You are doing great, I have been aware of parents who couldn't potty train their child because the parents were too lazy to deal with it. You obviously are very aware of his needs and feelings, and it sounds like you are open to different ideas. You are definitely willing to get alittle dirty,-a prerequisite for cloth diapering.
Maybe try the big boy underpants, and just count on washing them alot for a little while. I know that encouraging my kids to see how 'big' they are, that their actions are important. My kids LOVE to be important. LOL I am not sure where this is going, maybe just sit with him and have a big boy talk about how mommy and daddy are feeling about this.
I have a book called "How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen, and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk" by Faber and Mazlish, and it talks about problem solving with your child. Most of it is for older kids, but I found the info in to work even on a 2 yr old, and dh(hee, Hee). It says to sit down with your child and discuss the problem as equals, asking for ideas, writing them down(all of them), and discussing them.
Maybe your ds doesn't know how frustrated or maybe a little angry you may feel.
Maybe I am just spouting.
Either way, just trying to throw some ideas your way. I wish I had known about or had access to something like this when I was learning with my first, my dd. Again much luck to you,