when did your lo self-wean at night? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 12:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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my ds will be 3 in august and he nurses to sleep every night. occasionally he will finish nursing, then ask to get into bed and fall asleep there. dh seems to be pushing for me to get him off nursing to sleep. i really planned on self-weaning, but i don't see that happening in the near future. the few times i've tried to gently tell ds to try going to sleep without milk he was NOT going for that for one minute. even if dh is trying to lay down & get him tired while i'm downstairs he eventually asks for me (=milk) and will NOT take no for an answer. it would be nice if someone else could put him to bed once in a while or even to have him stay over at grandma & grandpas sometime. i feel so torn.
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#2 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 01:14 AM
 
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Both of my kids stopped nursing themselves to sleep well before 1 year. My 10mo DD will only fall asleep nursing if she's really tired. Otherwise she'll nurse and then I'll pat her tummy or sing to her until she's sleeping. My husband can easily put her to sleep and has many times. I think this really depends on your kid and their personality.

That being said, I think that 3yo is plenty old enough to have someone else put him to sleep. I think it's fair that your DH (or grandma) try to put him down for a few nights in a row and see how it goes. Perhaps you could leave the house at bedtime so your DS isn't tempted. I have a feeling that your DS will go to sleep without you if you're not there. Kids are really more flexible than you'd think. I babysat my best friends kid when he was 14mo, he went to sleep perfectly fine for me w/o nursing, and now at 2.5 he still nurses to sleep nearly every time.

Good luck

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#3 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 01:17 AM
 
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DD self night weaned a few months ago (21 or 22 months), but I am pregnant and the milk was gone.... I do still nurse her to sleep and for naps though. if she is exhausted, she may fall asleep without nursing, but 99% of the time she nurses to sleep. She doesn't nurse between bedtime and the time we get up (again, most of the time, but there are those nights that she needs some extra comfort)

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#4 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 02:11 AM
 
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She stopped night nursing somewhere around 19 months I want to say. However I was rocking or helping her get to sleep until somewhere between her 3rd and 4th birthday. So no longer nursing at night was definitely not the answer for great sleeping.

Grandparents never had issues getting her to sleep for them (my husband was never so lucky). Kids are different for other people sometimes, so if you really need a break I'd consider trying a sleepover at grandmas. It could go really well for you guys.

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#5 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 11:57 AM
 
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I wanted to stop nursing to sleep. Also I was in class some evenings so dp was home with ds those times and putting ds to bed. We started out by me not being home at bedtime (legitmately in class or at a meeting and then sometimes running a errand) and now ds will go to bed with dp even if I am home. He still sometimes wants me and will sometimes ask to nurse and I usually say "not right now" and offer water/snugglies etc.

Now it wasn't without tears mind you. There were some rough nights for dp and ds in the begining sometimes taking over an hour (close to two)of reading books etc. But in the begining we had no choice, I was in class or at a meeting and couldn't be home, which made it easier on me and dp because it just *had* to be that way.

(Ds will also be 3 in aug)
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#6 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 12:03 PM
 
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Our 10 month DD hasn't nursed to sleep in quite a while now, I think since she was about 5 months old?? Can't remember, time flies so fast! But I still nurse her when she wakes up at night (usually about 2 times a night). We made it a point to start getting her to sleep without nursing a little earlier than most here (both bedtime and naps) so that DH could help with bedtime and free me up. Plus, DD doesn't get a bottle to sleep at her daycare, so that helped too.
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#7 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 04:38 PM
 
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Do what feels right to you. There are many kids who don't self wean at night until 3 or 4 years old. DS is just over 2 and still nursing a lot so I think it depends on the child. We just nightweaned and that was definitely not his decision so I think we will be nursing to sleep for a while.

Have you ever tried leaving the house at bedtime to see if he will fall asleep for someone else? If I am out of the house, he will fall asleep for DH or grandma, just by them holding him or lying next to him but if I am home, I have to be the one to put him to bed. Try going somewhere at bedtime and see what happens, I bet he'll be fine and you may not have to wean him from nursing before bed. Good luck!
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#8 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 08:02 PM
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DD is almost 15 months old and still nurses to sleep and every hour or 2 in the middle of the night every night. She usually nurses in the middle of naps as well. I really don't see any end in sight. I realize that you have gotten several answers from mothers who have had children self-wean at night rather early, but I think that the reality is that many mothers whose children have self-weaned at night are not hanging out in the toddler forum, and many of the mothers in this forum can't answer your question because their children are either not yet night weaned or have employed some gentle weaning techniques in order to night wean their children. I think you would get more accurate results if you asked your question in the Child-Led Weaning forum.

From many mothers that I have talked to whose children self-wean, the night time and nap time nursings-to-sleep are often the last to go, and since many children nurse until 4 or 5, I don't think it is uncommon for children to continue to nurse to sleep until that age. I hesitate to put a limit on it, though, because some children nurse longer than that before they self-wean. I recommend you talk to your husband about why you wanted to self-wean and discuss what you need to do to meet your family's needs, whether that means being physically there for your child at bedtime every night until he doesn't need you anymore or employing some gentle weaning techniques. Good luck!
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#9 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 08:18 PM
 
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I encouraged dd to fall asleep without nursing starting about a month ago (so around 19-20 months). She had fallen asleep with a sitter a couple times, so I knew she could do it. We changed the bedtime routine so that after we read a story, instead of nursing we play a kissing game where I kiss her on her ears, nose, toes, knees, etc. She thinks it's fun, and she gets lots of kisses and cuddles, and it seems like a good replacement for the closeness of nursing. I still nurse her to drowsiness for naps sometimes.

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#10 of 13 Old 06-21-2010, 10:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i understand the whole theory about me being gone while someone else puts ds to sleep, i just wonder if that's really going to work because i can see him figuring that he can't have milk if i'm not around, but as soon as i am there another day it's back to the old routine. a lot of times he wakes up midway through his nap and nurses back to sleep too, today i refused it and he wouldn't go back to sleep. i really don't want him to wean completely at all, i'm just starting to feel like a slave to it. he did just get over being really sick & nursing a lot more than usual, so i think it's just frustration from that too.
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#11 of 13 Old 06-22-2010, 10:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JMJ View Post
DD is almost 15 months old and still nurses to sleep and every hour or 2 in the middle of the night every night. She usually nurses in the middle of naps as well. I really don't see any end in sight. I realize that you have gotten several answers from mothers who have had children self-wean at night rather early, but I think that the reality is that many mothers whose children have self-weaned at night are not hanging out in the toddler forum, and many of the mothers in this forum can't answer your question because their children are either not yet night weaned or have employed some gentle weaning techniques in order to night wean their children. !
That exactly. My DD is the same as her DD and also almost the same age. I don't see an end in sight either at this point!

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#12 of 13 Old 06-23-2010, 11:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by JMJ View Post
DD is almost 15 months old and still nurses to sleep and every hour or 2 in the middle of the night every night. She usually nurses in the middle of naps as well. I really don't see any end in sight. I realize that you have gotten several answers from mothers who have had children self-wean at night rather early, but I think that the reality is that many mothers whose children have self-weaned at night are not hanging out in the toddler forum, and many of the mothers in this forum can't answer your question because their children are either not yet night weaned or have employed some gentle weaning techniques in order to night wean their children. I think you would get more accurate results if you asked your question in the Child-Led Weaning forum.

From many mothers that I have talked to whose children self-wean, the night time and nap time nursings-to-sleep are often the last to go, and since many children nurse until 4 or 5, I don't think it is uncommon for children to continue to nurse to sleep until that age. I hesitate to put a limit on it, though, because some children nurse longer than that before they self-wean. I recommend you talk to your husband about why you wanted to self-wean and discuss what you need to do to meet your family's needs, whether that means being physically there for your child at bedtime every night until he doesn't need you anymore or employing some gentle weaning techniques. Good luck!
excellent points JMJ. i will check out the child-lead weaning forum
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#13 of 13 Old 06-23-2010, 11:52 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by taramoon13 View Post
i understand the whole theory about me being gone while someone else puts ds to sleep, i just wonder if that's really going to work because i can see him figuring that he can't have milk if i'm not around, but as soon as i am there another day it's back to the old routine. a lot of times he wakes up midway through his nap and nurses back to sleep too, today i refused it and he wouldn't go back to sleep. i really don't want him to wean completely at all, i'm just starting to feel like a slave to it. he did just get over being really sick & nursing a lot more than usual, so i think it's just frustration from that too.
Yeah, but the important thing - I think - is you knowing that you don't have to be there all the time.

Dd2 still night nurses--though slept for 8 or 9 hours recently before waking for a marathon at 4 or 5 in the morning. Other times, it's the same as JMJ's toddler. She's 15 months next week. My five and a half year old still nurses a bit, but hasn't nursed to sleep on a regular basis in about 3 years.

ETA - Especially if you're drawn to child-led weaning, you have to look on it as a process, a very malleable, changeable process. Not something that's a straight line, or a clear cut-off. There were times with dd1--when she was super-young--when I was certain she was weaning, but it was just a transitory thing. There have certainly been times that I would like things to be different, but on the whole, I'm glad to have taken the path I have.

Mom of two girls.
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