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#91 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 10:32 AM
 
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I think it is good that you are aware of the difficulties you might face.
It doesn't mean that you love him less, or don't want him back. It means you are being realistic, and will be better prepared to understand and deal with any tension or problems that come up.
You are a very strong, capable woman and mother, and I have always admired you for your strength and convictions. Just be sure to ask for help if things get hard. You know we are always here for you if you need an ear or a virtual shoulder.
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#92 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 01:12 PM
 
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Oh mamas...help me get through this week. 36 weeks qualifies as not premie, right? I feel like death. I hate feeling this way and wish I could suck it up better than I am. I feel like such a big wuss but I am so uncomfortable, nauseous, exhausted and completely out of patience
I just want this little man to be healthy and have a happy mama...happy is so not my feeling right now though So unfair to DS1, but he's home with me today and I'm a complete grouch. Trying really hard not to be, but 2 1/2 year olds and cranky pregnant women are not a good mix

Katie for Liam! that he sticks with it this time and your freedom from at least 1 in diapers is in sight That's wonderful. I think you're absolutely right that it is normal to have anxiety about your DH returning home. It won't be easy and you're used to life the way it is now. Just give yourself and your kids AND your DH space to feel, be grumpy, adjust, feel love, feel whatever you all need to re-acclimate to life as a family. You'll get there - just be open to letting it happen and we're here for you whenever you need to yell, scream, cry, or just pout...always and always

Heather It's great that you're open to either pink or blue (especially since we don't get to chose ). I had so many people apologizing to me and asking me if I was ok after DS2 turned out to be male. It just ended up making me angry. I wasn't disappointed and the thought that anyone else would be just hurt me so deeply. There's that mother tiger thing again

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#93 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 01:20 PM
 
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it can be so frustrating with the gender thing. i actually had an aunt post on my facebook wall that she hoped this baby was a boy for us. excuse me? i would be thrilled with either. roisin keeps saying she wants a girl baby but that mommy has a boy baby in her tummy. i'm thinking it's a boy, but that doesn't mean i'd prefer one of each or anything... especially since this isn't our last child. we are planning on having between 3 and 5 kids... and if we end up with 5 girls, then we'll have 5 amazing humans to contribute to society and to our lovely family. my mom, of course, thinks it's a boy, but she has insisted that every baby in our family was a boy, and she's been right two out of five times. she actually debated that she could tell from the ultrasound profile picture that it was a boy. the whole thing is silly. (but is it horrible that i kind of wish it is a girl so that i can prove her wrong?... sorry, isn't that awful!? ah, mother daughter relationships are so special.)

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#94 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 01:37 PM
 
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I so agree with you. I don't get all the hype over having one of each, and I have one of each! I really thought Laine would be a boy, and even the ultrasound tech slipped and said boy. Honestly I thought it would be easier with a boy because I knew what to expect with diaper changes and had all the clothes and everything. Deep down I had a feeling I should prepare for the possibility of a girl at the very end of my pregnancy. Now people keep asking if we're "done" now that we have one of each, and how we can stop now that we have a boy and a girl. The whole thing is just really silly to me.

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it can be so frustrating with the gender thing. i actually had an aunt post on my facebook wall that she hoped this baby was a boy for us. excuse me? i would be thrilled with either. roisin keeps saying she wants a girl baby but that mommy has a boy baby in her tummy. i'm thinking it's a boy, but that doesn't mean i'd prefer one of each or anything... especially since this isn't our last child. we are planning on having between 3 and 5 kids... and if we end up with 5 girls, then we'll have 5 amazing humans to contribute to society and to our lovely family. my mom, of course, thinks it's a boy, but she has insisted that every baby in our family was a boy, and she's been right two out of five times. she actually debated that she could tell from the ultrasound profile picture that it was a boy. the whole thing is silly. (but is it horrible that i kind of wish it is a girl so that i can prove her wrong?... sorry, isn't that awful!? ah, mother daughter relationships are so special.)

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#95 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 03:21 PM
 
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Thank you everyone for your support. You have all been a great help to me during this and I appreciate it, I couldn't have asked for a better group of ladies.

Watching him leave created the worst feeling I have probably ever had in my entire life. I just felt so defeated and in shock, it's really hard to even describe it. The one main thing that goes through my head is that families were never intended to function this way, and that adds to my apprehension I guess. It's kind of like starting a relationship all over with someone in a lot of ways. I'm pretty good at adapting to change and I think that's a trait that has rubbed off on the kids, so while it will be a challenge I know we'll work through it.

We've worked through a lot of marital issues that were plaguing us prior to and during this deployment, so I know that helps at least. I know he will contribute his fair share to parenting. He might need me to write him instructions on how to manage doing things but otherwise I think he'll be okay Liam is already a handful so I'm not sure how much worse his behavior could get. I don't even know if Laine has stranger anxiety, at Christmas she was fine being with others but a lot can change between now and then. Every day I show her Andrew's picture and tell her "da da" so maybe she will make the connection and at least recognize him. I've heard from another military wife, that except for a couple of weeks her child had never really known his dad who came home at 15 months, but when he saw him for the first time when he came home his first words were "da da".

Speaking of Laine, I think she went through a growth spurt because my upper back has been in extreme pain since yesterday from picking her up and carrying her.

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#96 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 03:22 PM
 
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Jeanine - I forgot to mention this but I remember you said you thought your IUD was causing issues for you, and there's a thread talking about what you described in family planning so you might want to check it out

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#97 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 03:55 PM
 
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The whole gender thing (opinions of/from others, etc.) really does drive me batty. My boys are awesome and I hate the idea that any of them is any less wonderful than a girl would be. Yes, I expected each of the last two to be girls, but they are wonderful (if not exasperating!) members of our family, and each is much loved!

I hate the idea of the "perfect American family" being one boy, one girl, one dog and a fish. Or whatever. Really, it seems there's an unfair bias towards having a girl, which has irked me to no end for, well, for ever. I remember being rather repulsed by girls' clothes when I was pg with DS1, and having ZERO interest in a girl. I guess that wasn't a bad thing.

The odd side of this is, though, that I have wanted to have a daughter since before I got pg with DS2 - which is why I assumed that DS2 and DS3 were both girls. I had a bit of a rough time handling the fact that DS3 was DS3, not DD1 whom I was expecting... like I had this beautiful baby, but where was the one I'd been waiting on and expecting? It's not that I didn't want a boy, it was just that I had really, truly been waiting for a certain baby who didn't come. I'm sure that sounds bizarre to most, but maybe other mamas can understand that. Anyhow, NOT something I share widely (at all), but it is a reason I'm considering - maybe - the possibility of finding out gender with this one ahead of time. But if we do have that girl we've waited so long for, I can't imagine the joy at birth! So I'm torn.

Basically, I hate the popular notions, despite really hoping and waiting for a daughter. I don't want to do "girl" the way culture does it, though, and THAT image is something I can't stand. I do, though, want MY girl, MY way. But we shall see!

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#98 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 04:14 PM
 
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Jeanine - I forgot to mention this but I remember you said you thought your IUD was causing issues for you, and there's a thread talking about what you described in family planning so you might want to check it out
Thanks! Yeah, I don't really like the IUD, but until DH gets snipped, it's staying in, good or bad, because there's just *no* good bc options.

I was so annoyed when I was pg with Jamison because no one could figure out why we'd want another since I already had a boy and a girl. It couldn't possibly be because we wanted three CHILDREN. I have a friend who's pg with her 4th. That's understandable to people because they've got three girls so *of course* they're "going for a boy". But for me to be pg with the third was inconceivable since I already had one of each so it must have been an oops

When I was pg with ds I "knew" he was a boy, and it was confirmed with u/s. When I was pg with dd1, I "knew" she was a girl and it was confirmed with u/s. When I was pg with Jamison, I "knew" she was a boy, even though logistically a girl would have been more convenient and so I was kinda hoping for a girl. When the u/s disagreed with me I was thrown for a loop, even though I actually wanted her to be a girl. So I can understand wanting to find out ahead of time just to be prepared emotionally.

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#99 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 04:18 PM
 
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I definitely feel for you, Heather. I can certainly understand being torn as far as gender goes. I think in a lot of ways it's much harder to raise a girl than a boy because of the society we live in. But in a lot of ways your relationship is different, and not in a bad way, with either gender. I was raised amongst boys so I was never really a girly girl, I don't know how to do that with my own daughter. I get the impression that I should be dressing her in all pink and buying tons of dolls. Not that I want to of course, I'm happy to let them find their own interests.

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#100 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 04:23 PM
 
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I was so annoyed when I was pg with Jamison because no one could figure out why we'd want another since I already had a boy and a girl. It couldn't possibly be because we wanted three CHILDREN. I have a friend who's pg with her 4th. That's understandable to people because they've got three girls so *of course* they're "going for a boy". But for me to be pg with the third was inconceivable since I already had one of each so it must have been an oops
I tell people we want a lot of kids and I'm hoping there won't be any shock or confusion when we announce more children are on the way, I made a point of discussing it with my MIL right after Laine was born. It just doesn't seem like something you'd have to justify, I don't get why people feel entitled to discuss how others grow their families.

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#101 of 115 Old 03-30-2010, 06:14 PM
 
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My friend in NY emailed me and let me know her kids may be getting the chicken pox, she's going to send me some pox paraphernalia if they end up having it. It's pretty hard to find around here so it would be nice if they catch it and get it over with. Though I have to wonder if Laine will get more than a mild case of it if she catches it at all while she's breastfeeding.

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#102 of 115 Old 03-31-2010, 01:12 PM
 
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My friend in NY emailed me and let me know her kids may be getting the chicken pox, she's going to send me some pox paraphernalia if they end up having it. It's pretty hard to find around here so it would be nice if they catch it and get it over with. Though I have to wonder if Laine will get more than a mild case of it if she catches it at all while she's breastfeeding.
What is pox paraphernalia? And if your kids get it could you send paraphernalia to CA? (That kinda sounds illegal, ). It's funny timing because just yesterday I was looking around to see if I could find pox in Reno or Sac, or even the Bay Area. I know so many people up here who would be happy if I could import the pox (<--- me, spreading the pox ) You might be right about Laine - you might have to find it again in a few years for her. But if/when you have more children, you'd be looking again, anyway. When I was reading about the cp yesterday on the vaccine (one "n" or two? neither looks right.) forum (I was actually looking into tetanus, but you know how these things go) people were saying if the kids got cp they'd never need to get a booster. My understanding of that is actually when our kids get cp *that's* *our* booster, and if they don't get it, and we don't get that "booster" we're actually at higher risk of getting cp again, or shingles, neither of which sounds like something I want to do as an adult. Therefore, our kids do still need a booster, but preferably they get that the old-fashioned way - from their own kids. I could be wrong about all that though... Does anyone know if cp are contagious to chickens? I'd hate to get them sick.

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#103 of 115 Old 03-31-2010, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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jeanine, you had me nodding along until you brought up actual chickens.

You don’t owe them an explanation, just a response.
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#104 of 115 Old 03-31-2010, 04:16 PM
 
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Sorry, should I have put a space before I asked about the chickens? I'm serious about the question though. If I find the cp and my kids get it, they'll be in serious withdrawal if they can't go love the chickens for a couple weeks.

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#105 of 115 Old 03-31-2010, 04:22 PM
 
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Yay! I just put my mad google skills to work, and apparently chicken pox is a human disease, non-transmittable to chickens. Now if I could just get some chicken pox...

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#106 of 115 Old 03-31-2010, 05:52 PM
 
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I think it might actually be illegal to mail it but we won't tell anybody......

Suckers most likely, I'm going to have her overnight me stuff I think. Whatever she wants to send me. I'll be glad to pass it on if you'd like, though I can't guarantee it would survive

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#107 of 115 Old 03-31-2010, 06:01 PM
 
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Still confused...

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#108 of 115 Old 04-01-2010, 01:25 AM
 
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Sick kids lick lollipops and/or wear shirts, etc... Put it in overnight mail and it *might* get there before the germs die. Maybe.

It also *might* be illegal to transport biological stuff like CP germs via the postal service. You can always FedEx, though, I think. But I'm not sure if anyone's entirely clear on those definitions and where half-licked lollipops fall.

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#109 of 115 Old 04-01-2010, 01:42 AM
 
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Ew. ABC lollipops. I knew I didn't really want to know, . It's funny you said t-shirts, because when I mentioned "paraphernalia" to dh he said "Blankets." When I looked at him like he said "Well that's how they gave smallpox to the Native Americans."

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#110 of 115 Old 04-01-2010, 01:49 AM
 
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Could work! As long as it's got ooze from the sores on it. Though I think a tshirt or lollipop is cheaper to ship.

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#111 of 115 Old 04-01-2010, 01:54 AM
 
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DH just read this, and in his professional opinion , blankets (or t-shirts) would be more effective than lolli's. I don't know how he knows, nor do I want to.

Great now I know. CP is a virus, viruses spread spores (He's brushing his teeth while explaining this and unfortunately I don't speak dentist. ) So maybe not a spore, maybe encapsulated. Now he's ranting about the patriot act. So, ftr, if GWBush is still monitoring my internet - I don't want no stinkin' CP! And I doubly don't want it through the USPS!


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#112 of 115 Old 04-01-2010, 01:57 AM
 
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Ew. Ooze and ABC lolli's.

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#113 of 115 Old 04-01-2010, 11:18 AM
 
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They're already watching me, I ain't scared'a no government

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#114 of 115 Old 04-01-2010, 02:21 PM
 
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i was so hoping to get ro chicken pox this spring, but i don't think it's the best idea while this bagel's in the toaster.

and why is it that my pregnancy weekly email keeps insisting on comparing my baby to a food item? this week, your baby is the size of an ear of corn. really?

Lindsay + Trev = DD RóisÃ*n (9/07) & DS Ãamonn (7/2010)
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#115 of 115 Old 04-01-2010, 05:18 PM
 
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New thread

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