I feel like such a horrible mother and wife for wanting to leave. But every day it seems, I have this overwhelming urge to get out, to run away. I get plenty of downtime, I think, but it never seems to be enough. I want to be able to eat a warm meal without having my DD grab stuff off of it. I want to sit and relax without having someone climbing on me or sucking on my boob for hours at a time. I just want more time alone, which sounds rather selfish to me as I type it out. I guess I feel a bit trapped, with no way out, and it's making me want to bolt.
I've read posts like this one on this forum before, and the advice given, although helpful and well-meaning, doesn't work for me. We can't afford to hire someone to do clean or be a mother's helper - we're on one income (less that $24k a year)and struggling just to make sure there's enough for the mortgage. We have my mom living with us, and getting her to help with DD is a struggle all of it's own, because she seems to think that I'm trying to take advantage of her. I've got some close friends in town, but they all have multiple kids of their own, homeschool, and are busy with their own lives, so I don't like to ask them to take DD. There's a library group that meets once a week, but I spend the time trying to contain DD to the downstairs so she doesn't climb up the stairs. It really isn't worth the hour long hassle since she isn't paying any attention to the books anyways. I can't do any daycare because obviously we couldn't afford it and we'd have to do disposable dipes, vaxing, and formula. To top it off, DS will scream bloody murder whenever I hold him, unless my boob is in his mouth. I can't comfort him and that makes me feel like a failure.
I know I can't run away. DS is EBF and I couldn't do that to my DH, who has the patience of a saint and is constantly trying to help me get some "away" time. I just feel like a bad mom because I am constantly yelling at DD, I pass off DS to anyone who will hold him, and I've let everything go - from making meals, to cleaning, to paying bills, to even getting to take a shower on a semi-regular basis. DH has picked up all that slack as well as working and taking the kids, all without complaint, which makes me feel even worse...
So, it's taken me over 4 hours to type this post, I still haven't had any breakfast, and the point is this - I want to run away. Please tell me I'm not alone and any suggestions you can give me to keep me from losing my mind...
Wife to James , Mama to Sara and Robbie
398/2013, 2/200, 4/52
Elizabeth - Doing life with Scott
SAHM to Evelyn - my crazy little Celiac (4) Annabelle (2) and Abraham (born 6/20)
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I couldn't read and not post. Of course you are exhausted. Of course you want to get a break. You are not a bad mother. You are a person.
Yes I feel like that too, last week in particular.
When your DH gets home, could you leave the house & go read/listen to music/eat/whatever outside or in the car or something? (Or an attic/basement area -- somewhere where you can't see/hear/touch the kids, but still be readily available if the little one needs to nurse.) Give yourself a good 2 hours or so (and if the baby needs to nurse, DH can bring him to you & come take him back as soon as he's done nursing)... You sound like you desperately need some time to yourself. If it's pampering or time out of the house you're in need of, maybe he can drop you off at the salon or mall or something & he can take the kids for a walk so DS is nearby if he needs to nurse. My DH will do this for me -- we'll go to a store together and once we get there, he & DS will go look at toys or something while I shop alone, in peace, and he calls me if DS really truly needs me.
ETA: As far as cleaning, I have no suggestions, we had moldy dishes last week because we were so behind on housework.
obstruct livery vehicles
What about asking your mom to help with housework? If she's living with you [which I seem to understand she is] I would def be asking for help; if not with child care then maybe with light meal making and straightening up.
And once the house isn't in total shambles, have people over. To hold the baby, and burn some of your DD's energy so that she's more calm. I know that having play dates can be more stressful than they are worth, but it could give you a small break.
Just remember you are not stuck in this time and place forever. Your DC will get older, you will get time to yourself again. You have a newborn and an energetic toddler...if you are even halfway coherent, my hat is off to you, mama!! ;-)
And don't feel guilty for leaning on your DH...that's what he's there for. Make sure he knows he's appreciated and loved, of course, but let him do what he can.
Hugs! Hang in there!
Mama to DS (5)
I have no real advice for you, but I do know where you are coming from.
Just remember - you are a great mama and you deserve to be happy. And I agree with crunchy mommy about putting your feet up for an hour or two. I never did that when my DS was younger because I would take an hour off and end up obsessing about everything that needed to be done in the house. But even if you just sit in the car and obsess over the fact that you need to be doing the dishes and here you are sitting in the car... at least you *can* have some thoughts to yourself for a while - And maybe it will get you into the habit of taking down time. (if that makes any sense at all!)
Hope things get easier for you!
Wife to - Mama to DS 6/08 and DS 9/11
A tad socially awkward