"You're hogging our grandson!" - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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Life with a Toddler > "You're hogging our grandson!"
accountclosed2's Avatar accountclosed2 04:02 PM 02-14-2010
First off I'll say that DD is now a very out-going almost 2-year old - the most confident child, I'd say, both at music and play group. She'll sit in the leaders lap, sings along to songs loudly and is very keen to talk to and connect to both other kids and mums (with lots of cuddling, particularly the kids).

At 12 months she still wouldn't leave my side at home, and stayed in my lap when out. Very, very attatched.

She wouldn't let anyone except DH and me hold her until she was almost 1. MIL lived right nearby, but DD wouldn't go to her. In the earliest months she really just wanted to be in my arms, at the breast 24/7. She is high needs, and was much more so when little. She would just howl and throw herself around if she wasn't happy.

MIL said "I don't mind if she cries" (in the most helpful and loving sense), to which I replied "But I do". So DH explained that DD prefered to connect with people by seeing them, something she best could do by sitting in my (or his) lap. And she did, she loved to be talked to. MIL accepted that.

We moved when DD was 16 months old. 2 months later MIL came to visit. She brought a book for DD, and when DD saw it she climbed up in MIL's lap and settled down for her story! Your son will probably connect to his grandparents, as he gets a bit older. But I think it takes a bit longer if they don't try to play with him (MIL doesn't, my parents do).

Ceinwen's Avatar Ceinwen 04:28 PM 02-14-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kim919 View Post
Inlaws are the ultimate PITA. Avoidance is the only tool I've found effective.
Same. So glad I'm divorced and don't have to deal with their passive aggressive garbage anymore.

My ex-inlaws started the 'We need ALONE time to BOND properly' bandwagon when my oldest dd was TWO weeks old.

Needless to say, the first time they had ANY unsupervised time with dd was when she was FIVE years old.

My ex-inlaws were untrustworthy at best, and devious to boot.
sugarlumpkin's Avatar sugarlumpkin 12:18 AM 02-15-2010
Hey, I'd be hurt too, but here's my advice, from the heart.

Blow it off. People say stupid things. (Goodness knows I have!) People say stuff that comes out completely differently than how they intended those things to sound. Pretend you never heard it and behave that way. Keep doing exactly what you've been doing--falling into a natural pattern and doing what is best for your child.

Seriously. Give yourself a break. Put it aside and forget that is was said.
crunchy_mommy's Avatar crunchy_mommy 01:25 PM 02-15-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by sugarlumpkin View Post
Hey, I'd be hurt too, but here's my advice, from the heart.

Blow it off. People say stupid things. (Goodness knows I have!) People say stuff that comes out completely differently than how they intended those things to sound. Pretend you never heard it and behave that way. Keep doing exactly what you've been doing--falling into a natural pattern and doing what is best for your child.

Seriously. Give yourself a break. Put it aside and forget that is was said.
Yes I think that's the direction I'm leaning. It really touched a nerve & I wanted to make sure I wasn't totally wrong & off-base, but now that I know that I'm probably not, I'm just not going to worry about it. He could have been joking. And if he was serious then he will have to bring it up to me & DH and have a real conversation about it, not just make off-handed comments in front of all my other family & friends... I am trying hard to just put it out of my mind Though I might make DS a photo album or put a few pics on the fridge anyway 'cause I do like that idea!
Anandamama's Avatar Anandamama 01:28 AM 02-16-2010
I think what you describe is pretty common for a 1 yo. Glad that you are sticking to what you feel is right to nurture your child. Just want to add that my good friend had a child who was very attached and anxious and had (has) very firm boundaries for what she's comfortable with. My friend always gave many options for how her daughter might connect with others. A hug and a kiss might now be comfortable for her, but a high five or blowing kisses, or a pat might be okay. The GPs were not always satisfied, but at least the mom was making an effort, the child felt comfortable with whatever expressions of affection were happening, and yes, by age 4 she was very loving and affectionate with her grands. (Though she always stands her ground about her own boundaries and comfort level, which may not be a bad thing!)
MusicianDad's Avatar MusicianDad 01:38 AM 02-16-2010
"You're hogging our grandson!"

Because of that my response would have been "Excuse me? You think have like a right to hold him or something?"

By the way, I would not force a young child to deal with interactions that truely upset them. It's really not fair to violate a one year olds comfort zone to make grandma and grandpa feel better.
chipper26's Avatar chipper26 01:45 AM 02-16-2010
I didn't read the other posts but had to comment. My dd is very attached also and I do not let her cry with other people either. If she doesn't want to be with them, I don't force it.

She often cries when dh tries to pick her up. She is hot and cold with my mom, but only sees her about every 2 months. It takes her awhile to warm up to Grandma and Grandpa, but we stay for days rather than hours b/c they live far away... so that helps. My mom is also very good with babies.

I'm getting to the point where I don't really care what people/family thinks. If they don't really understand your LO or what goes on behind the scenes, they may make judgements. Also, if they don't agree with your parenting style... more judgement. So, you do what you know is right and let the chips fall where they may, even though it's hard.

Plus, the whole "hogging" thing is ridiculous. He's your son! Your baby!

Good luck.
crunchy_mommy's Avatar crunchy_mommy 11:16 AM 02-16-2010
Quote:
Originally Posted by chipper26 View Post
She often cries when dh tries to pick her up.
OK this right here puts everything in perspective for me. My DS is the same way with my DH. He loves him so much & he's warmed up to him a lot & even reaches out for him now but there are still many times when he just wants mommy. I'm not always able to accommodate but we try to respect what DS wants. DH has never once complained about this -- and he is DS's FATHER, he DOES have a right to hold him!! But DH knows making DS cry just so he can be satisfied doesn't do either of them any good in the long run.
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