How much say does your toddler have in day-to-day activities? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 10 Old 01-09-2010, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For example:

Today is a day that I don't usually go to the gym. However, I'm just sort of feeling like going. They provide childcare, and she generally loves to go. However, when I mentioned going, she said she didn't want to go today.

Do you go anyways? Do you respect her voice? Do you say "ok, we won't go today, but Monday we'll be back?"

I find myself wanting to have her have some say in her life (obviously) and will do things like delay going to the grocery store if she's not in the mood ~right now~ with the understanding that we will go later in the day.

My parents think I am crazy. I should do what I do, when I want to, and that I'm not setting up proper boundaries for who's in charge. I can see their point, mostly when there is something that I want to do (but don't have to do). That said, we make it to school on time, we do get all our errands done, and things that have to be done are.

How about you? Where do you draw the line?

Ecstatic mama to our one and only Aurora (Apr 07)
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#2 of 10 Old 01-09-2010, 02:40 PM
 
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My two year old gets very little say, I would not ask him first about going somewhere. Even my four year old does not get much choice, although I take her preferences into account when planning the week.

If I announced we were doing something and my children didn't want to, it would depend on why I thought they felt that way.

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#3 of 10 Old 01-09-2010, 02:54 PM
 
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It's a depends-on-the-situation thing for us, but we do let our 2.5 year old have a say in some day-to-day things. For instance, if I've planned an afternoon of minor errands and she's particularly engaged in house-bound activities and has expressed her desire to stay home, we often will.

Sometimes I'll set boundaries, like -- we'll stay home for as long as you play on your own well and let me clean the house; when you start bothering me too much, we'll head out.

Our family is pretty flexible in our schedule, and I'd rather be out with DD when she wants to be and will be pleasant and enjoying herself. But if we have to leave and do something, we will, even over her protests.

Jen, former sys admin and current geek , wife to DH , SAHM and Montessori homeschool teacher to DD "Nugget" (05/07) and new arrival DS "Sprout" (03/31/10)
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#4 of 10 Old 01-09-2010, 05:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the input. I tend to think of myself as fairly flexible but sometimes I see where maybe I'm not putting boundaries up where they need to be.

As it turned out, we did go to the gym and she was willing, once I talked to her about how we had done things that she wanted to do for a few hours, and now it was Mama's turn, and she would be able to do some other activities she liked in the afternoon. Of course once we got there, she didn't want to leave.

I think sometimes I just need a reminder that while yes, we are both human beings that deserve respect and a voice, I am the parent and need to do what is best for all of us as a whole.

Again, thanks for the examples about how this works in your family.

Ecstatic mama to our one and only Aurora (Apr 07)
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#5 of 10 Old 01-09-2010, 05:35 PM
 
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well, if I were to ask DS at this point in his life if he wanted to do something his reply would be no since that is his favorite response right now But I do talk to him about what were doing and include him in the plans so he's not just stuffed into the car and dragged around. I usually gage his mood in the morning to see what we'll do on our calender. If I can see he's in no mood to do something I'll put it off but if he's bouncing off the walls I stick to the plan. We have a few days were he doesn't have a choice but it usually works out in the end.

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SAHM to a super sweet and sensitive 2 year old and a happy giggle-monster baby (1/2010).
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#6 of 10 Old 01-09-2010, 05:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jenfl View Post
It's a depends-on-the-situation thing for us, but we do let our 2.5 year old have a say in some day-to-day things. For instance, if I've planned an afternoon of minor errands and she's particularly engaged in house-bound activities and has expressed her desire to stay home, we often will.

Sometimes I'll set boundaries, like -- we'll stay home for as long as you play on your own well and let me clean the house; when you start bothering me too much, we'll head out.

Our family is pretty flexible in our schedule, and I'd rather be out with DD when she wants to be and will be pleasant and enjoying herself. But if we have to leave and do something, we will, even over her protests.
This is us too. If ds is having a great time at home and the errand isn't vital, I respect his desire.
Of course there's also the fact that *usually* he ends up being fine wherever we are - he's just a pretty easygoing kid. But I do like letting him know that I listen to him and that he has input. Toddlers have SO little control over their environments, that every little bit of independence helps.

Mama to DS (12/11/07) and partner to DH (08/08). Expecting #2 late November 2011!
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#7 of 10 Old 01-09-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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It depends. I would only ask my daughter if she wanted to go if I wanted to let her decide. If it's non-negotiable, I just tell her that we're doing something.
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#8 of 10 Old 01-09-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by boigrrrlwonder View Post
It depends. I would only ask my daughter if she wanted to go if I wanted to let her decide. If it's non-negotiable, I just tell her that we're doing something.

Beth C.
Mommy to DS born 11-14-06 and in our arms through Domestic Adoption 11-16-06
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#9 of 10 Old 01-10-2010, 12:25 AM
 
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DD's nearly two. I don't let her veto things I want to do (although I might change my mind about doing them if I saw she was too tired and likely to melt down). I do occasionally let her take the lead, though: like, if she wants to go for a walk, I might think "Why not!" and go, even though it wasn't in the plans.

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#10 of 10 Old 01-11-2010, 10:02 PM
 
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Unless I really, really need to get groceries, I respect DS's wishes to stay home (especially in the morning). I ask him all the time what he wants to do 'today'. He then lets me know which park he wants to go to and we go. He's 20 months.
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