I have a very similar kid so I totally know how you feel! And mine is cutting a tooth & extra screamy the last few days
Things that help me & DS:
-Get lots of breaks from each other when DH is home... and that means either you or DS should be out of the house or at least not within earshot of each other.
-Spend a lot of time out & about -- I find DS is way calmer when we're at the playground or the library so we spend 80% of our day out of the house.
-Make the tough things fun or funny... so diaper changes, you can sing a silly song or give him his favorite toy or turn on some music first... and also involve him as much as possible -- let him pick out the diaper, 'wipe' himself (you might have to follow up), wash his hands afterward... We have battles with things like DS giving up the keys or his toothbrush & instead of asking him to give them back to me, I ask him to put them in their spots, and that makes a HUGE difference in his willingness to cooperate.
-Get together with other moms & their kids -- not only can you occasionally vent your frustrations, but it can give you perspective and help you appreciate your DS's uniqueness.
-See if you can find triggers for the intense behavior -- he might be getting overtired or over hungry, or maybe just over stimulated... or he could be under stimulated/bored. Mine has trouble with transitions so I try to anticipate that & make it easier on him.
Some of that might sound like obvious things but I always forget the 'obvious' when we're in the heat of the moment!!
ETA: You said he's not like that with your DH? My DS is really fussy with DH, much more than when he's with me, so I often give DH pointers... so maybe you could observe DH or ask him for tips, there could be just a few small changes that will help DS be calmer with you.