What do you say to those arguments? (daycare benefits) - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 59 Old 02-25-2010, 02:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.
Mother is not the center of THE universe, just the center of THEIR universe. As she should be.

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2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.
My kid loves to play w/ other kids & she does when she goes to church or we visit friends. We are not hermits.

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3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
At two? For what?

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4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
Because while at home, my child runs around like a heathen all day long doing whatever she darn well pleases

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5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
Not true. I used to work in a daycare & I am fully capable of doing all of the same activities at home w/ my kid(s). In fact, I can do them better b/c I have only one kid & can focus my energy on doing the project with her instead of rushing thru it b/c 6 other kids want to do it, too. There are many many activity books aimed at childcare that can be read and used by anyone.

I hope I answered all of your questions, lol! I also want to know if the people making these suggestions to you think you are made of money. Now, for all I know, you very well may be, but I know that dh and I are not. The point of me staying home is to take care of our kids and our house. If dd went to daycare 2-3 days per week (not morning preschool, but full daycare), then I would need a part-time job. And there is doubly no way we could afford it for dd to go & me stay home w/ the baby full time. Silly.

Yeah, the world can be a harsh place & there certainly are rules and people do need to learn how to function in a group. This can all be achieved in various ways as a person grows. Ya don't need to start at two or three & ya don't need to feel guilty about it. Guilt is for when you have done something wrong & mothering your child is not wrong

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#32 of 59 Old 02-25-2010, 02:49 AM
 
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Moved to Toddlers from LAHB

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#33 of 59 Old 02-25-2010, 03:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow! I didn't expect so many responses! I am so grateful for this forum. Thank you so much for taking time to write!!!

Also I wanted to say that even though I saw that my thread was eventually moved to "Toddlers" forum for some reason, I am glad I posted in the "Learning at Home and Beyond". This is where I intended it to be posted as I was particularly interested in the homeschooling community perspective on the issue. I am planning to homeschool and will probably get comments and suggestions of the sort that I got more and more as DD gets older. I wanted to know how to face them - now and in the future. So it would be very nice if this thread gets back to LaHB forum.

Anyway, after reading all the replies I feel kind of silly for my doubts. You are all so right of course! Its just I am this kind of person that doubts everything. Well, almost everything. And homeschooling is a really big deal for me. With all the books I've read on this subject I feel that I am so indoctrinated with the idea institutionalized learning that being in a complete peace with the idea of homeschooling is very very hard for me. So every time I get comments on benefits of school in general or for why I need to send DD to a daycare now, I start questioning myself. I wish that at those times I would have John Holt or Gatto sitting on my shoulder and whispering the right words in my ear. I don't know when eventually the tip-off point will come for me when I will stop feeling so insecure about this and be able to just say that "this is what is right for our family" and really feel that way.

Thank you again for all the wonderful responses!!!

Sophie

Sophie, wife to DH, AP mama to DD1 (12/07) and DD2 (04/10)
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#34 of 59 Old 02-25-2010, 03:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Sophie,

I'm curious- did someone say this to you about your child or did someone say that daycare/preschool is good for "kids" in general because of x, y, z?
Both. It is often said to me when I say that DD is not very social. Actually she has some sort of social anxiety. So several people suggested me to send her to daycare to get used to playing with other kids.
And some people say it in general - that daycare is just this wonderful invention that opens horizons, teaches kids this and that and bla bla bla

Sophie

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#35 of 59 Old 02-25-2010, 04:19 AM
 
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Actually she has some sort of social anxiety.
Maybe. But my son, when he was that young, had a strong aversion to social interaction that didn't fit with his particular personality. He wanted nothing to do with our little neighborhood playgroup except to play with one other little boy he clicked with, and they stayed great buddies up into their teens. He came across as fairly introverted throughout his childhood, partly because he didn't care to say anything unless he felt he had something to say - and partly just because he had a quieter personality - but he always did well one on one with friends he was compatible with. He naturally grew into a very social person later. Oftentimes, adults expect that children are naturally extroverted, but there are a whole lot of factors involved. In fact, come to think of it, I was much like my son was, and I outgrew it too. I'm not necessarily saying your daughter doesn't actually have some sort of social anxiety, but just that things can seem a lot different when a child is so young and has no way of articulating what's what with her feelings. - Lillian
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#36 of 59 Old 02-25-2010, 05:02 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
My son is approaching 6 now. Also, I do enjoy being a hermit. DS does not. DH does not. I am only now getting out and about to new places alone with DS.

And still....

1. DH and I are the center of DS's universe for now. Less so now than before. He's figured out that there are other people that can be important to him, without being in daycare. Amazing how that worked out!

2. DS has known for quite awhile that he's not the center of the universe. We go to Disneyland quite often, and he knows that there are other kids. We went to playgrounds where he knew to wait in line (and would often let others go in front of him...they all flooded the playground after school let out, so I assume they were all in school, and THEY would just shoot right past him without saying thank you, so...yeah...I can do the math there of what group thinks or doesn't think they are the center of the universe...).

3. I see no need to be in a same-age group. Ever. If you go to school, you're with same-age kids for 12 years. And that's IT. Most colleges have other ages; you're a freshman meeting seniors, you're a sophomore and you have older students in your class, etc etc. You're insulated for 12 years and then boom, you're working at the pizza place on campus, learning to talk to professors and taking their nacho orders...being with same-age people is a very small window in our lives, and it's not a necessity.

My best school year was 4th grade, when I was sent to a one-room schoolhouse near where my mom worked (Montebello Elementary in Cupertino CA). I was taught by the principal, who taught 4-6th, with one 7th grader whose mom wasn't ready to "send him down the hill" yet. My brother was a 1st grader with 1-3 grades. Only K was alone, and I agree with that, b/c K kids are so little! That was my best academic year, seriously. I learned from the older kids; the older kids got their learning solidified by helping the youngers...it was awesome.

4. DS knows what rules are, in an age-appropriate way! Again, we go to Disneyland. There is no running in Disneyland; that might have been the first rule he could repeat, LOL. There is waiting in line, taking your turn, etc etc etc.

5. Sure, there are things in art class that aren't done at home. But...vague, unformed memories of fingerpainting done 36 years ago...those are worth...what? Not sure. DS has an easel, he has watercolors, fingerpaints...all sorts of things.

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Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
Both. It is often said to me when I say that DD is not very social. Actually she has some sort of social anxiety. So several people suggested me to send her to daycare to get used to playing with other kids.
And some people say it in general - that daycare is just this wonderful invention that opens horizons, teaches kids this and that and bla bla bla

Sophie
Gotta tell ya...being sent to fend for herself might make the anxiety worse. For me, I need to know I can trust the person/people I'm with. That made me feel safe. Seems to have worked with DS, too. He knew for ages that I wasn't going to leave him somewhere, etc etc etc, and now he can branch out easily.

Since you have an eye towards homeschooling....

We've recently started going to a Homeschool PE class at the YMCA, and he loves playing with the other kids! He likes the gymastics and swimming classes he's in too, and he knows that I'm there. He has done really really well with the classes, interacting with other kids, shying away from the ones hopped up on HFCS (he has a serious problem with corn syrup based things, and can tell "hyper" from "crazy blood sugar spike what is this stuff doing to the body hyper"), etc etc. And he easily takes instruction from others! He sure knows that I don't know how to teach him gymnastics, while Coach Angel does! So he's not confused by being taught by someone else when it's needed; then we come home and talk about short vowels.


And remember. This is all working out just fine for us, and I AM a hermit. Seriously. I've started to talk to a couple women at the Y, but that's it, and I'm exhausted when i get home from the interaction. I really like them, but it takes it out of me, b/c I'm such a natural hermit! But DS is who he is, and he's doing really well, despite having no daycare days.
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#37 of 59 Old 02-25-2010, 06:12 AM
 
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I'll add to your list of pro-daycare arguments I've heard that "toddlers need to get exposed to germs now to build up a strong immune system."

It's completely incorrect to generalize and say all 2-year-olds SHOULD go into daycare. Every child and every family is different. Absolutely stick with your gut instincts on this because I think they are right on.

I never ever ever thought I'd be sending my little ones to daycare/pre-school. But my DS is soooooooo social. He adores other children. We live in a neighborhood without kids, and don't have many children in our social circles either. So my 18-month-old goes to pre-school (pre-pre-pre school) three mornings a week for about three hours. He LOVES the time with other kids, and according to the teachers spends much time trying hold everyone's hand, giving hugs, and just having a grand ol' time. Unfortunately, many of his peers are more into "parallel play" - but he still delights in their company and tries to engage everyone in his play. So it was the right decisions for our ds. Again, it wasn't something I ever thought I'd do... but you gotta make parenting decisions based on your actual child- not some theoretical child.

I'm expecting our second in April... and I do not plan to enroll her in the same school unless she shows the same unusually outgoing personality and desires to be around other kids. Assuming she is more 'typical' in that regard, I'll probably not enroll her in any sort of daycare or preschool until around age four.

Again - focus on the needs of your individual child and stick with your gut instincts.

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#38 of 59 Old 02-26-2010, 03:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe. But my son, when he was that young, had a strong aversion to social interaction that didn't fit with his particular personality. He wanted nothing to do with our little neighborhood playgroup except to play with one other little boy he clicked with, and they stayed great buddies up into their teens. He came across as fairly introverted throughout his childhood, partly because he didn't care to say anything unless he felt he had something to say - and partly just because he had a quieter personality - but he always did well one on one with friends he was compatible with.
Oh wow, that sounds exactly like my daughter!

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I'll add to your list of pro-daycare arguments I've heard that "toddlers need to get exposed to germs now to build up a strong immune system."
Yeh, I forgot that one. I've heard it too, more than once

Sophie, wife to DH, AP mama to DD1 (12/07) and DD2 (04/10)
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#39 of 59 Old 02-26-2010, 10:08 AM
 
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My daughter is 2 and I start getting more and more comments from well meaning people suggesting me to send her to a daycare for at least few days a week. The arguments that are used sound pretty rational and I don't know how to answer to them. My intuition doesn't agree with those arguments, but I don't know to logically explain why. Even to myself.

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

DO you have a dp or dh? Other family that your dd sees? Then I suppose she probably already knows you are not the only person in the world. Plus so what if she is close with you? She is still very young.
2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
DO you guys have family or friends with kids the same age? Go to a playgroup, library activities, vacation or church of some sort? Then she is probably aware of other kids. She is still pretty young to be expected to interact much with others.

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
You have rules at home?[COLOR="Red"[/COLOR]

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
We paint, use playdough, finger paint, make jewelry, picture frames. We use washable markers for body art. We use old newspapers, smocks and old stained clothing or go naked if there is a huge mess to be made. We dance, sing, go on walks and look at leaves, flowers new bugs. We collect rocks and leaves for art projects.


If all this is true, then a daycare would be a great idea. But I really don't want to send DD there. I am confused...

Sophie
If you are happy and your dd is happy at home then you can basically tell everyone to mind their own business. Daycare has not been around for ever by the way and it doesn't mean our generation or the generations before us are socially inept, uncreative people who can't follow rules and worship our moms.

I should add that dd1 will be 3 in a week and a half. She currently goes to preschool here. Part of our motivation was the language. But we also felt she was ready. It was the right decision for us. And she loves it. But if for some reason we/she didn't want to then she would be at home with me and dd2.

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#40 of 59 Old 02-26-2010, 02:27 PM
 
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I had decided when DS was born and started to seriously research schooling options (Have always tended towards homeschooling) that I wanted to keep him home to learn as long as this was also what he wanted. I have worked in childcare for many years and I did not want to send him to group care at all under the age of about 2.5.

People have sort of been bugging me for the last year about sending DS to preschool when he is "old" enough. Yeah I will be keeping him home as I feel that children can really benefit from been home schooled.

Fast forward to today I care for my friends daughter who is 3 and she is in a really wonderful preschool that is child directed emergent curriculum, very sensitive experienced dedicated teachers who have been there for a long time, GD (actually use the "How to talk..." strategies and run a parenting course on it) It is a cooperative pre-school so there is always 2 teachers and 2 parents in the classroom everyday, etc. Lets just say that there philosophies gel very well with mine. Also I have been doing the parent volunteer part for my friend and I bring my 2 year old with me. he LOVES it! He asks to go to school now all the time. We go to lots of drop-in centres, singing circles, library reading group, and activities throughout the week but he loves school. He loves the teachers and he just really has a great time there.

So I hemed and hawed and now I have decided that he will go for 2 mornings a week in September when he is 2.5. Now I feel like all the "pre-school pushers" won But I still set against full day 5 days a week kindergarten

I also now do see how there will be some benefits for me and DS.

I can work out, shop etc
DS gets to socialize with peers but still in a child led (as much as home anyway, still have to get stuff done )
He will learn that he can have some of his needs met by others outside of the family
He will get access to activities that I only do occasionally daily (like arts and crafts)

However if he was not begging to go to school and if the school was not what it was I would not be in any hurry to get him into preschool/daycare and I feel that there are other ways and other times for him to get the above mentioned benefits.

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#41 of 59 Old 02-26-2010, 03:27 PM
 
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Maybe see if your area has a mom and toddler group? Our local school system has a "play and learn" program that's basically a chance to get your LO a chance to play with other kids and to make messes, but with a parent.

It's really great for us because our closest friends near to Lina's age are about an hour away and Lina really thrives on playtime with other kids. But it's something that we wouldn't need as much if we had closer friends.
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#42 of 59 Old 02-26-2010, 11:05 PM
 
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Subbing...so I can keep close all of these great responses as I get hounded with these comments also.

Everyone has made excellent points & I dont have much to add. Follow your heart - listen to your inner mama.

I was at the hosp having an US for baby #2 & was utterly in shock when the tech asked how old #1 would be when the baby comes. I said 20mo. Her immediate comment was: Oh great! Old enough to be put in school so you can have time with the baby.

The thought never crossed my mind! He's my baby too!!

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#43 of 59 Old 02-26-2010, 11:12 PM
 
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Well we are planning to at least homeschool and I definitely want to unschool, so my response would be, "No, they only need to learn those things so they can be institutionalized for 8 hours a day in school."

Or if I wanted to fight fire with fire, I might be snarky. "Oh, sounds like what they learn at the park. I guess parents these days don't have time to take their kids to the park huh."

Or if I was angry at the sexism: "DH is the center of her universe right now. Check in next week for an update."



On a random positive note.... I was just at the zoo today and a zoo employee smiled at DD and said, "Well hellooooo cutie!" DD turned around and grabbed my legs. The zoo employee turned to me and said, "Well aren't you just a good mom! You've taught her to trust you and to realize this world is very big! I'm sure she'll blossom soon enough!" I almost passed out haha.

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#44 of 59 Old 02-26-2010, 11:38 PM
 
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Well....my honest answer is that I think it depends on the child/family. I think there are some situations where the child could benefit from a few hours a week of preschool, and there are lots of situations where the child is better off at home with mom.

When people start criticizing my parenting, especially by telling me what THEY did with THEIR child, I like to say with a big smile, "I'm so glad that worked out for you guys! It's wonderful that you're so in tune with your child's needs. They're all so different, aren't they?" big smile. Because it really is true. My son is asking me to go to school. He told me last night "I want some friends, mommy." And he is 2, and he has interaction with other children very regularly, but he WANTS to go to school. a friend of mine has one child who excels in school, and two who do not and would be much happier homeschooled with their mom, if she were financially able to swing it.

But it's no one else's business where your child spends his days. You don't owe them an explanation or an excuse for your parenting decisions.

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#45 of 59 Old 02-27-2010, 10:33 AM
 
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I was just at the zoo today and a zoo employee smiled at DD and said, "Well hellooooo cutie!" DD turned around and grabbed my legs. The zoo employee turned to me and said, "Well aren't you just a good mom! You've taught her to trust you and to realize this world is very big! I'm sure she'll blossom soon enough!" I almost passed out haha.
WOW! Every time ds hides his face, we hear "oh he's shy". Umm, no, but maybe he doesn't like random strangers getting in his face? Especially when he's just waking up from a nap? Sounds like the zoo employee must have a little kid of his own...what a great reply.
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#46 of 59 Old 02-27-2010, 11:04 AM
 
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WOW! Every time ds hides his face, we hear "oh he's shy". Umm, no, but maybe he doesn't like random strangers getting in his face? Especially when he's just waking up from a nap? Sounds like the zoo employee must have a little kid of his own...what a great reply.
This drives me nuts. We have family that we don't see often and they will label my youngest dd as "shy" simply because she isn't all over them. Um, she sees you twice a year, please.

As for the OP, you've gotten great advice. You know what your child needs.
This thread is somewhat timely for me. I have become really disheartened with the way we are encouraged to seperate from our children at a young age. If we don't, we are stifling them, not allowing them to grow etc. etc. And it bothers me when I tell people what I do for a living (in home child care provider) and they say things like "I couldn't do that all day, my kids drive me crazy and I'm only with them on the weekends!" Because if their own parents don't want to be around them, what does that say about our society?
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#47 of 59 Old 02-27-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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Seriously if daycare is so wonderful, then why is it everyone I know who has worked in one refuses to send their children to day care?
LOL. That's me in a nutshell. I worked at a high-end daycare for 6 horrible months right out of college. I vowed after leaving that my children would never experience the stuff I saw and heard. Searching a 3 y/o for rocks because he threw one at a co-worker and broke her nose is not something I would want my children to see. I've seen such sweet kids start daycare and then turn into holy nightmares because of the stuff they see other kids doing on a daily basis.

On a funny side note - my DH and I used to work for the same agency. I quit to SAH w/ DD. They still ask him what his plans are regarding our daycare situations. Uh, duh, I am the daycare.

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#48 of 59 Old 02-27-2010, 05:39 PM
 
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I'll add to your list of pro-daycare arguments I've heard that "toddlers need to get exposed to germs now to build up a strong immune system."
One time replying with "that's why I let them lick the floor at the grocery store" and no one will bring it up again lol.

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#49 of 59 Old 02-27-2010, 07:36 PM
 
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One time replying with "that's why I let them lick the floor at the grocery store" and no one will bring it up again lol.
That's awesome!

Mama and co-parent to our beautiful DS (08/08) and our mighty strong DD (04/10) . Life is good.
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#50 of 59 Old 02-28-2010, 11:17 AM
 
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I am currently thinking about daycare for DD (now 2.3) and am dragging my feet. I am planning to work for the census for the next few months, and I think that between my mother and DH we can cover childcare, but I'm not 100% confident that they'll be able to do so many hours in the week. I've visited a couple of places, and none of them feels quite right. The last one I went to was almost good enough... but the woman running it (just her and about 8 1-5 year olds) is a big advocate of super-late "child led" toilet training. We've been doing EC, and while DD is not quite a grad, I'd hate to have her stuck in wet diapers all the time. She's so close.

The EC/potty training issue might not be a deal-breaker on its own, but the 8-hour days, extra exposure to colds (we get plenty at playgroups as it is) and cost are all stacking up against it.

That said, I do plan on sending her to pre-school at least 3 days a week in the fall. She's an extremely active, extraverted child, and we're hopefully going to have a new baby later this year. I think she would really enjoy preschool -- but I can't stir up any enthusiasm for daycare before age almost-3.
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#51 of 59 Old 02-28-2010, 07:16 PM
 
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Wow. This thread is really awful to read as a working mother. Seriously.

DS goes to childcare (a home daycare provider) two mornings a week and... honestly, it's great. He has access to toys we don't have at home (space and money limitations), has one more loving adult in his life (in addition to DH, me, and a whole herd of our friends and family ), and comes home exhausted and ready to take an uber-nap.

But from reading what has been written, REPEATEDLY, here, I'm just being "defensive." Maybe I need thicker skin... but it's not "warehouse care," as someone so *kindly* put it, and DH learns no less (or more) there than he would learn with me (or DH, since he's generally been the SAHP in our system). DH will likely go back to being a full-time SAHD next school year because of the new baby, and I'm considering seeing if he can continue going to our DCP two mornings a week because... he loves it.

Yes, I'm a little pregnant and hormonal, but REALLY?! It's. Not. That. Bad. Sure, no one should be hounding you to send your kids when there's no need to do so, because yeah, you're providing your kid with everything they need and more at home. But at least where we take DS, it's a toy-cluttered living room not unlike our own, with a few more kids. Maybe I'm lucky and we stumbled upon a great DCP (with the added bonus of only going two mornings a week because DH and I work mostly-alternating schedules), I don't know. But really, honestly, it's not as horrible as everyone seems to think it is.

There's just a really negative anti-childcare vibe to this thread and it's hard to shake.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#52 of 59 Old 02-28-2010, 07:43 PM
 
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My daughter goes to daycare two days a week when I work. She loves it. She tells me all about what she does there, all about the little boy she plays with, and is proud to show me her artwork when she gets home. I love that she's built a strong, healthy attachment to her daycare provider and I love the way she treats my daughter like family. For my daughter and our family, daycare is a bonus because we found an excellent one that supports our values and our daughter's personality. She really, truly has benefitted from it -- though not necessarily for the reasons the OP was given.

Would she be deprived if she didn't have this experience? No. Mama and Daddy time is also fantastic. She would have had other wonderful experiences. I would have no guilt if my daughter didn't go to daycare and neither should you, OP!

Daycare isn't a necessity for every kid, but I will say that for some kids and families it can be wonderful experience. It depends on the kid and the daycare. But then maybe I'm biased. My preschool teacher was a special guest at my wedding and I'm looking forward to seeing her again when I'm a guest at her son's wedding. I'm hoping my daughter's daycare provider will still be involved in our lives when my daughter is 30 years old.
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#53 of 59 Old 02-28-2010, 07:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by blizzard_babe View Post
Wow. This thread is really awful to read as a working mother. Seriously.

DS goes to childcare (a home daycare provider) two mornings a week and... honestly, it's great. He has access to toys we don't have at home (space and money limitations), has one more loving adult in his life (in addition to DH, me, and a whole herd of our friends and family ), and comes home exhausted and ready to take an uber-nap.

But from reading what has been written, REPEATEDLY, here, I'm just being "defensive." Maybe I need thicker skin... but it's not "warehouse care," as someone so *kindly* put it, and DH learns no less (or more) there than he would learn with me (or DH, since he's generally been the SAHP in our system). DH will likely go back to being a full-time SAHD next school year because of the new baby, and I'm considering seeing if he can continue going to our DCP two mornings a week because... he loves it.

Yes, I'm a little pregnant and hormonal, but REALLY?! It's. Not. That. Bad. Sure, no one should be hounding you to send your kids when there's no need to do so, because yeah, you're providing your kid with everything they need and more at home. But at least where we take DS, it's a toy-cluttered living room not unlike our own, with a few more kids. Maybe I'm lucky and we stumbled upon a great DCP (with the added bonus of only going two mornings a week because DH and I work mostly-alternating schedules), I don't know. But really, honestly, it's not as horrible as everyone seems to think it is.

There's just a really negative anti-childcare vibe to this thread and it's hard to shake.

Eh, I think you are reading too much in to it - this *is* a thread about SAHM's who are hounded to get their kids in to DC. So are they a little defesive and snarky? Yes, because they *are* being hounded.
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#54 of 59 Old 02-28-2010, 08:04 PM
 
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Eh, I think you are reading too much in to it - this *is* a thread about SAHM's who are hounded to get their kids in to DC. So are they a little defesive and snarky? Yes, because they *are* being hounded.
Yeah, probably. I'm just getting a very mommy-war vibe off a few of the replies.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#55 of 59 Old 02-28-2010, 09:11 PM
 
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Yeah, probably. I'm just getting a very mommy-war vibe off a few of the replies.
Nah, I saw it too, and I SAH. Some of the comments would be better suited to the SAHP forum than the toddler forum -- I can see how they'd be hurtful to parents who WOH.

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#56 of 59 Old 02-28-2010, 09:16 PM
 
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This thread started in the Homeschooling forum, fwiw. It got moved in post 32!
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#57 of 59 Old 03-01-2010, 02:47 AM
 
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I have not read every response. Daycare is a touchy issue with me because I HAD to send DS to daycare 3 days a week, starting at 8 months old so I could finish school. Even then, I stopped by during lunch to nurse him, and I cried in the car when I left him. I took him because it was best for our family in the long run, but not because I thought he was better off there than at home with me! Even now, he is 2 years old and thriving in a wonderful Montesssori preschool, with teachers and friends who are practically like family, but I would still give anything just to spend my days playing with him, napping with him, and enjoying him. I think what I would really love is to go to preschool with him. Best of both worlds, right? lol But that can't be right now because I finally graduate in 2 months!

The point of all of this is just that if you need to or want to, a GOOD preschool program can have its benefits (time for personal interests, time to get to know a new baby, time to go to work or school, fun and friends for the preschooler) but it's by no means necessary, nor is it even good in every situation. If you're lucky enough to stay home with your children, enjoy it while it lasts. I know if I could stay home, we would do lots of mommy and me classes, field trips, library story time, playdates, and more. That's how our summer was and I loved it!

Kat, wife to and mommy to (Dec 07).
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#58 of 59 Old 03-01-2010, 08:24 AM
 
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As a WOH mom, my 11 month DD does go to daycare everyday, usually for about 9 hours a day. My baby girl does seem to enjoy her caregivers, and is extremely attached to them (she usually gets very upset when there are subs in her room because someone is on leave/vacation). I've been able to continue nursing her (I pump a couple times at work, and she nurses several times throughout the night), which was something I was absolutely not willing to sacrifice. I think I'm the only mom in her daycare center that is still nursing a baby this age...but it's something I take much pride in. With all that said - I think it's ridiculous for other parents to put pressure on you to put your child in daycare. I would LOVE to spend every day at home with my baby, but it's not an option for us right now (only 16 more months!!!). You really just have to do what is best for your family, bottom line. Every parent has to make so many choices about how to raise their children, and hope that they're making the best decisions for their children and their family as a whole. It's not really for any of us to judge what is the "right" way or the "wrong" way to be a parent. Just be confident in your decisions and ignore all the "noise"!
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#59 of 59 Old 03-01-2010, 08:37 AM
 
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My daughter is 2 and I start getting more and more comments from well meaning people suggesting me to send her to a daycare for at least few days a week. The arguments that are used sound pretty rational and I don't know how to answer to them. My intuition doesn't agree with those arguments, but I don't know to logically explain why. Even to myself.

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.
Why? I mean, yes, my DD (who is not yet two) gets instruction from other trusted adults (DP, her grandparents, a few close adult friends), but there's nothing wrong with me being the center of her universe at age 2. Her universe will expand as she gets older, lol. Most kids in daycare still think their moms are the center of the universe...
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2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.
I agree, they need to see other kids, but, um, daycare is far from the only way to learn it! Family, friends, parks, playgroups, other group activities....
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3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
That's just silly. Why do they need to do that? Kids are much better off in a mixed-age group, IMO.

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4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
Parents don't have any rules at all? My 21mo is learning to follow our family's rules...

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5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
This one may be true. Sometimes. However, there are other benefits to a 2 yo being at home, and the ability to do big messy crafts is fun for a 2-3yo, but not hardly critical to development, kwim? And they can do SOME of that stuff at home...

Now I should clarify, I have no problem with daycare. There are reasons why some people need to use it, and reasons why some people choose to use it, but I don't think those 5 reasons are compelling reason to send a child to daycare if you don't want or need to. In fact, if you don't need to use daycare, then the fact that you simply don't want to is all the reason you need, lol.

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