Please. Stop. Whining. Before mama looses her sh*t - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 07-22-2010, 08:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My son 15 mo.
He has a couple of words, mainly: down, dada, cup, fruit.
But he understands a LOT, I'm starting to realize, he understands almost everything I say.
I understand and feel so bad when he gets frustrated trying to communicate, like he will make the same sound over and over, in a "why don't you understand me?" kind of way, and some things he can't really show me.
He's also got molars coming in, i think....
so i am trying to be oh so patient with him. I get down to his level, or pick him up and try to talk to him slowly and quietly....
And i know he understands the word patient, because on rare occasions when he starts whining and i tell him to be patient while mama does something, he actually does.
but he just WHINES all the time.

If he wants something and we tell him no.....when dada gets home from work and needs to shower before playing......when i tell him, yes you may have fruit--watch and be patient while mama cuts/peels, etc your fruit......when i tell him, no you may not play in the street, only the sidewalk/grass.....

whine whine whine whine and mama can't deal with it all day anymore.
occasionally it escalates into nasty tantrums, complete with drama boy putting his hands up, throwing his head back, and dropping to his knees.

TTC so drugs and alcohol are out of the question, lol

mostly this is just a rant, but if anyone has suggestions, i'm willing to listen.
naps are another issue, i'll make another thread for that.
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#2 of 14 Old 07-22-2010, 09:35 PM
 
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I don't have a lot of suggestions, and mine is only 13 months, so at this point it's not so much the whining, as it is the SCREAMING. But the whiney tone is definitely making its way out. What I'm trying to do it tune it out and not let it affect me (also what I do with the screaming) and hopefully, he'll someday understand that it doesn't do any good to whine.

Take deep breaths!
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#3 of 14 Old 07-23-2010, 10:56 AM
 
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I have read or heard somewhere that waiting and patience doesn't come along developmentally for a while longer.

I basically do the same things with my 14 mo--explain that I'm doing such and such and he needs to wait, but he keeps whining. I just try to ignore it.
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#4 of 14 Old 07-23-2010, 12:04 PM
 
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Ds was similar at 15 months but now at 21 months he pretty much never whines.

This too shall pass.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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#5 of 14 Old 07-23-2010, 02:54 PM
 
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Distract, distract, distract, redirect, redirect, redirect.

At that age, you can hand them a spoon and it will hold their attention. Just grab something that is baby safe and 'hold this for a second while I do xyz'

I call it 'bright shiny object parenting' and it was very effective for DD's 'teen' months.

V

Happy Momma to DD (almost 3) Fall Coleslaw -- Simple Italian Stuffed Peppers -- - Fall Toddler Activities.- We Made a Play Kitchen Selling gently used books on all topics here.
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#6 of 14 Old 07-23-2010, 03:02 PM
 
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Could you try learning some sign language? My daughter used to get SO FRUSTRATED when she was trying to communicate and couldn't that she would ball up her fists and hold her breath and her whole body would vibrate with fury. It was kind of intimidating. But we started learning signs together to bridge the gap until she was able to verbalize better and that stopped. You don't have to learn tons of signs and you don't have to get them 'perfectly' but it really helped us.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#7 of 14 Old 07-23-2010, 03:03 PM
 
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My kiddo has been whiny since she learned she has a voice and can use it to get what she needs/wants. so since she was about 8 months old. It is SLIGHTLY better now that she has a ton of baby signs at her disposal but mostly its still just as frustrating... especially when she is whining about something I just can't figure out for the life of me!

It is also frustrating because no matter what anyone says, she can't just be distracted with anything. If she wants THAT THING RIGHT THERE RIGHT NOW! she won't forget no matter if you try to give her something else, something similar, something shiny, something that is her favorite or move her to another room... she'll keep going back for a good 20 minutes whining and crying about it.

My poor husband gets SO frustrated with the whining. He insists other kids her age (16 monts) are NOT this whiny so why is she so bad? I have to keep reminding him that YES other kids her age ARE this whiny. The only other kid her age he has experience with is often off playing with his brothers so he doesn't actually see the whining that kiddo does (and I have seen it, so yes he is whiny too haha) I have to remind him that telling her to 'knock it off!' and 'stop whining!' are probably just going to make it worse because she'll just get MORE frustrated.

I have no ideas either... mostly I just sit with her (If I can) while she gets it out and distracts herself or I ignore it or try to sing a song or just keep talking through it. She HAS learned that if she says please (she actually signs it still right now) with a smile, or at least without crying she is more likely to get what she wants (assuming she CAN have it) so she usually stops and corrects herself that way (which impresses me to no end, especially when she adds the thank you sign after... I seriously can't believe she does it so well!) and I figure eventually as she grows and matures and developes, she'll probably drop the whining altogether. For now its frustrating as heck, but she is clearly showing signs that eventually it WILL end (hopefully!)
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#8 of 14 Old 07-23-2010, 03:05 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rightkindofme View Post
Could you try learning some sign language? My daughter used to get SO FRUSTRATED when she was trying to communicate and couldn't that she would ball up her fists and hold her breath and her whole body would vibrate with fury. It was kind of intimidating. But we started learning signs together to bridge the gap until she was able to verbalize better and that stopped. You don't have to learn tons of signs and you don't have to get them 'perfectly' but it really helped us.
that is what we do... it has only helped some but there are definitely times where she would probably go into a big fit if I didn't know what she was telling me. She has a little over 20 signs at her disposal now (including two SHE made up!) Like I said, she still whines a ton, but mostly now over not getting her way (she prefers things she isn't allowed to have over her toys *sigh*) or the few things I just simply can't figure out (although I'm starting to learn now that she asks to go outside, take baths, and watch caillou so we ARE getting there... )
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#9 of 14 Old 07-23-2010, 11:27 PM
 
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I have no advice but I wanted to say I'm in the same boat right down to the fruit. Every morning seems to be spent cutting up something while DS grabs at my legs going ehhhhh ehhhhhhh ehhhh.

Madalyn military wife to Chris & proud momma to Jonas 5/17/09
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#10 of 14 Old 07-24-2010, 10:10 AM
 
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I'm in the same boat with my 17mo, it makes me want to PULL MY HAIR OUT! argghhhh.

Charlotte wife to B momma to Q 2/22/09
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#11 of 14 Old 07-24-2010, 11:44 AM
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oh god I could have written this post. DD is right here at almost 14 months. Just non-stop mmmmmhaa ma ma mama..>She uses mama as a whine instead of calling me that..>Charming right?

She also is extremely clingy and sometimes I just want to pull her little hands off me and run Then she does something cute and I am back to good for a little while
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#12 of 14 Old 07-24-2010, 01:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone. Nice to hear i'm not alone here.
HI, Lauren, I'm Lauren too....lol

He opens the fridge now and pulls fruit out. Oh, the whining, when i pull him away and shut the fridge! (he did bite into the skin of a lime the other day....the face he made was priceless!)

The communication is part of the problem, but things he has words and signs for, he whines about anyway if we tell him no, wait or later.

LOL@ shiny object parenting. I do that too, but apparently not enough. I'll try to work on that, lol

"This too shall pass." Not advice, but so true..
Deep breaths....ahhhhhhh.....
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#13 of 14 Old 07-24-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Violet2 View Post
Distract, distract, distract, redirect, redirect, redirect.
V
Ah... Love this! That is the mantra in our home these days. REDIRECT! Plus DS is cutting a molar today, full moon! I too find myself saying to DP... "Just need 10 mins or I am gonna loose it!".

This too will soon pass and we will miss it incredibly!! I try to breathe, take DS outside (Geez... what to do when winter comes ) and remember that he just doesn't know what to do with himself!

'09   
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#14 of 14 Old 07-24-2010, 04:45 PM
 
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15mo here...whining and screaming are a daily occurrence. It drives.me.batty.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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