2-day trip away from 13mo? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 02:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all, I'm considering a 48-hour trip (to Vegas!) to celebrate a friend's 40th birthday. I've never been away from her for more than a day, and that was when she was 5 months old and not as tuned in.

So.... I basically want to know if this is going to emotionally disturb or hurt her. I'm sure she and DH will have a fun weekend together, but that she'll be wondering where mommy is (especially at bedtime and during the night).

She's very attached to me, at 11 months, and I imagine still will be at 13 months when the trip would be. She's also attached to my DH, though not as much as me. I currently nurse her to sleep for nap and bedtime, and a few times at night. DH has put her down for naps many times and even bedtime by himself though, with no problems.

I'm planning to Skype (videoconference) with her at least once a day while I'm gone.

Any thoughts or advice would be welcome!
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#2 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 02:52 AM
 
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I think it will be hard on her. I first left DS at 18 months for a work trip and it was rough. He and DH didn't sleep much (we co-sleep and nurse all night) and he cried a lot - like 90 minutes stretches. I've gone on a few more trips since then, and now that he's over 2 it's a lot easier. He gets that I'm going and that I'm coming back, and he sleeps through the night while I'm gone. But before he was about 2, he was really confused and upset. He would be okay while he was engaged in stuff, but it was pretty rough overall.

Just my experience with travelling. I would wait until she's older, if possible. But if you decide to go, everyone will survive. It'll just be hard on them.
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#3 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 03:25 AM
 
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YMMV but I would not have left my DD for that long at that age.

Even now, DD being 30.5 months, I would not leave her for overnight.

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#4 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 03:31 AM
 
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There's no way I could have left any of my children at that age. That's still pretty young. You know your baby best though. Do you think she could handle your absence?

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#5 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 04:40 AM
 
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I suppose it depends on the child, but I can't imagine leaving my 16 month old for a night. She also nurses to sleep and I know that waking up and having mama there is very important to her. I just think of the times she really needs me, if she is cutting a tooth or when she fell and cut her lip and I imagine what it would be like for her if that happened while I was away. Daddy could soothe her, but it'd take longer and I'm sure she'd wonder why mama wasn't coming. Ugh, it makes me a bit queasy just imagining it. I suppose I'm not so sure I could sleep without her near, either.

So I wouldn't, but as others have said you know your DD best.

If you do decide to go, be sure to pump while you are away to keep up your supply. (That alone might be reason enough not to go!)
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#6 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 09:46 AM
 
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well, i personally don't believe she would be permanently damaged by it or anything. particularly since she already goes to sleep for dad. it's the nighttime nursing that would be the problem tho i think. i know how hard it is to miss out on these things tho.
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#7 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 12:24 PM
 
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I would not have left DS when he was that age. It's just too early. I'm leaving him for the first time at 32 months and I'll be gone for all of 23 hours. I am going to miss DS terribly and don't want to go, but a close friend needs some support. If it were anything else (like a trip to Vegas), I wouldn't go. For us, there's plenty of time to do that when DS is older (much, much older).

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#8 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 12:36 PM
 
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I don't think she'd be permanently damaged either, but I know that in my DS' case, at that age, he would have had an absolutely miserable 48 hours, full of crying and confusion, which would be followed by a few weeks of over-the-top separation anxiety - not something I would be willing to put him through. Even last month at 20 months, he was upset and looking for me when I took four hours to go see a show - he refused to even eat for my DH, who he's normall fine with when we're in our usual routine.

Perhaps you could try spending the night at a friends' house one day soon, and see how she tolerates that? Not too far away so that your DH could call you home if it goes very badly

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#9 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 12:45 PM
 
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At 13 months DD was beginning to have, and love overnights with her Grandparents. I think it's fine -- she's going to be with your husband and it's not for weeks, just 3 days! Sometimes mommas need to go out and enjoy themselves and Vegas has all night buffets, yum

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#10 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 01:12 PM
 
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In November I had sinus surgery. DD was 17 mo. and we had everything arranged that MIL and FIL would care for her during the surgery and then DH would bring her home. The Dr. and medical staff was well aware that I was still breastfeeding and that they were to give me no drugs that would interfere with it. Right before they wheeled me in the operating room and right before giving me the anesthesia the doctor tells me that they will be giving me cocaine and that I won't be able to breastfeed for two days so I'll have to pump and dump. It was a good thing that I really needed the surgery and that they were just about to give me anesthesia because I was so upset that I would have just canceled the whole thing right then and there.

So I really had no other choice but to leave DD with MIL and FIL for two days because there would have been no way I could have had her in the vicinity of me without her demanding to bf. But what I really want to tell you is that the pain from my sinus surgery was nothing compared to being away from her for those two days. I was completely heartbroken. When she came home after those two days she was actually a little shy with me, like she wasn't sure I was even still her Mama. I swore I would never do that to her again no matter what the circumstance.

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#11 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 01:54 PM
 
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I think she will be just fine! And you should go and have some fun!
I have only left my daughter once, when she was 13 mo, for about 24 hours, and it was absolutely wonderful. I was burned out, exhausted and drained from being there for her every second of every day (and night), and I needed a break. She does just fine with her dad, and loves being with him, so I knew it wouldn't be a problem. I left plenty of pumped milk, and she did great.

I don't know how your daughter will be, so maybe you could try a test run. Go out for a night with some friends and let her dad put her to bed. Come home after she's asleep or something. She'll be with a loving parent, and that's what really matters. Good luck with your decision!

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#12 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 02:17 PM
 
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There was a time when I would have said no, way, that is way too young. But after spending 3 weeks in the hospital when my youngest was 13 mos, I honestly don't think a weekend away is going to traumatize your LO. Keeping up your supply is the biggest concern, but as long as you pump regularly you should be fine. That all said, I don't know that I would personally choose to go to vegas while I had a nursling, but we all have different wants/needs and I think your LO will be fine with your DH (assuming she drinks out of a bottle/sippy cup/glass and can be comforted in the middle of the night).

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#13 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 03:16 PM
 
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You know your child best, but I think it's fine. My DD was staying overnight at her grandparents' house occasionally by that age.

If she seems ok when the time comes, please don't let guilt and martyrdom keep you from going.

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#14 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 03:21 PM
 
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Oh, and since you have two months left to plan for this, let your DH put her down for bed more often. By the time the trip is here, she'll be even more okay with that arrangement.

It is NOT going to scar her for life. My DD is VERY attached to me, but once I'm out of sight, she's fine.

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#15 of 31 Old 01-27-2010, 03:30 PM
 
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Originally Posted by calpurnia View Post
well, i personally don't believe she would be permanently damaged by it or anything. particularly since she already goes to sleep for dad. it's the nighttime nursing that would be the problem tho i think. i know how hard it is to miss out on these things tho.
This. and I agree with AmyKT. Once DS knows I'm not around, he'll settle with DH. (This even works with sitters; once he knows DH and I are gone, he's down with them just fine - or even better than when he's with us.)

I left DS at 16 mos. for 5 nights (was supposed to be 4, but weather delayed me). Like your LO, DS was (is) well attached to dad and goes to sleep for dad, but nursed through the night. He was fine. I was hoping that some night weaning would take place, but DS convinced DH that he was hungry at his 1am wake-up, and I found that they were having a "puffs" party (corn or rice puffs, I can't remember) every night in the middle of the night when I returned! So much for more sleeping!

DS was a little clingy upon my return, but he was fine. Left him again at 26 mos for 4 nights for 2 funerals. Clingy upon return, but fine.

DS, 10/07. Allergies: peanut, egg, wheat. We've added dairy back in. And taken it back out again. It causes sandpaper skin with itchy patches and thrashing during sleep. Due w/ #2 late April, 2012.

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#16 of 31 Old 01-28-2010, 12:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone- I'm strongly considering not going now. I really appreciate all of your feedback.
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#17 of 31 Old 01-28-2010, 02:14 PM
 
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I would strongly encourage you to GO. DH needs the opportunity to bond with her. If you're breastfeeding (which I hope you are), then pump extra and let DH feed her bottles at naptime and bedtime.

I had a three-day business trip when DS was 15 months old. I called home every evening before his bedtime, and he had the expressed milk at naptimes and bedtimes. He did fine and came back to nursing right away.

Remember that your husband is her parent too. I believe it's good for children to have more than one person they trust, especially in a two-parent household, and especially as they become toddlers or older.

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#18 of 31 Old 01-28-2010, 06:04 PM
 
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I travelled for work at about the same age, we still were, and do, nurse much of the night, she was absolutely fine. I will say plan on pumping for your own comfort! But if she's drinking fine from a sippy or whatever, and your DH has already successfully put her to sleep, I bet she will be fine. She actually slept better for my DH, without tears either.

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#19 of 31 Old 01-28-2010, 07:37 PM
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I'd say go!

At 14 months, we left DD with grandparents overnight for our anniversary. I was worried about her not being able to fall asleep without nursing, but Grandma cuddled her to sleep instead, and she slept the whole night! (As did we -- and believe me, we needed it.)
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#20 of 31 Old 01-29-2010, 02:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What a diversity of opinions and experiences! Now I don't know what to do. I guess a 1-night test run is in order- great suggestion. I do very much feel that a small break is needed from a year of intense attachment parenting... but I would never do anything that hurt my baby. I had settled on a day trip to San Francisco (I"m in Seattle)- leave for the plane right after wakeup, then back in time for the first nighttime nursing.

One interesting thing is that my DH didn't react well to my telling him I wasn't going. He WANTS me to go. Maybe that means he wants more 1-on-1 time with her, and a chance to be her FT parent? Will need to ask him.

Off to ponder more...
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#21 of 31 Old 01-29-2010, 05:48 PM
 
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I would say it totally depends on the baby. Personally, I wouldn't go, but my dd is very very attached to me, sleeps with only me at night, and she still nurses every two hours or so around the clock. And she doesn't take bottles. So it would pretty much be out of the question for me. But you know your child better than anyone, and I think no matter what you decide your child will not be permanently damaged at all.

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#22 of 31 Old 01-29-2010, 06:00 PM
 
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What a diversity of opinions and experiences! Now I don't know what to do. I guess a 1-night test run is in order- great suggestion. I do very much feel that a small break is needed from a year of intense attachment parenting... but I would never do anything that hurt my baby. I had settled on a day trip to San Francisco (I"m in Seattle)- leave for the plane right after wakeup, then back in time for the first nighttime nursing.

One interesting thing is that my DH didn't react well to my telling him I wasn't going. He WANTS me to go. Maybe that means he wants more 1-on-1 time with her, and a chance to be her FT parent? Will need to ask him.

Off to ponder more...
I disagree that a 1-night trial run is a good idea. IMO, the child is going to be fussier the first night...and settles down after that. It will give you a false impression (possibly) of how the whole trip will go. (likely look a lot more negative that it actually will be on the whole)

And, I think your DH's reaction, too, is telling. Ask him why...I would also speculate that he wants you to get a break from things. Partners who get breaks are better parents. It's all about balance, of course (thinking about a thread in Parents as Partners where the H sleeps in every day...Wife never.).

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#23 of 31 Old 01-31-2010, 07:54 PM
 
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I have left my son overnight twice for business trips. Once for 2 nights when he was 8 months and once for just one night when he was 10 months I think. He and his father are very close and they had a great time together. When I left the first time, he had been waking every hour to breastfeed, and for his father he woke only once or twice per night. After I came back, he kept his pattern of waking only once or twice per night. I was great considering I had gone that entire time waking that often every single night since he was born.

He was not traumatized, he just had lots of time with his father. My situation may be a little different as he is normally with his father through the week while I went to work and school and with me on most evenings and all weekend, so he was used to being with his father. Only you know how close you are to your baby, but I def don't think it's a bad thing at all. Let her bond with Daddy! It'll be good for them both! You will be back and she will learn that you will always come back when you leave. Would it be as big a deal if Daddy left for 48 hours?
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#24 of 31 Old 02-03-2010, 02:36 PM
 
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I left my DD at 13 months for a day and a half to go pick up a horse. She did fine, never missed me. Didn't even wake up during the night wanting to nurse, since I wasn't there to remind her to think about it. I pumped a couple of times during the trip for my own comfort and that's all there was to it. I guess it depends on the kid, but I don't think most of them are too young to leave them for a day or 2 at that age.

She is now 18 months and I'll be leaving her for 2 full days to take a horse to the vet. I don't anticipate any problems. Sure, I'll miss her like crazy and I imagine she'll be happy to see me when I get back, but I don't see it as a big deal.

She doesn't do sleepovers for fun with grandparents yet. When she is old enough to understand and ask to go, that's when she'll start those. I think DS was about 3 years old. BTW, I left him at 20 months (with my parents who he sees all the time) to go to Vegas for 4 days with DH for our anniversary and he never batted an eyelash!!
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#25 of 31 Old 02-03-2010, 02:51 PM
 
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I left DD once for 24 hours when she was 10 months and still co-sleeping and nursing (I was a SAHM with her at the time). Prior, she was accustomed to taking the occasional bottle of EBM from DH, but not during the night. But she did take the bottle at night, slept with just DH, and otherwise did fine while I was away (was I maybe a little insulted? Yes! ). But, thinking back, I am fairly certain I knew she would be fine beforehand, just judging by her personality. I actually didn't feel a lot of apprehension when the time came to make the decision, and then to go (not that it wasn't hard to say bye bye, or that I didn't miss her!). But it was just...ok. So, if you find yourself REALLY uncertain, I would definitely listen to that inner voice too...obviously all LOs are so different.

On a practical note, I pumped over 30 oz in maybe 5 sessions over that time? So do plan on scheduling that (maybe bringing a hand pump to pump on the fly) and storing up that milk if possible (unless you're REALLY celebrating a lot ).
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#26 of 31 Old 02-04-2010, 01:10 AM
 
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I'd go.
I left DD at 15 months overnight with my parents (my mom is very AP). It was my wedding night! She was still nursing at night at that time and my mom just cuddled her and rocked her back to sleep without any big issues. A year later she flew across the country with my parents while DH and DS and I drove. She is awful in the car and she did great, spent 4 days, 3 nights with them. She had one teary night before bed, but no issues other than that. If you ask her about it now she says she wants to do it again. One thing we did while driving was call every night before bed. She calls DH before bed every night so it was something that she is familiar with and looks forward to and the continuity of that was a good thing I think. (DH works evenings.)

I left DS with my mom for a night when he was 3 months I think? We'll be going for 2 nights around 12 months, DH and I have a conference to attend.

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#27 of 31 Old 02-08-2010, 12:12 AM
 
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I left DD once for 24 hours when she was 10 months and still co-sleeping and nursing (I was a SAHM with her at the time). Prior, she was accustomed to taking the occasional bottle of EBM from DH, but not during the night. But she did take the bottle at night, slept with just DH, and otherwise did fine while I was away (was I maybe a little insulted? Yes! ). But, thinking back, I am fairly certain I knew she would be fine beforehand, just judging by her personality. I actually didn't feel a lot of apprehension when the time came to make the decision, and then to go (not that it wasn't hard to say bye bye, or that I didn't miss her!). But it was just...ok. So, if you find yourself REALLY uncertain, I would definitely listen to that inner voice too...obviously all LOs are so different.

On a practical note, I pumped over 30 oz in maybe 5 sessions over that time? So do plan on scheduling that (maybe bringing a hand pump to pump on the fly) and storing up that milk if possible (unless you're REALLY celebrating a lot ).
LOL--it is a lil tough to know and admit they do so well without us. Although really it's a blessing there's a capable Daddy around who our LOs feel comfy with....still there's that lil edge of insult in the back of the mind.
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#28 of 31 Old 02-08-2010, 12:25 AM
 
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It really depends on the child. With my first, no way no how I could have left him at that age. With my second, I could and I did for about that same time period. It wasn't a problem for either of us, at all. She was happy with her dad and brother.
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#29 of 31 Old 02-08-2010, 01:13 AM
 
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Id say it depends on the child. I wouldnt do it but my children would be very heartbroken if I left them. FIrst time I was away from DD1 was when DD2 was born and ended up in the NICU for 6 days. Even though DD1 was able to see me every day she still cried 1-2 hours every night and woke up crying 2-3 times each night looking for me. One night my DH had to call me at the hospital and have me talk to her over the phone because she was crying so hard she was throwing up. I would never have left her if I wasnt needed at the hospital for DD2.
DD2 had a hard time when DH and I left for with a babysitter (my MIL who she adored) for 3 hours while we did some Christmas shopping. She cried for the 30 minutes it took us to drive home and wouldnt get off of me for days afterwards so I definetly wouldnt consider leaving her until shes a lot older.

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#30 of 31 Old 02-08-2010, 02:36 AM
 
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I would say if you think she can handle it, then GO!

But, we do things very differently than many others. My DS has been having sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa's since he was just a few weeks old. It works well for everyone and he has no issues with it but I know many would strongly disagree with doing this so early on.

But at 13 months I'd say it depends on how your DD and YOU feel about it. I know some mamas who would not be able to relax or enjoy themselves. If you feel comfy with it and think she can do it, then go for it.

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Mama to DS [05/21/08] & DD [09/16/10] 43 weeks 1 day!
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