Refuses to be put down - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 03-05-2010, 09:50 PM - Thread Starter
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DD is 14 months today and refuses to let us put her down. She's pretty much always been like this.

Mornings are really rough, as DW and I are always in a rush to get out the door in the morning to get to work. We usually wake up and DW plays with her in bed or gets her dressed while the I get in the shower. Then we switch...DW showers and I have to let her play on the bed while I get dressed. I usually make her breakfast while DW gets dressed.

During the day, she has to either be on one of our laps of literally within touching distance. I can't even go to the bathroom without her either sitting on my lap or peeking between my legs while I pee. It's silly; she's such a funny baby!

She is simply not content to do anything by herself. It's pretty rare that we can even get her to play for three minutes on the floor with her toys if we are not playing with her.

It's really, really hard to get anything done. I can't even start to make dinner most nights because she is hanging on my pant legs, crying to be held. I know this won't last forever, but it's getting really bad.

Has anyone else's child been like this? At what age does it typically end? She has always been like this.... Any suggestions? We do have carriers (and use them..could honestly use them more) but she often gets bored after a few minutes and it can be hard to blow dry my hair with a baby strapped to me!
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#2 of 14 Old 03-05-2010, 10:00 PM
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DS went through this phase (well, he was always kind of like that, just got a bit worse) around that same age I think. It ended... ummm... I think around 18mo? It was kind of gradual, and suddenly one day around that time I realized that I could put him down without him wailing at my ankles. I think it was a pre-brainleap kind of thing.

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#3 of 14 Old 03-05-2010, 10:11 PM
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my DD hang on phase was done by 15.5 months.
hang on!
it will end!

louloubean in love with bryan, mom of boo squeak and nor nor: and 7 chickens
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#4 of 14 Old 03-05-2010, 10:29 PM
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Yup, we're right there with you although it's slowly getting better. We have two slings that we keep with in arms reach at all times - a mei tei DH uses (shhh, don't let him know I told you! He thinks a purple mei tei is harmful to his macho image) and a ring sling. She's almost 13 months and 22 pounds, but she's happy when she's in them and it is the only way we can get anything done.

My DD is also fascinated with what's going in the toilet. I miss private pooping time.

ETA: Recently I've had success with dividing tasks up. For instance, she couldn't get through my morning routine of showering, tooth brushing, make-up and attempting to do my hair without having a melt down, so I've started doing it in phases. I brush my teeth, then go change her. I take a shower while she's in the bathroom. Then we go down the hall to the spare bedroom to do my make-up (the light is better in there, but the change in venue seems to restart her clock). We come back to the bathroom to blow dry my hair. Toys accompany us back and forth and there is a lot of chatting, stopping to smooch and general silliness going on, but the division of tasks really seems to be helping.
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#5 of 14 Old 03-05-2010, 10:44 PM
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I was about to post a similar question, so no help here, except that unfortunately, DS is 21 months, and has been doing this for as long as I can remember. The only time he doesn't want us right with him, is when we are in public, which is where I wish he stuck to us more

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#6 of 14 Old 03-05-2010, 10:52 PM
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My DS1 was very high-needs right from day one, it manifested in many ways, but refusing to be out-of-arms and needing to be constantly entertained were certainly two of them. (Have you read *The Fussy Baby Book*?)The only things I found to do was to get all my needs taken care of when he was asleep. I bathed at night and got myself as ready for the next day as I could after he went to bed. (I still do this-I've had bad hair for over 5 years now.) I prepared dinner during nap time, etc. You get the idea. And, of course, the slings/wraps/carriers were our best friends.
DS1 is 5 and still deals with anxiety, but is a much easier child. I don't remember when he started to amuse himself a bit- maybe around 2? He was still always with me, but he began to play near me, rather than needing me to be entertaining him.
As for the bathroom issue..I'm fairly sure that once we become mothers we never eliminate alone again!
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#7 of 14 Old 03-05-2010, 11:55 PM
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Ds is like this. Oddly only at home. When we're out & about in the world he's mister independent. Do you ever wear her?

Doula mama to dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08) and expecting (Apr '17)
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#8 of 14 Old 03-06-2010, 11:27 AM
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You'll likely get a break from it here and there. For us 12-15 months or so was a time of being willing to play alone on the floor a lot. Now we're at 18 months and the favorite game is to be carried to look at stuff. (Also wanting to be held up to use the DVD player, and set on the counter to explore cabinets, and.... )

The clinging is worse when she's sick, which I wouldn't mind if she'd just snuggle on me. But when I'm sick too, soooo tiring.
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#9 of 14 Old 03-07-2010, 04:40 PM
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My dd doesn't do much on her own, either. So many times I've wished she would just play with some toys for a few minutes! I got a "learning tower" that we keep in the kitchen, and it makes all the difference in the world! I totally miss it when we're somewhere else, because I'm back to holding her all the time. (And if I didn't work and someone made dinner for me, I'd be happy to hold her all the time!) Now, at 23 months, she sometimes understands when I tell her I need both hands. (She's recently been saying "both hands?" and "back hurts?"- my poor DD!!) (The learning tower is recommended for age 18 months and above, my dd was 19 months old when I found out about them, so it may be too soon. Something to look into, though!)

Like some of the mamas here, it's usually just me and my dd. (My mom helps once a week, otherwise, it's just us.) So what I've had to do is remember that caring for my little one is the most important thing, and most things can wait. Easier said than done!

I'll let you know when I'm able to go to the bathroom by myself!

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#10 of 14 Old 03-07-2010, 08:24 PM
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For my high-needs DS, it seemed to end (or start improving at least) when he was 18-19 months old. Some of it was that I was pregnant and exhausted and just.couldn'

DD is a little over 14 months and is perhaps worse than DS was. He would at least nap/sleep off me. She absolutely HAS TO BE touching me. She naps on me and goes to bed when I do and wakes up when I do (has stayed asleep perhaps 8 times- twice for 45 minutes-it was HEAVEN!!-and the rest for only 5 minutes or so). I am REALLY hoping that it starts to improve soon, before I lose my mind. I'm an introvert and almost 3 1/2 years of constant touching is beginning to take it's toll on me.

We also have a learning tower- got it when DS was little, can't remember how old. We've already been using it for DD for a few months. She fell out of it (slid out the bottom, NOT over the top, no injuries) twice in the beginning but no problems now. She stands in there when I am making breakfast or dinner, if I can get her to.

Both of my kids have always done better when we are out- I think they're distracted. DD not as much as DS, as she is a lot shyer. DS likes to interact, DD likes to observe.

Kelly, wife to DH, mom to Caden Reese (10-2-06), Tessa Brynn (12-26-08 ), and Maddox Quinn (7-16-11). Fur-mama to Finnegan, Ripley, Raisin (my little kitty amputee) and Kimchi. 748/2011, 2028/2012, 2023/2013, 1256/2014, 353/2015
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#11 of 14 Old 03-08-2010, 12:15 PM
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My first was like that, babywearing saved my life. I cant tell you how to make it end but I can tell you that it does end, she is now almost 3 and a half and half of the time could not care less where I am.

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#12 of 14 Old 03-08-2010, 01:41 PM
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I did a lot of one-handed cooking and oven meals for the first 18 months. At that point DS was steady enough on his feet that he could stand on our little stepladder and either colour while standing at the counter, or play in the kitchen sink while I prepared food. I have to stay close and be on alert, but he's super careful - he's just happy being "up" where I am and seeing what's going on.

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#13 of 14 Old 03-08-2010, 11:14 PM
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that's totally normal! Get an ergo or some other type of carrier that can be worn on the back and get stuff done like that. I wore ds for what felt like years, he would never let me put him down. But I got a lot done with the help of my babyhawk mei tai or my ergo.

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#14 of 14 Old 03-09-2010, 01:51 PM
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For some kids, it is a personality thing and they grow out of it. With my DS1, he stopped needing to be held *all* the time once I diagnosed his dairy allergy. His only symptoms were constant clinginess and poor sleep.

mother of Patrick (7/31/03), and Michael, William, and Jocelyn (4/27/07)
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