What do you say to those arguments? (daycare benefits) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 02:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughter is 2 and I start getting more and more comments from well meaning people suggesting me to send her to a daycare for at least few days a week. The arguments that are used sound pretty rational and I don't know how to answer to them. My intuition doesn't agree with those arguments, but I don't know to logically explain why. Even to myself.

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.

If all this is true, then a daycare would be a great idea. But I really don't want to send DD there. I am confused...

Sophie

Sophie, wife to DH, AP mama to DD1 (12/07) and DD2 (04/10)
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#2 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 03:01 AM
 
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"This is the best choice for our family. What did you think of the game last night?
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#3 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 03:16 AM
 
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I don't think I'd even dignify that kind of utter nonsense with reason, and I think I'd just figure out a somewhat polite but firm way of expressing that. Yuk. Yuk. Yuk.

Yuk! Lillian
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#4 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 03:16 AM
 
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My DD is 2 also, and I just heard #1 from my mother last week. The way I see it all of these things will come in time.

I'll echo the PP. I do think that the "This choice is best for my family. Pass the bean dip" response is probably the most effective in this case. It's not worth debating, it's not their choice, and you probably won't change their minds anyway.
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#5 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 03:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MaWhit View Post
"This is the best choice for our family. What did you think of the game last night?
Ah, yes - the ol' bean dip approach. - Lillian
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#6 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 03:23 AM
 
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They don't *need* any of those things at 2 years old. Most of them will happen eventually and I personally don't consider arts and crafts to be one of life's essentials anyway, frankly. YMMV

Also from what I understand, and I admit that my research on this subject has not been exhaustive, children who have a low stress home environment have higher levels of stress hormones present when at daycare. Children whose homelife is stressful have lower levels when at daycare.

I think that, if your need daycare for your circumstances, then you need it but I don't think it is a vital, not to be missed part of growing up.

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#7 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 03:28 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
If all this is true, then a daycare would be a great idea. But I really don't want to send DD there. I am confused...
Sorry, I was in a rush and didn't see the part about your not being so sure about all this. Here - this is a link to a page on preschool and kindergarten issues - or maybe I should more accurately just call it "early childhoold" issues. Maybe some of the articles in there can be of help.

Those arguments you're hearing are pure hogwash. Infuriating. The people throwing around those theories clearly don't know much about children and are obviously not sensitive to them. Attendance in a daycare or preschool is absolutely NOT necessary for any of the things people are harassing you about. Trust your intuition and your love of your child. - Lillian
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#8 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 04:08 AM
 
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I did send my dd to daycare, but those arguments for daycare don't make any sense and aren't the reasons I sent my dd. Number five was a nice bonus to having her in childcare, but it wasn't my reason for having her there. Your child will learn all of those things at home naturally because as children grow parents tend to enforce rules (even if only safety rules), we start having our children wait more and more while we take care of our needs and wants, we bring them to parks and out in public to play, and we expose them to situations where someone other than mom tells them what to do.

If you are living on a deserted island, never have your child wait for a few minutes when you have an urgent need or even desire to do something, and don't have any rules or boundaries then I think that you should consider branching out a bit, otherwise I think you should go with the bean dip response because those are very flimsy reasons for sending a child away from you for several hours a day when there is no real need.
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#9 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 04:22 AM
 
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Well, first I would probably crack up laughing. When I was over that, I'd look them square on and say, "Oh, wait... are you really serious?"

And if they nodded or answered affirmatively, it's very likely I'd just start laughing again. I'm pretty giggly by nature, though!

# 1 - why? You are and can certainly enjoy being the center of your child's universe. For NOW. IMO, that's actually ideal, healthy, and awesome.
#s 2, 3, 4 & 5 - daycare isn't be-all, end-all or only place to learn these things, not that they're even necessary life lessons at 2 years old. Sigh.

Honestly, I'd probably not be able to contain myself long enough to carry on a conversation with someone who wanted to argue the finer points of such ridiculous arguments.
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#10 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 09:17 AM
 
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We were in a situation a few years ago where my SAHD husband was offered a job that we decided he needed to take. It was devastation trying to figure out wheat to do with DD who was almost two.....a friend whose parenting style didn't mesh with mine at all gave me all of those arguments and more. I told her that I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings but I felt that those were things that parents who felt guilt about daycare told themselves to feel better. I don't reccommend you use that aproach, but she had been critisizing my parenting for a long time and it just came out. I do believe it to a certain extent though...I think if daycare is neccesary than it is, but if there is a parent to stay home with the kids it is best. None of that is important for a two !year old
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#11 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 09:32 AM
 
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Benefits to institutionalizing small children from literate, loving and enriched homes? Even state funded pre-K attendance for 4 year olds doesn't seem to be holding up to scrutiny. http://www.alabamapolicy.org/gary_bl...php?id_art=293

The cost of prematurely learning those "skills" (which are really developmental tasks with no benefit to rush) are that your child will not be getting 1:1 conversation with a loving adult who has time to answer her questions, will lose out on reading time, and will be socialized to the standards of a pack of 2-3 year olds. That doesn't have anything to do with the ultimate goal -- a secure, happy and productive adult -- or the unrelated, but popular goal for many of a socially adept kindergartener. Seriously K's have a whole new set of rules from the toddler room and it can be learned on the fly at age 5. It's not something a 2 year old can even learn.
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#12 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 09:40 AM
 
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I'd say Phooey!!! Sheesh they are babies still at that age not even weaned yet!

Seriously if daycare is so wonderful, then why is it everyone I know who has worked in one refuses to send their children to day care?
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#13 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 09:56 AM
 
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Whatever did we do without daycare?! I mean, until the last, what, 40 years there WAS no daycare! Did everyone grow up to be a social misfit incapable of having an intelligent conversation? Of course not! Your child is receiving the most important interaction - with you! No one at a day care cares more about your child's well-being and development than you do and your child is learning all the things you mentioned when she is ready at playgroups, at the museum, with friends, siblings, etc.

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#14 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 10:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
My daughter is 2 and I start getting more and more comments from well meaning people suggesting me to send her to a daycare for at least few days a week. The arguments that are used sound pretty rational and I don't know how to answer to them. My intuition doesn't agree with those arguments, but I don't know to logically explain why. Even to myself.

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

I AM the center of her / his universe and I intend to stay that way for a long time. children need the saft and security of a trusted laoving adult who is a CONSTANT in theri life in order to have the confidence to grow and explore. besides he is only 28 months old and he is still nurseing many many times a day. what is his supposed to do at day care with a staranger who can not nurse him!!!??

2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

He / She is 2!!!! I want him / her to be the center of the world, i want them happy and safe and secure. You are suggesting they need to be alone, and ignored and sad jsut to grow up? How sad, what kind of person is that going to creat? and also -- his brother makes sure he has to share center stange.

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age

there is no benifit to a child being influenced by their peers, mob think is not pretty. I perfer our children have as their peer group adults whom we trust, family and multi-age groups of children, again that we trust. I feel very strongly that a good foundation needs to be in place before a child in required to stand up adginst a mob and make good choices on his / her own.


4. ...they need to learn to follow rules

We have tons of rules at home, thanks, they follow rules all day. Does my child seem like a wild animal heathen to you, is that want you are implying? No one lives without rules.

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.

I used to work daycare, we do a lot more at home than we ever did in class. also at home it is my and my 2 boys -- we can change activity when they are done, or keep going if they want. and they get much more time with the materials and constant on-on-one. we can repeat activites they like as much as we want.

then i list cool stuff we've done recently -- like melt caryaons, paint on paper taped tot he floor useing our feet, .....


If all this is true, then a daycare would be a great idea. But I really don't want to send DD there. I am confused...

Sophie
there is no reason to be confused -- she is your child, keep her home with you -- wharehouse care for children severs no benifit.


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#15 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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Have you heard of the book Hold On To Your Kids? It's really more for older children connecting with their parents but the argument is also true for younger ones: Parental relationships are far more important to healthy development than peer ones.

And I agree with what a pp said, that these arguments are what parents who put their children in daycare use to make themselves feel better. Sometimes there is a real need for daycare (like if homelife is difficult) but if not, then being at home is the ideal. All of those things that you listed will come about naturally and unfold in ways that are more emotionally healthy if done at home and not forced in a daycare situation. And think of all the sassiness and unwanted behaviors that come from forcing a dozen toddlers and preschoolers together for hours on end! It's never worth it if you can help it!

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#16 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 10:40 AM
 
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Have you ard of the book Hold On To Your Kids? It's really more for older children connecting with their parents but the argument is also true for younger ones: Parental relationships are far more important to healthy development than peer ones.

And I agree with what a pp said, that these arguments are what parents who put their children in daycare use to make themselves feel better.

Like when someone tries to tell you the BEGNFITS of formula feeding ....there are times when daycare or FF are necessary and it is good to have them ... but they are not an ideal. Parents who makes choices like that will do anything to make it seem right. we have a 'freind" who has her son in daycare "preschool" since before he was 3 .. and i have heard evey "reason" you can list and more but it all comes down to her trying to justify it and nothing more.

Sometimes there is a real need for daycare (like if homelife is difficult) but if not, then being at home is the ideal. All of those things that you listed will come about naturally and unfold in ways that are more emotionally healthy if done at home and not forced in a daycare situation. And think of all the sassiness and unwanted behaviors that come from forcing a dozen toddlers and preschoolers together for hours on end! It's never worth it if you can help it!
well put

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#17 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 11:12 AM
 
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I will through this into the mix-
NY state was developing (may still be, not as in the loop as I used to be) a P-16 document, which among other things, would link and connect pre-K all the way through college. At that time, they were also discussing linking maternal health through college-
OK, so, what does this have to do with the OP's post?
Well, I kind of joked that we were preparing babes in utero to become part of the school system from conception on.

It is ingrained in our society that children now attend daycare. It is ingrained in us that children must be prepared to go to kindergarten but sending them to pre-K, and it could be assumed that if children don't go to daycare, they won't be ready for pre-k.
Personally, after having worked in daycare for years and been active in early childhood policies, I hate it when daycares made a big deal about how their children leave their program better prepared for school.

There is research that shows that families who are involved in their child's learning by reading to them, taking them to activities and involving in the community have larger vocabs, and better pre-reading experience. But the craze that has parents so over involved in prepping children for school/pre-k/daycare has pushed parents into thinking that ordinary old play isn't enough for their child to be successful in school.

--So OP, don't worry- playing and being home with your child is an excellent choice if it is what you want! I love being home and I can see the effect it has had on our family unit. We are all happier this way!

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#18 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 11:31 AM
 
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Another suggested reading I'll throw out there is Einstein Never Used Flashcards. It's a wonderful collection and examination of early childhood studies that continually suggest that play and love make for well-adjusted, happy, thinking, learning teens and adults.

And as someone who sent her first to preschool for 6 weeks because such arguments were made to her, I can assure you it wasn't all happy, fun time for dd1 (or me!). It was a great program in the area, and I pulled her out after it hit me when visiting the room one day: no one there saw my dd as the unique, loving, gentle girl that she is. No one LOVED her. Sure, the teacher told me all that time what a sweet girl she was, but it wasn't love or commitment to developing her as a whole person. She was just a number to fit into the rotation of making noodle necklaces and circling letters on a worksheet. Was she miserable there? Nah, but was she better off than at home? Absolutely not.

Love is an amazing thing to learn and embrace and believe in...more so than learning to line up and wait with 15-20 other kids at age 2...and home is where that love is present. So I pulled her out and never sent my other two. And it's a miracle: they know how to cut, paste, wait, play, follow directions.

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#19 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 12:12 PM
 
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I agree with all the other Mamas...A toddler needs their Mama and Daddy. I know there are good day care center's out there, but none of them are better than the comfort and security a Mama can provide.

I choose to provide care for children in my home. I have a baby right now that I am caring for, and I choose to care for her, just as the others, as my own. I want to provide her with security, love and great care, but it is still no comparison to what her own Mama can provide.

I have no concern with ds staying home with me and not being in daycare because I KNOW I provide for him what he needs, just as I KNOW you do as well...In time your dd will learn what she needs in the world and by you. I know my ds is learning skills when he 'helps' me with laundry and do things around the house. He learns when we bake and cook together. He learns to interact with other children when we go to the park, play groups, sciencenters, book stores, etc. Ya know?

Don't worry Mama. You sound like you are giving your dd everything she needs.

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#20 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 12:13 PM
 
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It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.

2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.

3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age

4. ...they need to learn to follow rules

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
To all of that I say.....pish-posh!

To me it's a load of nonsense, especially since it refers to a child of 2 years old. Good grief!

All of those things can be learned from the home-base. Do they think parents who's children stay at home *never* let them play with their peers? Mine have been hanging with age-peers and those slightly older or younger since babyhood. Learned to play nicely with others, share, and relate just fine without daycare. Neither I nor they think we are the center of the universe. What a strange argument for daycare.

As to horizon expansion, that has happened just fine as well. I don't know how many daycare kids get to go to the zoo on a regular basis. I can't imagine taking 15 2-3 year olds and having the ability to spend 20 minutes studying the penguins with them. I do not need a daycare to expand my child's horizons. We have the zoo, we have museums, we have city-funded family events, we have church/Sunday School, we have neighbors, friends, playdates, we have an awesome, involved family....we even do arts and crafts (though at two yo what exactly is so special about daycare arts and crafts? their fine motor control is just beginning to develop and it's not like they're making masterpieces in daycare. I can handle finger painting and bean glueing at home, I think ) I think my 2 year old is just fine at home. His older brother's have turned out well.
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#21 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 12:17 PM
 
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Unfortunately with my first I bowed to pressure and sent him to preschool for a few months. It was a disaster for him. I suppose he would have eventually resigned himself to being there but none of those things they said would be good for him worked. Yet, now at age 7 he:

[...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.] ...is perfectly aware I am not the centre of the universe. He has friends, teachers (from activities and programs he goes to) and family who all play a big role in his life.

[...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.] ...rotflmao on this one! He has a sibling so for the last 4 years he lived this. I hate the way 'centre of the universe' kids can behave and I only know a few---and they go to school.

[...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age] ...no, they don't. My ds hangs with kids from 3-10 and has a lot of fun with all of them. He tends to hang out with kids based on interest not age. His 10 year old buddy plays Lego and chess. His 5 year old friend(s) love Star Wars and Lego. Etc...

[...they need to learn to follow rules.] ...yes, agreed. Mine do. Do people think all children run wild at home and then turn into model citizens at day/care or school?

[...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home...] ...hmmm, well this depends on 1) the preschool and 2) the parent. Some parents are okay with messy play time and some are not. Some preschools offer those activities often, others do not. I am not a big fan of paint all over the house and relegate it to outside during warm months and in the hall in a tarped off section from time to time. However, we go to art class once a week at a gallery and my dks still seem to find ways for their creative output. Ds is all about the Lego but draws pictures and comics. Dd colours and loves playdough. This is a very weak argument to keep my dks away from me several hours/days of the week.

Like I said, I temporarily bought into the insanity that the only way my dks would be normal and well adjusted was to ship them off to glorified baby-sitters (not knocking dc/preschool teachers but they get paid to watch, feed, keep clean and play/teach the kids --> which I do as it is) and hours of peer interaction. Well, five years have passed and I can safely say that in that time my dks have turned into children who play well with others, have manners, follow rules and instruction - even with other people (who am I kidding, usually better with other people ) and can generally pass themselves off as normal, well-adjusted kids. And so can all the other homeschooled, never preschooled kids that we know.
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#22 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 12:56 PM
 
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I have a smple argument: --I want my children learn things that are suitable, useful and practical through their life.

Day care are good places when do you need them, but certanly between the care of the love ones and a day care. My vote is the care fro.m the parents
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.
That's not sense!. They need to follow instruction because they makes sense to them....
2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.
Really??? My kids know they're not the center of the universe. They are sympathetic with others, with the other family members (sibblings, parents, pets, and friends!).Also, not going to a day Care don't mean that their isolate. You meet people verywhere, playdate, playgrounds, parks, libraries, store, name it!
3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
Whom say that??? Stay a number of day hours with a group of you just age it's artificial. In any work place the co-workers are in a variety of age, genders, and so on.
4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
You have rules at your home. Don't you?...

5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
You can do art activities too!, if you want. But, toddler learn mostly from free playing and every day life with their parents.
Toddlers learn for the parents, from the daily routine, language,manners, healthy eating, some cores (simple ones), etc

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#23 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 01:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sparkygirl74 View Post
. I told her that I wasn't trying to hurt her feelings but I felt that those were things that parents who felt guilt about daycare told themselves to feel better.
I second this!!... and these reasons are ridiculous! I never went to a daycare and I turned out ok! I think many of us mamas on here didn't go to a daycare ourselves.. its crazy that people today think that a toddler needs to go to "school", you ARE the cener of their universe as they are yours and it should be this way.
I'll just add that I worked in a couple different daycares before DS was born and it was heartbreaking, all they wanted was their parents! A child doesn't understand money or bills.. and they don't have a grasp on the concept of time. I saw some children there 8 hour days... 7 days a week! I decided well before I had children that I would never send them to a daycare

Mama to Cameron 6/03/09
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#24 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 01:24 PM
 
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I agree wholeheartedly with what everyone else has already said, and have heard similar arguments myself.

The thing that sticks out most in my mind is that two year olds don't actively socialize with one another. Sure, they'll steal each others' toys, but otherwise they're still in that solitary or at best parallel play stage.

Another thing: Most parents with kids in childcare will tell you that their kid is CONSTANTLY SICK. Constantly. I have one neighbor who took her DD out of a childcare center to pay for a private nanny because of the illness factor. DD would get sick, then pass it to the rest of her family. Fun times...
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#25 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 01:48 PM
 
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First of all, I should comment that I have sent my children to a play-based preschool from the time they turned three. The reason I have sent them to preschool is because the language-immersion environment at this particular preschool was something my husband and I both thought would be extremely valuable to our children (they already spoke this language with me at home, but we felt they would benefit from speaking it with other adults and children).

Because of this, I feel that I have gained insight into both the pros and cons of preschool.

Next year, our son will continue at preschool while our daughter will be at home for K.

Quote:
Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.
This is a ridiculous notion. There is no reason why a child at 2, 3, or 4 needs to learn to "get instruction from people other than their mother." This argument falls into the general fallacy of thinking that if kids don't learn something when they are toddlers and preschoolers, they will never learn it.

Furthermore, they will naturally encounter environments as they get older when they "get instruction from people other than their mother" even if they never go to school. They will have play dates. They will participate in scouts, sports, etc. They may take individual classes in various subjects.

They will not go to college or get a job and suddenly encounter the need to "get instruction from people other than their mother" for the first time.

That said, it has been interesting to see how my daughter has responded to the authority of her teachers in school, and to the school environment in general. I do actually think it has been beneficial to her to deal with the expectations of the preschool environment (cleaning up at a particular time, going together as a group to the gym/swimming pool/library, etc.) So I do think it's true that this aspect of preschool can be beneficial, but I certainly wouldn't send my kids to preschool in order for this to happen!

Quote:
Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.
Again, there are many other ways that kids can learn this. First of all, if they have siblings, they will learn this at home. When they participate in playgroups or other social opportunities with other kids, they will experience this.

This is not an area where I think my kids have benefited from the preschool environment. I think a regular preschool playgroup we've done with the kids, fully supervised by their own parents, was much more beneficial.

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Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
I consider this to be a major disadvantage of daycare, preschool, and school in general. I tend to think putting kids who are all the same age together tends to bring out the worst in every age.

One of the things I like about my children's preschool is that the classrooms have kids from ages 3-5 in them, but even that doesn't seem ideal to me. I think they'd be better off with at least a 5:1 studentcher ratio in addition to the mixed ages. Hmm, that's starting to sound a lot like a family or playgroup...

Quote:
Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
I do think there's something about the group environment in preschool that encourages kids to follow the rules and go along with what the group is doing.

But of course you can also learn how to follow rules at home. I definitely wouldn't consider this to be a sufficient reason to send a child to preschool.

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5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
Hmm. The only activities they do at my children's preschool that are substantially different from what we do at home are activities that pretty much require a large group to do them. Things like putting on a performance, or painting large pieces of scenery.

We do plenty of art projects at home.

I definitely don't feel that this has been a significant benefit of sending my kids to preschool. In fact, I am confident I would take them on more "field trips" to museums, the zoo, etc. if they were not in school.

To sum up, yes, I do think kids learn some things at preschool that are positive. However, most of them can be learned just as naturally at home, and the few things that might be easier in a group setting are not so important as to be "don't miss" opportunities. I'm not saying preschool is a bad thing, obviously it's what we've chosen for our kids. But there have definitely been times when I've questioned that decision, and we wouldn't be doing it if we didn't feel so strongly about the language immersion experience.

There will always be things that look good about whatever you're not doing. For example, my neighborhood elementary school offers a Spanish immersion program. I think this program is terrific, and I'm sorry my kids won't be experiencing it. But there are plenty of other things they will get to experience as homeschoolers that the kids in school won't -- and there are school-related problems they won't have to deal with because they're not there.

Sonja , 40, married to DH (42) since 5-29-93, DD born 11-3-2004, DS born 1-18-2007.
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#26 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 01:58 PM
 
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I'm a little blown away that you're getting this kind of flack about your 2 year old.

IMO, all of those arguments boil down to "You have to send your child to school so she can learn how to behave in school because you have to send your child to school"

The VAST majority of human beings living and dead were with their mothers almost all the time at age 2. I believe it's a well-tested practice.
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#27 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 02:27 PM
 
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This was just the thread I needed to find now. I am under a huge amount of pressure to put DS (just turned two) into kindy and my IL's are driving me crazy with it.

I unfortunately took the tack of telling them to back off and leave me alone - in a rather aggressive and angry way. It has not helped our relationship, although no one is going to suggest kindy any time soon

I hate that there is so much pressure to do the right thing with a two year old and that I cannot just be left in peace to live my life. I think it is ridiculous that I am required to defend not putting him in kindy. And that people feel they can make a free judgement on my choices when I leave them and their choices well alone.

Thankfully I have found a homeschooling group that we go to once a week. I love it, and DS is getting used to it. Unfortunately he got pulled by a bigger kid and he is now wary of all the kids.... I used to think homeschooling was so extreme and I would never do anything that extreme. Now it just makes sense.

Good luck OP. The responses have been great.

Megan, mama to her little boy (Feb2008) and introducing our little girl (Dec 2010)
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#28 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 02:49 PM
 
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Yes, there are a lot of benefits to a child to go to a good daycare, and there are also a lot of benefits to the child to stay at home with mama.
One major benefit of staying home with mama is cost. Mama is free if she's not working. Another benefit is not having your kid sick all the time. I was actually thinking of sending my ds to daycare because I work and it's pretty hard to write computer programs while your kid is pulling your hand and wanting you to play with blocks all the time. But when he started wheezing with every cold, I nixed the idea of daycare.
See below in a diff color for my answers:

Quote:
Originally Posted by sophi4ka View Post
My daughter is 2 and I start getting more and more comments from well meaning people suggesting me to send her to a daycare for at least few days a week. The arguments that are used sound pretty rational and I don't know how to answer to them. My intuition doesn't agree with those arguments, but I don't know to logically explain why. Even to myself.

So what would you answer to those arguments?

It is good for a 2-3yo to go to a daycare because...:
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.
At any given time, you have a couple of people in your life that mean the world to you. Currently my kid's most important people are mama, papa and baba (grandma). He seems to take instructions when they go along with what he wants to do. Do I want him to be able to get instructions from a complete stranger on the street? Um, no. So, not a skill I'm really interested in him developing.
2. ...they need to learn that they are not the center of the universe themselves and that there are other kids out there.
Yes, because my kid is locked in the closet all day and never sees other kids! Hah, seriously, my ds LOVES playing with other kids, and can't get enough of well behaved ones (that don't try to take his Thomas train from him)...he sees them every day at the library, at the playground, at other play areas. I think he's figured out that he's not the center of their universe
3. ...they need to learn to be in a group of children their age
WHY? I think it makes sense for kids to be exposed to all ages. So they learn how to be gentle with babies and how to play with older people.
4. ...they need to learn to follow rules
And apparently only a complete stranger can teach them that!
5. ...they do things in a daycare that they would never do at home - all kinds of creative art activities for example, that due to certain limitations (lots of mess, busy mom, etc) cannot be done at home. So it expands their horizons.
I'm trying to figure out what that would be now that I've found soooo many craft ideas for free on the internet.
If all this is true, then a daycare would be a great idea. But I really don't want to send DD there. I am confused...
If you don't want to, then there's your answer! What you could do is go visit at a few (pretending you're thinking about it) and see if there's anything really missing from what your dd is experiencing at home. And if so, then how you could do to expand her horizons yourself...whether finding a good playgroup or doing more crafts or whatever. Personally when I went to visit a recommended daycare a few months ago with ds, I left thinking "how boring it was", "how I didn't feel the providers were respectful enough to the kids - just didn't like their way of discipline" and "how I didn't need my ds learning how to bonk people in the head with heavy wooden toys" (I got bonked hard enough to bleed by a little boy). And then we both got sick - every single kid in there had a major runny nose that no one wiped in the entire hour and a half we were there. Obviously there are better daycares...but I didn't see any kind of learning that we don't do better at home.
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#29 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 03:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sophi4ka
1. ...they need to learn to get instruction from people other than their mother. They need to understand that their mother is not the center of the universe.
I was thinking about this today as we did our daily stuff.

we went to group for Early intervention where both my boys listen to Miss Cami, Miss Michelle and Miss Emily without a blink.

We went tot he libiary where both boys did as Miss Annette asked, AND replied nicely to Miss Lori (the mom of a peer we see at Lib group).

we stopped at the post office where Big Borth helped Mr Steve open a box and where Little borth listend "not to touch" from Mr Steve the post master ...

My boys are home with me -- well not just home, and ot jsut with me -- adn at 2 adn 4 they are doing just great at having manners and listening to other adults when necessary.

Aimee + Scott = Theodore Roosevelt (11/05) and 23 months later Charles Abraham (10/07)....praying for a little sister; the search starts May 2014
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#30 of 59 Old 02-24-2010, 07:26 PM
 
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Sophie,

I'm curious- did someone say this to you about your child or did someone say that daycare/preschool is good for "kids" in general because of x, y, z?

I'm asking because a close friend decided to put her ds in daycare at age 2 and she told me the reason was because it would be good for him to learn how to socialize and the daycare would teach him things.

I remember pointing out to her that my 2 kids were very social and learned plenty without schooling or daycare. Then I felt like I was offending her because she got very quiet. It blew over and we're still friends, but I remember feeling unsure of how to handle that situation.

I would support her in her choice to do what she wants with her own child, but it felt more like a blanket statement and it made me feel defensive, but also like I didn't want to tell her my way was the best either. Everyone has to do what is best for them, and I think respect for eachother's choices is important. I kind of felt like she wasn't respecting our choice by saying those things to me, though.

Is this how you're feeling?
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