I feel your pain, for sure.... my 2yo dd is also VERY dependent on me. I actually posted a question very similar to yours a couple of months ago, asking others where i had gone wrong with all the ap practices i believe in so strongly. Basically, the replies said that 2 is still an age where being very attached is, if not typical, then completely ok. Other replies said to Enjoy The Ride, as it'll not last forever (Thank goodness say I, because I need some private time back without guilt!).
So I don't have much advice for you, but I did want to reply to your post and say there are others out there like you! The hardest time for me is evenings, because dd will wake up (usually between 1 to 2 hours after falling asleep) and only I can ease her back to sleep, usually by nursing her. So I haven't gone out at night for a LOOOOONG time. But During the day, dd is quite content to stay with her dad. (As long as I'm back to put her down for her nap!) There have been times when I have been very frustrated at her super strong attachment, but i never wanted to stop cosleeping, or nursing, her.
Personally, i think in a couple more years time, we will have some secure, independent, calm and confident kids on our hands. The strong attachment they have to us now will translate eventually into independence.
Hang in there mama, you're doing the right thing, and you're not alone.
She'll be 3 in June and she's finally coming into her own. She no longer cries when we leave her with our parents to go out somewhere. And she is learning to play a little bit by herself. She still wants to do just about everything with me, but I noticed that things started to change (very slowly) when she was approaching 2.5. This was also about the time my son was born, which may have been a factor (I still spent loads of time with her, though, so who knows).
I know it's tough, but it will happen and then you'll wonder how your little one grew up so fast!
Do you ever feel you are loosing your patience? More to the point loosing your temper? And how do you deal with that?
Of course, she's an angel most of the time, but those other times are trying for me.
At this point, I don't know the best way to handle it. I say a lot of prayers and try to remind myself that she's only 2/almost 3 and doesn't have any impulse control. I've tried all sorts of gentle discipline techniques and nothing is working well so we just keep plugging on.
Wish I had something more helpful to say.
My 21-month-old is [very happily] home with her dad during the week (I work full time), but as soon as I get home she wants to nurse, and then she won't let me out of her sight until she's nursed to sleep. It can be frustrating, but when I see how happy and adventurous she is and how well she interacts with other children (just as long as hubby or I are nearby!), I feel like by maintaining such a close bond our daughter really is getting comfortable exploring her world, slowly but surely.
That said, if I need to run upstairs to change/use the bathroom, I often just let her cry for a few minutes. I feel she needs to learn that she can't have her way all of the time.
One other thing that works sometimes is that I give her a job to do while I run upstairs/work on the computer/fold laundry/etc...something she can do to "help mama." I ask her to bake me some cookies (using her play oven), nurse her baby doll, or go shopping (taking all of the canned goods out of the pantry and putting them in a shopping bag)...and I then thank her for being such a great helper while mama did work.
Experience with other adults really helps. Leaving him with DH, he learns how to play by himself while DH cooks dinner. (He won't leave me alone in the kitchen, but it's much better now at 28 mos.) Having auntie visit for 4 days means that he's advanced his pretend play skills, and those seem to have transferred such that he'll pretend play while I clean up the kitchen. And daycare helps because I can say, "You can do it, just like you do at daycare." - where "it" might mean to lie down on your bed with your eyes closed, or wash and dry your hands, or hang up your coat...any of a long list of life skills he seems to be able to execute at daycare but depend on me at home!
DS, 10/07. Allergies: peanut, egg, wheat. We've added dairy back in. And taken it back out again. It causes sandpaper skin with itchy patches and thrashing during sleep. Due w/ #2 late April, 2012.
I realize that it's valuable to expose LOs to helping with chores and practice separation, but there's always plenty of that, even if we do most of it on his day care day.
They ARE so fun at this age, that I WANT to devote myself to him when we're together. It's great to act like a kid again with him, running around outside, blowing bubbles, etc. I know this time will fly by!
trottin', pole dancing, Norway and Sweden lovin' , ,WOHM Kiddos born 12/11/06 and 08/09/08
with #3 EDD:01/2013 So in love with my sweet Swede and my bonus-son 10/25/98
1. Take a deep breath, or two or three before responding or dealing with the crisis of the moment. This helps me put things in perspective.
2. Start singing a funny kids song (kids become interested in me instead of their problem, soon I've got the song stuck in my brain and the frustration has passed).
3. Separate the children (if need be) and give myself some space too. The next room, if possible, or even just distancing myself a few feet sometimes helps until I regain composure.
4. Do some yoga stretches. The toddlers love to imitate too.
5. Visualize a calm place. Visualize a glass of wine at the end of the day.
6. Make some really funny sounds or movements, helps get the AHHHH factor out
Hope this helps!