've searched for "expert" advice about it (dental associations and what not). one i read said thumbsucking and pacifiers ought to be eliminated by age 4, but my pediatric dentist suggested two and a half because the bones start forming to the pacifier as they grow (it's what he said). i can see her front teeth bucking out though, so study or not, i believe her teeth are being affected.

she doesnt nurse anymore, so replacing the paci with nursing isn't an option. i have an almost four month old baby (hence have milk again) and have offered numersous times for my toddler to nurse again (she weaned completely only about 6 months ago), but she always refuses. wish that would work though!

i guess she would give them up when she's ready, but i wish that were sooner rather than later because my hubby and i are both sick of dealing with them. i don't want a kindergartener with a paci. if i could limit it to bedtime, that would probably be an acceptable compromise, but that is sometimes hard to do. i try to put them away during the day and keep her busy so she forgets about them, but DH lets her have them in the morning when he gets up with her so that she doesn't cry because he tries to let me sleep in. a teething 2 year old and a nursing all night long four month old = no sleep lately :yawning

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#9 of 23 Old 12-14-2009, 03:38 PM
 
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I'm feeling the same about my 2 year old and the pacifier, but I've realized that it's mostly about my own expectations. I remember being pregnant and seeing other toddlers in my family with pacifiers and being so gung-ho about how we wouldn't even be using a pacifier, much less at 2 years old...

...but now here we are, and it's a very comforting thing, especially while she is still getting her last set of molars in and nursing less, so I'm trying to just reduce the use of it very gently. I've stopped giving it to her automatically when we're out, I wait until she is fussy or seems like she's ready to nap, or if she asks for it specifically and I'm not able to distract her with something else. Sometimes she's hungry for a snack and doesn't know how to ask for it, so I first offer her a granola bar, cereal, or fruit leather to chew on. I've also started telling her it's just for naptimes and bedtimes, though not always enforcing it...just putting the idea out there.

We have a flight coming up for the holidays so I probably won't get rid of it before then, but maybe while we're at Grandma's for Christmas we can collect them and leave them for Santa or something...we'll see! You have to just gauge how well you think your child would adapt to the change, and decide how slowly to move with it. It's just like any adjustment, whether sleeping, weaning, potty, etc...they'll let you know if we're moving too fast for them.

And like everything else, these phases won't last forever.

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#10 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 12:15 AM
 
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i'm tired of having to search for them, having to get up in the night to find them for her, clean them and deal with them in general.
I sympathize. When my DD had her binky 24/7 I created a binky box for her. I told her that daddy and I would not look for her binkies and she needed to keep her extras in the box. Once she realized we were serious she did keep them in the box. At night we got one of those clips and that REALLY helped; she learned how to find the binky herself.

As far as cleaning them, honestly, I didn't clean them very often. Maybe once a month. She did just fine and her teeth are fine.
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#11 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 12:25 AM
 
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A friend of mine told their ds that he was a big boy and there were lots of babies out there who needed binkies, but didn't have any. So, they packaged them up in a big envelope and put them in the mailbox to send to the babies in need. I think they put a note in the mailbox the next day, and maybe a toy or something in return, but I can't remember. It worked for their family. I think it is great...get rid of the binkies and teach your child how to give.

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#12 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 01:58 AM
 
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A friend of mine told their ds that he was a big boy and there were lots of babies out there who needed binkies, but didn't have any. So, they packaged them up in a big envelope and put them in the mailbox to send to the babies in need. I think they put a note in the mailbox the next day, and maybe a toy or something in return, but I can't remember. It worked for their family. I think it is great...get rid of the binkies and teach your child how to give.
It really bothers me that people shame children into things. He\ She is not a baby bc they use a pacifier. Really do most two year old really even understand what a "big boy" is. To me a two year old is very much still a baby. What gets me is that we are the ones who give them the pacifier, make them attached to it and when it no longer makes sense to us, mainly bc of social reasons, we take it away. We wouldn't do that with weaning or PT so why do it with a paci?

To the OP no matter what you do to take the paci away it is going to be upsetting to the child unless they are ready to give it up. My lo chews paci and no matter how many holes we cut or he chews he still uses it. If it really is a problem I limit the usage while still respecting my lo. If I was trying to quit some habit I wouldn't want others shaming me into it or just ripping it away cold turkey. I always try to treat my child how I would want to be treated adding more gentleness.

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#13 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 02:38 AM
 
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I don't think the parents were shaming the child into giving up the paci. I looked at it as they were asking their child to share the ones he had with the babies out there who needed them more than he did. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. There was no damage done. The child was happy to be helping. I understand that a two year old is still very much a baby, but with that being said, my son is almost 20 months and would understand 'helping' a baby by sharing something.

We gave up his paci at 6 months, when he tried to shove the whole thing in his mouth. The soother ones. He didn't even know it was gone. I personally am not that into paci's to begin with, but he was given one in the nicu, and got used to one.

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#14 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 03:25 AM
 
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binky box,

that's an idea.

we've been trying to gently wean her of them, but sometimes i get so irritated i want to go cold turkey, but i never have and probably never will.

in addition to having to search for them, i hate it when she talks with one in her mouth. i can't understand her and have to keep telling her to take it out so i understand her. it's annoying

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#15 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 05:00 AM
 
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I don't think the parents were shaming the child into giving up the paci. I looked at it as they were asking their child to share the ones he had with the babies out there who needed them more than he did. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. There was no damage done. The child was happy to be helping. I understand that a two year old is still very much a baby, but with that being said, my son is almost 20 months and would understand 'helping' a baby by sharing something.

We gave up his paci at 6 months, when he tried to shove the whole thing in his mouth. The soother ones. He didn't even know it was gone. I personally am not that into paci's to begin with, but he was given one in the nicu, and got used to one.
:Yeah

DS never really got into the whole binky thing though and I feel lucky for that. I saw a thread the other day on how old is too old for a pacifier and I personally feel that past age 1 is a little too old and past being able to talk is REALLY too old, so hearing about 4 year olds with binkys makes me cringe.

I heard of a really cute idea once, where the parents took the kid with the binky to Build-a-Bear and let the kid choose which animal they wanted to make and then put the binky inside it forever. I thought that was a really sweet idea but it might be too expensive or just plain not doable. I also heard that you can cut off a tiny piece of the binky every night and eventually the kid will get rid of it on his own. I'm not really much help, but good luck to you.

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#16 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 09:58 AM
 
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Why would you want to?
You gave it to him, its his comfort - why would you want to take that away from him?
He won't still have it at 20 (and what if he did? - I know plenty of people that still suck their thumb and are in their 30's! lmao), it won't harm his speech and it won't mess up his teeth (well - as long as its not a cheap one and orthodontic, but most are orthodontic these days anyhow).

Whats your comfort? What if your husband/partner decided that he felt you had enough of that and took it away from you?

You don't need to clean them - thats a bit overkill. Any toddler should be eating a pound of dirt a day lmao...But seriously, more crap goes into a toddlers mouth than you might know of. Immune system building - they live. Have a spare, wash it later if you are out in public perhaps? There are ways around it. I have been there -I know they can be a bit of a pain but then I remind myself that at the end of the day, I gave it to my son. (of course a clip can also help prevent it from falling on public floors - I have never had one lost or fall on the floor when we started using the clip)

You can get clips for them (they make all sorts - specific ones for your brand of soother, and even nice wooden ones! lol) that keep them attached and are safe - instant searching problem solved. They can't go far then if they fall out of their mouths at night.

Most children I know do give them up eventually. Its tough being a toddler. Then you get those horrid molars coming through and they can add extra comfort then. My son gave his up, on his own, no coercion from me, shortly after he got all his teeth. So he still needed it until then.

This is something I am pretty darn passionate about - having been the child who clearly remembers being made to stop sucking her fingers in all sorts of ways until it finally worked and I hated my parents for that - and though hate is not a pretty strong word for it, I still feel pretty upset about it. It was MY comfort - it caused NO problems for anyone. It was not their right to take away from me. Once its gone - you can NEVER get that kind of comfort back.

So something to think about.

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#17 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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I think it is shaming to say that he is a big boy and only babies use pacis

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#18 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 10:11 PM
 
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It really bothers me that people shame children into things. He\ She is not a baby bc they use a pacifier. Really do most two year old really even understand what a "big boy" is. To me a two year old is very much still a baby. What gets me is that we are the ones who give them the pacifier, make them attached to it and when it no longer makes sense to us, mainly bc of social reasons, we take it away. We wouldn't do that with weaning or PT so why do it with a paci?

To the OP no matter what you do to take the paci away it is going to be upsetting to the child unless they are ready to give it up. My lo chews paci and no matter how many holes we cut or he chews he still uses it. If it really is a problem I limit the usage while still respecting my lo. If I was trying to quit some habit I wouldn't want others shaming me into it or just ripping it away cold turkey. I always try to treat my child how I would want to be treated adding more gentleness.


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Why would you want to?
You gave it to him, its his comfort - why would you want to take that away from him?
He won't still have it at 20 (and what if he did? - I know plenty of people that still suck their thumb and are in their 30's! lmao), it won't harm his speech and it won't mess up his teeth (well - as long as its not a cheap one and orthodontic, but most are orthodontic these days anyhow).

This is something I am pretty darn passionate about - having been the child who clearly remembers being made to stop sucking her fingers in all sorts of ways until it finally worked and I hated my parents for that - and though hate is not a pretty strong word for it, I still feel pretty upset about it. It was MY comfort - it caused NO problems for anyone. It was not their right to take away from me. Once its gone - you can NEVER get that kind of comfort back.
I'm right there with you Ann. I've never understood why the binky bothers people soooooo much. When so much MDC philosophy is to be child-led -- yet for this particular issue people feel this need/drive/obsession to get rid of the binky.

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I personally feel that past age 1 is a little too old and past being able to talk is REALLY too old, so hearing about 4 year olds with binkys makes me cringe.
Wow. Well, you are certainly entitled to your opinion but I think that's pretty harsh and arbitrary. Age 1 is still a baby who needs to suck. It's a natural drive that can last past age 4. Kids have been sucking on things throughout time; binkies are just the modern version of sucking on a piece of cloth and in lots of developing countries that's exactly what they still do.
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#19 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 11:07 PM
 
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Wow. Well, you are certainly entitled to your opinion but I think that's pretty harsh and arbitrary. Age 1 is still a baby who needs to suck. It's a natural drive that can last past age 4. Kids have been sucking on things throughout time; binkies are just the modern version of sucking on a piece of cloth and in lots of developing countries that's exactly what they still do.
My kid also hated the binky and never sucked anything besides when he was eating/drinking, so that probably colors my opinion. I personally think binkys are hideous and seriously, once a kid can talk it's ridiculous to have them talking over a binky. My mom and grandma as kindergarten teachers both had students who would not let go of their binkys and had big speech issues, so there's that.

Anyway, the thread wasn't asking "should I take it away or not," it was "how do I go about doing this?" Good luck OP!

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#20 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 11:24 PM
 
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I vote for letting your LO guide you when they are done. My DD weaned herself of it shortly after 18mos. I quit emphasizing it so much during the times she would normally use it. She was never strongly attached to it beyond naps and sleeping, and if she asked I would always give it. But once the child is old enough to do so, I like the idea of the binky box. I'm not sure if I would do the clipping pieces off thing, cuz my LO would probably chew on it because it felt different. I might try to slit it, but would have to watch closely for chewing.

And I cleaned hers maybe twice by boiling. Even if it fell out of the car onto the nasty parking lot pavement, all I did was stick it in my mouth first before giving it back to her.

eta: hmm.... maybe I didn't understand the clip part. If it isn't right, sorry.
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#21 of 23 Old 12-15-2009, 11:49 PM
 
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My kid also hated the binky and never sucked anything besides when he was eating/drinking, so that probably colors my opinion.
I understand that you child didn't use a binky. Lots of kids don't and that's fine. But lots of other kids do and I don't think it's just an indulgence that can come and go at a whim. Some kids NEED to suck longer than others. And that's fine. Kids are individuals with individual needs. Why do you think that the need to suck is something that a parent can control?

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I personally think binkys are hideous and seriously, once a kid can talk it's ridiculous to have them talking over a binky.
The ability to talk and the need to suck are two entirely unrelated issues. That's like saying once they can walk, they should automatically not need a diaper. I mean after all they can walk so they should, of course, be able to walk to the potty, right?

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My mom and grandma as kindergarten teachers both had students who would not let go of their binkys and had big speech issues, so there's that.
Again, not necessarily related. Yes, I'm sure some kids who use binky's have speech problems. And lots of kids who never used a binky also have speech problems. The same with dental issues: some kids who wear braces used binkies and some kids who wear braces never used a binkies. There is not necessarily a cause and effect with braces or speech problems and the use of a binky.
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#22 of 23 Old 12-16-2009, 02:55 PM
 
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DS is 16 mos and still uses a paci. I don't like it, but I know it really, really comforts him, so I am sucking it up for the time being.

We do limit its use to bed and naptime, and have since about 6 months, when he got 8 teeth.

I polled my dentist and two dentist friends (one pediatric) about paci use and they all said it isn't a problem until age 4 or so, in terms of dental concerns (as long as paci use is limited to bed and naptimes, and not all day). This also supports what I've read online/in parenting books. Overuse of the paci can be linked to verbal delays (again, if kiddo has it plugged in all day), from what I've read.

If it's going to be emotionally challenging, I wouldn't push it just yet...maybe try a cut down, instead. I don't think our boys are old enough to get the "It's time to give the pacis to babies" speech yet, either. Good luck Monique!

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#23 of 23 Old 12-16-2009, 04:24 PM
 
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My daughter is 25 months and I really thought we'd be done with the pacis by now, but we're not. She only has it out and about it she's really tired or stressed, and otherwise it's limited to home use. the one thing that does bug me is that I can't understand her when she talks with it. She talks fine without it, so I'm not sure it's hindering her speech terribly. It's just when it's in that I can't hear her. So I ask her to take it out and repeat what she just said.

For a while we limited it to the bed and that worked, but then something happened (can't remember) and she went back to using it more. So I fall squarely in the middle of this debate. I would like for her to give it up, but we're not pushing it. I figure she'll grow out of it eventually.

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