need some reassurance about sleeping with toddler! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 06-25-2010, 04:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I desperately need some reassurance today. My mother thinks I'm insane for STILL sleeping with our son who is 2.9 years old....he nurses to sleep and then I put him on the bed then spend time with DH downstairs. He puts our 5 year old DD to bed. DH sometimes sleep on a blowup mattress in the 2nd bedroom since his movement wakes up my DS, then I'm awake again, etc. Sometimes our 5 year old gets into be with DH...my head spins just typing this out! We do sound crazy! Or is there other families out there like us!???

I know kids just don't necessarily stop on their own (BF and co-sleeping)....I don't know if I'm ready for a fight? Or should I just let it go for now and I'll know what to do?

We live in a small space and I did put the toddler bed (after talking to my mother convincing me that I'm hurting and draining myself now and that I'm hurting my DS development) in my DD's room so now there is an option (before it was in my room...unused really) Should I try to get my DS in the bed and sleep with his sister? Make it fun? Let DH wake up at night???

Thanks for letting me vent and for any reassurance to still co-sleep or get him to sleep independently.
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#2 of 18 Old 06-25-2010, 04:52 PM
 
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Ummm your not crazy at all!!!! DD 2 sleeps with us. When DH is gone for work she sleeps in our bed whens he's home she sleeps on a twin right next to our bed. So many cultures around the world bed share or co-sleep for years but people here seem to see it as taboo for some reason. I get a lot of people saying"your daughter still sleeps with you"? They seam so concerned about it

As for the BF thing I thing it's a personal preference how long you want to nurse. I BF DD till she was 19 months I loved it for awhile but then it got to a point where I wasn't enjoying it anymore I wanted my boobs back. I NW DD at 13 months I was desperate for sleep and she caught on very quickly(took 3 days) so I think she was ready to sleep longer too I think kids eventually will lose interest in nursing some it just takes longer than others. I weaned DD gradually and one night I went to nurse her and she said "no mama" sing please....and she was completely done at that point. Never asked again.
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#3 of 18 Old 06-25-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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I co-sleep with DD (22 months). I nurse her to sleep and then get up to spend time with DH, do chores, whatever. She still night nurses, usually several times a night. DH sleeps separately from us. Although I sometimes get a little crazy with the night-nursing, I just don't think DD is ready to sleep on her own or night-wean, and we're not interested in forcing the issue. Going to sleep with DD may not always be the most fun, but waking up with her is.

Mama to DD : 09/08
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#4 of 18 Old 06-25-2010, 09:20 PM
 
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I have my 2.8yo DS and my 3mo DD in my bed still. He's in no way ready for his own bed. We side-carred the crib and let him sleep on that. Eventually we'll move it away from the bed, but not until at least 3yo, perhaps 3.5yo. He no longer night nurses but there's more to nighttime parenting than breastfeeding; in fact, DH does most of the nighttime care since I work nights. My mom sometimes makes noise about it, but it works for our family so I'm not going to stop.

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#5 of 18 Old 06-26-2010, 12:09 AM
 
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My kids are a little different as they have also started out the night in their own bed and then wander in to mine at some point in the night. My 5 yr old is in there a few times a mth, 3 yr old is in there 4 times a week usually, and the nearly 2 yr old sleeps in the bed every night as he wakes the minute I get into bed and wants in there. I wouldn't worry what others say but if you want to try the bed, give it a shot.

Cassie, mom to Alex(4/7/05), Aidan(7/12/07), and Andrew(8/18/08)

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#6 of 18 Old 06-26-2010, 02:35 AM
 
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I don't think that you're insane at all. It sounds like you are following your mothering instincts and providing for your children's needs..which at this point in time includes a good bit of night-time parenting. I say go with the flow and enjoy your kiddos. Don't stress about what you *should* be doing or your mother's opinion. You know what's best for your family.
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#7 of 18 Old 06-26-2010, 02:05 PM
 
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Cosleeping at that age is fine if both the parent and the child still want to. My DD is 20 months does a combo of co-sleeping and sleeping in her toddler bed, as we are trying to gently transition her because she is really restless and it was impacting both our sleep alot. She is willing to sleep in her bed most nights for the first half but then wants to come in bed with me when she wakes up in the middle of the night. We keep her bed in our room, as it makes us feel close and secure and makes it easy for her to reach me when she wants me. I read that his bed was in your room. If you wanted, could you maybe start trying to get him to sleep in his bed a little bit in your room, so you are still close? But only if you want to, or think he might be open to it. Sometimes a combination helps relieve some stress from you, but still makes the child feel secure.
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#8 of 18 Old 06-26-2010, 10:26 PM
 
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I don't think you're crazy...and I DO think that children will voluntarily give up nursingand cosleeping although ds at 18 months shows no real sign of giving up either!

My two cents is that you should follow your own instincts and only change things if YOU want them to change

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#9 of 18 Old 06-26-2010, 10:33 PM
 
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My son is 3 years 3 months and has yet to sleep even one night in his own bedroom. He has slept beside me on a different surface about a half dozen times, but it was literally right beside my bed. The rest of the time he has been in my king sized bed with me. He knows where his bedroom and bed are, and I have absolutely no doubts that he will someday go there. For now, it just feels like the right thing to do for us to have him in my bed. I absolutely vote "not crazy".

Formerly single Mama to the zaniest boy on the block, born on my birthday on 3/28/07. Soon to be Mama to a new little and can't wait to bfinfant.gif and femalesling.GIF and familybed1.gif again! 
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#10 of 18 Old 06-27-2010, 05:12 PM
 
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ds will be 3 in August and we just gave him his "own room" (after 2.75 years of all of us sleeping together/ queen bed with sidecarred crib) he has a futon on the floor as his bed. He starts out the night in his bed and then at some point wakes up and I end up in his bed until morning. I probably could get him back to sleep and then go back to my bed, but once he's asleep I'm usually asleep too!

We specifically chose a futon on the floor because we knew one or both of us would need to sleep with most of the time until he (hopefully) gets used to it. (and he tends to roll out of the bed!)

So no not crazy, and probably way more common than folks admit (not MDC folks, but others) I think lots of 2/3year olds and older still end up in bed with parents or siblings many/most/all nights.
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#11 of 18 Old 07-07-2010, 10:53 AM
 
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You know, it seems bizarre to me that so many people think nursing or co-sleeping still at 3 is weird or it's going to hurt the child's development, when it seems like most people (around here anyway) are *just* potty training their kids at 3.

I mean if you had to pick one, which would you rather your kid still be doing at 3? Sleeping in the bed with you, or pooping in his pants?
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#12 of 18 Old 07-07-2010, 02:01 PM
 
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Oh, boy. I would first tell mom what I tell anyone else that asks: the worldwide, average age for weaning is 4.7 years. The health benefits go on and on!

2nd, my mantra is "If you resent it, change it." Do you resent it? Does your husband? Are your kids healthy and happy? Well then who cares what anyone else thinks!

Keep doing what feels right for your family and for you. It's a tough balance between good for mom and good for everyone else (everyone else doesn't include those outside your home!), but if you listen to your heart, you'll find it.

Working student, Doula, wife and Mother to my little nugget, Rowan
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#13 of 18 Old 07-07-2010, 04:49 PM
 
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I haven't read the replies, but have a feeling I'm repeating what has already been said: It's normal and trust your instincts. ;-)

DS (2 yrs) co-sleeps and the only reason I would change it anytime soon would be if HE wanted to, or if I was seriously sleep-deprived as a result.

Mama to DS (5)

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#14 of 18 Old 07-07-2010, 05:36 PM
 
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Not crazy at all. I sleep with our one year, DH sleeps in another room with our 3.5y, and our 7y bounces from bed to bed depending on where there is enough room.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
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#15 of 18 Old 07-08-2010, 01:20 AM
 
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Not crazy at all!

Dh's cultural norm is the years of cosleeping.

With our first, *I* didn't know anything yet. I bought the crib and all that. He slept with me, never in the crib, from that first night home until about 11 months.
At that point, I put a queen size mattress in his room, put him down there, and would go join him when he woke up, usually for the rest of the night.
It started with him sleeping alone for a few hours, till 1-2 AM, then eventually more like 4, and then all night by about 18ish months.
At 5.5, I tuck him in, turn out the lights, and he is sound asleep within probably 10 minutes. (he's been that way since shortly after DD was born when he was 27 months. That's when we transitioned from Mommy rocking him to sleep and putting him in his bed to him going to sleep in his own bed.)

DD slept with us until about 21 months. I was expecting new baby in just a few weeks. I knew we were moving and waited till after the move. If I had it to do again, given that I was going to move her before the baby came (our bed just is not big enough, nor is our room big enough for another bed)
I would've started the transition younger. She is now almost 3.5 and she's *finally* sleeping through the night most nights in her bed. (I put her back on the floor on a mattress, she had a higher bed, but she was scared of it. She was also scared of the dark, a nightlight helped immensely.) My mom lives with us, and DD got in the habit of joining her. I also need to transition her out of being rocked/snuggled to fall asleep. (4th baby due this fall!)

DS2 is 20 months and started sleeping in a bottom full-size bunkbed probably about 6 weeks ago? The first night or two, he joined us at some point. But ever since, with the exception of 5 AM yesterday, he has slept through the night in that bed.

All 3 share a room, I think that kind of helps them, they don't feel alone maybe?

I know lots of kids who have co-slept longer than mine and are fine....it's all about what you and your family want to do. I just thought I'd point out that if you wanted to try out a different arrangement, it might work out a lot easier than you thought! (DS2 was a surprise for me, but I also waited until he'd nightweaned himself and wasn't waking in the night most nights.)

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#16 of 18 Old 07-08-2010, 01:15 PM
 
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I didn't read all the other responses and we don't co-sleep. My SIL does co-sleep and her son is 11 yrs old. Yep. He refuses to sleep in his own bed. She was just venting to me last weekend that had she known it would go on this long she would have stopped a LONG time ago.
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#17 of 18 Old 07-08-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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I bed shared with my mother till I was a teenager. I don't understand the attitude that children should have to sleep alone. I really don't get it.

My daughter is 25 months and still bed sharing. For the first few months I will go in the other room and sleep with the newborn in the queen while my husband and toddler stay in the king. When the new one is older and sturdier we will come back and all sleep together.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#18 of 18 Old 07-08-2010, 10:11 PM
 
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DS is 3 and co-sleeps with me while DH sleeps in another room. We sleep in a king sized mattress on the floor. DS still nurses at night, but I've recently night weaned him (for the most part) since I'm pregnant and due in October. My plan once the baby is born is to continue co-sleeping with both, but have the baby in a sidecar 3 sided crib so it has it's own space.

Jennifer
SAHM to DS 6/2007 and one on the way due in October
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