aggressive toddler friends - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 34 Old 10-26-2011, 11:32 AM
 
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I'm bumping because this is soooo relevant to what I'm dealing with at the moment.  My DS is the persistent victim (18 months) of another toddler (who hits).  I follow/hover/separate as much as possible...but still, he's managed to hit my son every time we've been with each other.  The other mom is aware of the problem, and intervenes/says all the appropriate things.  Yet, her son hits out of the blue and I'm officially tired of it.  We all reassure her that it will pass, etcetera etcetera, and I'm sure it will...but at the moment....

 

That said, if my spouse had a friend who's spouse smacked me every time we saw each other we would presumable stop seeing them...and I can imagine my anger if my spouse kept insisting because "maybe he/she won't do it this time".  So, the question I've ended up asking myself is, why am I putting my child in a situation where he will not be safe?  So, I'm thinking that no matter how much I like the mom and the rest of the moms in the playgroup...we're done.  My kid is more important than my desire to hang out with these awesome women.  

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#32 of 34 Old 09-07-2012, 02:35 PM
 
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I am in that very situation right now and I completely agree; no parent should allow their child to be pushed around every time they go outside. No mother should feel obligated to be around an inconsiderate mother just because she lives next door. As for the moms who have responded to this by making excuses for their aggressive child(shame on you) you are the problem and the reason why there are gross adults in the world who I am sure had equally ignorant mother's who were most likely in denial as well. If you are offended by this post than you are probably one of them. Maybe things would be different if the parents of your child's victim's started beating your ass, bet you'd notice then.

 

Sincerely,

 

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#33 of 34 Old 09-07-2012, 09:06 PM
 
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Well hopefully my answer doesn't come off confusing.  My son is 20 months and somewhere right down the middle age-wise of all our friends' kids.  The older ones push him around, but the younger ones he has the tendency to be a little rough with.  I believe their is a fine line between being protective and also letting children learn to interact with each other.  I usually try to gage first whether or not the circumstances call for parental intervention or if it was a simple misunderstanding or accident.  The more I baby him when things happen unintentionally then the more he milks situations to get his way when he is also sometimes in the wrong.  When there are big age differences developmentally, it can be difficult for young ones to understand what is appropriate behavior towards others.  One kid can catch the ball and is okay with being chased around or playing tag, but a younger kid will get hurt.  Bottom line, I always look out for the most vulnerable and as a parent I feel its my responsibility to prevent my kid from injuring others.  I feel I should step in and correct him when he does something wrong and try to explain as well as I can on his level why.  When another parent's kid has hurt my kid or stolen his toy I hesitate first to see how the parent will react and give them the opportunity to step in.  If they don't then I address the child and tell them nicely why it is not okay.   


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#34 of 34 Old 09-08-2012, 07:56 PM
 
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My son is only 19 months so take my input with a grain of salt but I think toddlers need a lot of adult guidance at this age and if there is a group of them playing on their own, a lot of stuff is going to happen.  They are really not capable of understanding how to share, not grab toys, not hit until they are much older.  Toddlers need guidance from adults.  The fact that your son is trying to tell the other mom what happens tells me that he needs an adult to help him navigate the situation.  If it were me, I would either stop going to this playgroup or know that I need to be involved in the kids' play the whole time.


Jamie, DW to Jeff, birth and postpartum doula and Hypnobabies instructor.
4 years and 5 IVF cycles in the making, Elliott was born at home in water on 2/2/11.
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